‘Teen Mom 2’ “Jenelle Evans: The Ex Files” Special Recap: A Stroll Down Soulmate Street

The moment you realize that your love life is such a calamity that it warrants its own MTV special…

MTV decided to put together this “Very Special Episode” of Teen Mom 2  to honor all of the men who have, at one time or another, been Jenelle Evans‘ soulmate…all six of them.

This hour-long special is a lot like that famous 1980s “This is Your Brain” commercial. Think of it as “This is your relationship…this is your relationship on drugs” and you’ll basically get the cornucopia of crap that is and was Jenelle’s love life thus far.

Let’s take a stroll down Jenelle’s litigation-filled lover’s lane, shall we?

The special starts off with the first of Jenelle’s many, many loser booooyfriendsAndrew Lewis. While Andrew wasn’t around long (just enough to knock her up and star on Jenelle’s 16 and Pregnant episode) he played an important role in Jenelle’s life because he was her first soulmate.

Because he never really got much airtime after “16 and Pregnant,” you may not remember who Andrew is, so allow The Ashley to refresh your memory: He’s the guy whose face always looked like he just went 10 rounds with Amber‘s prison girl gang.

Unfortuanely, all these years later, it’s obvious that ol’ Andy has still not discovered the benefits of underye concealer because he still looks like he has two shiners.

MTV tracked down Andrew, who is now living in New York City (and apparently furnishing his wardrobe with clothes he found while shopping at Chris Angel‘s garage sales.)

He’s basically wearing the outfit that every “thug” character wore in every 1980s teen movie…

“New York is the greatest city in the world…” Andrew declares.

(Surely MTV cut off the rest of the quote that probably said, “because Jenelle lives so damn far away from me!”)

Andrew reveals that he now works as an event coordinator. (So… he basically passes out flyers to weird art shows on the street or something). He also says that he hasn’t seen Jenelle (or his kid Jack Jace) in over eight years.

In what should come as a shock to no one, Andrew is still single. He says he’s lovin’ being on his own though. Without Jenelle in his life, he doesn’t have to shovel sod, pose for “family picnic” photos or end up in the back of a police car wailing about being a guy.

In between hearing about Andrew’s great new life, we are treated to bits and pieces of Jenelle’s “16 and Pregnant” episode. There we see Jenelle (with her long-lost cheek piercing) swooning over Andrew as he discusses how they’re “gonna get married ‘n’ sumpthin’!”

“Someday, I know we’ll be living on a beautiful piece of swamp land together, Andrew!”

We also get reminded about Andrew and Jenelle’s first in-person encounter after meeting on Facebook.

“The first time I saw you, I just grabbed you and kissed you,” Andrew tells her. “I told you, ‘Don’t say one word.'”

Nope…nothing creepy about that at all. It sounds straight out of some creepy-ass Dateline special.

“That’s a true romantics, that’s facts,” he tells us.

“And I let this dude impregnate me!”

Even Jenelle has to admit that she was totally weirded out by Andrew’s “romantics.” Of course, she wasn’t weirded out enough not to bone him and get knocked up, but still…

Later, we watch the infamous scene where an eight-months-pregnant Jenelle reassures her mother Barbara that, since she’s already 16 and pregnant, “nothing worse can happen!”

Hahaha…oh, Barb, if you only knew what was to come!

In clips, we see Andrew (who, as Barb says “is a drinka” and a “sperm dona!”) leave Jenelle and Jace even before they’d cleaned the cervical spurge off of the kid. He soon finds out, though, that Jenelle had been getting frisky with some other local street youth and that her other boooyfriend may have been Jace’s father. Andrew tells us that he took a “paterntitity” test. (I think Andrew purposely messed up the pronunciation of that word just so he could say “titty” on TV. I really do.)

Spoiler alert: Andrew IS the father.

Andrew informs us that he has been paying child support “for Jace Evans” (does he have more than one son named Jace or…?) for the last three years. He also reveals that he’d love to get some return on his investment, like some time with Jace.

