It’s time to head back to Vegas for a whole lot of adult tantrums, baby making, and marital counseling! This week, we were treated to a special two hour episode of Sister Wives. They had to allow enough time for Meri to once again rehash how she was basically brainwashed by a crazy man/woman who convinced her to leave the family. They also had to allow time to talk about what’s really important in this family: Robyn, Robyn’s baby and Robyn’s son, King Solomon.
But first, we pick up with Maddie, who is taking all her assorted mothers and sisters to go look for a wedding dress. (Weddings are also important to the Brown family, as they bring in big ratings!)
Maddie tells her parents that the groom and groomsmen are wearing khakis and white shirts on the big day instead of tuxes.
“I don’t understand why people dress down for a wedding,” Kody says, obviously bummed that he won’t get to strut around in a tuxedo and top hat.
As per usual, Kody is anxious to be included in everything, and wants to come along on the wedding dress shopping trip. Maddie looks absolutely terrified at the thought of her dad running around a bridal shop, “jokingly” putting wedding veils over his man-ponytail and strutting around the dressing room while Maddie is trying on dresses.
To avoid having to take Kody, Maddie tells him that she wants him to be surprised by her dress. Yeah, that’s it…
The gang heads to the bridal shop, and it’s obvious that Maddie has already picked out her dress, but now is just putting on a show for the cameras. She comes out in a few dresses and everyone tells her how awful they are. Finally, she comes out in one that everyone loves.
“She’s sparkling!” Janelle says.
Christine bawls. Meri is indifferent. Robyn smiles, but keeps rubbing her stomach to remind everyone that she is pregnant. Mykelti looks comatose in the background. Perhaps she’s realizing that her 20-year-old sister isn’t making the best decision by dropping out of school to get hitched.
Janelle later tells the cameras that Maddie’s dress (a fitted strapless number) would not work in either the LDS Church or their church. Luckily, Maddie doesn’t care because she’s having a nondenominational wedding outdoors in Montana and doesn’t want any part of the “Pass the Husband” game her moms have been playing her whole life.
The next day, Meri is telling us about her new hobby (other than chatting up strange “men” on the Internet, of course).
Meri has taken up painting, and has decided to paint a canvas for Kody with 23 trees as a sort of “Sorry I Tried to Run Away” peace offering. The trees in the painting will represent every member of the family. Let’s hope Meri leaves some room to paint additional trees because something tells us that ol’ Kody still has a few um, seeds, to plant into Robyn.
Meri says last year when her and Kody were going through all of their issues, it was the kids that kept her holding on to the family.
“When Robyn told me she was expecting the baby I just kept thinking, ‘I want to be there for the baby,’” Meri says. “I want to be there for all the kids.”
Meri begins talking about how the catfish situation basically made everyone in the family hate her more than they already did.
“I broke trust with a lot of people,” she says. “Now I need to heal my relationships and try to build that trust back.”
Later, Robyn and Kody go to the midwife because Robyn is three weeks from her due date and very uncomfortable having Braxton Hicks contractions. Kody says he really wants the baby to be born on December 31… so he can get the tax break. He thinks he’s made a big funny and laughs at how clever he is.
Since no one is really paying attention to her in the Brown cul de sac, Meri decides to go to Utah to go visit Mariah. Unfortunately for Mer, Mariah wasn’t too thrilled about the whole “affair with a fake Internet man” stunt her mom pulled and things between mother and daughter are strained. As we all know, Meri’s whole life has centered around Mariah, her only daughter, so having Mariah angry at her has been devastating for Meri.
Still, Meri wants to foist herself on Mariah and plans to take the trip to go see her. She suddenly gets the brilliant idea to bring Robyn’s son, King Solomon, with her, to help buffer the hate that she is certainly going to get from Mariah. Even though four-year-old Solomon has never been away from home or Robyn for more than one night, Meri thinks that he should be fine going on the random trip with her.
Meri plods on over to Robyn’s place to ask her and Kody if they’d mind her using their son as a buffer between her and Mariah. (She figures Mariah won’t call her out on her crap if Solomon is there.) Meri is shocked when Robyn and Kody tell her that she can’t have their son.
