‘Kendra On Top’ Season 5 Episodes 7 & 8 Recap: Drinking & Doing Terrible TV Down Under

"I like to terrorize other continents from time to time."
“I like to terrorize other continents from time to time.”

Kendra on Top is going down….under, that is! Yes, Kendra and her trusty camera-loving pal Jessica are heading to Australia for this special episode.

Apparently Kendra is going to Australia to shoot a pilot for a sketch comedy show. I’m sure that will be as big of a hit as Kendra’s rap career.

On the plane ride there, Kendra and Jessica are busy running lines, which accounts for what is basically the worst acting I’ve ever seen. Finally, they arrive in Melbourne.

"Stay away Kendra. Talk all of the Fosters beer you want, but leave us alone!"
“Stay away Kendra. Talk all of the Fosters beer you want, but leave us alone!”

“We’re like…all around the world, dude,” Kendra so eloquently puts it. “We made it all the way here, it’s time to f**king party.”

Is there ever a time when Kendra’s not partying? We’ve seen her partying at Sundance, partying for Hef’s birthday, partying every single episode. She’s basically living the life of an MTV Spring Breaker, circa 1995.

Kendra arrives at the rehearsal for her pilot, which for some reason is being shot in a church. The writers are trying to explain to Kendra that the pilot is set in a post-apocalyptic world. Hooked on phonics apparently didn’t work for Kendra, because she obviously has no idea what those big words mean. (Um…how the hell does she have no clue what the show she’s shooting for is about? Didn’t she read the script? Or at least have Little Hank read it to her because…big words?)

They rehearse. This is the worst television I’ve ever seen…and I’ve seen 19 Kids and Counting!

"Alcohol just tastes better in other countries...and when it's free."
“Alcohol just tastes better in other countries…and when it’s free.”

After the reading, Kendra and Jessica go to ride a giant ferris wheel to see the city. They decide to take shots beforehand because…why wouldn’t you?

“I’m not going to turn down a shot,” Jessica says.

Yeah we know, Jessica. If WeTV is paying, you’re drinking.

While they’re on the ride, Kendra gets a text from the music producer with her song. She plays it, and we learn that there’s actually something that Kendra does worse than acting: singing.

Kendra asks Jessica what she thinks and asks her to be honest. Jessica agrees.

When your friend's song is so bad but you can't say anything because she'll replace you  with that vegan model chick.
When your friend’s song is so bad but you can’t say anything because she’ll replace you with that vegan model chick.

“That is so good! Did you write that?” Jessica asks.

Okay, Jessica, you must really want those free shots if you’re pretending to like this nonsense.

Later, they call up Kendra’s friend Lisa. Kendra met Lisa when she was in Australia doing I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. Lisa is battling terminal cancer. When Kendra met her, they thought she only had a few weeks to live, but she has persevered. When Kendra and Lisa met, they decided to get tattoos. Lisa got hers, but Kendra didn’t. So Lisa is calling Kendra on it and making her go get a tattoo today.

"Wait....we have TWO kids? Crap. I'll be right back."
“Wait….we have TWO kids? Crap. I’ll be right back.”

After some more alcohol, they head to the tattoo parlor. Lisa’s tattoo is an infinity sign with love in it. Kendra wants an infinity sign with her kids’ birth dates on it. But… she can’t remember her kids’ birth dates. (No, seriously.) She has to ask Jessica when Little Hank’s birthday is. Then, she has to call Hank to verify when Alijah’s birthday is. Seriously? Seriously?!?!

Back in the States, Hank decides to go meet with LaVance, who is the unfortunate music producer who helped with Kendra’s terrible song. He is also friends with Kendra’s brother, Colin. He has taken it upon himself to try and mend the relationship between Kendra and Colin, but Kendra isn’t happy about it.

Because he serves no other real purpose this season, Hank has decided to be the go-between for Kendra and her family. Hank basically tells LaVance that Kendra isn’t forgiving Colin anytime soon and that he should just mind his own business.

"If you guys are lucky I'll bust out my sweet rap jams for you!"
“If you guys are lucky I’ll bust out my sweet rap jams for you!”

Meanwhile down under, Kendra and Jessica are getting ready to go see a musical. They are busy talking crap about GrandDude’s new wife, Drunk Amy.

“I cannot have Amy around,” Kendra says. “I just want my dad to myself.”

Kendra says she hopes Amy doesn’t bring her “sloppy, hoe side.”

The next day GrandDude and Drunk Amy show up to see Kendra film her pilot. After they wrap, they all head to a bar to celebrate. And Drunk Amy starts being weird. Her accent is different and she’s acting very strange (even for her).

"Drinking around the world is so HARD!"
“Drinking around the world is so HARD!”

The episode ends with them all planning to head out to spend the weekend at a beach house. The preview for next week shows Kendra breaking down in tears after receiving a phone call from Hank. Hmm.  Has Hank just revealed that he gave Kendra the wrong birth dates and she now has some other kids’ birth dates tattooed on her? Has he revealed that he, too, wants to be a rap superstar? We’ll have to tune in next week to find out!

To read our other ‘Kendra On Top’ recaps, click here!

 

5 Comments

  1. I guess acting dumb is part of her persona therefore keeping her “on top”. Plus I love Drunk Amy. Let’s hope she gets naked wasted and has to get law enforcement involved again.


  2. kendra somehow thinks it’s cute to still act 16. she goes all the way to fucking austrailia to do this show, and doesn’t even bother to look at the script. she was supposed to have those lines memorized, idk why tf the guys shooting it didn’t send her ass right back. so disrespectful. she had to be walked through it one line at a time, and still did terribly lol. her dad’s standing there like he actually has something to be proud of. and once again, barely a mention of the gorgeous kids, except to say she’s not sure of their birthdays. what mother doesn’t know her kids’ birthdays?! i know my nieces and nephews for God’s sake! in keeping with the 16-yr-old bit, she let herself get talked into getting a tattoo, on her arm no less, just because she hasn’t outgrown peer pressure. she made it past 30 yrs old without tats, hates the one hank has, hates them all, and she gets one? cuz she couldn’t be an adult and tell the woman she was drunk when she said that and, although she loves her, she really does not want a tattoo for any reason. but since she’s incapable of acting like an adult, she now has a tattoo to look at every day.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.