“Instead of money, why don’t I just send Jace some of my cool threads!?”

“I dream about him every day. I think about him EVERY DAY!” Andrew tells us.

Bro, stop. We all know damn well that if that kid’s mug wasn’t on MTV every week, you wouldn’t be able to pick him out of a lineup! STOP.

Next, it’s time for what may be the best segment of TV that the dumpster fire that was 2017 has offered. That’s right kids, it’s Kieffer time!

“‘Member me?”

“Out of all my exes, I think the sweetest was Kieffer,” Jenelle says.

Um…yeah, because he was (say it with me now) HIGH! HIGH! all the time. All you had to do was throw that guy a pipe and a couple of Twinkies and he’d tell you whatever the hell you wanted to hear.

We then get to feast our eyes on the hunk of a man that is Kieffer today. He tells us that he’s living in Pennsylvania and is– again, shocking!– currently single.

“I’m playing the field!” he tells us.

Playing the field…living in the field…same/same.

Kieffer spends his days drawing (while wearing creepy gloves suitable for home invasion and/or general prowling) in someone’s ready-for-‘Hoarders’ kitchen.

Jenelle tells us that she ended things with Kieffer because he didn’t want to grow up and be a pillar of society like she is today.

Our faces when Jenelle says she’s grown up since then…

“I remember having good times with her,” Kieffer tells us of Jenelle. “But I remember having more bad times.”

We then get to relive the wonderful moment that was Barb’s “HIGH! HIGH!” declaration.

Kieffer tells us that he still dreams of Barbara. (But, I mean, don’t we all?)

“That voice was annoying as hell!” Kieffer says. “That voice haunts my dreams!”

Kieffer actually defends Barb, saying that he now realizes that everything she did was because she loved Jenelle and Jace.

We then get to watch some flashbacks that I like to call “Fun with Felons in Jenelle’s Ford Fiesta.” (This was back in the early days of ‘Teen Mom 2,’ so Jenelle didn’t make the cash she pulls in today for being a trainwreck on TV.)

There’s the scene where Kieffer tries to leap out of a moving car; and the scene where Kieffer gets left on the side of the road. There is also a scene where Jenelle chases after Kieffer’s friend’s car, her green sweatpants a’movin’ and Victoria’s Secret hoodie flapping in the breeze in a last-ditch attempt to catch her fleeing man!

Oh, it hurts so good!

This scene will never, ever get old…

We watch as the misdemeanor-crossed lovers have to bid each other adieu, due to Jenelle being on probation. Since she wasn’t allowed to “smoke the weed” anymore, she and Kieffa decided they should probably just end things so Jenelle didn’t end up in the clink.

(Spoiler alert: they didn’t and she did.)

Gross, Kieffa!

That’s all from Kieffer (for now, anyway) but there are still plenty of Jenelle’s degenerate ex-soulmates to get to, so let’s keep it moving!

The next flunkee to be featured is Gary Head. Longtime ‘Teen Mom 2’ viewers will remember Gary as the military guy who started dating Jenelle and, within a few months, ended up getting matching mugshots with her after strangling her with a bed sheet…or something. (I mean…if you didn’t end up getting matchy mugshots with Jenelle, did you guys really even date?!)

“I was basically the meat in the Kieffer sandwich that was Jenelle’s love life.”

We watch a few clips of Jenelle and Gary’s time together, and then we get to see modern-day Gary in the flesh. He actually looks pretty normal (although he does seem to be rocking the combover pretty hard).

He is now working as a barber. He spends his days giving people fades, wearing trucker hats (that say “Salty Crew,” naturally) and thanking his lucky stars that he no longer has to put up with Jenelle.

When you realize that you’re one of the few guys who managed NOT to knock up Jenelle…

While Gary is happy to be away from Jenelle, he does mention that he misses Barb.

“Barbara is a good woman,” Gary declares.

