‘Teen Mom OG’ Season 5B Reunion Part 1 Recap: Hiding Baby Bumps (and Feelings) with Maci & Farrah

Anyone else think that these two still kind of want to bone?
Anyone else think that these two still kind of want to bone?

Another season of Teen Mom has come and gone, which means it’s time for MTV to wheel out good ol’ Dr. Drew to host yet another Reunion special. The good doctor has been making these girls cry since 2009, so who else would they get to host the ‘Teen Mom OG’ Season 5B reunion shows? (Other than The Ashley of course…or Butch Baltierra via satellite from his parole officer’s crib…or Barbara Evans, of course.)

Anyway, as a rule, The Ashley doesn’t recap the Reunion episodes because, well, they tend to suck. Dr. Drew dances around the real questions we want him to ask and, frankly, how many times can we watch these people argue about the same crap they’ve been arguing about since MySpace was still the happenin’ place for the kids to Internet?

However, because The Ashley failed to recap the season finale (because she’s busy working on some cool stuff for you guys), she decided to sit through both Reunion shows and recap them both.

Let’s get started on Part 1!

When you realize you went to medical school but you're still doing this crap, seven years later...
When you realize you went to medical school but you’re still doing this crap, seven years later…

In the intro, Dr. Drew makes sure to point out that the ‘Teen Mom’ girls aren’t girls anymore, they’re women. There’s no doubt that the gals have changed since we first met them on 16 and Pregnant. They’ve (almost) all shot out more kids, have met new beaus and, hell, Farrah‘s even changed her face about eight times since then. They’re no longer teens (yet they’re still on this stupid show.)

The Reunion begins with the entire cast– moms, original baby-daddies, original kids and Dr. Drew sitting on the stage. Dr. Drew talks about the girls’ “epic” stories. (Um…we watched Farrah get boobs and spent an embarrassing amount of cumulative hours watching Amber sit on her couch. I think you might be overselling their stories a bit, Doc.)

"Do any of you have real jobs? I have four-- you guys can get one!"
“Do any of you have real jobs? I have four– you guys can get one!”

The cast talks about how weird it is that they’re still on TV, while the kids sit there with them. It’s fun to observe the kids during this conversation. Leah looks bored, while Sophia is serving up some serious sass-face every time the camera pans to her. (Gee…I wonder where she learned that?)

Bentley, however, is basically a grown up. I keep expecting him to ask Dr. Drew for 401k advice, or to talk about his stock options.

Next, Dr. Drew does his requisite spiel for “It’s Your Sex Life.com.” (I swear he gets some sort of kick-back for every time he can work that website into a segment. That has to be it, because clearly none of the ‘Teen Mom’ girls are actually using that website to help them learn how to prevent surprise pregnancies! Cough…Maci…cough!)

"I've gained a bunch of weight in my belly and stopped getting my period. I don't know WHAT'S going on!"
“I’ve gained a bunch of weight in my belly and I stopped getting my period. I don’t know WHAT’S going on!”

It’s finally time to get down to business. Maci’s the first girl to hit the couch. She talks about how much Bentley loves being a big brother (which is a good thing because, as we all know, Maci’s knocked up again.) Maci seems to be doing her best to conceal her middle section during this whole segment. She’s clearly got a bun in her oven. She’s sitting with her arms in front of her belly, even though at the time this episode was filmed she “didn’t know she was pregnant.”

Mmmmm-hmmmm….

After complaining about how much work she has to do for Taylor‘s T-shirt business, Dr. Drew moves the subject to Maci’s intense thirst for a wedding band.  (Taylor is, of course, standing off-stage, sweating through his leather-pocketed-T-shirt at the very mention of marriage.)

"You know if you just give in and marry her, we can all stop talking about this."
“You know if you just give in and marry her, we can all stop talking about this.”

They wheel Taylor out so Dr. Drew can scold him for not marrying Maci already so we can all stop talking about this storyline. Taylor starts muttering something about making things “perfect” for his “queen” (or something) and Drew looks like he needs a stick to bite on to keep from laughing in Taylor’s face.

