The Ashley wasn’t going to recap this episode of Teen Mom 2, as she had gotten so behind in her recapping. (You can thank the two-days-a-week Bachelor in Paradise for that— well, that and The Ashley’s laziness.) However, once she saw the plot description of the episode, she decided that it would be a disservice not to capture this moment in time with a recap.
Anyway, the episode starts off in whatever house Adam seems to be crashing at for the time being. (It’s hard to find a place to live in between jail sentences, you know.) It appears that he’s living with his sketchy-looking friend Justin, and somehow he has Aubree with him, even though he’s not supposed to be with her without his parents present.
Adam is wearing his aviator glasses (in the house, naturally) and using Aubree as a pawn in his game of custody cat and mouse with Taylor. He has Aubree leave Taylor a message stating that she wants to see Paislee. Since Taylor isn’t answering, Adam decides to take Aubree (and Justin) skating. They pile into their Monster Douche Truck and head to the rink.
Just wondering– what does this Justin character do all day? He seems to always be readily available to chauffer Adam around to various court dates, restaurants and, likely, pickle tickle meetings with random hoebags. Is he secretly Adam’s parole officer or something and MTV just puts a cap and some fake tattoos on him to make him look like one of Adam’s degenerate street youth friends?
Anyway, they go roller skating and Aubree throws a fit because she doesn’t want to be there. Adam seems angry that Aubree is messing up his attempt to look like Father of the Year, but he finally relents and lets Aubree leave the rink.
To kill time, he decides to once again have Aubree call Taylor to try to get her to let them see Paislee. Adam is basically feeding Aubree lines and you can tell that Taylor is none too thrilled that Adam’s using the kid to try to manipulate her.
Meanwhile, Leah‘s only stuck with one of the girlses, so she heads down to talk to her lawyer about the damn custody situation with Corey.
For some reason, Addy is all dressed up like the lady that makes funnel cakes at the fair. She’s wearing some sort of hairnet/bonnet thing that no one is explaining.
They go to a restaurant and Addy looks completley confused. (She keeps wondering where her can of raviolis is.) She starts having a complete meltdown for no apparent reason.
Funnel Cake Addy barely manages to escape going to time out and gets to stay while Leah and her KoolAid-streaked-hair pal talk about Corey and the custody situation. Leah claims that she wants no drama with Corey.
Did you ever notice that the girls who claim to hate drama are always the ones that are causing drama?
In Delaware, Kail is preparing for yet another girls-only adventure with her pal Sterling. Javi has agreed to watch Lincoln so that Kail can go have a “la dee dah time” in California and escape her marital trouble. Kail’s excited to leave but is worried that Javi’s gonna be a big ol’ baby as soon as she leaves. Javi claims that he only gets mad because he feels left out.
She heads to the airport and is determined not to allow Javi to ruin her time in California.
Finally, we check in with Jenelle, who is playing with Kaiser when some random chick named Krista comes over. Um…I don’t remember ever seeing this chick appear on ‘Teen Mom 2’ before. Was she recently hired by MTV? Did they do the appropriate background check for her to play Jenelle’s friend? (And by that I mean, does she have at least one to two criminal misdemeanor and/or felonies? Otherwise, it just isn’t believable.)
Jenelle tells Krista that Barbara has scheduled Jace’s parent/teacher conference at a time when Jenelle is in school and she’s angry. Jenelle says it’s imperative that she go to the conference and learn what a hellion her son has become. (Can’t the teacher just fax Jenelle an updated list each week of all the kids that Jace has stabbed/permanently maimed?)
Jenelle says she wants to be involved, but Babs is purposely trying to keep Jenelle out of the loop. Krista suggests that Jenelle be “conferenced in” during the talk with the teacher via Facetime. However, Jenelle is unsure if that will work. (After all, that would mean having to use her phone for something other than posting photos of her half-naked body on Instagram, and hawking weird teeth whiteners and waist cinchers.)
Krista then asks about Jenelle’s relationship with Nathan which, shockingly, isn’t doing that well. Ever since the St. Thomas trip (when they, you know, got engaged), they haven’t been getting along.
Meanwhile Babs is going through her mail (“Ya know, just flippin’ through the latest Waaahlmart ads!”) when she discovers (conveniently while the cameras are rolling) a letter from the court.
