On this episode of Teen Mom 2, it seems that we will be checking off all of the key things that we fans have come to expect from the show after
sixty five six seasons: Someone is going to have their hair change throughout the episode without it being explained, someone is going to court and someone is going to fight for child support and/or custody. While these topics frequently come up when we’re dealing with Babs & Co., it’s rare that we are blessed with an episode that comes complete with all three key things– plus a trip to rehab to boot! Let’s get started!
The episode kicks off with Leah, who’s about to head back to the ‘hab. Before she can go back to
rehab treatment, however, she is meeting the twins and her cousin Chastity for a picnic in the park. Leah’s cousin and the girlses are already digging into a feast of snack foods, but Leah has yet to show up.
“Mommy’s going to be late!” one of the twins says. (That’s a good assumption, darlin’…maybe a few more times, actually, given that she’s still in her fertile girlseses-makin’ years!)
Leah finally stumbles into the park looking like she was just napping on a bench like the other derelicts. Her hair’s all wild and she tells the gang that she’s dragging through the day. She’s hoping that going to the treatment will help her be less tired.
Of course, before she can go off to the ‘hab, she has to sort out her divorce with Jeremy. Leah’s preparing to find out what the “final agreement” is (i.e. how much loot Jeremy Lynn’s gonna be paying her each month) and get the divorce finalized.
Leah admits that she still loves him,but only because he’s Addie’s daddy. (Speaking of Addie, has anyone seen her? No seriously, did she come to the park? Is she still trapped in the backseat of Leah’s trashmobile? If so, someone better make sure to save her a Capri Sun and a bag of chips. It’s only right!)
Chastity is quite the gossip. She wants to know if there’s anything “pacific” (yeeeeees!) that Leah plans to ask for in mediation. (Leah will probably want the house, the trashmobiles and a grip of money, but something tells me that the brooms, mops and cleaning supplies will all go to Jeremy– unused, of course!) She also states that she ain’t planning to do that “back and forth thing” (i.e. bang him in the truck after they divorce) with Jeremy like she did with Corey.
Next we jump over to South Dakota, where Chelsea, Cole and Other Chelsey are driving around town. Of course, Cole and Chelsea are only speaking to each other in baby talk, and you can almost see Other Chelsey repeating “Remember the free rent. Remember the free rent” in her head to keep herself from making fun of them.
The next day, Chelsea tells her pal Callie that Cole will be moving in, just as soon as he breaks his existing lease. Cole is apparently A-OK with the Kid’s Menu, and understands what he’s getting into by moving in with a woman with a kid. Chelsea’s worried, though, that Aubree wants to call Cole “Dad.”
In Carolina, Jenelle and Nathan are meeting up at the local greasy spoon to discuss their breakup. Jenelle’s still pining away over Nathan, and is practically begging him to get back with her. She seems unable to process that Nathan has told her repeatedly that he’s done with her (and, apparently, sweatshirt sleeves as well.)
Jenelle tells us that she’s “confused” by their relationship and that she still misses having him at her home. (Look on the bright side, Jenelle: you no longer have to pick up slivers of carved-up sweatshirt all “ova ya damn floooor,” as Babs would say.)
Speaking of Babs, it’s time for her to fight Jenelle for custody of Jace. They are heading to mediation, and on the way there, Jenelle calls up trusty Krista to talk about what’s to come. Jenelle says that Nathan won’t tell her where he has moved, out of fear that she will come stalk him. That’s probably the only smart thing Nathan has ever done, to be honest.
Jenelle arrives at the courthouse and meets up with her motha. Jenelle’s wearing her scrubs, but our Babsy is all dolled up in her sassy orange top and white capris for the occasion. Hey, give her a break; this is probably the only time she’s been out of the house sans grandkids in months. This is practically considered a social event for poor Babs.
Finally, we head to Delaware, where Kail and Javi are looking for a new house. Unfortunately, Javi is still butt-hurt that Rappin’ Jo Jo came to his humble abode and talked with Kail without him being there.
Javi apologizes for freaking out about Jo’s visit and asks how the child support conversation went. Kail says that Jo is trying to convince her not to go through the court system to determine his child support payment, and Javi thinks that’s a bad idea. Kail agrees but is tired of her story lines just being about going to court, so she’s trying to work with Jo.
Kail says that she and Jo are going to meet up again, and Javi wants to attend their next meeting, since he’s been the one shelling out the cash for Isaac while Jo was trying to “make it” as a rapping prodigy.
In West Virginia, Mama Dawn (and her torn-up nerveses) are back. This time, she’s there to support Leah while she goes to divorce mediation with Jeremy. We aren’t allowed into the court room, but luckily Dawn starts pumping Leah for info on what happened at the mediation.
