By Holly Rasmussen
Well, the holidays are over, so it’s time to start 2016 off with some trashtastic TV! Marriage Bootcamp: Reality Stars is back!
As the show opens, Benzino is packing his stuff to leave in a huff. (Doesn’t someone always threaten to leave on these shows? It must be in the contract that someone has to act like a great big baby and pretend they are going to leave the house –and their giant paycheck—behind.)
Benzino’s girlfriend, Althea, doesn’t really seem that bothered by the fact that he’s leaving. (Hey, girlfriend’s getting paid either way, right?!)
In the end, he decides to stay, of course. Later that night, Althea decides she would rather sleep on the bathroom floor than in bed with Benzino.
“We take steps forward and then we take steps back,” Benzino says.
The Bachelor’s Sean chimes in to say that he thinks Benzino and Althea are in a toxic relationship. Oh, ok Sean. Thanks for your expert opinion.
Anyway, all of the couples are forced outside for their group activity of the day. The counselors tell them they will be providing today’s entertainment. Catherine is excited. (This could lead to future reality TV gigs, after all!)
“It’s in my blood to entertain people,” she says.
“Are we gonna sing? Are we gonna play the gui-tar? Or what?” Sugar Bear drawls.
Sugar Bear and the gang soon learn that they will be learning to dance the tango.
The tango practice is, of course, a disaster. Two seconds in and everyone is breaking out in a fight. Benzino, again, storms off. Geez, dude. As Mama June says, either fish or cut bait.
The counselors say learning the dance is just a diagnostic tool to see how the couples communicate their needs and wants. Oh, okay. And here I thought it was for the entertainment of all of us sitting on the couch watching these rejects try to learn a dance other than the “lean your girl over and hump her on the dance floor” move.
The counselors observe that Catherine is obsessed with being perfect. You needed an advanced degree to tell us that?!
Of course they have to throw in some kind of twist. The couples will now be all mixed up. Yes, they will be performing their dances with other campers, not their spouses. Perfect Catherine gets paired up with Sugar Bear. Catherine decides to leave her partner and go over and help her spouse, Sean, dance with his partner, Sarah from Bad Girls Club. Uh-oh, Is someone jealous?
She advises Sean to “not wear stiff pants.” (Or get stiff in the pants, rather…)
Catherine storms off upstairs, Benzino-style, when Sean and Sarah go off to practice their dance. Uh, that’s the whole point of this exercise Catherine. They’re supposed to be practicing. What kind of marriage do you have if you can’t even trust your partner to dance the tango with someone else?
“Sean and Catherine look like that couple that when you see in public they’re all joyful and happy but at home it’s like World War 5.”
That’s Ink and Sarah’s take on the perfect Bachelor couple.
Catherine locks herself in the bathroom and tells Sean to leave her alone. Sean said he has a lot of female fans and that sometimes “boundaries haven’t been respected” by those fans and that makes Catherine uncomfortable. Catherine says she was upset because she wanted to be spending time with her own husband not someone else. She said she “feels like she’s been left out in the past.”
Sarah is mad because Sundy is dancing with her fiancé, Ink, without wearing any panties. (I mean, who tangos in panties, am I right?!)
“You don’t have any panties on and you’re gonna wrap your leg around my man?” she asks.
Ew. I hope they have a production assistant following her around with Lysol. Who wants to sit on a chair in the house after Sundy’s, um, marked her territory on it?!
Sundy says she doesn’t own any underwear. (Maybe they can send a production assistant to Target to pick her up a six pack of Hanes?)
Later that night, Sarah doesn’t want to “get emotional” so she sends Catherine over to tell Sundy to put on some underwear. Catherine offers to give Sundy some of her own panties to wear. ARE WE SERIOUSLY STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS CHICK WEARING UNDERWEAR!? How is this a plotline for this episode!?
“I don’t wear underwear unless it’s that time of the month for me,” Sundy explains.
Mama June says she wouldn’t care if someone wanted to dance with Sugar Bear with no panties on. I don’t think you have to worry about that, June. Sundy eventually agrees to wear Catherine’s panties as long as they’re nude.
Finally, the group gets to display their tango-dancing skills.
“Sean and I have been in so many strange situations when it comes to romance and your partner with somebody else. But, I was so jealous,” Catherine says.
Sarah forgets the dance right in the middle of it.
“I know that Sean and I are super strong in our marriage but it is really difficult to see him with another woman,” Catherine wails.
Are you really super strong in your marriage then?
Sugar Bear and Catherine do surprisingly well in their dance.
“I wasn’t jealous of him dancing with Catherine because I knew if he even tried to make a move on Catherine, she would block him,” Mama June says.
“Catherine seems like a sweet woman, but she ain’t my type,” Sugar Bear says. Mama June adds that Sugar Bear likes big women.
They bring out Judge Toler from Divorce Court to let the couples know what she thinks. Judge Toler says she believes that all of the couples can make it.
We never find out what happens to the underwear that Sundy borrowed from Catherine. Did she keep them? Wash and return them? Give them back to Cat with tango-sweat all over them? The world may never know…
Next week, Sugar Bear has to come clean and reveal if he cheated on Mama June or not. I wonder if they will bring up the fact that she was hanging out with the man convicted of molesting her daughter? Probably not. That’s too real for reality TV.
To read a recap of a previous episode of ‘Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars,’ click here!