They then go to commercial break. (Taylor undoubtedly used the downtime to peddle his shirts to the audience members.) Next, the producers go wake Ryan up from his nap so that he can go on stage. He comes out to discuss how much his co-parenting relationship with Maci has improved in recent months. Of course, that all goes to crap almost immediately when Dr. Drew reminds them that Ryan missed important moments in Bentley’s life, such as his recent surgery.

"I wish I could have had surgery. Think of that anesthesia Bentley got! Lucky duck!"
“I wish I could have had surgery. Think of that anesthesia Bentley got! Lucky duck!”

“I fought it for long enough,” Ryan tells us. “I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.”

Let’s hope that he’s talking about dealing with Maci’s nagging, rather than being a father.

Maci says that she and Ryan have been avoiding each other for years because they’re scared of arguing.

Anyone else think that’s kind of a load of crap? I think they were scared that they would accidentally hate-bang each other. Anyone else?

"Good Lord, Dr. Drew... are you gonna write mean things about me in your Hello Kitty diary later? Geez..
“Good Lord, Dr. Drew… are you gonna write mean things about me in your Hello Kitty diary later? Geez..

Finally, Dr. Drew brings up the fact that Ryan has a new girlfriend. (Perhaps the Doc is just worried that there was no one there to turn Ryan after Hour 8 of his naps? Bed sores are no joke, y’all!) Ryan seems reluctant to talk about his new boo on camera. Of course, Dr. Drew has to act like a gossipy middle school girl and ask Ryan if he’ll parade his new girlfriend out on stage so all of us can judge her. Luckily, Ryan has the sense to tell the good doctor to shove it.

While we don’t get to ogle at Ryan’s girlfriend, we do get to hear from his parents, Jen and Larry. This is the first time Jen and Larry have gotten to rest their butts on the Dr. Drew Reunion couch and they seem awfully excited. Ryan, however, looks less-than-thrilled, and he can barely muster the strength to do a weak one-hand-thigh-clap to welcome his parents to the show.

"If y'all need an unqualified 20-something who naps all the time at your work, let us know, Dr. Drew."
“If y’all need an unqualified 20-something who naps all the time, let us know, Dr. Drew.”

Maci acknowledges how much Jen and Larry let her dump off her kids whenever she wants to go out and pound beers. Naturally, Jen and Larry felt the need to pick up the slack, considering they were responsible for the big lump ‘o’ nap that is Ryan.

Maci applauds Ryan for taking more of an active role in Bentley’s life recently.

“Did you have more time, or more structure in your day?” Drew asks Ryan in an attempt to find out what brought out this parenting enlightenment.

Um…this dude doesn’t have a job, doesn’t go to school and lives with his parents. All he has is time! He basically just figured out that if he rolls out of bed early enough to catch Bentley’s baseball game every once in a while, Maci will stop nagging him.

"I've gotta see that girlfriend!"
“I’ve gotta see that girlfriend!”

Ryan’s parents give Ryan’s new girlfriend the stamp of approval, and Dr. Drew is still acting all butt-hurt that we don’t get to meet this chick. He keeps asking Ryan questions about her and Ryan looks like he is counting the seconds until he can get off this stage, cash his MTV check and hit the sheets. I kind of don’t blame him here though. Drew is acting like a whiny little girl.

Next, Maci makes sure to get a dig in at Ryan for not having a job. Ryan looks like he wants to grab one of Taylor’s pocket T-shirts and suffocate Maci right there on the stage.

Since there’s really no better way to end a segment than near-suffocation, we stop things right there with Maci. It’s time to bring out Farrah.

"Yay for Farrah!"
“Yay for Farrah!”

Farrah (and what ever incarnation her face is in currently) comes out to the stage and the crowd goes…mild. (Farrah, of course, claps for herself because…well, she’s Farrah.) We get to watch clips of Farrah fighting with her mom…and fighting with Simon…and fighting with her dad…and fighting with the producers. Basically, we get reminded that Farrah was a horrible person for yet another season.

There’s a whole lot of screaming, ugly crying and “Daddy Dereking” in the clips, and soon we are brought back to Farrah on the stage with Dr. Drew.

