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I hope you picked your best T-shirt up from the laundry and slathered on a whole lot of orange self-tanner becauseā¦ because Jersey Shore Family Vacation is back for Season 2! The gang is once again ready to celebrate their recent life milestones and mishaps!
After a brief recap of what happened last season, we get off to a Jersey-style start. The crew is missing one of its meatballs, however. Deena is knocked up and has decided to stay home from this āVacationā in order to keep her fetus out of the āda club.
Yes, kids, this means that we will not have to listen to Deenaās shrill voice for most of the season. Weāll give you a moment to mourn that loss.
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Of course, Deena is not the only āJerseyā cast member who is āwith childā this season. Somehow Ronnieās baby mama Jen is still pregnant. (Anyone else think the baby knows what a dumpster fire mess her parentsā lives are and is trying to stay in the womb as long as humanly possible?)
Ronnie and Jen are doing āgreat,ā according to Ronnie. However, things with these two degenerates can turn ugly (like ādrag your face on the street with my car uglyā) quicker than you can say ārestraining order,ā so we know a fight could start at any moment.
The couple is celebrating their baby shower. Hopefully some of the party guests had the foresight to purchase helmets for each of the parents-to-be, as well as an extra-large first aid kit and a gift card to the local bail bondsman! Those gifts will get way more use than bottles or diapers!
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Later, Ronnie hops a plane to London to go promote āFamily Vacationā with the rest of the cast. Jen, of course, goes into labor while Ronnieās flying, so he turns right around and heads back to Vegas, making it just in time for the birth of his daughter, Ariana.
Next, we head over to New Jersey to catch up with Mike āThe Situationā and his fiancĆ© Lauren. They were planning to get married in Italy, but that may not be do-able, since Mike still has those pesky tax evasion charges hanging over his head. Apparently the prosecutors arenāt so keen on their defendant leaving the continent to get hitched, so Mike and Lauren may have to adjust their wedding plans.
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Meanwhile, DJ Pauly D is in Las Vegas, and is going over to visit Ronnie and baby Ariana.
āLittle Ariana is a full-on meatball,ā Pauly says. āSheās a mini Ronnie. She eats, she sleeps, she poops, and she cries. Add a protein shake and you got Ronnie.ā
At least Little Ariana is still years away from turning a toilet into a toxic waste dump like her Dear Olā Dad!
Pauly calls up Nicole and says he wants the whole gang to meet up in Vegas.
āI would love nothing more than for my roommates to come to Las Vegas and to meet the new meatball,ā Pauly says.
Ronnie is pretending that things are great between him and Jen.
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He says they, ācouldnāt be more happierā ā¦ and then ominous music begins to play.
Uh-oh.
All of a sudden, headlines flash across the screen talking about Ronnieās āugly social media feud with his girlfriend.ā We are even treated to screenshots of Ronnie and Jen talking crap about each other on social media.
I knew those baby shower helmets would eventually come in handy for Ron and Jen!
For some reason, the producers of this show are still trying to make Angelina happen. Snooki meets up with her to have lunch.
āAfter Miami, Nicole and I have become friends. Iāve hung out with her, we got our boobs done by the same doctor, I feel like we are really becoming friends,ā Angelina says.
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We find out that, even though Angelina and Nicole are getting along, the feud between Angelina and Jenni is still going strong. Snookiāwho is really the Rodney King of our generationāasks, āCanāt we all just get along!?ā
āI just wanna get drunk and have a good time,ā she adds.
(To be fair, though, getting wasted and watching JWoww and Angelina beat the ever-loving Botox out of each other would be a good time for us!)
Vinny is still at his momās house. He says he broke up with his girlfriend and is ready to mingle. Sadly, Uncle Nino is nowhere in sight, which means that we probably wonāt be gifted with Vegas-themed āNino-ismsā this season. Sigh. I was looking forward to watching Nino roam around Caesarās Palace in his bathrobe, hooting at hot girls.
Meanwhile, everyone is watching Ronnie and Jen break down on social media. After the drama, Jenni, Nicole and Deena meet up for lunch. Jenni is mad at her friends. Her son recently began therapy due to his developmental delays. He is still not talking, which has Jenni very upset.
To help make his wife feel better, Roger apparently asked all of the Jenniās āShoreā pals to make a quick video clip of themselves wishing Jenni a happy Motherās Day. Heās planning on looping all of the videos together to make Jenni a nice Motherās Day gift. Unfortunately, only one personāMikeāactually made a video for Jenni. Sheās very upset that both Nicole and Deena disregarded Rogerās request.
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Jenniās ready to rip the Meatballs a new one for being crappy friends, when Deena drops the bombshell that sheās pregnant. Jenni is excited for Deena, but pissed that she can no longer yell at her and Nicole, because she doesnāt want to take away from Deenaās big moment.
Now that sheās got a baby Guido in her belly, Deena says sheās going to sit out on the Vegas hi-jinks.