“Juh-nelle’s takin’ me to chhhourt?!” she exclaims. The scene ends with a weird cartoon of a judge’s gavel splitting Babs’ skull open…or something.
MTV, you’re getting really weird. And I like it.
Meanwhile, in The WV, Leah is off to see her “laaaawyer” at the Little House on the Prarie cottage. She leaves Addy with her pal and heads up to talk about the custody case. Lynne, the lawyer, asks to be caught up. (At this point we aren’t sure if she’s talking about being caught up on how Leah’s hair keeps changing, or on the custody mess with Corey. Perhaps both?)
Lynne is confused as to why Corey wants the twins during the school week. Leah says it’s because she has been “tardy, or whatever” getting the kids to school but she has a real good reason for that, y’all.
“I do have trouble hearing an alarm to wake up, but I’m tryin’ to fix that issue!” Leah tells Lynne.
Um…perhaps stop taking drugs that knock you out for 15 hours on the regular? That could help with the alarm clock situation.
Leah’s lawyer tries her best to act like Leah’s alarm clock excuse actually makes sense. She explains that the custody judge wants the girlses to have a constant, stable presence during the school week. (They need to know when and where they’ll be gettin’ their Lunchables, y’all!) Leah says that the reason she’s being a sh*tcan mother is because that dern Corey Tyler is always breathin’ down her dern neck!
Back in South Dakota, Chelsea’s meeting with Aubree’s teacher to see if Aubree will be able to hack it in kindergarten. The teacher (who looks so young that she may actually be eligible to star on 16 and Pregnant herself) tells Chelsea that, while Aubree’s pretty smart, she still acts like a mini hooligan on the regular, which could be a problem.
However, she’s apparently much better behavior-wise than she was when she started at the preschool. (She must have been Jace-level bad back then.)
Chelsea’s pleased to hear that, but soon her happiness fades. Later, Taylor texts Chelsea to let her know that Adam used Aubree in an attempt to see Paislee.
The next day is Taylor’s court hearing with Adam, so Chelsea calls up Taylor to find out what happened. Taylor tells Chelsea that Adam took the stand, got caught telling lies, and told the judge that he never had Aubree call Taylor.
“Who knows what’s going to come out of his dumb mouth!?” Chelsea cries.
Back in Delaware, Javi is playing Mr. Mom while Kail is in Beverly Hills. She, Sterling and Sterling’s mom Terah (not “Tara” cause she’s fannncy) are taking a private tour of LA to see all the sites. They hit Rodeo Drive, the Hollywood sign and all of the other LA haunts. The tour guide is putting on his best narrator voice during the tour. (He’s 100 percent going to be putting his appearance on this episode on his resume.)
Unfortunately, Kail’s fun is being ruined by Javi’s constantly texting. The amount of texts from Javi in Kail’s inbox is astronomical (and comparable to the amount of filler in the lips of Sterling’s mom.)
The next day, Kail and Sterling discuss how Javi ruined their “big night out” (i.e. going to the Grammys) by constantly texting Kail. This caused a huge fight between Javi and Kail. Sterling took Kail’s phone away because she didn’t want Kail to keep texting, but Kail explains that Javi is her husband and she can’t just ignore him. Apparently, Javi has been accusing Kail of being a bad mom and wife, and Kail declares that she doesn’t need a man.
MTV missed the boat here. This scene really needed some Destiny’s Child “Independent Women” filtering into the background.
Sterling tells Kail that soon enough people aren’t going to want to hang out with any of them because they’re tired of this story line.
Meanwhile, Jenelle calls Babs to find out if she can call into Jace’s parent/teacher conference. Babs couldn’t schedule the conference to fit Jenelle’s schedule and she tells her “daughta” that she had to schedule the conference on her day off from slinging deli meat at Walmart. Jenelle doesn’t seem to understand that concept. (After all, it’s been several engagements and a kid ago since Jenelle had a non-MTV job.)
Babs then brings up the “chhhhourt” papers that Jenelle recently served her. She tells Jenelle that she can’t see Jace because she doesn’t want him to “get upset” by it all. (Re: burn down the house in an act of confused rage).
Jenelle accuses Barb of holding Jace hostage when she gets angry. That spurs a nasty screaming match between the Evans gals, ending with Jenelle calling her mother “sweetheart.” (That just made me feel icky inside.)