(Somewhere on “The Land,” Jenelle’s head is about to explode right about now…)

We watch the clip of Jenelle getting mad at Gary for banging her best friend, Trash Bag Tori. We also get to see Jenelle shove Gary and threaten to punch him, Amber-style (while wearing a delightful white tank and hot pink bra combo). He soon follows that fight up with a proposal (as you do).

That’s toe-tappin’ fun right there!

Jenelle has always truly been the fashion plate of our generation…

Jenelle tells us that she was mad that Gary didn’t make the proposal special. (This truly is tragic. It’s not like Jenelle was going to have any more proposals in her life…oh, wait…)

Things between Jenelle and Gary continued to be horrible, though.

“Jenelle came with a lot of issues,” Gary tells us. (Um…tear out the front page, Gar!)

“Between the drugs and the pot, it was just bad.”

Soon came the inevitable day that Jenelle and Gary got into an “altercation” where Jenelle claims Gary tried to squeeze the [low] life from her neck.

In a clip, Jenelle regales an enthralled Trash Bag Tori with the Tale of Two Bed Sheets. She reveals they both got domestic violence and drug charges filed against them. Jenelle says it’s time to end it with Gary and pick things up with…you guessed it…Kieffa!

“Yeah, yeah, that’s great and all but…um, got drugs?”

Conveniently, Jenelle had become prison pen pals with Kieffer during her relationship with Gary. Kieffer tells us that Jenelle, armed with a pen and a Ke$ha stationary set, declared her undying love for him.

Jenelle tells Kieffer the Tale of Two Bed Sheets and he gets angry at Gary. He storms the courthouse with Jenelle on the day she and Gary are facing their charges. Kieffer is intent on killing Gary in the woods.

“I’m gonna kill that motha—what…is that a pretzel cart? I’ve got the munchies real bad!”

“He was wit my chick,” Kieffer explains as the reason he wanted to murder Gary.

Gary didn’t accept Kieffer’s invitation to be murdered in the woods, but the damage had already been done. A few months with Jenelle and Gary’s entire military career was in the toilet. He tells us that the Marine Corps. basically told him to take his bed sheets and go, discharging him on the spot.

“Hey, we all make mistakes, guys.”

With Jenelle back in Kieffer’s ripe-for-a-staph-infection arms, she quickly becomes a full-fledged heroin junkie. We watch as these two knuckle-draggers scream at each other because they can’t find their drugs.

As he watches these clips back, Kieffer delivers yet another classic “Kieffer-ism.”

“We were both a hot mess, but two hot messes do not make a clean…mess,” he tells us.

(Can someone please put that phrase on a T-shirt and give it to The Ashley as a Christmas treat? Please and thank you.)

I mean…do I even need to say it at this point? What the hell… “High! High! Ya both high!”

Kieffer and Jenelle’s love story ended (again) when Jenelle decided to put the needle down and get clean. Kieffer tells us that, these days, he’s much more mature.

“I don’t do drugs anymore…well, not hard drugs,” he says. “It’s OK. I will overcome.”

Since we’re in the middle of Jenelle’s smack-filled haze that was 2012-2013, let’s bring out what may have been her finest catch ever: Courtland Rogers.

Courtland holds the distinction of being the only one of Jenelle’s freeloaders to actually get her down the aisle (other than her current soulmate, David Eason, of course.)

Present-day Courty comes out next, proudly proclaiming to be the former Mr. Jenelle Evans. He’s still got his trusty neck tattoo (and for some reason, some sort of bangs…)

“These bangs are all the rage in the Carolina prison system!”

He’s now got two years sober, a knocked up girlfriend and (gasp!) a job! He’s currently working at a treatment center, helping people get sober.

We get to learn more about how they met. Apparently, Courty had been trying to infiltrate that MTV money for years. Jenelle tells us that when Courty found out Jenelle was single, he left his rehab, grabbed some heroin and headed back to Junkieville just to woo Jenelle. Soon, the lovers were caught with drugs and Courtland obtained the coveted “Matching Mugshot” with Jenelle.

