Pack yer coonskin cap and yer camouflaged jacket, because we’re about to head down to the hollers of West Virginia for a very special episode of Teen Mom! (No, it’s not one of the “very special episodes” that require one of those “if you or someone you know…” messages at the end of a particularly disturbing scene, luckily).
On this special episode of ‘Teen Mom,’ some of the more jobless dads from Teen Mom 2 and Teen Mom OG head down to Corey Simms‘ place in The WV for a weekend of fun, drinks and some general hootin’ and hollerin’. It’s time to spend A Weekend at Corey‘s!
The episode starts with some precious voice-over dialogue.
“Hey y’all! It’s Corey from ‘Teen Mom 2,'” Corey’s voice bellows as some jammin’ music plays.
He proceeds to tells us that ‘Teen Mom’s been on the air for a while now” but he’s never really had a chance to say what he wanted to say. Naturally, he decided to call up some of the other dads and have them come on down to West Virginia for a weekend of on-camera hi-jinks.
Unfortunately, y’all, things in the holler ain’t good. The water’s done come up and covered most of the area, causing massive flooding. Corey admits that it “maybe wasn’t the best weekend to try to get everyone together” but– hey!– MTV already paid for these knuckleheads to fly to West Virginia, so they’ ain’t about to cancel filming!
“Our whole town’s wiped out,” Corey says. “So…that sucks…”
Corey, ever the optimist, though, isn’t about to let a lack of water or power ruin the good time he’s set up for him and the guys.
“It’s time to git country!” Corey declares.
Jesus God (Leah) this is gonna be good! (And, of course, by “good,” The Ashley means embarrassingly awful.)
Corey has been working his ding-dang head off, trying to get his cabin ready for a weekend of fun with the guys. He’s basically cleared out the shelves over at The Walmart, buying all the beer, chewin’ tobaccy and grillable meats that the store had. (He’s most likely also purchased a tranquilizer gun because, well…Nathan is coming.)
While some of the guys have been able to come to West Virginia, others were not, due to the flooding.
Garsh dern it! We’ll assume that’s what kept Butch from appearing in this special. (Well…that and that giant ankle bracelet that keeps him within 25 feet of his house…)
The guys arrive at Corey’s place. Gary stumbles out of a truck first, followed by Jo and Nathan. (Naturally, Nathan has carved up a T-shirt to showcase his glistening pecks from any possible camera angle.)
Corey fills the guys in on the situation: there’s no water, no power and no bathroom, so if they plan to bathe or take a crap, this ain’t the place for them. Luckily, this crowd ain’t much for bathin’ and such, so it shouldn’t be a problem…
Corey, who has always been one of the more hygienic men in the bunch, tells them that he “bathed himself” in the pool earlier in the day. As you do.
The guys chat and when Gary brings up Nathan’s ex, Jenelle, Nathan stops the conversation short…in his own “special” way.
“That name…is not allowed to be used in my present,” he tells Gary.
Come on Gary! Don’t talk about Jenelle in Nathan’s “present”! It just ain’t right!
Nathan remarks that he is probably the “straightest guy” Jenelle ever dated. Jo’s face when he says that is just priceless…
Next, Nathan challenges Gary to a flexing competition, and seems very proud when the others tell Nate that he has more muscle than Gary.
Um…that’s not exactly much of an accomplishment, Nate. That’s like bragging because you did better reading an eye chart than Stevie Wonder.
After it’s been decided that Nathan is more ripped than Gary, the topic of conversation changes to the guys’ kids.
“There ain’t nuthin’ better than being a dad!” Gary declares, as the other guys nod in agreement.
They head over to Corey’s man cave (which is basically just a table and a bunch of stroller boxes in an unfinished garage) to discuss their time on 16 and Pregnant. Jo even busts out his audition video for the show. (I mean, who doesn’t keep a copy of that on them at all times, am I right?)
They start to think about how ding-dang hard it is to be them! Nathan, in particular, is upset about “The Internets” making up lies about him. He tells the other guys that “The Internet” really needs to get sued.
Oh, it hurts so good…
The next day, the gang heads up to a cabin in the mountains. Unfortunately, though, Gary is nursing an injury. He apparently got into a nasty brawl with a string cheese package and is now worried that his hurt finger will hinder his ability to participate in the day’s activities.
Seriously, only Gary could get a cheese-related injury. #SaveGarysPaw
Corey is surprised to see that Nathan is chewing tobaccy too.
“Where was you spittin’ it at?” Corey asks him.
“I swallowed it,” Nathan replies. “I’m a man….”
Again, Jo’s face when Nathan says this is priceless.
Corey tells the guys that he thinks they’re lost, and Nate looks strangely excited at the thought of being lost in the woods with three other dudes…
Luckily, Corey finds his way to the cabin, which is, of course, in an area called Opossum Creek because…why wouldn’t it be?! They survey the cabin, and Nathan must be about 17 Red Bulls in because he is talking in one long steady stream of words. Jo looks about ready to pick up a stick and beat Nathan with it.
Nate instantly peels down and jumps into the hot tub, never missing an opportunity to be shirtless on camera. Gary is busy frying up some sort of meat-like product in the kitchen, while Corey and Jo attempt to make a fire outside.
Meanwhile, Nate is splish-splashin’ away in the hot tub, making odd jokes and providing a generally uncomfortable environment for all, as per usual…
Nathan realizes that none of the guys are going to join him in the hot tub, so he begrudgingly joins Jo and Corey outside to talk about their exes. Corey makes a joke about being worried that Nathan’s going to choke him. (Little did he know then that when this episode aired, Nathan’s habit for choking people would have made “The Internets!”)
Soon it’s time for the guys to go muddin’! They grab some ATVs, but Gary (still recovering from his string cheese catastrophe) is nervous that he’ll fall off his ATV and roll down the hill like some sort of Dad-Bod-shirt-wearing Humpty Dumpty.
They all get suited up in some helmets and learn how to use the ATVs.
Corey heads out, with the other guys following him. (Nathan, naturally, keeps getting distracted whenever he sees a shiny object, of course.) The guys are barreling through the mud, and powering up some hills. After plenty of “action shots,” it’s time for the guys to take a break and talk about the show again.
Jo asks Gary why he is no longer with his ex, Amber. (Um…was Jo basically living under a rock during the years of 2010-2012? Did he miss that whole ‘Amber kicked Gary down the stairs’ saga? He was busy being an international rap superstar at that time, so maybe that’s why Jo has no clue what happened with Amber and Gary.) Gary said his final straw was when Amber brought some dude back home with her from a club.
Yup, that will do it!
Nathan says that he broke up with Jenelle because he knew he’d end up behind bars if he stayed with her. (Nate was actually sitting behind bars as this episode was airing Monday night…Isn’t it ironic…don’t ya think?)
Later that night, the guys head back to the cabin to enjoy a campfire under the stars. Jo discovers that they have all the fixins to make smores and Gary looks positively giddy.
Nathan keeps making jokes about his “hard stick” and, again, Jo delivers one of his signature looks.
The guys have another conversation about fatherhood, and, after someone finally acknowledges that Gary is wearing COWBOY BOOTS, it’s time to bid the guys adieu.
Corey says that he has to get up and go to work the next morning, and all three of his guests look confused at the mention of “work.”
They vow to get together again soon, and that ends our weekend at Corey’s!
To read The Ashley’s recaps of other ‘Teen Mom’ episodes, click here!