Babs tells Jenelle that she’s not going to be involved in the conference because, well, she’s acting crazy. Babs hangs up on her “bitch of a daughta” and Jenelle continues to scream into her car phone. (She does not, however, cry in her car, making this the first episode this season–and possibly ever–that this doesn’t happen.)
Down in the holler, one of the youngin’ is hackin’ so Leah’s fixin’ to take her to the doctor. (And by “doctor” I mean the lady in the trailer park down the street who keeps aspirin in her cupboard.)
Leah’s sucking down an extra-large can of Mountain Dew while driving her sick youngin’ home. Aleeah’s cold has prevented Leah from taking Ali to her physical therapy. (Question: Someone had to stay with Ali and Addy while Leah took Aleeah to the doctor. Why couldn’t that person stay with Aleeah while Leah picked up Ali and took her to therapy?)
Aleeah, who is supposedly one cough from her grave, seems to be getting around just fine. She’s painting her fingers with nail polish with her sisters and running around. This gives Leah time to call up Corey to talk about the custody. Leah tells him that she is no longer considering giving him custody during the week.
Leah then brings the LOLs by stating that her home is just as stable as Corey’s. Corey, in turn, brings up the fact that the kids are late to school every day, and that Ali went without therapy today. Leah, of course, is tired of Corey Tyler bringing up these tiny details and accuses him of “judging her.”
Leah explains that she didn’t take Ali to therapy because Aleeah was sick. Corey says that poor Miranda trekked down to the school to pick up Aleeah, only to find her missing. Leah is gettin’ angry, and starts yelling that she’s tired of being judged.
Corey accuses Leah of being “a fake ass mom” and Leah seems confused. She screams into the phone, which makes Corey bring up that Leah drops more F-bombs than Jenelle on a bender. He also brings up that the girls tell him that they hide in Leah’s laundry room because she and Jeremy fight so bad. Of course, Leah accuses Corey of lyin’.
Um…we can solve this by simply checking Leah’s laundry room. If we find any empty snack meat trays or grenade juice containers, we know that the girlses have been there.
The next day, Leah’s looking a bit rough, and she’s got her trusty pal Amber in the car with her and an assortment of kids. At Corey’s house, he and Miranda are discussing the phone call with Leah. Corey’s fed up with Leah’s excuses and inability to take responsibility for her actions. Corey vows to keep fighting for custody of the twins.
Back in South Carolina, Babs has finally allowed Jenelle to call into Jace’s conference. Babs answers Jenelle’s call and tells her that she was “late callin'” and that the conference is almost over. Jenelle makes the teacher repeat everything she and Babs have already discussed.
Jenelle, however, brings up the fact that Jace may have ADHD. How does she know that, you ask? Well, because Nathan, King of the Wetsuits, has diagnosed him, of course.
Babs says that Jace is not suffering from ADHD. His problem is being shuffled between Casa de Babs and Jenelle’s Madhouse. Suddenly, the conference turns into a screaming match between Jenelle and Babs. They seem to forget that Jace’s poor teacher is still part of this call.
Jace’s teacher has recommended that Jace stay in “charta” school (as Babs calls it) instead of attending public school. Jenelle pledges to find a “charta” school in Myrtle Beach for Jace, should he move down there with her.
Later, Jenelle talks to Nathan about the conference call. These knuckleheads are both shocked that the teacher didn’t agree with their ADHD diagnosis. Jenelle declares that Babs won’t have visitation of Jace once Jenelle gets custody, but Nathan actually talks some reason into her. He says it’s not right to withhold Jace from Babs just to get back at her.
Wait…Nathan’s being reasonable…and wearing a shirt with sleeves?! Is this Freaky Friday or something?
Meanwhile, it’s time for Kail to return to Delaware. She is angry that Javi ruined her trip. Sterling calls her to basically just bum her out and tell her that her mom is mad that Text Crazy Javi “ruined” everything for everyone. (Gee, thanks.) Kail is embarrassed that her marital issues are causing problems with other people. Sterling keeps making Kail feel bad.
“My mom put all this effort into making this trip great,” she tells Kail.
Kail’s on the verge of tears after hearing how crappy she made everyone’s vacation. She basically hangs up on Sterling before she’s able to say anything else. She immediately calls to bitch out Javi for driving a wedge between her and her friends (and their moms).
To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode of ‘Teen Mom 2,’ click here!