The next logical step for Courtland and Jenelle was to get married. They went down to their home-away-from-home, the courthouse, and said “I do.” (I mean, they were already there to attend Courtland’s court case for a felony, so why not? No, seriously, this is actually what happened on their wedding day! You couldn’t even make this crap up!)

Next, Jenelle found out she was sperminated (again), this time by Courty. She decided to get an abortion, and Courtland was locked in the clink without even knowing about the baby.

“That baby would not have had a good father,” Jenelle tells us.

Um…when has that ever mattered to Jenelle?!

“Clearly I only let the finest men father my children!”

Courtland tells us that, had it not been for those pesky drugs, it would be HIM living the good life on “The Land” instead of David. Oh, and speaking of David, Courtland confirms that he and David met long before David became Jenelle’s soulmate. They met, of course, while they were both in prison.

Again…you can’t make this crap up!

Once Courty’s spawn had been removed from her uterus, Jenelle was back to trolling the dating apps. That’s where she met her next winner, Nathan.

“It’s JAZZ HANDS time, guys!”

“Not gonna lie, I did rush things with Jenelle,” Nate tells us. “I just got attached to that MTV paycheck Jenelle.”

Before you can say “direct deposit,” Jenelle was sperminated again. Nathan says that it didn’t take long, though, to know he had made a big mistake.

“After about that seventh month or so we were dating I was like ‘Holy hell. What did I get myself into?'” Nathan tells us.

We watch a few clips to show how fast their “perfect” relationship deteriorated. In the clips, Jenelle has her hair French-braided. That’s how you know she’s about to bring the lunacy. When the braids go in, Jenelle’s crazy comes out!

Note to future soulmates: If you see Jenelle come out of her room with braids, back away slowly…

Soon, we watch a clip in which Nate is encouraging Jenelle to bust out her punchcard from “da clinic” and get another abortion…even though she was 12 weeks pregnant with Kaiser at the time.

“How is a child worth living if it doesn’t have a mother and father that loves him?” Nathan protests.

Wait…what?!

Obviously, we know that Jenelle didn’t have an abortion, because we soon see her strapped to an oxygen tank with Kaiser shooting from her lady garden.

Never forget what three minutes in the sack with Nathan will get you…

Nate talks about his time with Jenelle.

“If I hadn’t met Jenelle I wouldn’t have had any of the problems that I had,” he said. “I wasn’t in trouble with the law for about seven years…until I met Jenelle.

“It just seems like drama is always circling around her.”

That may be the smartest thing Nathan has ever said, guys…

Jenelle tells us that she now knows she’s way too good for Nathan.

“I’d rather be with someone who’s on the same level as me,” Jenelle tells us.

That brings us to someone who is arguably just as “more classier” as Jenelle: her husband David.

But why does David look like he’s ready to play bass in Flock of Seagulls?

They recall their romantical meeting on Tinder and confess that they do “bicker sometimes.” (Usually, their “bickering” involves garden tools, screaming in sheds and epic arguments that end with people crying in hotel parking lots.)

Jenelle then gives us some words of wisdom on relationships.

“If you aren’t arguing, you don’t care about each other,” she says.

We then have to sit through a montage of Jenelle and David’s happy “family picnic” life on “The Land.” There’s the birth of Ensley, the day that David mouth-breathed his way up a mountain with an MTV crew in tow to ask Jenelle to be his forever soulmate and, of course, The Wedding of The Century.

“I feel like…fate is just, happening right now,” Jenelle explains.

“And I mean, like, you’d still love me even if the MTV money stopped, right? Right….?”

The Ashley wishes the MTV Gods could somehow combine all of Jenelle’s soulmates into one person. He would have the fashion style of Andrew, the neck tattoo of Courtland, the spray tan of Nathan, the bangs of Gary, the green sweatshirt of Kieffer and, of course, the balloon-slashing skills of David.

