‘Counting On’ Season 4 Episode 2 Recap: Fundie Roller-Blading Fun & Getting Wedding Planning Done

“Keep your unmarried mitts off me, Kendra!”

Throw on your favorite plaid shirt and polish your courting ring — it’s time for another episode of TLC’s Counting On!

Our first stop this week is Joy and Austin’s future home, which they oh-so-appropriately dub their “humble abode.” The future Mr. and Mrs. Forsyth bring Jedidiah along for the tour of their casa so he can keep an eye on them and make sure their knees don’t touch until they are officially husband and wife. He is also there to assess the work he and the rest of the Duggar boys (and Jana) are going to be roped into doing for the next month.

Before we get a glimpse inside the future baby-making bungalow, Austin warns Jed, “It’s kind of bad” but even that warning can’t prepare Jed (or viewers) for what’s inside Joy and Austin’s House of Horrors.

In addition to the neon yellow kitchen equipped with a microwave that looks like it’s survived a nuclear war/Duggar family gathering, the house comes with a sinner-red bathroom and a good amount of water damage… And no, we don’t mean the holy kind.

“Damn I’d kill for a house with running hot water and no threat of kidnappers.”

Adding to the seemingly endless to-do/fix/perform a miracle on list, Joy and Austin also want to knock down some walls and add a second bathroom. In an effort to relieve Jed (no pun intended), who has been informed of the four week deadline, Austin says the main focus before the wedding will be fixing up the existing bathroom and master bedroom.

Hey–he can’t go deflowering a Duggar in sub-par conditions!

When Austin imagines all the sweet, sweet lovin’ that will eventually take place in that bedroom…

Speaking of fun, Joseph and Kendra are living it up in their new courtship. They’re now sitting next to each other for interviews, cramming side-by-side in the front seat of Joseph’s truck and are quite literally attached at the hip… or as close to the hip as their limitations will permit. (Surely Michelle is frequently getting between them with a “Jesus Loves Me” ruler to ensure that there is a proper amount of space between their hips.)

“And I better not see you peeking at my ankles, Mister!”

James and Jackson get to join them for their first official date, which Joseph for some reason decided will be roller-blading through the park. We sure didn’t take ol’ Joe for the roller-blading type, but, hey, now that he’s felt the flesh of a woman (it was the flesh of Kendra’s shoulder that he felt during their sidehug, but, hey that still counts), he’s a whole new man!

Despite her knees already being protected (since birth), Kendra decks out her date look with some kneepads, wrist guards and a helmet.

Jackson, vying for the most fashionable Duggar title, dons a full motorcycle helmet for the rollerblading outing and somehow still manages to look less uncomfortable than Kendra does trying to get her glide on in a skirt.

“Safety first! Lemme know if you wanna borrow this for the wedding night, Joe!”

James talks about his days of tagging along with Jill and Derick and explains some of the responsibilities of courtship chaperone to Jackson. He proudly refers to himself as a “pro chaperone.”

“So I’m really gonna have to do this in a skirt?!”

Meanwhile, Kendra is proving she’s a lady in the streets and a catastrophe on the concrete as she shuffle-skates alongside Joseph. She’s determined not to let her long skirt get in the way of her physical fitness fun!

We see her reach out to grab on to him more than once to keep from falling and splitting her skirt, but Joseph avoids hand contact like it’s the plague and offers his arm for support instead. You can’t rush these things, ya know? After all, they’re already averaging two side-hugs a day for goodness sake, and that’s not even including that “special event” side hug Joseph mentioned.

When you’re hoping to grab a little bit more than just your beau’s arm…

Kendra (very seriously) tells viewers she talked to her parents and they confirmed that holding on to Joe’s arm for balance is not in violation of the courting limitations. Crisis averted! Even the Lord himself has to cut them a little slack here—it’s either hold on to Joe or get a face full of concrete.

With our newly courting couple roller-skating through the park like it’s 1991, we next head to a bakery where Austin and Joy are trying to choose a wedding cake. Naturally, they do this while awkwardly holding hands atop the table. Michelle and Josie come along to see that the couple doesn’t get too feisty around all that frosting.

“Go ahead and pick whatever cake you want. It’s not like we’re gonna be there to eat it…if you know what I mean!”

Austin looks (and sounds) confused by this particular wedding detail and Joy continues to be indecisive about it all. Let’s face it: neither one of these kids care about fondant—they just want to get to the post-wedding fondling!

Eventually they manage to decide on buttercream frosting and (sort of) agree on a white cake. (I mean—did you think they would get a red velvet cake? That’s the Devil’s dessert, y’all!)