Robyn looks at her like she’s crazy, and then says that The King has been “really weird lately at night” and she’s worried he couldn’t handle the trip without freaking the hell out. As per usual, Meri has no concept of how anything will affect anyone but her. She tells us that she is upset that Robyn denied her request so quickly.
Meri then picks herself up, realizes that her request was kind of out of left field, and agrees to do what’s best for the child.
Hahahaha, just kidding! That would never happen. Instead, she runs out of the house all angry and goes to pout at her wet bar.
“She (Robyn) said no so quickly, it really surprised me,” Meri says. “I just took it really personal.”
Since they know they’re dealing with a woman who acts like a hormonal middle-schooler, Robyn and Kody know they have to go over to Meri’s place and assure her that “you is smart…you is kind…you is important.”
When Robyn and Kody walk in, Meri won’t even acknowledge them. (To her credit, though, she doesn’t scream “I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU!’ and run upstairs, so there’s that…)
Robyn explains that it’s nothing personal, but that it’s kind of a lot to ask for their prized child, King Solomon. As a consolation prize, Robyn offers up her daughter Briana for the trip. Meri says she’ll have to “think about it” and later decides that Briana is better than nothing and agrees to take her.
That’ll make Briana feel great when she watches this episode and learns that she was second choice to King Solomon. But, to be fair, she’s probably totally used to it at this point.
Later, Meri and Briana head to Utah to meet up with Mariah. Meri obviously loves having a little girl who adores her, and you can just tell that, with Briana, Meri’s reliving the days when Mariah actually liked her.
They meet Mariah at Meri’s mother’s house. There’s a whole mess of family members and a litter of kids there because…well, polygamy.
Mariah looks like she doesn’t even want them there, and can barely force herself from her chair to go hug her mother.
“She’s mad at me and I get it,” Meri says.
Mariah says she doesn’t even feel comfortable talking to Meri.
Over in Montana, Kody and Janelle are going with Maddie to look at wedding venues. The wedding venue coordinator tells them she’s had some bridezilla mothers before. Janelle says not to worry because she won’t be like that. Then, Maddie interjects, saying that she has “three other mothers who might be like that.”
Well…yeah…that’s actually probably going to happen…
Next, we’re “treated” to some awkward flashbacks of Kody dancing. He looks like he’s having a seizure. Afterward, Kody starts talking about how will be in his seventies when his and Robyn’s unborn child gets married.
“When I’m 73, I’ll probably look like I’m in my fifties,” he says. Yeah, okay. The thought of Kody flopping around a gray ponytail at the age of 73 is nightmare-inducing, actually.
Next we head back to Utah to watch Meri try to get Mariah to like her again. We find out that Meri’s sister and her family live in the big house that the Browns used to live in.
We also find out that Mariah no longer wants to live a polygamous lifestyle and that she’s not involved in their old church anymore. It seems that her mother’s affair has made Mariah rethink polygamy, knowing that she, too, could one day end up alone, watching some other broads bone her husband while she cries over her wet bar.
“I think getting an education gave me the ability to critically think,” she says.
Mariah says her relationship with Meri has been strained for over a year. They go on an awkward walk in the snow to discuss their issues.
“I feel like this whole thing, she did it to me,” Mariah says. “She broke my trust.”
Mariah seems to think the whole world revolves around her and her feelings. Gee…I wonder where she got that trait from?
Mariah says she’s not ready to discuss the whole catfish incident with Meri.
“She just thinks she can apologize and everything is hunky dory…and it’s not,” Mariah says. “She had a relationship that, from the very beginning, I told her not to have. She broke my trust and she ruined that. She ruined our relationship and she wants me to fix it.”
Mariah says she doesn’t care that Meri’s dream boat wasn’t real and that she never got physical with him/her. She still feels betrayed by it.
“I don’t forgive her… at least not yet.”
Meri says Mariah, “thought she was gonna run off with another guy” but she really wasn’t.
Sure, Meri. If Dreamboat “Sam” had been real, we would be watching TLC’s “Life After Kody” special right now, and you know it!
That’s all for this week. Next week, Robyn will shoot Kody’s 18th child from her loins!
To read our recap of the previous episode of ‘Sister Wives,’ click here!