‘Kendra On Top’ Season 5 Episodes 11 & 12 Recap: Parent Problems & Apologizing to a Playboy Pal

"I didn't want to meet with you but hey, whatever gets me another season!"
“I didn’t want to meet with you but hey, whatever gets me another season!”

It’s time for another dramatic episode of Kendra On Top! (The Ashley apologizes for the late posting of this recap, by the way! She’s sure you were all waiting with baited breath to read about the latest Kendra hi-jinks!)

Last week, Kendra got the devastating news that her grandmother, MomMom, had passed away. After being completely ignored at the hospital by her estranged mother, Parti Patti, Kendra is nervous to attend MomMom’s funeral.

With some prompting from her dad, GrandDude, as well as her long-suffering husband Hank, (who has resurfaced for this episode because it calls for Kendra to look like a “family gal”) Kendra decides to attend the funeral to say goodbye to MomMom.

"In addition to playing 'The Husband,' I also serve as babysitter and chauffeur!"
“In addition to playing ‘The Husband,’ I also serve as babysitter and chauffeur!”

The episode starts with Kendra, Hank and two kids we believe to be Alijah and Little Hank (but we can’t be sure because we never see them on this show) driving to the funeral. Kendra says she feels bad for her mom because she knows that she is mourning MomMom.

Kendra says she wishes she could reconcile with her mom for MomMom’s sake but she feels like Parti Patti wants nothing to do with her. (Perhaps if Kendra would have brought a bottle of liquor to the funeral, it may have perked Patti’s interest in hanging out with her?)

Kendra and family attend the funeral but have no interaction with Parti Patti.

"I'm going to have to go into hiding after it comes out that I helped with this song."
“I’m going to have to go into hiding after this song comes out, aren’t I?

The next day, Kendra goes and meets with the music producer, Lavance, who is helping her make her horrific musical debut. Kendra thanks Lavance for attending MomMom’s funeral and for being a go-between for her and her brother, Colin. Kendra tells Lavance that she didn’t even make eye contact with Parti Patti at the funeral.

“She doesn’t believe me. She doesn’t trust my intentions or my motives,” Kendra says. “A part of me wishes that I could have gone up to my mom and gave her a huge hug. But, my mom made it clear that she didn’t want to see me, she didn’t want to look at me, she wanted nothing to do with me. When she wakes up and says, ‘I’m ready for love,’ the door will be wide open for her.”

"That crazy-ass woman is gonna guarantee me another season of this show!"
“That crazy-ass woman is gonna guarantee me another season of this show!”

Really, Kendra? Just a few episodes ago you said you wanted nothing to do with her because you don’t trust her. And…not for nothing but…wasn’t this the same woman you claimed had had her “soul eaten by the devil” when you were milking Hank’s cheating scandal on Marriage Boot Camp? I guess ol’ Satan regurgitated Patti with her soul intact at some point since then?

When you're six and your the most mature person in the house by a landslide...
When you’re six and you’re the most mature person in the house by a landslide…

Later, GrandDude and his sobriety-challenged wife Amy show up, and Kendra’s son Little Hank looks less-than-thrilled.

GrandDude and Amy are staying a few days with Kendra and Hank, and when they show up, we see that they’ve brought along a few uninvited friends who are eager to meet Kendra and Hank get their mugs on camera.

The next day, Kendra’s manager calls about the Girls Next Door reunion. He says he thinks it would be a great idea for her to have lunch with her former Playboy pal and co-star, Bridget, to discuss the reunion. Kendra is skeptical.

“The only relatable subject we can have is dating an 80-year-old man,” Kendra says.

The face everyone watching made when Eric and Amy's love-making was discussed.
The face everyone watching made when Eric and Amy’s love-making was discussed.

The next morning, Kendra confronts GrandDude and Amy about their loud lovemaking from the night before. Ew.

“I heard bed squeaking and it was a little loud,” Kendra says.

Again ewwww. Thank you for that horrifying visual, Kendra. Just when we got the thought of you getting it on with Hef out of our minds, you hit us with this!