Farrah reveals that she’s no longer with Simon. (He must not have been able to produce a big enough diamond to please Farr-Bot.) Farrah’s not too upset about losing the only guy that is delusional enough to come within 10 feet of her, though. She says that, for some reason, her parents were really pushing for her to marry Simon, but she just wasn’t feeling it.

Mmmm-hmmmmm…..

Anyone else think Deb and Michael were writing this dude checks to date their daughter and get her off their jocks for a couple hours every week? Just me?

"The elders should stay in the Port-a-Potty where they belong!"
“The elders should stay in the Port-a-Potty where they belong!”

Next, Drew moves on to the enormous fight Farrah got into with Producer Larry during the season finale. Farrah purses her giant pillow lips as she explains that an “elder” like Larry shouldn’t be “unprofessional” and scream at her. Instead, he should just let her berate him and verbally abuse him, just like everyone else in Farrah’s life (who needs a paycheck) does.

Drew brings up the fact that Larry’s been putting up with these girls’ crap for years, and never turns into the screaming lunatic he was in that scene. Drew’s clearly trying to imply that Farrah is the cause of the problem, not Larry, but Farrah doesn’t quite pick up on that.

"Quit making me cry, peasant!"
“Quit making me cry, peasant!”

Dr. Drew mentions that Farrah had some “horrific” things happen during her childhood. While he doesn’t go into specifics about what that childhood trauma actually is, Dr. Drew implies that the trauma is to blame for Farrah becoming the money-crazed egotistical monster that she is. That, of course, brings on an ugly cry from Farrah. Her cow-like eyelashes flutter as she whisper-cries her answers to the doctor.

Farrah tells us that she wants to continue with ‘Teen Mom,’ and that she knows she’s not really a great person right now…but it’s because people aren’t allowing her to be a good person.

Oh, Farrah…you were so close to taking responsibility for your own actions…

I give Dr. Drew credit for not laughing Deb right off the stage after seeing that outfit...
I give Dr. Drew credit for not laughing Deb right off the stage after seeing that outfit…

Since Farrah’s mom Debra went and bought a new outfit in the junior’s section at Kohl’s, they allow her to come out on stage to talk about how she and Farrah are getting along these days. Both women assure Drew that no one is pulling knives on each other these days (#NeverForget), but that Farrah hasn’t forgotten what’s happened in the past with her mother.

Next, Deb tells Drew that she takes responsibility for all of her actions…except for the ones that were caused by Michael‘s passive-aggressive attitude…which she says is basically everything.

Oh, Deb…you were so close to taking responsibility for your own actions…

Deb readjusts her school girl skirt (which she is actually wearing…I’m not making this up to be funny), and tells Dr. Drew that she’s sorry she acted a fool all those years. Soon both Farrah and Deb are ugly-crying and talking in a weird froggy whisper. Good job, Drew. You earned your paycheck today!

"I have two words for you: Whatever Michael."
“I have two words for you: Whatever Michael.”

Unfortunately Drew’s not done yet. We still have to bring out Michael (and his alleged passive-aggressive attitude) to get his thoughts on this mess. He’s mad that Deb decided to call him out for going to doctors and whatnot to see if he really is crazy. (Honestly though, how could anyone live with Farrah that many years and not be a little whacked out? It’s impossible.)

Drew decides to bring up some of the “exploitation” Farrah has suffered. (He means the backdoor p0rno that Farrah chose to do, sell and promote, by the way.) He wants to know how Michael felt when he found out that Farrah had gone 10 rounds under the sheets with an adult film star, and then sold molds of her vagina to her adoring fans. (As you do.)

Michael insists that he didn’t negotiate Farrah’s salary for her “special” film. Instead, he blames Farrah’s older manager for getting him mixed up in that whole thing. He begins tearing up as he thinks about Farrah’s backdoor (and other assorted parts) being ogled online for all of the world to see.

Since that’s all the time we have, Drew ends the episode while Michael blubbers, wondering where the hell it all went wrong….

Next episode, we’ll get to hear from Amber and Catelynn! Stay tuned!

