By Holly Rasmussen & The Ashley
The third and (as of right now) final episode of Jill & Jessa: Counting On aired Sunday night, and with it brought the arrival of The Spurge, the new son of Jessa and Ben Seewald. (His real name is Spurgeon but calling him “The Spurge” is actually an upgrade from his given name.)
Before we can get to the part where Jessa squeezes a living being from her loins, we have to sit through a crapload of filler. First, we catch up with Jessa as she tells us that the baby’s due date is on her and Ben’s one-year anniversary. (It’s shocking that they waited three whole months after getting married to conceive. Jim Bob must have been so disappointed.)
Jessa and Ben are having their friends over. The friends have two biological children (one of which Jill and Jana helped birth) and one adopted child. Ben and Jessa want to discuss adoption with the couple.
Um…their baby isn’t even born yet and they’re already talking about adopting another one?
“I always thought it would be cool. I always had these crazy thoughts when I was young. I thought I would be playing football with my 15 sons,” Ben says.
This guy has the brain of an immature teenager, yet he wants to be in charge of 15 little boys?! At least we now know why Jim Bob picked Ben to marry his daughter.
“I think it would be awesome. I would love to have 15 sons,” Jessa says.
Of course she would.
Speaking of adoption, over in Central America, Jill and Derick are heading over to a local orphanage to deliver the clothes, toys and supplies they collected during their trip home to Arkansas. Never to be outdone, Jill and Derick say that they, too, plan to adopt some kids eventually.
Later, Jill is heading over the local midwife clinic to volunteer.
“I’m really excited to get my hands on some bellies here,” she says.
Nope…nothing creepy about that statement at all…
Jessa said this is the “perfect thing” for Jill to be doing.
“She loves the Latin culture and midwifery is just her thing,” Jessa says.
Back in Arkansas, Jessa and Ben are making Jana (the Duggar family daughter/maid) prepare a bunch of meals for them to freeze and cook after Jessa has the baby. Jessa and Ben are having their maternity shoot in the backwoods. Ben offers to hoist Jessa over his shoulder for a nice romantic shot. The photographer declines that brilliant idea.
This is the man that wants to have 15 kids, folks. Surely there’s record somewhere of Ben being dropped on his head when he was a baby or something. This kind of stupid takes effort.
Anna was also brought along for the ride. Anna tears up as she reminisces about how she gave birth to two of her babies in that house when she lived there with Josh…before he was outed as a cheating creeper.
Later that night, Jessa Skypes with Jill and starts having contractions in the middle of the call. False alarm. It’s not baby time yet, folks. We need some more filler before we get to Jessa huffin’ and puffin’ a kid out.
The next day the guys decide to take Ben out for pizza and arcade games. As you do.
Ben says he needs “stress reliever time” before the birth. Really, Ben? Are you the one who’s going to be giving birth to this baby? Surely playing hours of Mortal Kombat is the best thing to do when your wife is at home, preparing to squeeze a kid out of her no-no’s.
Back in Central America, Derick’s mother is tearing up over leaving baby Israel.
“I will miss Jill and Derick, but I will definitely miss that little guy,” she says. Little Israel starts to cry as she leaves and it’s so sad. It’s almost as if he knows that his Grandma Cathy is leaving him in a dangerous, gang-infested country.
Jill and Derick are already talking about adding another baby to their family.
“We came to Central America as a family three and who knows we could leave as a family of four…or more,” Jill says.
She’s itching to get that attention away from Jessa! Either that or she’s trying to tempt TLC into picking up the show for more episodes, knowing how much the network likes the ratings it gets from these baby episodes. Smart move, Jill.
Back in Arkansas, Jessa is getting into some real labor.
“I don’t really like pain,” she says.
Oh, girl. Someone should have talked to you about having this baby at a hospital where you can get an epidural! Of course, we know that the Duggar ladies prefer to squat their kids out at home (and sometimes on the toilet!)
We cut to the next morning. Jessa has been in labor all night and things are getting intense.
“Oh, this is painful!” she moans, suddenly realizing that life as a Duggar baby machine may not be for her. That whole “Let’s have 15 sons!” thing isn’t sounding so great anymore, is it Jess?
Meanwhile, Michelle is there speaking in her super creepy, calm and quiet voice. She’s narrating as Jessa walks around the house, telling everyone everything that Jessa’s doing.
“Ben was just solid. He was there and he stuck by her side,” she whispers. (At least Ben didn’t go take a nap while his wife was in labor like ol’ Joshy did!)