"Oh you brought your camera crew...that's convenient."
“Oh you brought your camera crew…that’s convenient.”

To escape the love making lair, Kendra heads out to meet up with Bridget. Kendra trash-talked her former co-star in the media, but Bridget arrives smiling and is very happy to see Kendra. This makes Kendra feel bad about what she said about Bridget. (You may remember that Kendra told the press that she and Bridget were “never friends.”)

Bridget is a little afraid of the meeting, because she’s seen Kendra be a raging biotch onscreen.

“I’m a little nervous with Kendra,” Bridget tells the camera. “I don’t want it to be confrontational. I don’t want her to lash out like I’ve seen her do before. So, I’m prepared to just walk out if it’s not going well.”

"I can't believe I threw this crapgoblin a baby shower! Ugh!"
“I can’t believe I threw this crapgoblin a baby shower! Ugh!”

We see a lot of clips of Bridget doing things like throwing Kendra’s bachelorette party, bridal shower, and baby shower. We basically learn that Kendra is kind of a jerk for pretending like they weren’t friends when Bridget was there for her through everything. Kendra apologizes. Bridget says that she’s not sure at this point how much Kendra has matured as a person since they last spoke.

Clearly, she’s not one of the 100 people who watch this stupid show or she’d have her answer to that!

Anyway, Bridget tells Kendra that there is no way that Holly would do a reunion.

"So what if Holly doesn't want to be on the show. That didn't stop me from including her last season!"
“So what if Holly doesn’t want to be on the show. That didn’t stop me from including her last season!”

That’s no surprise. After all, Holly has spent years telling everyone how horrible her time at the Mansion was. So…if we can’t have a reunion, can we at least have a Pay-Per-View televised catfight between Holly and Kendra? I’d pay the $29.99 to watch those two claw each other’s eyes out.

Later, Jessica sets Kendra up with a “psychic healer,” who comes in and starts telling us all of the problems Kendra has. The healer tells us that Parti Patti’s energy is hovering around Kendra. (The healer did not, hover, reveal if the devil was still munching on Patti’s soul or not.)

"Even I can't believe that this show has sunk this low."
“Even I can’t believe that this show has sunk this low.”

She also tells us that MomMom’s energy is hovering around Kendra.

“I actually saw my grandmother from a distance and coming up to the bubble that I formed,” Kendra says. “She Botoxed my spirit.”

What in the hell are any of these people talking about?!

Kendra says the session really helped her, so she rushes home to tell Hank what happened.

"If MomMom's spirit is around me, does that mean I get to be on the show more?!"
“If MomMom’s spirit is around me, does that mean I get to be on the show more?!”

“She said that my grandma is going to stick around for a couple of months,” Kendra tells Hank. “She said that she’s going to be here and she’s going to help with you, and Little Hank and Alijah.”

Well, that’s reassuring that someone will be there to help with the kids, because Lord knows Kendra isn’t staying home to be burdened with the tasks of rearing her children!

That’s it for Kendra’s crazies this week!

To read our recap of the previous episode of ‘Kendra On Top,’ click here!

(Photos: WEtv)


  1. she’s so freakin’ all over with what she wants one day and what the next, just grow up. she spent all season saying she hated her mom, cussed out lavance and just no no never will i speak to her. now it’s the door’s open, and she gave an interview saying she got her mom talking to her kids about her dad so not a big deal. i think she should be allowed to see him with no consequence from her mom, but understand how, no matter how much patti wishes it didn’t, it’s gotta stab the heart a little. he said himself he spent his life going from beach to beach, just having fun and traveling. bet patti & the kids would’ve loved that, but she had to work and raise kids. most people would be a little bitter. now he’s back but she only met him once alone, then he marries a woman he barely knows and kendra’s time of having him to herself is over again. he couldn’t even visit alone as an adult, get to know his grandkids.

  2. I can’t stand horse face, dumbell, ho Kendra. I just don’t get the people who watch this show. Nor do I want to.

  3. How’s he became a playboy bunny ill ever know, but u suppose when you are screwing the big boss it helps you become a first class hoe

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