Hey, The Ashley can dream, can’t she?

“Y’all know I’ll be back eventually…”

To read more ‘Teen Mom’ recaps, click here!

(Photos: MTV)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

67 Comments

  1. When I laugh sitting at my computer, my husband asks, “You are reading The Ashley, right?” He then wants me to read it out loud. Thank you for your consistently funny and insightful pieces. In the case of Jenelle’s exes, it really is a study in going from bad to worse to as terrible as can be imagined. Babs did her best as an abandoned single mother, but Jenelle really suffered the loss of her father when he walked out. Jenelle makes bad “soulmate choices” because she assumes they are going to leave anyway, so what the hell? Jace is a troubled child, but basically sweet. Kaiser is a gorgeous little boy who IS abused – no question about it. I hope he gets out of there and can live where he is loved and cared for. The baby – Ensley stands a good chance of being Jenelle2. And the beat goes on.


  2. You know I’m really ashamed of you, Ashley. How dare you mention Keiffah without bringing up his most iconic line of all time? Come on everyone, say it with me, “Bein’ a felon ain’t illegal!”


  3. Oopsie. My comment got me so distracted by memories of an ancient Jenelle tweet, I forgot to suggest that we be cautious about dissing Andrew, AKA romantical Soulmate #1. With his ability to master the grab-and-kiss approach as a mere youth, Andy might well have what it takes to become a very, very powerful man one day.

    –Re Jenelle Tweet: Sorry, but the racist semantics were so disturbing, and so freaking weird. First, when some chick tweets, “omg, you’re dating a n___?!” — slur spelled in full, of course, by both ladies — it’s upsetting, cause you KNOW they use that word daily. But then, J’nelle defending her honor by saying she’s not going out with a ___, explaining that Soulmate Kieffer is “Jamaican“… Was just, uh, WOW. Ignorance and lack of self-awareness are a perfect growth medium for racism 🙁


  4. Latest news out there is that they are on METH. Might explain the erratic behavior as of late. The hints from his sis, Jenelle’s broken out skin, David’s out of proportion rage towards Nathan on Twitter. It was mentioned on Crazy Days and Nights and Inquisitr….


  5. I love that while Jenelle was in each of these relationships she was all over social media calling them her soul mates, saying they never fight, saying how perfect they are etc and NOW she is stating how awful they were and what a joke each relationship was. She says all the same wonderful praises about her current relationship with David now. Makes you wonder how bad it actually is behind the social media curtain.

    Side note, I really wanted this special to come from a real place. Pretty much it was just Jenelles views on each relationship. She could have at least admitted she cared about the two she decided to have a kid with. Pretty much the whole speech was that each relationship was cheap, awful and meaningless for her except her husband who is everything amazing in this world (gag). Her poor kids will look back one day and know that their mom (allegedly) didn’t even care about their dads while conceiving them.


  6. OMG This article was hilarious! Thanks for the laughs. Anyone else think that the “shed” is the new spot for David and Jenelle to smoke their weed? The more we get to know and see David the smarter Nathan looks, and that’s scary. I used to hate his guts. Kaiser took the brunt of that relationship because they were breaking up and arguing since he was born. He never had a peaceful loving environment, but then again have any of her children? I remember people around baby sitting Kaiser even when Jenelle was right there and home. She did none of the child rearing during this time, then when she met David he took over child rearing for Jenelle. She’s a lazy ho.


  7. I was shocked to see that all these guys seemed to genuinely love her at one point. I think Janelle has a “blow up the bridge” mentality. She doesn’t just end relationships when they run their course, she ruins these guys lives.


  8. Those crazy kids Jenelle and Kieffah* should just go ahead and re-re-re-re(? lost count) unite again. They can book a Family Boot Camp gig with Babs. I’d totally watch (or at least devour the recaps and clips).