Soon, the whole Spiral Squad (minus Deena) has arrived in Vegas. Nicole, eager to fill the āMost Annoying Roommateā hole left by Deenaās absence, decides to invite Angelina on vacation with her and the crew. Jenni is mad that she wasnāt consulted before Angelina was given an invite (and an MTV contract).
āThis is a family vacation. This isnāt a ratchet-ass third wheel friend vacation,ā Jenni says.
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That night, Ronnie says Jen is going to bring the baby to the hotel to meet everyone. This makes Jenni nervous because she has been going behind Ronnieās back and talking to Jen, even though he and Jen are currently not getting along. Jenni says she doesnāt want to get involved in Ronnieās relationshipā¦but thatās exactly what sheās doingā¦again.
Jen arrives with the baby and all the roommates start fussing over Ariana. While everyone is distracted by the Spawn of Ron, Jenni and Jen go have a secret conversation. Jen tells Jenni that she has Ronnie on a short leash. (This is good, since we all know Ronās a dog!)
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The next night at dinner, Jenni finally brings up the Motherās Day video that didnāt happen. Jenniās really mad and sad about her friends disregarding the video, and she even admits that she cried over it. Everyone feels like bigger pieces of poop than what Ronnie left in the toilet in Miami. They all apologize but Jenni doesnāt accept their apologies.
Instead, she takes five shots in a row and reveals to Ronnie that she has been talking to Jen behind his back. Ronnie seems a little bothered by it but doesnāt say much.
The next day, the gang is heading to get drunk by the pool. Ronās baby mama Jen says she wants to come visit him againā¦when the cameras just happen to be rolling.
Pauly says that Ronnie is acting āall weirdā: heās being quiet, creeping around other peopleās pool cabanas and tasting their food (as you do), and being a general weirdo.
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We finally learn that Jen is having āissuesā with Ronnie being on vacation in Vegas with his roommates. (This is fair, of course, being that Ronnie got down with some rando last season while he was with Jen, who was pregnant with his child at the time.)
Ronnie and Jen have been pecking at each other via text all day, and their argument is starting to affect Ronnie. He tells us that heās been lying to his roommates about how great he and Jen are getting along.
āI havenāt been honest with my roommates. Me and Jen fight all the time,ā he tells us. āThereās nothing stable.”
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Ronnie gets another scathing text from Jen, and decides to just drink all of the drinks he can get his sweaty mitts on. Heās shoveling in tequila shots, beers and cocktails like he just found out that MTV is picking up the bar tab.
Obviouslyā¦this will not end well. Jenni predicts we are in for another āRon-pageā and soon, her prediction proves to be correct.
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Ronnie gets up to go pee out his anger (and the three gallons of booze heās consumed). Somewhere between there and the john, however, Ronnie meets a fellow drunk pool-partier who starts talking crap to him. Drunk Bathroom Man reminds Ronnie that heās in Vegas now, not Jersey, so he should keep his crap-talking to a minimum. (Oddly, though, Ronnie wasnāt even talking crap to anyone, for once.)
Ronnie does not appreciate Drunk Bathroom Manās advice. We canāt see inside the bathroom, but we are able to hear audio of their conversation, and things are getting heated. We know we are only seconds away from someoneās head getting slammed into a urinal.
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Meanwhile, the rest of roommates are nyucking it up, toasting to their trip to Vegas. They are completely unaware that Ronnie is about to cage fight on the floor of the pool bathroom.
Security has to separate Ron and the other guy. Ronnie leaves the bathroom, screaming that he will have Drunk Bathroom Guy ādragged outā by his āGucci bag.ā
I think thatās niceā¦
The roommates suddenly hear a commotion coming from the bathrooms. Pauly realizes itās Ron-paging Ronnie causing the trouble and he and Vinny run over to try to keep Ronnie from getting arrested. Mike, meanwhile, stays with the girls and gets a snack and a good seat to watch the show.
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The security guards manage to drag Ronnie and his big red head away from the scene.
(If you’d like to read The Ashley’s report from when this incident happened in June, click here!)
The crew heads back to the hotel and Ron tries to Facetime with Jen. Theyānaturallyāget into another fight and he doesnāt even know why.
Ronnie breaks down in tears talking to the guys about his s**t show of a relationship. Everyone gets together to talk about Ronnieās baby mama drama. They all start blaming Jen like Ron isnāt a complete nightmare of a boyfriend (and/or human being).
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Ronnie says when they fight, Jen takes the baby and keeps her away from him. They tell him he should leave Jen and file for custody.
āYou got a crazy bitch pregnant,ā Jenni yells at him.
Well…yeah….
Until next week!
Click here to read our ‘Jersey Shore Family Vacation’ Season 1 recaps!
(Photos: MTV)
2 Responses
They are BOTH so toxic & can never have a healthy relationship. Its obvious that there is no love. She wants the money & he wants his baby (to bad he got this 1 pregnant after only a few months)
They need to get a custody agreement & stay away from each other.
But she then she may have to actually get a Job
You really need to recap last nights episode. That chick is nuts! Ron can’t control himself, but it’s not right for Jen to use that baby as a pawn in their “relationship”.