Check Out This Christmas Tale Featuring ‘Teen Mom’ Jenelle Evans’ Ex Kieffer Delp: “The Story of St. Kieffer”

“Ho Ho Ho, Hoes! Bein’ a Santa ain’t illegal!”

Note from The Ashley: Happy Holidays, Roundupers! The Ashley saw this amazing ‘Teen Mom 2’-themed literary masterpiece floating around online and felt that her readers needed to see it! This ‘Teen Mom 2’-themed version of “‘Twas The Night Before Christmas” was written by Anna, who generously gave The Ashley permission to print it here on The Roundup back in 2017! She felt it was worthy to bring back again this year! 

Enjoy this fun version of the Christmas classic, “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” starring ‘Teen Mom 2’ stars Jenelle Evans, David Eason and, of course, Kieffer Delp! 

 

The Story of St. Kieffer

’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through The Land™

Not a soulmate was stirring, not even Courtland

The Easons were all ready with feathers in their hair

In hopes that St. Kieffer soon would be there

The baby daddies were nestled all snug in their beds

While visions of child support danced in their heads

Jenelle in her court heels, with David in her lap

Had just settled down for a pot-induced nap

When out on the yard there arose such a clatter

David sprang from the bed to see what the matter was

He prepared to hand out the next Cease and Desist

He burst out the door and threw up his fist

In his old leather boots he was ready for rakin’

He stomped through the sod, what a mess he was makin’!

When, what to his wide manic eyes should appear

But a beat-up old car, pulled by eight reindeer!

With an unlicensed driver, and in need of repair

He knew in that moment St. Kieffer was there

More classier than any soulmate he arrived

And brought with him twelve bags of kush to provide;

“Now, Kaiser! Now, Sophia! Now, Bentley and Lincoln! On, Gracie! On, Allie! On, Ensley and Watson!

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

Like drones in the air, the reindeer did fly

Their bells could be heard from up in the sky

So right to The Land™ the reindeer then flew

With the sleigh full of cigarettes, and St. Kieffer too

And then, in a twinkling, Jenelle heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof

As Jenelle called for babe, and was turning around

Through the modular chimney St. Kieffer came down

He was dressed all in green, from his head to his foot

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot

A bundle of cannabis he had flung on his back

He looked like a street dealer opening his pack

His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

The smirk of his mouth was drawn up like a bow

And his hoodie was covered in fresh winter snow

The stump of a joint he held tight in his teeth

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath

He had a broad face and a little round belly

That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of Jenelley

He was hungover and stoned, a right jolly old Delp

Jenelle laughed when she saw him, quite hungover herself

With a twitch of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon caused her to know from the law he just fled;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work

He filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk

And laying his finger right under his nose

After doing a bump, up the chimney he rose

He sprang to his car, to his team gave a whistle

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle

But they heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight

“BEIN’ A FELON AIN’T ILLEGAL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!”

(Photo: MTV)

35 Comments

  1. [* Shield plugin marked this comment as “Trash”. Reason: Failed Bot Test (checkbox) *]
    You’re articles are so good! You really do need a job with CNN or FOX or something! You’ve got skills!


  2. Omfg I’m recovering from a c section and laughing is so painful. I have tears streaming down my face from laughter and pain. 😂


  3. This never gets old! Sadly I think the saint kieffer part is correct. He was an addict BUT more likable then any of her other soulmates.


  4. That was amazing! Merry Christmas Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to you all.

    The Ashley is the gift that keeps giving–year round! Thanks for always brightening the day with your wit and humor.


  5. Should have thrown in Kailyn.
    Kail aka the hulk all green with jel-ous-Eee. She sprung out of her bed to see if it was Jo,Javi, or ,Chris. Her favorite Lux still tucked in bed. The other 2, who cares?


  6. St. Kieffer’s team of 8 spry Teen-Mom-Baby-Name reindeer are going to have to work EXTRA hard tonight. Not only will they have to try to navigate TheLand Fortress & Artillery Range™ without catching a stray bullet, but most importantly they will need to GET St. Kieffuh on that sleigh to begin with! He’s currently serving time behind bars in Pennsylvania, so I hope the reindeer have been watching Prison Break re-runs to get some ideas.

    If he does make it out, I wish the team the best of luck and encourage them to take heed of David’s recent photo caption “….I hope and pray that nobody ever tries to trespass on my property as they will be met with fire and fury, the likes of which they have never seen before.” Just make sure to “identify yourself” at the gate, and you should be good to go!

    Merry Christmas to TheAshley and all my fellow readers! I hope everyone’s stockings are stuffed with PotHeadHairCare, waist trainers, and Flat Tummy Tea!


  7. I finally got to see the ex files and Kieffer lives in pittsburgh very close to me. I’m so excited and want to find him so bad!


    1. Oh, Ronarrhea, I have good news and bad news: while Kieffer is no longer in Pittsburgh city limits, he’s a short 47 mile drive away. Just make sure to call ahead for visiting hours at Fayette County Correctional Institution.


  8. I’ve always been a fan of the Snoop Dogg “Twas the Nizzle before Chrismizzle”, but this just blew poor Snoop out of the snow. 10/10 would read to their family on Christmas night again.


  9. I saw it on twitter and it is really amazing. I think Kieffer has laughed so hard while he read this. He’s a good sport. Great job author!!

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