Kendra Wilkinson and her mother, Patti, just finished up a season of Marriage Boot Camp Reality Stars: Family Edition, and now the dueling mother and daughter are moving their drama over to Kendra’s own show, Kendra on Top! It’s time for a whole new season of made-for-TV ridiculousness!
Get ready to RISE UP!
Apparently the good doctors couldn’t fix Kendra and Patti’s dysfunction. (‘Boot Camp’ was filmed way back in October, and this season of ‘Kendra on Top’ was shot after that.)
Kendra and Patti basically worked out nothing on the therapy show because Patti is still threatening to write a book to reveal all of Kendra’s secrets…before Kendra herself can sell them to the tabloids, of course!
“I have a lot of stories I could tell about Kendra,” Patti says. “I went to a lot of [Playboy] Mansion parties.”
Wait…so Patti is revealing that skeevy things happened at the Playboy Mansion!? What bombshell will she reveal next—that Kendra enjoys reality TV fame?! The horror!
Meanwhile, Kendra is planning a surprise birthday party for her son, Little Hank. Her trusty pal, Jessica, shows up to collect a paycheck…and help Kendra plan the party.
“What is the theme of the party?” Jessica asks.
“Surprise,” Kendra replies.
Jessica has to inform Kendra that “surprise” is not actually a theme. This is Kendra, though, the woman who threw Jessica a boozy baby shower, so we should probably just be grateful she’s not planning a kegger for Little Hank’s birthday party.
While shopping, Jessica asks Kendra if Big Hank is cool with Patti and Kendra delivers the most scripted line of all the Kendra shows.
“He’s afraid of my mom writing about the thing.”
She then looks around her and whispers, “the scandal…”
Are these people serious?!
Once again, we rehash the whole “Hank allegedly cheated on Kendra with a transsexual model” story line. At this point, it’s a tale as old as time. Why are we whispering here, Kendra? It’s not like there’s a person at Party City who hasn’t heard this ridiculous story you’ve been telling for years.
“I feel like we’ve heard this before,” Jessica says of Patti’s book.
That sentence encompasses so much of Kendra’s story. We’ve heard it all before!
Meanwhile, we catch up with Patti and Kendra’s brother, Colin. Patti says a book publisher contacted her and wants her to write the book. Patti gleefully tells the publisher that she knows a lot of things about Kendra that no one knows. At this point, though, does anyone even care?
“I don’t see anything wrong with me writing a book,” Patti says.
Colin is not happy about his mom writing a book. That’s probably because he will have to stand over her while she “writes,” assisting her in spelling the big words like “famewhore” and “desperate.”
Later, Kendra and Patti go visit one of the doctors from Marriage Boot Camp. They rehash their old issues. Patti says she still holds resentments against Eric, (aka Kendra’s dad, aka “GrandDude”) because he walked out on the family and was a deadbeat dad.
Because they’re dealing with the doctor from ‘Marriage Boot Camp,’ Kendra and Patti are asked to do an unnecessary exercise. They each have to make a statement to each other and all the other person can say in response is,” thank you for sharing.”
Honestly, Kendra should just say, “I make all the money” so Patti can respond “thank you for sharing.” Actually, that may be applicable to Hank, too.
Kendra says Patti going on social media to talk crap about her was the thing that hurt her the most. Patti tells Kendra the reason she really wants to write the book is to give parenting advice to other single mothers.
For real. That is her answer.
Yes, Patti, by all means, share with us your vast knowledge of raising children. You’ve obviously done a great job if you have to go on every crappy reality TV show WEtv has to offer in order to get back on speaking terms with your daughter.
Kendra tells Patti about Little Hank’s birthday party, but doesn’t invite her. This makes Patti upset. To be fair, that was kind of a dick move on Kendra’s part. How can you tell Patti about a keg party and not invite her?
She immediately goes home and complains to Colin. (Also…is anyone else wondering why Colin still lives with his mother? He’s a grown man.)
Anyway, Colin is still not down with Patti writing the tell-all book. He tells her she’s “playing a dangerous game.”
Meanwhile back at Kendra’s house, GrandDude, the man who ran out on his family, has arrived to provide relationship and family advice to Kendra and Hank.
GrandDude tells Kendra that Patti has a “desire for celebrity.”
Well, TEAR OUT THE FRONT PAGE!
He also insinuates that Patti doesn’t love Kendra unconditionally before heading to talk to Hank. He tells Hank that Patti wants to write a book. This is news to Hank because Kendra hasn’t told him that yet.
“The only reason that anyone would publish or distribute a book is if there’s a lot of bad stuff in it,” GrandDude tells Hank.
“Kendra keeping this from me destroys any chance of me and Patti reconciling,” Hank says.
To show Kendra how angry he is that she didn’t tell him about Patti’s book (and to provide an additional storyline, of course), Hank locks himself in the bedroom and refuses to come out for his son’s birthday party.
Eventually, Hank realizes that no one cares that he is missing from the party. He also realizes that if he’s locked up in a dark bedroom, he’s not going to get any camera time so he finally comes out and starts grilling burgers.
In the middle of the party, Patti calls the house and Hank answers. (What are the odds?! It’s almost as if the call was set up like that or something!)
Hank doesn’t even respond to Patti. He just hands the phone over to Kendra.
GrandDude then inserts himself into the convo, and is asking if he should talk to Patti.
Stay in your lane, Granddude! You haven’t spoken to Patti since you told her you were going out to get cigarettes and never returned. Why start now?
Later, it’s time for Patti to meet up with the book publisher. Patti tells the publisher that she wants to tell her story. The publisher basically tells Patti that her life is boring and that she only wants the dirt on Kendra.
“We’re not going to publish a book that’s just about being a single mother,” the publisher tells her.
The publisher asks Patti if she has any stories that would “devastate” Kendra.
“I do,” Patti replies before cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West.
However, we don’t get to hear any of those ‘devastating’ stories just yet. We’ll have to tune in to next week’s ‘Kendra On Top’ to get the dirt! (Of course, this is ‘Kendra On Top,’ which means they’ll likely stretch this out until the finale and then end up not telling us anything.)
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