Leah states that she and Jeremy are legally separated, that Jeremy will get to keep the house (since it was his to begin with) and that Addie will live primarily with Leah.
“He done a sample of child support,” Leah tells her mother, whose eyes seem to light up at the mention of any type of “support.”
Apparently, ol’ Jeremy makes a ton of money and is going to be forced to pay Leah over $1700 in child support a month, based on his income. (Just as The Ashley told ya when it was happening!) Of course, Jeremy isn’t happy to be turning over that much hard-earned cash to a woman who obsessively buys makeup, and admits to having a spending problem, but there’s not a whole lot Jeremy can do about the amount.
Meanwhile, Aubree has arrived home and tells Chelsea that, although she was at Adam’s for a weekend, she didn’t see much of Dear Old Dad, being that he was busy “getting too much girlfriends.” And we all know what happens when Adam “gets too much girlfriends,” guys: he creates another spawn! So far, though, none of the girlfriends have turned up pregnant (yet), so maybe Adam also got some condoms along with those girlfriends.
Aubree says that she likes how her mom did things– only having one boyfriend since Aubree came shooting out of her hooha years ago.
Later that day, it’s time for Chelsea and Aubree to take pictures. Aubree’s being a brat and refuses to listen to her mother. (She’s also talking like Tarzan for some reason.)
“Games!” she screams. “Me play them!”
Chelsea’s pal, Landon, is the one taking the photos and seems less-than-thrilled that his schedule is being mucked up by an unruly Tarzan-talking child. He’s trying to keep his cool, though, and fix Chelsea’s mop for the photos.
Landon tries to bribe Aubree into being good by offering glitter, but it does no good. Finally, Chelsea marches Aubree into the bathroom to scream it out, away from the disapproving looks from Landon and his equally fabulous looking pal.
Meanwhile, Jo is chatting with Vee about the benefits of them living in Delaware. Jo tells her that Kail’s starting to be easier to work with in terms of Isaac’s schedule, and he doesn’t want to rock the boat. Of course, there is the pesky child support issue to work out, so there will be plenty of chances for them to fight (and get the Delaware PD involved).
Kail and Javi are off looking for a new house. They go see a house that’s huge, has a pool and a weird loft with beds surrounded by fences (for some reason). They love the house and want to buy it.
In North Carolina, Jenelle and Babs have just been released from mediation. Jenelle hasn’t even shoveled herself into her car yet but she’s already calling up Nathan to give him the details of what happened. Apparently Jenelle and Babs couldn’t agree on anything. (I’ll give you a moment to get over the shock.)
Jenelle tells Nathan that Barb wants to argue over Jace for another year or two before Jenelle gets custody. During mediation, Babs stated that Jenelle’s completely unstable relationship with Nathan is a big factor in her not wanting Jenelle to have Jace. Of course, Jenelle thinks her mother is being totally unfair. I mean, she and Nate aren’t even together anymore, and it’s been weeks since either of them were behind bars! Good Lord, someone bring them some orphans to care for! They are the epitome of quality child caregivers!
Since they couldn’t decide anything, Jenelle and Barb will now have to go to–you guessed it!–court!
When Babs gets home, she calls up her giiiiiirlfriend to chat about the crap pile that was her mediation session with Jenelle. (Is anyone else happy that Barb gets to have these random on-camera phone conversations this season? It brings us one step closer to her overthrowing Jenelle and taking her place on ‘Teen Mom 2!’)
Barb tells her pal that Jenelle tried to make her look like a bad “grandmotha.” She is very upset that she has to take her own daughter to court. Babs’ friend suggests that Jenelle may feel that she’s grown up and is ready to have Jace, but Barb brings up all of Jenelle’s bad choices: another pregnancy, dating men who, if you put them all together, still have an IQ of 12, and getting in trouble.
Babs is worried what will happen if she throws Jace into the crazy house with Jenelle and whatever dude she’s banging at that moment.
In South Dakota, Adam (and his creepy yet trusty pal Justin) watch Paislee. Adam tells Justin that while Taylor settled their custody agreement out of court, Chelsea is refusing to do so, so he’ll have to go back in a few months. (Don’t worry Adam, they’ll have your parking space at the courthouse all cleaned out and ready to go for ya!)
Justin’s really struggling to get his producer-requested questions out. He’s stumbling over his words, sweating and keeps rubbing the top of his head. Still, he somehow manages to ask Adam about his relationship with Aubree.
“I don’t even know where Aubree’s going to go to preschool next year!” Adam says.
Um…dude, even I know she has already graduated from preschool. YOU WERE THERE, BRO! Come on!
