I hope you picked your best T-shirt up from the laundry and slathered on a whole lot of orange self-tanner because… because Jersey Shore Family Vacation is back for Season 2! The gang is once again ready to celebrate their recent life milestones and mishaps!
After a brief recap of what happened last season, we get off to a Jersey-style start. The crew is missing one of its meatballs, however. Deena is knocked up and has decided to stay home from this “Vacation” in order to keep her fetus out of the ‘da club.
Yes, kids, this means that we will not have to listen to Deena’s shrill voice for most of the season. We’ll give you a moment to mourn that loss.
Of course, Deena is not the only ‘Jersey’ cast member who is “with child” this season. Somehow Ronnie’s baby mama Jen is still pregnant. (Anyone else think the baby knows what a dumpster fire mess her parents’ lives are and is trying to stay in the womb as long as humanly possible?)
Ronnie and Jen are doing “great,” according to Ronnie. However, things with these two degenerates can turn ugly (like “drag your face on the street with my car ugly”) quicker than you can say “restraining order,” so we know a fight could start at any moment.
The couple is celebrating their baby shower. Hopefully some of the party guests had the foresight to purchase helmets for each of the parents-to-be, as well as an extra-large first aid kit and a gift card to the local bail bondsman! Those gifts will get way more use than bottles or diapers!
Later, Ronnie hops a plane to London to go promote ‘Family Vacation’ with the rest of the cast. Jen, of course, goes into labor while Ronnie’s flying, so he turns right around and heads back to Vegas, making it just in time for the birth of his daughter, Ariana.
Next, we head over to New Jersey to catch up with Mike “The Situation” and his fiancé Lauren. They were planning to get married in Italy, but that may not be do-able, since Mike still has those pesky tax evasion charges hanging over his head. Apparently the prosecutors aren’t so keen on their defendant leaving the continent to get hitched, so Mike and Lauren may have to adjust their wedding plans.
Meanwhile, DJ Pauly D is in Las Vegas, and is going over to visit Ronnie and baby Ariana.
“Little Ariana is a full-on meatball,” Pauly says. “She’s a mini Ronnie. She eats, she sleeps, she poops, and she cries. Add a protein shake and you got Ronnie.”
At least Little Ariana is still years away from turning a toilet into a toxic waste dump like her Dear Ol’ Dad!
Pauly calls up Nicole and says he wants the whole gang to meet up in Vegas.
“I would love nothing more than for my roommates to come to Las Vegas and to meet the new meatball,” Pauly says.
Ronnie is pretending that things are great between him and Jen.
He says they, “couldn’t be more happier” … and then ominous music begins to play.
All of a sudden, headlines flash across the screen talking about Ronnie’s “ugly social media feud with his girlfriend.” We are even treated to screenshots of Ronnie and Jen talking crap about each other on social media.
I knew those baby shower helmets would eventually come in handy for Ron and Jen!
For some reason, the producers of this show are still trying to make Angelina happen. Snooki meets up with her to have lunch.
“After Miami, Nicole and I have become friends. I’ve hung out with her, we got our boobs done by the same doctor, I feel like we are really becoming friends,” Angelina says.
We find out that, even though Angelina and Nicole are getting along, the feud between Angelina and Jenni is still going strong. Snooki—who is really the Rodney King of our generation—asks, “Can’t we all just get along!?”
“I just wanna get drunk and have a good time,” she adds.
(To be fair, though, getting wasted and watching JWoww and Angelina beat the ever-loving Botox out of each other would be a good time for us!)
Vinny is still at his mom’s house. He says he broke up with his girlfriend and is ready to mingle. Sadly, Uncle Nino is nowhere in sight, which means that we probably won’t be gifted with Vegas-themed “Nino-isms” this season. Sigh. I was looking forward to watching Nino roam around Caesar’s Palace in his bathrobe, hooting at hot girls.
Meanwhile, everyone is watching Ronnie and Jen break down on social media. After the drama, Jenni, Nicole and Deena meet up for lunch. Jenni is mad at her friends. Her son recently began therapy due to his developmental delays. He is still not talking, which has Jenni very upset.
To help make his wife feel better, Roger apparently asked all of the Jenni’s ‘Shore’ pals to make a quick video clip of themselves wishing Jenni a happy Mother’s Day. He’s planning on looping all of the videos together to make Jenni a nice Mother’s Day gift. Unfortunately, only one person—Mike—actually made a video for Jenni. She’s very upset that both Nicole and Deena disregarded Roger’s request.
Jenni’s ready to rip the Meatballs a new one for being crappy friends, when Deena drops the bombshell that she’s pregnant. Jenni is excited for Deena, but pissed that she can no longer yell at her and Nicole, because she doesn’t want to take away from Deena’s big moment.