Joy talks about her excitement to smash cake in Austin’s face, which he doesn’t seem too opposed to, being that it involves some form of human contact with a real, live girl!

Next we check in with Jinger and Jeremy down in Texas. Jeremy is growling like a Neanderthal as he sips his Starbucks on the way to a cooking class. It’s mildly disturbing.

“I didn’t ask for lava, I asked for coffee,” he quips, proving that he has no business drinking out of anything other than the sippy cup we saw The Spurge chuck at that duck last week.

They arrive at the cooking class and throw on some bandannas before getting down to work on their chorizo dishes. We cut to various Duggars and spouses trying to identify what chorizo is. Surprisingly, Ben is the closest to answering correctly.

“Trust me. I’m an expert on sausage!”

Anyway, Jinger and Jeremy then accent their bandannas with some latex gloves. Latex is, of course, a material that’s very foreign to the Duggars.

“Don’t let me catch you guys using that OTHER latex product!”

After successfully completing their hotplate dishes, the two dig in. Jeremy calls the food “legit,” fully embracing this whole bandanna look. He even throws out some high fives to Jinger, because he’s not like a regular husband, he’s a cool husband.

This scene brings back memories of Jeremy and Jinger’s honeymoon in Australia, when the pair took a cooking class and kept getting in trouble for basically rubbing naughties while trying to throw some shrimp on the barbie!

Over at Jessa and Ben’s House of Spurge, the girls are helping an overwhelmed Joy pick out her bridesmaids’ dresses. Jana calls the Duggar family’s vicious wedding cycle as of late, “one ride after the other.” She suggests that a time span of at least six months be required in between nuptials. Luckily, poor Jana isn’t going to be strapped to a sewing machine sewing dresses for this wedding like she was before Jill’s wedding.

“If I see anyone coming my way with a dress pattern and a needle and thread, I’m outta here!”

Since it’s Snooze City at Jessa’s place, we head back to Austin and Joy’s fixer-upper. A few of Austin’s friends have shown up to help (and they’re all wearing cowboy hats, naturally.)

As the group tears into the walls, reality sinks in (much like the ceilings) for the groom-to-be. He realizes that this dump will probably not be ready in time for the wedding. He tells us that he and Joy’s may have to use Plan B. (He’s referring to their back-up housing option, not the birth control pill, obviously.)

Austin says that he and Joy may have to start “making blessings” in an apartment or camper if the house isn’t move-in ready when they get hitched. In the meantime, the renovating will move forward. Austin and Joy say this is a good project for a couple, as it teaches them how to work together.

“And for the record, I’m NOT losing my special flower in a camper. You better spring for a room at the Travelodge.”

Over at Jessa and Ben’s house, The Spurge is stuffing cheese slices in his mouth and green beans in his pockets while Ben shares some philosophical words with viewers.

“There’s two of us, there’s two of them,” he says, patiently waiting for Jessa to reward him with a cheese slice for correctly counting the number of people in the house.

“Jessa says that I better learn to count to at least 10 since we’re gonna have that many babies. Better hit those Dr. Seuss books!”

Jessa and Ben share how tough it is to find time alone with two kids. It’s too bad they both have to work full-time jobs and don’t have any help from family. Oh…wait.

It sounds like ol’ Jana will be getting a delivery of Seewald spawn any day now so Jessa and Ben can “get to work” creating their next blessing.

Over in the jungles of Central America, Jill, Derick and Israel are getting ready for baby Samuel. Derick is using a Doppler machine on Jill to “see what’s down there,” he says.

Well, being that this is their second kid, you would think that Derick would be well-aware of “what’s down there” but, hey…who knows?

Being a certified professional midwife, Jill is confident that she is able to keep an eye on herself, look out for signs of complications and as Derick puts it, “make sure nothing is popping out that shouldn’t be.”

This is also, coincidentally, the Duggar Courting credo, FYI.

The (never-ending) wedding plans are moving ahead back at the Duggar compound as Joy gathers her bridesmaids to check out their stylish wedding day frocks. While modeling their floor-length blue cotton show-stoppers, Jana talks about how fast Joy has grown up and we’re treated to some throwback Duggar pictures, including one of Jana surrounded by her now married little sisters. #RealShadyTLC

“Wait until Ben sees me in this frock! We’ll be cranking out another kid in no time!”

Next week we see Joy jet off to Kentucky — aka the fashion capital of the world — where she will continue the “I Don’t Know” Wedding Planning Tour 2017.

