‘Marriage Boot Camp Reality Stars: Family Edition’ Episode 4 Recap: Football & a Ferocious Fight

“Ooooh, I should go get me some popcorn!”

Let’s get ready to rummmmmble!

This is it, kids—the episode of Marriage Boot Camp Reality Stars: Family Edition that we’ve all been waiting for! As we saw on the preview from last week, this is the episode that Paula and Farrah will come to blows and battle it out to see which one of them is louder and a bigger pain in the ass.

In addition to its potential for a Jerry Springer-esque brawl (complete with shoe-throwing), this episode is Very Special because it’s Thanksgiving-themed! The families will have a dysfunctional Thanksgiving meal, followed by a weird pickup football game. Throw in some low-blows, a Farrah blow-up doll and Patti flinging her mushroom-shaped hair around while trying to tackle her daughter Kendra to death, and you basically have the All American Thanksgiving!

“I can’t believe my mom left…and after I offered to let her sleep on a bed instead of the floor, too!”

We start out with Farrah explaining to everyone that her mother Debra has run away from home…literally. Debz OG left the Mansion in order to give her doctor boyfriend a little pickle tickle in exchange for an engagement ring.  However, she doesn’t tell her family about her possibly getting engaged. She says she has to leave to attend a pre-scheduled event with her boyfriend.

Farrah is not happy about this.

“I am definitely hurt and betrayed by mom,” Farrah says.

Most of the housemates are mad at Deb for leaving, too. Kendra says that by Deb leaving, she basically ruined the integrity of the therapy.

THIS IS MARRIAGE BOOT CAMP, GUYS! THIS IS SERIOUSLY STUFF!

“I mean…do you really think you should be giving anyone advice about anything, Mom? Just sayin’…”

Patti advises Farrah and her father Michael to leave too, so that when Deb returns she will be family-less. (But, to be fair, is having Farrah not around you really a punishment?)

While most of the Campers are siding with Farrah and Michael, Paula calls Farrah out for being generally awful to her parents (and everyone), and says that the Backdoor Teen Mom got what she deserves.

“I was not surprised because of the way Farrah talks to her parents,” Paula said. “I would leave her too.”

Later, Maximo spills the beans to Michael that his ex-wife, Deb, is going to get engaged. Michael advises Maximo not to tell Farrah that Deb is getting engaged. He doesn’t want to enrage the beast.

“Lawwd, if she were my daughter, they’d be trying to cram her big ol’ head into a coffin, ’cause I’d kill her!”

Farrah and Paula start arguing with each other at breakfast over baby mamas…. or something. We really can’t tell. Between the screaming and strange noises, we can deduce that the fact that Chad has six illegitimate children really bothers Paula.

“Don’t no mother f**ker come before me,” Paula yells at her son. “No baby, no body!”

Aww, now that’s a damn Kodak moment there, folks! Let’s hope the kiddies are all given a copy of this episode to put in their baby books to remember Granny by.

“Think of the paycheck I’m getting from this. Think of the paycheck…”

Next, Paula starts making fun of Chad’s kids!

“What kind of parenting is that?” Chad asks his mother.

It’s sad when Kendra and Chad are the sanest people on this show.

Soon, it’s time for the flag football game. Each person gets a jersey with one of their traits printed on the back. The traits include descriptive terms like arrogant, horrid, resentful, etc. (How will they get all of those words to fit on Farrah’s jersey? Perhaps they can let some of the terms spill onto her leggings?)

The Campers get to vote and assign the jerseys to their fellow housemates. The best part of this scene is when Marc misspells the word loyal. He spells it L-O-W-A-L.

“You don’t know how to spell LOYAL?! Seriously?!”

Can somebody help Marc, please?

In the end, Mike gets assigned ‘arrogant,’ Farrah gets ‘judgmental’ and Kendra is ‘heartless.’ Michael gets ‘indifferent,’ Maximo gets ‘bitter’ and Marc gets ‘L-O-W-A-L’. Chad gets ‘resentful’ and Paula is labeled ‘cruel.’

After everyone gets their jerseys, it’s time for the game to start the game. Every time a player displays the character trait on their jerseys, their team gets a penalty. But the players don’t know this at the time.

Kendra scores a touchdown and Michael awkwardly goes over and smacks her butt. (As you do.)

“My backdoor hasn’t hurt this much since that day I hung out with James Deen!”

Michael finally gets his revenge on his “bitch of a daughter” Farrah. He tackles her and she falls to the ground. Michael lives up to his indifferent name and just walks away.

Farrah falls to the ground and cries about her “ass hurting.” Oh, Farrah, we could make so many jokes. It’s almost not even fair.

Farrah is wailing like someone just took her last Botox injection.

“Did she break a bone…or a nail?” Kendra jokes.

Hey– to be fair, that “Backdoor” is part of Farrah’s livelihood! She has to protect it!

The guys look terrified…and I love it…

The game is finally over and the players are clued in to what is really going on. It’s revealed that the winner is the team that consists of Patti, Farrah, Chad and Mike.

The losing team has to serve the winning team Thanksgiving dinner. Patti asks Farrah why she calls Michael by his first name. As we’ve previously reported, Farrah has given numerous answers to this question over the years. But, today she says it’s because Michael “disciplined” her so severely, that she lost respect for him.

While Farrah and Michael are arguing over this, Paula interjects.

“My ass still hurts, so don’t you start with me Paula!”

“If you were my daughter, I would knock your teeth out one by one,” Paula says. “I would not allow you to disrespect me at any moment.”

“I hope my mouth problem drives you f**king crazy!” Farrah yells back.

Wait…what?

Paula tries to draw Farrah into an argument, but Farrah actually does a pretty good job of avoiding a fight for once.

Really, Farrah? The one time you actually avoid an argument is when we are watching this crap-bucket of a show just to see you and Paula whip up on each other? COME ON!

“I should have been a dentist.”

As per usual, Paula is drunk during the nightly meeting and goes off on the doctors.

“You don’t run me! I RUN ME! I RUN HIM!” Paula screams, pointing to Chad, who is hiding under his blanket.

The other Campers realize that Paula is completely hammered and has been drinking all day.

Soon, she turns her drunken rage on Farrah and this time Farrah doesn’t back down.

“I’ll turn it up 500 f**king times,” Farrah screams. “This kid has had enough of your f**king mouth!”

“Someone give me a bat and five minutes with Farrah. I’ll go straight thug!”

“You’re a disrespectful lil bitch!” Paula yells back.

They scream at each other for several minutes before the doctors send Paula to bed. (Sadly, no plastic vibrating Farrah butts or high heeled shoes were heaved during the fight, though.)

Next week, the families are on total lockdown together. Let’s hope that the producers have assembled some sort of wading pool to ensure that Farrah and Paula can have a proper Jello-wrestling match to resolve their issues!

To read our recap of the previous episode of ‘Marriage Boot Camp Reality Stars: Family Edition,’ click here!

(Photos: WEtv)

 

 

 

4 Comments

  1. I am so thankful you watch and recap this horrible show that I clicked on every single ad on this page. I feel like I owe you more. This show is a freaking train wreck! But your recaps kill me. Hahaha! Thanks The Ashely!

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