    Second choice, if she just can’t quit Thirsty Lurch: give us closure by locking Jenelle, Lurch, and Kieffah inside a Big Brother type house — with Babs as BB, of course. Am imagining it as a kind of Death Match Special, with proceeds going toward the psychotherapy and nurture of Jenelle’s maltreated offspring.

    *aka Jenelle’s True Soulmate. Seeing him again reminded me of an early classic on Jenelle’s Twitter. When a friend/fan posted a tweet berating her for dating “a n*****,” in reply, our great-hearted Heroine scoffed (almost verbatim): “Kieffer’s NOT a n*****! He’s Jamaican.”


  9. The Ashley, do you know if David and Jenelle’s wedding was even official? There are no papers to be found online, I’ve read. There aren’t even papers of David’s divorce from his ex! Could it be possible they’re legally not married at all?

    Side note: thanks for that last picture and caption, we all know he’ll be back! 😀


  10. God Lord Jenelle is such a piece of trash. I wonder if her loving fans realize that her relationship with David is just as fake as all her other “soul mates”? It’s sickening how every single relationship she’s had has overlapped, like literally ZERO time in between guys. She gets dumped by one guy and immediately is on to the next one before her crotch can cool down. I wish that a judge would order her to get her tubes tied so that she can’t bring another innocent life into this world as a trap baby. She has zero maternal instincts and she’s a terrible human being. I can’t understand why any guy could find her attractive. Once you see how terrible she is any decent looks go out of the window and you see the hideous person that she really is.


  11. Jenelle is still in love with Kieffer…..and she probably always will be….why? I have no idea, but that’s probably why David is so controlling, he knows her heart is with Kieffer….but the way all of her relationships ended, you can tell that she’s the common factor and is absolutely bat shit crazy


  12. “I know that it would be selfish to Jace if I had another child and had custody…” Proceeds to try having a child immediately with the next guy that looks her way. It was so soon after that she wasn’t sure if the positive test was from her abortion or a new pregnancy.

    Jenelle logic, y’all!


    1. And when she has a positive pregnancy test there’s the classic scene with her talking to Tori trying to figure out if she’s preggers with Nathan’s kid or if the test is positive because of leftover baby residue from her abortion with Courtland’s fetus. In my book that scene was right up there with “high, high” and “livin’ with ya boooyfriend”. How is her life even real?! It would be hard for very creative minds to make this kind of stuff up!


  13. She’s so in love with Kieffer. If this whole David fiasco ends soon enough, I’m sure he will be getting a text. But seriously, she should be so embarrassed and it’s more humiliating that she’s not….all the other girls have tried to make their relationships look somewhat decent, and she just parades these losers around like “oh, memories!” Gross knowing all of these dudes have splooged in her ? I’m sure her husband is so proud lol.


    1. Omg gross. Jenelle being splooged in. And is probably more than those men, I mean boys, I am thinking 10 more guys than the ones mentioned


  14. My favorite moment was when Kieffer said, “Dat bitch is crazy.” YES. Oh Kieffah, how we’ve missed you.


  15. The only one of these guys who don’t look like they smoke crack recreationally is Gary.

    Gary, you look amazing! Sorry jenelle ruined your life. WE LOVE YOUUUUUUU!


  16. “I don’t do drugs anymore, well, hard drugs”

    I was hoping to see a healthy looking Kieffa but he still looked High! HIGH! To me. 🙁

    If only Jenelle had the same amount of passion to chase after custody of Jace like she did chasing after Kieffer, what a different show this would be.


  17. When Keifer said Jenelle wrote him while he was locked up in the “pokey” I was just too through. This should be its own series


  18. She certainly has a type. Felons! Maybe including David was some sort of foreshadowing from MTV cuz they don’t believe this will last? I don’t too but isn’t he actually her longest relationship and even beat her time with Nathan now?

    Btw, I would never EVER date any of those guys. Even if they were nice to me, they all look like psychos. Mine and Jenelle’s taste in men certainly differs (AND THANK GOD IT DOES!!)