For more of The Ashley’s ‘Teen Mom OG’ recaps, click here!

(Photos: MTV)

 

 

39 Comments

  1. I know I’m late to the party. I can’t help but wonder if Derek may have been abusive towards Farrah. I know the guy is dead and can’t defend himself, but that could be a reason Farrah is so effed up. She probably watched/suffered abuse between and by her parents, therefore didn’t have a healthy parental relationship to emulate, so maybe she picked someone that could continue the cycle. That might explain why Debra is so indifferent about Derek and not supportive in her daughter’s grief. It also might explain why Debra said the things she did to Simon. Or maybe they’re just all bat-shit crazy. Who knows what the truth is??


  2. There are so many things I want to get out regarding this show – yes I watch it and its basically garbage. Now that we know how much Chelsea is getting paid, how is this going to decrease teen pregnancy? I betcha more ignorant teens are going to see this as a job opportunity – this show does not illustrate the REAL consequences of having a baby when you are young. I understand that the moms should be paid for their time, but maybe half could be put in a trust fund for when they hit 21 and a monthly amount (similar to what you would make at a job) could go to the moms.

    I am over Farrah. With each passing day, she makes me sicker and sicker. I am truthfully curious what if anything happened to her when she was younger. Was it something minor that became major? Was she abused? Is it something that when she looks back now she is making it into something? It upsets me because her go to accusation is that someone raped or tried to rape her – Uber and the porn industry. If she was raped, I encourage her to seek help, whether it be filling a police report, therapy or what have you. Unfortunately there are so many people who are raped who do not come forward and I cannot imagine these false accusations are helping.

    Additionally, she seems to think that anyone who is against her is against women. Those people who didn’t want her at the white party weren’t against women, they were against her! Not for having a child – look at sofia vegara, she was a teen mom and is not discriminated because of it, but rather, people think Farrah herself is TRASHY!

    She needs to be taken off this show because she is just ruining any sort of positive influence this show could have!

    I do not get what is up with Maci. The fact that she was drinking heavily while pregnant upsets me on so many levels – and it seems that her response is denial about the baby and silence on the drinking.

    I’m not sure how the editing process goes, but why is there a drink in EVERY scene?! Bud light should be sponsoring Maci’s wedding!


  3. Last season, Simon disappeared when the cameras disappeared. Then, the cameras came back and Simon came back. Is it any surprise that when the cameras left, so did Simon?


      1. Oh Maci is definitely very frustrated cause they have so much unfinished business.
        Just imagine how many times Ryan must have fallen asleep during or right after.


  4. Ive said it before and I’ll continue to say it…Farrah has GOT to be paying Simon to be with her…The man has to be contractually obliged to put up with her antics. They’re not a real couple. Notice how Farrah said that she has never met any of Simon’s friends or family…but yet they went “ring shopping”. OK. That just makes so much sense. This relationship is as fake as Farrah’s entire body and as staged as her non existent relationship to get her on couples therapy.


  5. How blatantly obvious was it that Maci was knocked up! She can say she didn’t know she was pregnant till the cows come home….SHE KNEW SHE WAS PREGNANT! And since she STILL hasn’t addressed the drinking rumors, I truly believe this chick was drinking knowing good and well she was pregnant. She needs to own it, say she got knocked up again, Taylor proposed because he knocked her up again, and there as a possibility at 2 months she didn’t know she was pregnant and that’s why she was drinking…but this girl knew she was pregnant in January!!


  6. I love how Maci never knows she is pregnant. And continues to drink until she is a couple months due. Both her and Taylor are alcoholics.


  7. Farrah’s parents 100% are the reason she acts like this. Not only do they tolerate it, they seem to encourage it. I could understand that maybe they did wrong things to her so they let her get away with murder, but all it does is hurting her since she doesn’t seem to have many other friends. Honestly, I would like for her to be sent to like a boot camp or something. Imagine a drill Sargeant in her face screaming at her? I would pay money……


    1. 100% agree. I don’t even think a boot camp would change her nasty attitude but it would be hilarious to watch that lol.


