Get crazy, get wild, it’s time for another episode of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation! It’s been awhile since we have checked in with our posse of poor-decision-making guidos, so let’s see what’s new!
This episode starts off with Nicole and Jenni leaving Miami to go home for a few days to see their assorted kids and husbands.
Pauly D is not thrilled that the other girls are leaving Deena behind, because he’d basically rather go snorkeling in a Ronnie-bombed toilet than tote Deena around while he hangs out with his boys.
“We all know what happened to Deena the last time she came out with us…she turned into Meana, she was falling, she was crying, we don’t want that on guys weekend,” Pauly says.
He’s a nice guy, so he doesn’t tell Deena that just the idea of spending the weekend with her without a Snooki and JWoww buffer gives him shivers. Instead, he comes up with a plan to get her out of the house.
He says they should surprise her with a trip to Jersey to see her husband, Chris.
“We’ll be happy, she’ll be happy. It’s a win-win,” Pauly says.
Once they ditch Deena, the guys are planning to have “Operation: Boys Weekend.”
Ronnie thinks he’s being super clever and decides to write Deena a note that is a parody of “The Note” that Nicole and Jenni infamously wrote to Sammi Sweetheart back in the day. Much like the original note, this note tells Deena that her man was grinding on multiple people. Unfortunately, though, “Hooked on Phonics” didn’t work for Ronnie and his note is so full of errors that it’s barely readable.
Someone please help Ronnie.
“The grammar is terrible,” she tells Ron.
“Ronnie didn’t do so good writing this note,” Pauly tells us. “He spelled it all wrong. It’s like having a five-year-old write the note.”
They finally hand her the other note that says, “Just kidding! You’re going to Jersey!”
She cries tears of joy, and doesn’t even seem to notice that the guys are trying to get rid of her.
Later the boys kick off Operation: Boys Weekend weekend by hitting “da club.” While out, they find a girl who they think looks like Sammi Sweetheart. (Um…does anyone else think the blowup doll looks more like Sammi than this chick?!)
“She really looks like a mini Sammi crossed with a meatball,” Pauly D says. “Like Sammi with an edge because she has tattoos and piercings.”
Ronnie doesn’t believe the Knockoff Sammi looks anything like the original Sammi. He does enjoy talking about Sammi for any reason, though.
Vinny goes up to the girl, who’s all sweaty from dancing, to tell her that she looks like Sammi and the girl says people say that to her all the time. Pauly decides to take her home because…well, basically he just needs to get laid, and who’s more fun to bone that a chick who looks like a miniature version of your buddy’s true love?
Ronnie is still insisting that the girl looks nothing like the real Sammi Sweetheart and, for once, we’ve got to agree. This chick is legit Sammi Sweathart. Still, though, Pauly wants to bang her.
“I’m taking a separate cab from Ronnie because I don’t want him to get flashbacks of him and Sam,” Pauly says.
Pauly takes the drunk Knockoff Sammi back to his bedroom. While he’s hooking up with her, Vinny is just lying in his bed next to them watching… as you do.
Meanwhile, Mike walks in the room to deliver Vinny his bunless burger. Vinny is now sitting in bed, eating a burger, and watching Pauly and this girl hook up. Pauly occasionally comes up for air and chats with his pals, as the girls continues to do…um, things…
Her Mama must be so ding-dang proud!
The idea of having someone in the house that even remotely looks like Sammi is soon too much for Ronnie to handle. He eventually gets so jealous that he calls the girl a cab.
Something tells us that the poor blowup doll got quite a workout that night…
The next morning, Mike and Ronnie start roasting each other.
“Any shore house I’ve ever been a part of, you’ve been an extra,” Mike tells Ronnie.
Ronnie tells Mike the only reason he’s roasting him now is because “he can finally put a sentence together.”
“Similar to that clogged toilet upstairs, you’re full of s**!” Mike tells Ronnie as Vinny and Pauly dance with happiness about the impromptu roast session. (Their reactions are seriously the best part of this entire scene.)
“Where’s the bus stop, Mike?” Ronnie replies. “Didn’t they take all of your cars?!”
Pauly declares that the last comment earned Ronnie the win in the roast session.
After the guys feel like they have properly burned each other enough, they decide to go rent exotic cars for Operation: Boys Weekend.
“I’ve had a lot of exotic cars in my life and this brings back memories,” Mike says. “I have lived a very full life but what I have now is priceless.”
Later, Pauly D decides to play a prank on Mike.
“Mike’s transformed into this nice guy, but he’s, like, almost too nice,” Pauly says. “So I have an idea to see if he’s really changed.”
“Pauly D” (aka the producers) decides to call Angelina and invite her to the house.
“It’s the most epic prank ever, so I’m happy about it, but I’m terrified,” Vinny says. “It’s like throwing gasoline on a fire.”
A dumpster fire, perhaps?!
Angelina agrees to come down to Miami to reunite with her ex-roomies/enemies. (She must have been able to get someone to cover her shifts at the Staten Island Safeway?)
Vinny says the girls are going to be so surprised when they see Angelina that they may defy the laws of Botox!
“The girls always look surprised because they had surgery,” Vinny says, “but Angelina is going to make JWoww’s eyebrows move! That’s how shocking it is.”
Back in Jersey, Angelina is packing her “Make Jersey Great Again” hat and heading to Miami. She’s all class these days, so she leaves her trusty Hefty trash bags at home in favor of actual luggage.
“Angelina–she kind of brings like an eerie feeling about her,” Vinny tells us.
“This is going to be the prank of all pranks. Epic,” Pauly says.
Mike, meanwhile, is oblivious to what is about to happen. He’s just making dinner as happy as an about-to-be-ambushed clam. They sit down to dinner and suddenly there’s a knock at the door. Mike opens the door and Angelina says, “Oh yeah you think I’m a dirty little hamster?!”
Mike is caught completely off-guard, and immediately assumes Angelina has been sent to Miami as some sort of conspiracy theory against him.
“Who sent you?” he asks as he notices, with horror, that Angelina has brought LUGGAGE with her, which means she intends to stay awhile.
Angelina walks in and her face is almost unrecognizable due to all of the plastic surgery she’s had done. Pauly looks like he wants to ID Angelina to make sure it’s really her and not just some random girl with a Staten Island accent that producers are trying to pass off as the real thing.
“This is the ghost of dirty little hamsters past,” Mike says.
For the occasion, Angelina has obviously been doing some shopping on GothGuido.com, as she is sporting dark black eyeliner and brows, a black ensemble, and a matching black choker that looks like something you’d buy after watching “The Craft” one too many times on Netflix.
Angelina asks Mike if he still thinks she’s a dirty little hamster and he says he didn’t even know she was still alive.
Mike proves he really is the new-and-improved Situation because he hugs and makes up with Angelina. They all excitedly wait for Snooki, Jenni and Deena to come back to the house.
“These girls they hated me, but it’s my chance to redeem myself with these people,” Angelina tells us.
Things have changed since we last saw Angelina on ‘Jersey Shore.’ She’s currently engaged…for the third time.
The third love-of-her-life works for the sanitation department of New York. Naturally, the guys aren’t going to let that fact go without some jokes.
“It is so ironic that Angelina is engaged to somebody in the sanitation department,” Vinny says. “She’s going to have free luggage for life…aka garbage bags!”
The episode ends with the girls coming home. We’ll have to wait until the next episode to see their reaction to seeing the “dirty hamster” that’s taken up residency in their vacation pad!
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