  19. What’s interesting to me is that both Kieffer and Gary had positive things to say about Barbara… hindsight really is 20/20.


    1. I’m not surprised that Gary did. He always got along with Babs. He never got yelled at like the other guys did. In fact, she called him thats one time, while he and Jenelle were still dating, to come pick Jace up since Jenelle wouldn’t get up.


  20. Thank you for recapping this!!!
    My thoughts:

    Andrew- Somehow looks worse than he did in 2009. At least he’s paying child support now. I wonder if he was allowed to see Jace for doing this. And his 21 year old ass would have been in jail SO fast if he was dating/knocked up my 16 year old.
    Kieffer- I will always have a soft spot for him. I’m glad hes off heroin, and admits that Barb was always in the right when it came to Jenelle/Jace. Hope he actually gets it together and lives a normal life. Also secretly hope after David and Jenelles certain divorce, and CPS takes the kids, that he and Jenelle get back together so I can enjoy some more classier trash TV,
    Gary- I honestly don’t know if I believe he tried to choke Jenelle. He was constantly on her to stay clean, spend time with Jace, and stay away from people like Kieffer, and also speaks fondly of her mother to this day. I feel like she, the queen of domestic violence herself, accused him of domestic violence as a way to be rid of him for being hard on her to get her shit together. Glad he’s doing well.
    Courtland- Looks like the dude you don;t make eye contact with on the street to avoid a mugging. Everything about him is terrifying. The fact that he says he wanted to spend his life with Jenelle should sum up his mental deficiency. For a third time, he’s fucking scary.
    Nathan- JUST GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER SO YOU AND YOUR MOTHER CAN GET CUSTODY OF YOUR CLEARLY ABUSED CHILD. That is all.


    1. Andrew probably doesn’t get any visitation in exchange for child support since they are treated as two separate matters. I can imagine judge would feel comfortable with anything more than supervised visits anyways.


      1. That’s all I really expected. Not even real visitation or multiple visits or anything, just like a one time supervised visit with him. I figured maybe he only agreed to do this if he got to see him for a bit.


    2. With the Gary thing I feel the same way! Remember the difference between her explaining Nathan’s abuse when she was mad at him and when she wasn’t anymore.


      1. Oh, he was a real winner. Had gotten in trouble for stealing his mom’s credit cards (Jenelle literally told him “Me, too hahaha” on a date they went on.) He lived with his Mom, and they invited Jenelle to move in. They had a pool, so Babs was concerned about that, but otherwise, she approved. Jenelle broke up with him for being too immature. Yeah, because she was a MENSA member here….


        1. I had to google him since I barely remember him haha. I can’t believe her stole a car with a little girl inside. I think that makes him the worst.


  21. “After about that seventh month or so we were dating I was like ‘Holy hell. What did I get myself into?’” Nathan tells us.
    Wouldn’t that be around the time Kaiser was born? They started trying for a baby two weeks(!!!!!!!!!!) into their relationshit and conceived after like a month and a half, right?


  22. Omg, this has to be my favorite recap of all time. I watched TM and TM2 in its early seasons, but since discovering The Ashley, I stopped and took to reading the recaps instead. The pictures, the captions, the puns…I was laughing out loud with this one. “These bangs are all the rage in the Carolina prison system!” The picture of Jenelle with braids! LOL. And “cervical spurge…” isn’t that the name of Jessa Duggar’s baby?

    Thanks, Ashley!


  23. And also I want to point out how bad Kieffa looks. Like he huffs silver paint. And courtland saying he wanted to spend his life w Janelle while his girlfriend is in the next room, pregnant. Ugh. I could not take listening to that stuff.


  24. It’s crazy to be reminded that David was in jail w janelles ex, courtland I think. David got out of jail like 2weeks before courtland and when courtland got out of jail he was surprised to see news of Janelle and David being together. That’s creepy. Also the day after this epi aired Janelle and David’s Facebook pages went weird. Janelle removed their wedding pic and put up a pic of just her and David put the relationship status as complicated. I could not sit and watch my spouse run thru all of their exes memories. It would make me crazy and since David is already a psycho I bet that was a rough night in that house. I mean, everyone of these guys says they wanted to spend the rest of their lives w Janelle. Mind blown.

