By Holly Rasmussen
Our favorite fame-loving reality TV couple is back to deliver another round of (most likely completely staged) drama. This episode of Kendra on Top kicks off with Kendra talking to her agent about doing a celebrity edition of the reality show Worst Cooks in America.
Of course Kendra is down to do the show. Not only is she a terrible cook, but she’s pretty much down for any and all reality shows that will keep that money coming in! (Hey, she has to do something now that Hank’s football career went belly up! If she doesn’t keep signing on to do reality shows, she and Hank may actually have to—gasp!—get real jobs!) Kendra regales us with stories of her culinary skills.
“I was in culinary arts class in high school and the only thing I learned to make was weed brownies,” she said.
There’s a slight snag in Kendra’s plan to showcase her disastrous cooking skills—doing the show means that she will be gone on her 30th birthday. This makes Hank sad, as he wants the opportunity to make up for (allegedly) cheating around the time of her birthday last year. He runs to call up Costco and cancel that sheet cake with “Sorry I cheated on your birthday last year,” scrawled across it in buttercream icing.
We also find out that Kendra’s assistant quit. Either the assistant was as tired of hearing about the Hank cheating scandal as we are and couldn’t stand it any longer and quit, or he (or she?) sealed a tell-all deal with Star magazine to reveal what horrible people Hank and Kendra are. Let’s hope for the second one!
Anyway, since she’s out of an assistant, Kendra decided to call her old friend, Eddie, who was her assistant back in the day. Eddie says he is down to go to New York with Kendra for her new cooking reality show and help her. (By “help her” he actually means soak up those free drinks and that camera time, naturally.)
Hank, of course, is afraid Kendra is going to go wild and cheat on him (or pretend cheat on him) like she did in London.
While in New York, Kendra’s Aunt Kris reaches out to her for a meetup. Kris is a famous professional violinist. Kendra wants to meet up with her aunt, but she’s afraid it will alienate her dad. Apparently, her dad and aunt no longer speak over some family drama of their own when their mother passed away.
It’s time to film the cooking show, and the cast is amazing. (And, of course, by ‘amazing’ we mean ‘ridiculous.’) They’ve assembled a ragtag team of retro TV has-beens and reality TV famewhores. There’s Kendra, Jenni ‘JWoWW’ Farley, Dean Cain (who played Superman on TV years ago), Jaleel White (Steve Urkel), Barry Williams (Greg Brady) and former Bachelor Chris Soules.
Can it get any better? Urkel and Greg Brady? Were Screech from Saved by the Bell and OctoMom unavailable? Geez.
Anyway, Kendra called all of her cast mates “D list.”
“What does that say about me?” she asks.
Um…I thought you knew you were D list, Kendra.
She said the show made her feel like she was in TV Land, but having Jenni there is “like a breath of fresh air.” They both did the relationship reality show Marriage Bootcamp. This tells us that they both work with similar agents who keep booking them on horrible reality shows.
Kendra sits down to lunch with Eddie to wax poetic about her relationship with Hank, but it’s the same stuff we’ve heard a million times already. While at the restaurant, Kendra gets a message from “some random ass hater” that asks her if Hank is gay. Kendra doesn’t really answer the question, but just says Hank would be mad if he saw that.
She then goes on to tell Eddie that her mother, Party Patti, deleted her on Facebook today. This is, of course, a tragedy. Now Kendra won’t be able to gawk at Patti’s Facebook photos, which surely consist of her wearing a hiked-up dress, feather boa and a button that says “I’m Kendra’s Mom,” while walking around town looking for 20-something boys.
Meanwhile back at home, Hank decides to get Kendra a new car as a surprise for her birthday. He said ‘new car,’ but he’s not actually getting her a new car. He just gets rims and tint put on her old car.
Back in New York, Kendra goes to meet her long-lost Aunt Kris. Kendra’s aunt looks like Kendra will in 30 years. Kendra starts to talk about her horrible relationship with her mom and says, “It feels like I’m being raped every minute I’m with my mom.”
Next week, Kendra allegedly meets up with Ava Sabrina London, the transsexual who says Hank had an affair with her. Finally, something interesting is going to happen on this show!
To read Holly’s recap of the previous episode of ‘Kendra On Top,’ click here!
(Photos: WEtv, Food Network)