We’ll also need to buckle up for some real excitement because Ben is taking his kids to the park with no adult supervision! Hopefully The Spurge is smart enough to keep Ben on his kiddie leash!

Until next time, Fundie Friends!

To read our recap of the previous episode of ‘Counting On,’ click here!

(Photos: TLC)

28 Responses

  1. I hate that they call themselves Baptist. I grew up in the Southern Baptist Church and we aren’t nearly as strict. We were allowed to wear PANTS to evening services if we wanted to. Also, what on Earth is a courting ring?

    1. It was a promise ring. I had a promise ring back in the day, and I didn’t consider myself a fundamentalist. It’s like the step before an engagement ring…They used to give those a lot more often back in my mom’s time of growing up.

  2. I love your recaps and I enjoy all the “Ben is dumb” jokes, but I have to say that he has become my favorite Duggar husband. He seems to really love Jessa and the babies and he doesn’t seem controlling or creepy. Also, he didn’t vote for Trump so he can’t be THAT dumb. I feel that he has potential to become a much better person than some of his in-laws.

    1. I agree. Ben may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but just dealing with Jessa has to be a chore.

      Same with Jinjer. She has to put up with Babe, and he seems REALLY high-maintenance. He never seems to minister to his church, either.

      I think Jinjer and Ben would have been a happier match.

  3. This show is honestly getting SO boring. I used to hate watch it but now it’s the same old stuff, over and over. It’d be one thing to watch Joy plan a wedding, fine, whatever. But then the producers ask the rest of the cast how the chose their wedding cake, their dress, their whatever–as if we didn’t just see that unfold on the show within a year or so before. They have to fill so much time. It was a spectacle to watch the house with 19 kids, but it’s boring as heck to watch these kids “all grown up” because they all have the same one liners, same personality, and same life choices.

  4. How did you miss Joe and Kendra setting a time limit to their hugs and only allowing two hugs per day? A whole new level of crazy for these two. Four second hugs can only lead to fornicating, but three seconds are a-ok!

  5. It’s still stupid they even show these things while one couple is already expecting and the other one is married but hey………gotta take it slow cuz you know they move on too fast for TLC!

  6. I cannot look at austin and NOT see him slapping joyanna for not ironing his shirt correctly. Jeremy also gives me dickhead vibes but not as bad as this austin guy. Unfortunately these girls were taught to obey and accept all things through husband. Good luck child this birth will prove his true ways. ??

  7. I really really really wish The Ashley would go back to recapping Teen Mom2 regularly. Those are the absolute best recaps ever!!!

  8. She’s a CPM. That’s a real midwife, but it’s not an RN. My daughter was delivered by a CPM and as a doula, I’ve worked with many of them. They are usually very confident and very knowledgeable. If you aren’t part of the birth center/home birth world- you may not be familiar with a CPMs credentials, but they are fully qualified to attend normal, uncomplicated births. Very much “real” midwives. I’m not sure how qualified Jill is per se, but CPMs as a general rule are fully qualified.

    1. Im not sure why this got so many down votes. It seems like a knowledgeable comment based on facts by someone in the know. Is Nathans Missing Sleeves innacurrate and Jill is not a CPM? Because The Ashley states in her recap that Jill is.

      1. The downvoters can’t stand that Jill actually received education further than high school level. It’s doesn’t fit the “Duggars are stupid” narrative that seems to haunt this site.

        I’ll bet Jim Bob’s bank account doesn’t look so stupid. 😉


        1. She didn’t receive any education above High School. She got a GED, and that’s not above High School. She did not receive any actual education in midwifery.

          She IS stupid, and nearly killed a mother and child.

      2. People are snobs. A CPM doesn’t require the amount of schooling that an CMN does, so people think it doesn’t count. I started schooling as a CPM but decided to go another route. Reviewing the history of midwifery would be insightful for those doubters. Historically, Midwifes were not “doctors” or “nurses” but they were extremely knowledgeable and talented in regards to bringing babies into this world. Hate on the Duggars all you want, but hating on CPMs in general is silly and uneducated.

    2. People probably downvoted it because simply being a CPM means nothing at all without real experience, of which she has none. She’s so far from a midwife, it’s unreal, and actual midwives would be offended to be lumped in with this loon.