    Also @ashley, thanks for doing this recap so quick.


    1. Lurch’s past love life is probably equally chaotic – two other baby mamas, one of whom pressed serious domestic violence charges against him that put him in the clink with Courtland. Maryssa’s Mom is apparently such a train wreck that the courts deemed David to be the better parent. Most likely Lurch isn’t one to talk / get upset when it comes to exes. Those two deserve each other, it’s just too bad that five kids are involved ?


  25. I missed this special on tv. But this recap is good enough. Didn’t seem like too much went on. Wish there would have been more with the men. When it’s all in an article like this it makes jenelle seem even crazier than we think. I mean looking back again at her choice in men is horrendous. Drug abusers, abusers, douchey men. She deserves to be with these type of men because she does not learn. But her kids do not deserve this. Hopefully they turn out better than we think they are.


    1. Maybe David will get a show with his ex’s or a show with Jenelle’s ex friends or a show with Jenelle’s ex’s women or The mom’s of Jenelle’s ex’s.

      Those could be fun to watch


    2. Idk why people always say “Jenelle has a bad taste/ choice in men”. What if her ex’s all have bad taste/choice in women, and she’s part of those choices? She’s no better than any of them so I don’t know why we pretend like she is some victim with bad judgment choosing these guys.

      She chooses them because they are match her intellectually, emotionally, and maturity-wise. No functional, self-respecting, and stable individual would go for Jenelle because she would not match them.

      She chooses these men because they are just like she is and therefore all that she can get/ all that will have her crazy, dysfunctional ass.


  26. The Ashley, that was genius! You had me cackling in my work cube so bad I had to finish reading in the Ladies’! Now as penance for having so much fun I’m going to pray for Jenelle’s babies.


  27. OK, am I the only one that thinks its fucked up how they gloss over Nathan, Courtland & Gary’s abusive behaviors? Like Gary put her in the hospital I’m pretty sure? Why are they letting him have air time and other than briefly mentioning it, allowing him to come off like an easygoing guy? Really, all of these guys are terrible people and it’s really fucked up to make this cute little narrative and interview them like they’re celebrities.


    1. As terrible as it sounds, I don’t know if I fully believe Gary actually choked her. Restrained her maybe, but I have my doubts that he actually choked her. I kind of get the vibe that Jenelle started getting violent with him and out of self defense he restrained her, maybe more aggressively than he should have. Like, this was also the guy that didn’t like her smoking pot, would constantly tell her she needed to spend time with Jace/watch him when she said she would instead of blowing him off, and didn’t want her around people like Kieffer. The guy still speaks fondly of Barb after like 5 years. I actually think Kieffer said it best in the episode, “If it weren’t me, it would have been somebody else.”, this is true. If Jenelle was abusing drugs, she would have found someone who had the same habits to be with. Not saying Kieffer or Gary are by any means model citizens, but again, some of these guys had never even been in trouble with the law until she walked into her lives. Not saying that they themselves aren’t problem people (because they deff are), but Jenelle is almost always the source of violence/anger/pettiness when shit goes down.


  28. What a flock of winners. I mean, I’d take Gary’s gappy chin strap over that cockatoo bullshit that Lurch has goin’ on any day, but clearly I don’t have the HIGH! HIGH! standards that our dearest Juhhnelle does. This girl needs Jesus.


  29. Couple of comments here. 1. You can not nut anywhere near that girl without her getting knocked up. 2. That green hoodie is dope. 3. Her cans look good, you got to admit it.


  30. I was pretty disappointed with this. I feel like it was completely Jenelle’s perspective on the relationships. They guys didn’t even get to talk that much. I was hoping that we would get more dirt.

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