  8. Dr Drew is a joke! He’s still trying to push the idea that this show is the cause of lower teen birth rates. These women are in their almost mid-20’s and have learned nothing from their past experiences. I can’t stand Farrah but she is a hustler and is taking advantage of her long overdue 15 minutes. Farrah’s family is absolutely nuts! If only her sister would write a tell-all book.

    Love little Leah…


  9. “Her cow eyelashes”……… I swear I thought the same exact thing when she was doing the ugly cry!!! How whacked IS this “family” anyway??? And where the hell is her stupid sister? I know she had a kid too. There is never any mention of her.
    Someone always has some type of attitude……either is it passive aggressive or anti Christ. They are nuts!! And now there is a MINI freak…..Sophia!! She is a tiny Farrah. A total disrespectful brat!! I am sure mom will show her the porn ropes when she turns 18. She v
    Can have her own movie…..Baby Goo. Hahahahaha. Eeewwwwwwww!!!


      1. Is that the older sister Ashley we saw in early Teen Mom episodes? She’s so smart to not be involved with her unfortunate family.


        1. I keep hearing she is batt poo crazy too.
          Heard you can tell by visiting her social media accounts but I never bothered to take that much trouble.


  10. Wtf was up with Ryan? Damn, I thought he was weird at the last reunion. This time he was so spacey that I think he was in another galaxy. And of course, once again Dr. Drew acts like a weak little bitch with Farrah. He could have been a lot more assertive on calling her out on her behavior but he sugarcoated it like he was in a damn chocolate factory! He can call out Kail for being mean to Vee and call out Amber for being mean to Gary but he can’t call out this monster of a woman for putting her hands on “Larry Barry?” I’m really getting annoyed with Dr. Drew. We need Dr. Phil to replace him because all know he wouldn’t take her shit!


    1. It’s the pills. You can totally tell when he’s on them. Actually at this point it’s pretty much every scene. Compare the first seasons to the most recent seasons and you can easily see when he started on the pills. Ryan, I mean, not Dr. Drew lol


    1. He did for a little bit to move in w/ his last gf, but they broke up and now he’s back home w/ his parents and no job. Again.


  11. ‘Farrah’s not too upset about losing the only guy that is delusional enough to come within 10 feet of her, though’-my sentiments exactly! she got a guy to go out with her, you’d think she’d be bending over backwards (literally and figuratively) to keep him! it’s taken years for this to happen! idk why i was surprised she was her same ol’ cunt self, maybe cuz she seemed to be faking sweet with daniel so long ago. and sophia likes to make potions? of course she does lol. maci really needs to stop with the no job shit. as if she’s ever done a day’s work outside of teen mom. just stop.


    1. Agree. I mean, she must put up a front or something bc I really can’t imagine any man putting up with farrah.


      1. Honestly I think the only guys (or should I say guy) willing to “date” or come close to Farrah are just as pathetic as Farrah and being paid to do so. No sane, decent guy is going to want Farrah. You attract what you are. Same with Amber. I think Amber knows she can’t do better that disgusting creeper Matt and that’s why she turns a blind eye and tries so hard to keep him.


        1. It would take a keg of dynamite to get Matt off Amber’s couch and out the door! He’s another looser just like Nathan


        2. Rumor has it that Kanye will be back on the market soon. I bet Farrah is already flirting with him.
          Farrah wants everything Kim has, has done or is done with.


      2. that’s they thing, she treats him like shit on the show! there’s been a few scenes where she jumped down his throat as soon as she saw him and kept on. then when she being nice, she’s squeezing his cheeks over and over even though he asked her to stop. they break up every other day, he absolutely has seen how she really acts, so i can’t figure why he comes back. farrah must’ve negotiated more than normal guest pay lol. he looks so over her and sophia both every time he’s with them. when sophia was in the back going, you give me a brother right now etc, he just stared at his phone and didn’t even acknowledge her. i thought farrah would say something but she just squeezed his cheeks again.. it’s so weird.


        1. I wondered if maybe she was more pleasant in person than when the cameras are rolling. Bc like everyone stated, no sane person would put up with that, unless being paid. Who knows??

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