      I think some folks are forgetting the midwife she began working with, Venessa Giron who has had countless complaints from clients (and who Jill absolutely gushes over). One particular case made headlines all over, especially in the homebirth/midwifery world, the case of Tiffany Nance, who begged and pleaded with both the midwife AND Jill to call a damn ambulance when something was not right. Neither one listened to her complaints about pain, and about things being “off”, both absolutely *insisted* they knew more than she did. Neither the midwife nor Jill were willing to admit that Tiffany was sick and was showing signs of having Group b Strep(which can be very serious, especially when not treated), despite Tiffany telling them both that it’s what she was suspecting(and having told both of them that she wasn’t feeling good even before the delivery, they both ignored her, completely). Her daughter was born very sick, has cerebral palsy due to brain bleeds she suffered after birth(when both Giron and Jill refused to transfer the baby to the hospital when she was in respiratory distress, they waited TWO damn hours while the newborn girl fought for her life, fought for every breath..because..you know..they know better than her mother) and spent her first almost two months living in a hospital, for something that COULD have SHOULD have been treated. But, no…Jill, and her “amazing CPM certification” know all. That sweet little girl will fight for her entire life now, because of those two jackasses. So, yeah, she may be a CPM, but she’s no damn midwife, and she certainly isn’t qualified to help ANYONE deliver a baby…not even a cow.

      Also, Jill’s “certification” is shit, in most of the world of midwifery. Her requirements? Attend (not assist…attend) a certain number of home births, obtain a GED, and pass a non-board certified test..that’s it! She didn’t actually have to have “credentials” at all. A CNM does, but not her specific CPM certification. Now tell me you would call that “a real midwife”, and if you believe that…I’ve got some ocean front property in Indiana that would be perfect for you. I don’t know a single midwife, doula, or anyone even remotely related to such things that would ever call Jill, or Giron for that matter..a “real midwife”. Kinda disturbing you think they are…

      1. Oh, and Giron had her licence revoked in Arkansas, so moved herself to Oklahoma after this happened, btw, because Oklahoma doesn’t require any kind of actual licensing for lay midwives.

        Since Giron is the only person Jill has “studied” under(and I use that term so loosely, it’s bigger than Farrahs backdoor), and she has never had any kind of actual education in midwifery..that makes Jill unqualified too-in nearly every state in the US. She wouldn’t qualify for a CPM in any state that requires actual certification. Arkansas is special..apparently.

        I have a niece that is a CPM, working towards her CNM right now. Even she would tell you that many CPMs in the US are not actually qualified, certainly not certified, and none that she knows would tell you that they are midwives, because they know that they are not…they are merely in training to BE midwives. Those CPMs, and there are some, are the good eggs. The rest of them, nope, they’re the reason many people think the negative things they do about homebirths, they’re the reasons so many horror stories exist, they put the whole midwifery world to shame time and time again. It sucks for everyone else in it that is compassionate, caring, loves their work, and generally knows wtf they’re doing, it’s only more difficult for them *because* of people excusing away this shit, and calling the fake CPMs with lackluster cracker jack box certifications, “real midwives”.

        1. Wow, what a horror story about the woman Nill “trained” under. I don’t understand why they even decide to make CPN a thing if it requires so little education and experience, especially in Arkansas. I can understand where all of the confusion comes from regarding who’s a real midwife and who isn’t if there are all these different levels of being certified or registered and if the requirements are so different from state to state. Sounds like Jill is a “real CPM” according to Arkansas law but not a real midwife by any stretch of the term.

      2. I know nothing about Jill, I said that in my previous comment. But I do know CPMs as well as LDMs and I think labeling them as a group “not midwives” is simplistic and aggravating to people who actually know what those qualifications mean. Jill may not be qualified, CPMs as a general rule, are. It’s a legit qualification.

    1. Jill is not a real midwife. A certified midwife requires at the least, a nursing degree, which Jill does not have. She is barely educated enough to assist a midwife. The Duggars love to give themselves titles that that cannot possibly earn. For example, Jim Bob once announce that Jana was a concert pianist. Big joke. Likely, she played the piano at church a couple of times.

    2. People have said she’s a CPM which is very different from a CNM. A CPM cannot deliver in hospitals they can only oversee home or birth center births as they don’t have the schooling or specific certifications to license them in the hospitals. CPM requires far less if any schooling and in some states can be accomplished through clinical experience. Where a CNM has a nursing degree and far more knowledge and training medically. Depending on where she got her license if she is indeed a CPM she may not have had any traditional schooling/training and passed the exam for her certification just by taking the written test and completing her clinicals by attending home births.

  9. She asked her parents if it would be “proper” to hold on to Joseph’s arm during roller blading. Good thing she got permission! We ALL know touching hands leads to fornicating in public!

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