Now that she’s got a baby Guido in her belly, Deena says she’s going to sit out on the Vegas hi-jinks.
Soon, the whole Spiral Squad (minus Deena) has arrived in Vegas. Nicole, eager to fill the “Most Annoying Roommate” hole left by Deena’s absence, decides to invite Angelina on vacation with her and the crew. Jenni is mad that she wasn’t consulted before Angelina was given an invite (and an MTV contract).
“This is a family vacation. This isn’t a ratchet-ass third wheel friend vacation,” Jenni says.
That night, Ronnie says Jen is going to bring the baby to the hotel to meet everyone. This makes Jenni nervous because she has been going behind Ronnie’s back and talking to Jen, even though he and Jen are currently not getting along. Jenni says she doesn’t want to get involved in Ronnie’s relationship…but that’s exactly what she’s doing…again.
Jen arrives with the baby and all the roommates start fussing over Ariana. While everyone is distracted by the Spawn of Ron, Jenni and Jen go have a secret conversation. Jen tells Jenni that she has Ronnie on a short leash. (This is good, since we all know Ron’s a dog!)
The next night at dinner, Jenni finally brings up the Mother’s Day video that didn’t happen. Jenni’s really mad and sad about her friends disregarding the video, and she even admits that she cried over it. Everyone feels like bigger pieces of poop than what Ronnie left in the toilet in Miami. They all apologize but Jenni doesn’t accept their apologies.
Instead, she takes five shots in a row and reveals to Ronnie that she has been talking to Jen behind his back. Ronnie seems a little bothered by it but doesn’t say much.
The next day, the gang is heading to get drunk by the pool. Ron’s baby mama Jen says she wants to come visit him again…when the cameras just happen to be rolling.
Pauly says that Ronnie is acting “all weird”: he’s being quiet, creeping around other people’s pool cabanas and tasting their food (as you do), and being a general weirdo.
We finally learn that Jen is having “issues” with Ronnie being on vacation in Vegas with his roommates. (This is fair, of course, being that Ronnie got down with some rando last season while he was with Jen, who was pregnant with his child at the time.)
Ronnie and Jen have been pecking at each other via text all day, and their argument is starting to affect Ronnie. He tells us that he’s been lying to his roommates about how great he and Jen are getting along.
“I haven’t been honest with my roommates. Me and Jen fight all the time,” he tells us. “There’s nothing stable.”
Ronnie gets another scathing text from Jen, and decides to just drink all of the drinks he can get his sweaty mitts on. He’s shoveling in tequila shots, beers and cocktails like he just found out that MTV is picking up the bar tab.
Obviously…this will not end well. Jenni predicts we are in for another “Ron-page” and soon, her prediction proves to be correct.
Ronnie gets up to go pee out his anger (and the three gallons of booze he’s consumed). Somewhere between there and the john, however, Ronnie meets a fellow drunk pool-partier who starts talking crap to him. Drunk Bathroom Man reminds Ronnie that he’s in Vegas now, not Jersey, so he should keep his crap-talking to a minimum. (Oddly, though, Ronnie wasn’t even talking crap to anyone, for once.)
Ronnie does not appreciate Drunk Bathroom Man’s advice. We can’t see inside the bathroom, but we are able to hear audio of their conversation, and things are getting heated. We know we are only seconds away from someone’s head getting slammed into a urinal.
Meanwhile, the rest of roommates are nyucking it up, toasting to their trip to Vegas. They are completely unaware that Ronnie is about to cage fight on the floor of the pool bathroom.
Security has to separate Ron and the other guy. Ronnie leaves the bathroom, screaming that he will have Drunk Bathroom Guy “dragged out” by his “Gucci bag.”
I think that’s nice…
The roommates suddenly hear a commotion coming from the bathrooms. Pauly realizes it’s Ron-paging Ronnie causing the trouble and he and Vinny run over to try to keep Ronnie from getting arrested. Mike, meanwhile, stays with the girls and gets a snack and a good seat to watch the show.
The security guards manage to drag Ronnie and his big red head away from the scene.
(If you’d like to read The Ashley’s report from when this incident happened in June, click here!)
The crew heads back to the hotel and Ron tries to Facetime with Jen. They—naturally—get into another fight and he doesn’t even know why.
Ronnie breaks down in tears talking to the guys about his s**t show of a relationship. Everyone gets together to talk about Ronnie’s baby mama drama. They all start blaming Jen like Ron isn’t a complete nightmare of a boyfriend (and/or human being).
Ronnie says when they fight, Jen takes the baby and keeps her away from him. They tell him he should leave Jen and file for custody.
“You got a crazy bitch pregnant,” Jenni yells at him.
Until next week!
Click here to read our ‘Jersey Shore Family Vacation’ Season 1 recaps!