By Holly Rasmussen
It’s another week in Kendra Land and she’s still arguing with everyone around her. (She really wants to be “on top,” apparently.) We pick up this week with Kendra getting ready to confront her former friend and Girls Next Door co-star, Holly Madison, at Holly’s book signing. Kendra decided that she needed to confront Holly because Holly wrote bad things about Kendra and Hugh Hefner in her book. (Holly said Kendra was manipulative and fake and that Hef was abusive, among other things, in case you care.)
Of course, Kendra can’t let this offense go. She and her pal Jessica head to the book signing to confront Holly. The cameras are already inside the book store filming Holly with fans when Kendra and Jessica (and their film crew) pull up in the parking lot. But, there’s a change of plans.
“You know what? Scratch this. This is playing her game. I don’t think that this is the right way to do it. I would be giving her what she wants,” Kendra says.
Sooo….basically, Kendra probably couldn’t get TMZ out there in time to film the confrontation. That’s really the only explanation why Kendra wouldn’t want to confront Holly in public.
When Kendra returns home, Hank asks her how the catfight went.
“Did you go up and slap a bitch?” he asks his wife. Hank, who is clearly just as classy as Kendra, seems disappointed when she says no.
“All that drama from yesterday morning and you didn’t even do it?” Sorry Hank, Kendra only slaps you around.
Kendra tells Hank (but not Holly) that everything Holly wrote was crap. She claims that Holly never had a good relationship with Hef. Thinking that Hef must be feeling as betrayed by Holly as she is, Kendra decides to give her ex-boyfriend a call to see how he feels about the book.
Unlike Kendra, Hef doesn’t seem to care about the book.
“When people say negative things like that, it’s people who don’t really have much life of their own,” Hef explains.
The next day Kendra’s dad, who the kids call “Granddude” arrives. Kendra talks to Granddude about how she still doesn’t trust Hank blah, blah, blah.
We get it. He cheated with a transsexual and you’re still pissed. We hear about it every episode. Kendra needs to hurry up and cheat too so we can at least stop hearing about this tired plotline.
Kendra says that she doesn’t even want to kiss Hank. (Yet she was more than happy to kiss a man that was about 65 years older than her and had at least two other girlfriends at the time he was dating her.)
Kendra decides that she must try to find a way to bring the intimacy back in the relationship. (I don’t know if your dad is necessarily the person to have this conversation with, no matter how much of your “dude” he is. Ew.)
The next day Hank and Kendra go to therapy and Hank talks about how Kendra is talking to her exes and he’s pissed about it.
At home, Kendra and Hank decide to work on their intimacy issues.
“Teach me how to hug you,” Kendra says, causing all of America (or at least the two dozen or so who watch this show) to roll their eyes.
Hank tells her to first get on her knees.
“Don’t teach me how to give a blowjob. Teach me how to hug you! I would rather do a blow job than a hug any day,” she says.
Oh, Kendra never a dull moment.
The couple’s counselor recommended that Kendra and Hank see an intimacy coach (sex therapist). I guess Marriage Boot Camp didn’t do much for the couple.
Next up, Kendra takes Jessica and her newborn shopping. You know they’re down to get some free baby swag on WeTV’s dime. They talk about Kendra going to sex therapy.
“It’s easy to give sex, but it’s not easy to give love,” Kendra said. “I have issues.”
Well, having sex with an old man for years in exchange for room and board would probably mess anyone up, to be fair.
The next day, the intimacy coach comes to the house to help Kendra and Hank have sex…or something. The therapist asks Kendra what her idea of intimacy is.
“In a perfect world I would just bone and go,” Kendra said. (Maybe she’s used to working in shifts with Hef at the mansion?)
The therapist gives them ideas on how to be more intimate with each other. She asks Hank if he’s ever brushed Kendra’s hair.
“He’s brushed my hair down there,” Kendra says.
Good Lord. Make it stop…
The therapist asks to see the bedroom and asks them where and how they have sex. The bedroom is a wreck and they walk around the mess telling the therapist all the places they’ve had sex. Next she has them do some exercises where Hank has to say, “May I look into your soul by looking into your eyes?” Kendra is trying really hard not to roll her eyes.
In the middle of his speech about how great she is, she interrupts and asks him if he brushed his teeth this morning. She’s so not into this therapy, but then who could really blame her? This “therapist” seems like a complete quack.
The next day, Kendra goes to her real therapist and talks about her struggle with depression and addiction as a young teen. Kendra says she battled severe depression and attempted suicide several times. She said she overdosed a few times and never felt any love from her mother. She thinks that really affected the way she expresses love.
Next week, we will get to see them try and heat up their dead marriage. We’ll try to contain our excitement until then…
To read Holly’s recap of the previous episode of ‘Kendra on Top,’ click here!