Things are about to get crazy this week on Kendra On Top…and by “crazy” we mean full of completely manufactured drama…and plenty of cackling, courtesy of Kendra’s mom Patti.
We left off last week with Patti rolling up to Kendra’s house unannounced. She arrives at the gate to the neighborhood and catches Hank mid-snack and off-guard. He’s not sure if it is a good idea to let Patti into his house. She may be there to cause drama (and/or boil a bunny or something.)
Patti was upset that Hank didn’t want a relationship with her, so she thought the best way to handle that situation was to just ambush him at his house.
Hank lets Patti come up, and Patti literally just walks in the man’s house and starts yelling for him. Hank is standing on the roof. (Perhaps he was up there trying to let Patti know where she can land her broom?)
Patti eventually discovers Hank up on the roof.
“Thank you for getting together with me,” she tells him. “I really appreciate it.”
Um, he didn’t really have a choice. You literally just showed up at the man’s house and let yourself in. And now you’ve got him cornered on the freaking roof.
Meanwhile, Kendra is in Vegas prepping for her theatrical debut of “Sex Tips for a Straight Woman from a Gay Man,” the horrific-sounding play she’s doing against Hank’s wishes. Based on the level of Kendra’s acting skills, she should be ready for an opening night sometime in 2035.
Kendra, of course, starts talking trash about Parti Patti and her tell-all book to anyone who will listen. The poor guys doing her hair and makeup have to listen to a streamline of Patti/Kendra/GrandDude/Hank drama. The hair dude looks like he has had enough of Kendra’s bitching and complaining.
Kendra tells them she can’t worry about Patti anymore, because she has bigger things to think about now…like completely ruining a Vegas show!
Back in LA, Patti is telling Hank that she doesn’t understand why he has trust issues with her.
“What do you mean you don’t understand?” Hanks asks. “Look at all the times you’ve attacked me in the public and things you’ve said to Kendra and things you’ve said to me.”
Patti and Hank start arguing over how Patti acted during the early days of Kendra and Hank’s relationship. Patti tries to justify all of her actions and Hank kind of just lets her talk.
Hank ain’t no fool!
“I know if I get upset and blow up on her, that’s just more ammunition for this book or the media or anything else,” he says.
Then, talk turns to the book. Patti claims she wants to write a book, but says that it be a parenting book and will not expose anything private about Kendra and Hank. Hank isn’t buying it. He knows Patti would sell him and Kendra to Satan for a $20 bill and a bag of corn chips.
“If you do that to make a buck, then you’re not going to be in the kids’ lives,” Hank says.
Patti says her family means more to her than any book.
“I think we’re gonna squash the book and we’re gonna pick up the pieces and we’re gonna work on our family,” Patti says.
Hank says that makes him feel more at ease with Patti, but he’s still skeptical that they can trust her.
Patti even goes so far as to say she thinks Hank is “the best father she’s ever seen.”
Meanwhile Kendra is in Vegas meeting with the producers of the play. She’s going to have to dig deep in order to perform this role (which will be fairly hard, considering Kendra is possibly the shallowest person on reality TV).
“I look at this play as the challenge of my life,” Kendra says.
Back in San Diego, Patti is sitting down to a dinner of fried chicken and fries (Hef’s favorite) with her son Colin. Patti says she feels relieved that she has started to work things out with Hank and Kendra. She also tells him she’s putting the whole book idea to rest. Colin is happy to hear it because he is the only person in this family that isn’t a famewhore.
Patti decides to go ahead and call the book publisher to turn down the offer of doing the book. The publisher says she’s not going to take no for an answer. How convenient.
Do the producers really think viewers are watching this show and believing that someone so desperately wants to hear what Patti has to say that she is willing to beg her to bring her story to the written page? COME ON! They know that this will ensure at least one or two more episodes when Kendra and Hank find out that Patti is still considering writing the stupid book, even after stating that she wasn’t.
Kendra returns home from Vegas and Hank is waiting to tell her he made up with Parti Patti.
“I am confused as to why my mom chose to drive up to LA, walk in my home, and talk to Hank without me knowing about it,” Kendra says.
Um…for ratings, Kendra. For ratings.
Kendra says she hopes this is real and Parti Patti isn’t scheming something.
“I have never had both of my parents together,” Kendra says.
She says she is hopeful that she will be able to forge a relationship with both Parti Patti and GrandDude. As a peace offering, Kendra calls Patti and invites her to Alijah’s birthday party. Patti shows up and Kendra puts her to work decorating.
Soon, Jessica shows up and somehow she ends up being alone with Patti and it’s awkward. (Patti doesn’t like Jessica, if you’ll remember.)
Patti explains to us why she doesn’t like Jessica.
“I met Jessica at the Playboy Mansion when Kendra lived there. I thought she was Holly (Madison)’s friend first, then she gravitated towards Kendra ‘cause she likes the limelight,” Patti says of Jessica. “I do believe that is part of the reason she’s with Kendra. I don’t know that I trust Jessica. To me, she might not have good intentions.”
UM?!?! Patti, girl, you’ve literally just described yourself!
Jessica, meanwhile, says she doesn’t know what Patti’s problem is. She says if Patti would have been there for Kendra she would have seen what a great friend she’s been to Kendra.
Patti is bragging that she’s there for the party, but her ex, GrandDude, isn’t. Then…. surprise! There’s a knock at the door. A mini pink convertible is at the door and it’s from GrandDude.
Patti is busying pouting in the bushes like some sort of sad woodland creature, while the kids and Kendra are all playing with the car.
“After seeing this car that Eric (GrandDude) got Alijah, it pretty much confirms he’s still a disgusting person,” Patti says.
Yes, buying your granddaughter a birthday gift is a disgusting thing to do, Patti.
“I think I’m always going to be angry and I’m going to be bitter that he just walked out on us,” Patti says.
We are also treated to an awesome wedding picture of Patti and GrandDude.
Back in San Diego, the publisher is still trying to get Patti to write that tell-all. The publisher tells Patti she just wants her to sit down and write about some of her hardest moments in life. She says she thinks it will be really “eye-opening” for Patti. She even offers to give her $10,000 dollars for it.
“Just a little bit of money to encourage you to do this,” the publisher says. “Write a chapter about your ex.”
This fuels Patti. Patti says she feels empowered now. We have a feeling that ol’ Hank will soon feel “empowered” to throw his witch-of-a-mother-in-law off that damn roof.
Next week, Kendra starts rehearsals for the show in Vegas…and she gets a surprise visitor while she’s there. Fingers crossed it’s Holly Madison there to bitch-slap Kendra for dragging her into the drama last season.
To read our recap of the previous episodes of ‘Kendra On Top,’ click here!