Ben, does, however, tell us how bad labor sucks…for him.
“I’m feeling the pain too,” he says. “It just kept dragging on and dragging on…It’s like…oww!”
Back at the Duggar compound, Jim Bob gleefully announces to the litter of kids around him that it’s almost baby time.
“Mom texted and said Jessa is pushing! She’s really pushing!” he tells the kids.
This is so weird and creepy.
Back at Jessa’s house, she is in immense pain and TLC has decided to play some really weird gothic music in the background as we see poor Jessa moan and groan and try to push this baby out. All of a sudden the baby pops into view. We see him in all of his bloody, gory glory.
“You got him, Jess!” Jill yells over Skype.
“You’re a champ, Jessa!” Michelle whispers.
They are enjoying the baby and calling friends and family to let them know…when something goes wrong. Jessa began bleeding profusely. We hear a 911 call. Michelle, in her creepy calm voice, calls and says Jessa had a “gush of blood.” Jana said she has seen a lot of births, but this was the most blood she has ever seen. They immediately send an ambulance for Jessa.
After seeing a doctor, it is determined that Jessa needs a transfusion for the loss of blood. They said she will be completely fine after the transfusion. Jessa tells us that childbirth was worse than she expected.
“The first thing I said to my mom was,’ I do not know how you did this 19 times.’”
Well get ready, honey. That’s your future.
After Jessa gets fixed up at the hospital, it’s time to name the baby boy. As we know, it took Jessa and Ben several days to come up with the baby’s name, and they eventually decided on “Spurgeon Elliot.” (To read our thoughts on that name, click here.)
“I can’t believe he’s ours. It seems like a dream,” Jessa says.
That ends the three-special ‘Jill & Jessa: Counting On’ run. It has yet to be announced if TLC will turn ‘Jill & Jessa’ into a full-on series, but something tells us that we haven’t seen the last of the Duggar girls, their dumb-as-rocks husbands, and oversized family.
To read recaps of the previous two episodes of ‘Jill & Jessa: Counting On,’ click here!
Why do you make a programme about such immature, uneducated people? Are they supposed to be an example for young people to follow? They are always playing to the camera, wiping away imaginary tears, please get rid of the whole series! l
You guys are spot on with your recaps, this was delightfully hilarious, even more funny was how you managed to piss off the Duggar lovers, they hate to hear the truth about this pathetic family. Lmao.
This was the most opinionated, one-sided biased re-cap of anything I have ever read I figured out after the first sentence that you obviously hate the duggars! I was looking for a re-cap not an opinion article you might as well as “bullied”them in person.your article was a great opinion piece but a terrible piece of journalism !! And I truly hope this doesn’t reflect who you are as a person.
…you visited a reality tv gossip site for journalism? As Holly and The Ashley so eloquently put it, “This kind of stupid takes effort.”
WTF is wrong with you people. You think you should wrote such awful things about this family. You are such axxholes. Get a like. Leave these people alone.
Your recaps are the best, you totally crack me up!
How is no one talking about this harlot wearing a black lace nightgown to give birth in??? The shock, the horror, the shame ….
Or the fact that her arms were exposed!!! The horror!
Your picture captions are perfection!
I am happy she got proper care and she and baby are well. I hope she doesn’t keep having babies for TV and has just the ones Ben and her can love. Having babies is not a game of quantity and naming them from A to Z.
Would it not be the most awesome show EVER if they made a crossover show? Teen Mom OG counting on…….imagine Farrah talking to Anna!!! Jesse and Jill could talk to Cate about adoption!! Maci and Amber could help the duggar girls with hair and nails!! Now THERE is a SHOW!!! Who is on board???
Love the idea. I would love to see a crossover show with Jazz Jennings meeting Michelle Duggar. Especially if somehow Michelle has never heard of Jazz. It would be so hilarious for Michelle to spend time with Jazz, not knowing that she was transgender, seeing what an awesome girl Jazz is, and then, BAM, Jazz could reveal the truth. Oh how I would love to see Michelle’s face!!!
Barbra teach Michelle how to stand up for herself, and Jenelle and the dugger boys could all get high high high
Excuse me….I think I’m gonna spurge….
I’m not sure if that means you are going to vomit, make a romance explosion, or spend excessive money on a purchase.
If you’re sick, please Spurg eon over to the toilet.
If you’re aroused, please Spurg eon a sock (or condom).
If you’re going to be shopping, Spurg eon me, because I didn’t get a single Christmas present.