Meanwhile, pigs, dogs and kids are running wild at Chelsea’s cabin. South Dee-ko-tah Mary comes in wearing the sassiest of T-shirts. Seriously, I feel like she wore this shirt just for me. It says “Sweet, Single & Sassy.” Yessss, girl, you wear the hell outta that shirt! When you’re done with it, though, maybe give it to Leah or Jenelle? Maybe it will encourage them to wait a few months before marrying someone else.
Chelsea tells Mary that Aubree is starting to see the difference between how she’s treated by Adam and Cole. Chelsea mentions that Aubree acts crazy when she comes back from Adam’s, but that doesn’t seem to bother Cole. Mary’s thrilled that her daughter is no longer sassy ‘n’ single, and that she has a man like Cole in her life.
Over in the holler, Corey is meeting with his law-yer Rusty Webb to discuss what a mess his baby-momma is. Corey fills Rusty in about Dawn’s nerveses and how they caused Leah to fly home before getting any treatment.
Like the rest of us, Rusty seems puzzled as to why no one in Leah’s camp is concerned with her getting help for her problem. They are instead focusing on her custody battle with Corey.
Rusty looks totally puzzled as Corey regales him with the latest in the hillbilly soap opera that is Leah’s life. Corey says that he wants Leah to get help, but needs to know that the girlseses will be taken care of. They resolved to wait until Leah gets back from the ‘hab to discuss further custody issues.
At Leah’s house, kids are literally swinging from the furniture. Leah is trying to explain to her sister Victoria that she’s unsure how the girlses will take her leaving again. Leah’s nervous, but is determined to go to get help.
Since she has to leave for rehab earlier in the morning, she’s staying at a hotel the night before. Somewhere in that 24 hours, Leah has completely lost her hair extensions, and is now sporting a wet, gnarled mop of hair where her long blond DJ Tanner extensions had been.
She has to say goodbye to the girlseses, which is hard because they are begging her not to leave. Aleeah is taking it especially hard, screaming, crying and swinging her head full of ponytails all over the place.
Meanwhile, Addie and Ali seem indifferent about their mom hitting the bricks. Addie barely takes her eyes off of the TV while her sister is screaming.
The twins are still screaming as Leah gets into her car to drive away. (Perhaps she could have left a hair extension with each of them for comfort?) A plane is shown flying away, so we can only assume that Leah has flown back to the ‘hab for good this time.
Mama Dawn and Co. are watching the girlseses in Leah’s absence. The kids are just trying to eat their fried goods, but Dawn keeps bringing up the fact that their mother left them.
“Mommy’s at the doctor gettin’ fixed, right?” she asks.
Well, Jesus God, let’s hope so! She doesn’t need any more kids!
Dawn says that she’s shocked that Leah has made it as long as she has without breaking down, given the amount of youngins and divorces and whatnot she’s had a such a young age. Just then, Dawn gets a text from Leah that causes her to burst into tears. The text shows a photo of the rehab’s sign, which says “Expect a Miracle.”
Back in Carolina, Jenelle, Kaiser, Jace and Babs all meet up for lunch. Jace goes downstairs to go to the bathroom (solo, as you do when you’re six) while Babs and Jenelle pig out on the free bread. They’re blabbing about custody, and it’s taking Jace an awfully long time to return. This is how kids end up on an episode of Dateline, people!
Babs and Jenelle are talking about how they disagree on where Jace should reside. Jenelle wants him full-time, telling Barb that she’s “just the grandmother.” She accuses Barbara of using Jace to control her. (She does, of course, refer to herself in the third person because she’s talking business.)
Barb starts crying, begging Jenelle to get her life together. Jenelle doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, and says that it’s too hard to have a discussion with two kids to take care of.
In Delaware, Kail and Javi are meeting with Jo to talk about child support. Of course, this can’t be done in a normal setting like a home. They have to go out to a random park and sit out on the benches like vagrants to have the conversation.
Kail tells Jo that what he’s currently paying in child support is not even making a dent in the expenses they pay for Isaac. Jo wants an account of the expenses so that they can figure out how much he should pay. He assures them that if they make a contract, Kail can come after him if he doesn’t pay what he says he will pay.
Jo seems terrified that the courts will make him pay, “3,000 to $5,000 a month.” Um…aren’t you being a bit ridiculous there, buddy? I’m sure the sales of your mixtapes are doing well and all, but even Jeremy only has to pay $1,700 and there’s no way you make more than him in your rapping endeavors.
Javi is in favor of letting the courts handle it, and Jo tells him that he has no clue since he’s not in the same situation. Jo is about two seconds away from starting to sob, wailing that Kail and Javi are going to take all of his money. Kail is worried that if they agree to what Jo wants, he could withhold child support during one of their “spite fights.”
That’s it for this episode, kids! To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode of ‘Teen Mom 2’ click here!