We’re already four episodes into the latest season of Counting On, proving that there’s some truth to the old adage, “Time Flies When You’re Shooting Blessings Out of Your Hoo-Ha Every 13 Months.”
Without further ado (and before we change our minds), let’s dive into this week’s episode!
Our first stop is Kendra and Joe‘s house on the outskirts of the Duggar Compound. Kendra is at home with baby Garrett, living out her Fundie fantasy: whipping up some dinner for her husband and tending to a baby. She’s about to be in the Fundie version of “High Cotton,” though, because she’s about to announce that she’s….wait for it…
It hasn’t been that long since Kendra was expelling The Spawn of Joe from her Fetus Factory, but she’s already “with blessing” again! Kendra says she found out she was expecting because she was feeling funny and just happened to have a spare pregnancy test lying around because… Duggar…
“I only had like one test left in the drawer so I just went ahead and took it,” Kendra tells us. (Looks like Michelle‘s gonna need to do Costco run to stock up on Clear Blue Easys…and those weird pilgrim tight things she insists on wearing in every episode.)
Anyway, Kendra has come up with a “fun” (i.e. kind of weird) way to let Joe know that she’s knocked up. She has crafted a “Baby Coming Soon” bowl which she plans to use to reveal the baby news.
Kendra has run into a little problem with her pregnancy reveal plan, though.
“Whenever Joe enjoys a meal, he’ll a lot of time lick the plate clean.”
YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS CRAP UP.
To avoid poisoning her sperminator via toxic glue, Kendra has to use edible glue to attach the “Baby coming soon” message to Joe’s feed bowl.
We’d like to suggest another alternative: Etiquette Classes Coming Soon. I mean…WTF Joe?!
Craft time with Kendra is momentarily interrupted when Garrett s**ts himself in the kitchen. (That was probably his reaction to learning that his father— the man expected to provide for him— still licks his plate clean like a dog. I don’t blame you, Garrett! That would scare the crap out of me too!)
After a quick cleanup, Kendra — who is only 20 years old, let us remind you — does some reflecting on her life.
“Sometimes I have these moments where I’m just like, ‘Wow, I’m really an adult and a mom,’ and it’s just crazy because I still feel like I’m young,” she says.
After she’s done doling out the wisdom she’s acquired in her “old age,” Kendra calls Joe and asks if he can leave the car lot early today because dinner will be ready sooner than she expected. Joe tells her it shouldn’t be a problem, further proving our belief that this family — all 193 of them — are completely out of touch with the real world.
Also “expecting” are Jessa and Ben. We go to their house, where Jessa is in total “nesting mode” and decides she wants to build a deck onto her house before her baby arrives. (And, of course, this actually means she wants Jana and whichever random brothers she can round up to build it.)
Before the project kicks off, Jim Bob and Michelle regale us on the days they lived in a 900 square-foot home with five kids. Ben (because nothing gets past him) tells Jessa if her family lived in a house that small at the size they are now, things would be quite chaotic.
“The bathroom would be in constant use,” he says. “You’d have to start maybe two days out just to get everybody showered for church on Sunday.”
Meanwhile, a random assortment of Duggar boys are just hacking off the side of Jessa and Ben’s house. Jason is heading up the project, while Jed and Justin (what…there’s a Justin?) are assisting. Jessa, as per usual, is just bossing everyone around and trying to keep Ben from playing with the power tools.
We’re probably about 25 minutes away from someone calling Jana to come over and fix whatever mess they’ve all created. Of course, she’ll have to make lunch for the kids, paint the kitchen and iron Jim Bob’s tighty whities before she’ll be able to come over.
Back at Joe and Kendra’s house, it’s almost plate-lickin’ time! Kendra puts the finishing touches on dinner while trying her best to avoid a full-blown panic attack before announcing the baby news to Joe. Joe arrives home, gets promptly coughed all over by “Gar-Bear” and then sits down to shovel down his meal.
After dinner, Kendra gets the ice cream ready to serve, but not before throwing a big scoop of it onto the floor.
After regaining her composure, Kendra manages to get the “great treat,” as she puts it, into the bowls and onto the table. She then stares at Joe as he stuffs his face.
Joe eventually makes his way to the bottom of the bowl and, at first, mistakes the sticker for a twig or a piece of grass. Kendra giggles like a hyena on speed until he realizes that it is not a twig, but a sticker that says “Baby Coming Soon.”
Joe is moderately excited to find out that Kendra is five weeks pregnant. As for Kendra, she’s finally able to relax her nerves from all of the excitement. Until she does it all over again next year, of course. What a “great treat” this whole scene was.
We then check in with Jinger, the most normal of the Duggar bunch, as she and Felicity hit up a stroll-and-stride fitness class for moms. While Jinger is back on her skirted-workout ensemble kick, we have to give her props for being willing to bust out some side kicks and squats among the common people — even the “sinners” in their running shorts!
The producers then cut to the Duggar kids to ask what sort of things they’ve given up since popping out some blessings. Kendra says she misses going outside, which is possibly the most depressing answer in the world.
Jessa says she’s given up sleep, but she assures the producers that she and Ben haven’t had to sacrifice any “romantic time.” I mean…those blessings ain’t gonna make themselves, guys…
Jessa goes on to explain that she and Ben opt for “we time” instead of “me time,” although she says they do get a little “me time” when they have to go the bathroom. Well if that isn’t a glowing review for parenthood, we don’t know what is.
Later on, the Duggar boys put the finishing touches on Jessa and Ben’s patio while the couple take Henry to the doctor regarding his delayed speech. While they’re away, the Duggar boys team up to babysit Spurgeon. While at Henry’s appointment, Jessa and Ben learn that he isn’t suffering from any hearing loss. They are relieved when the doctor instead advises that Henry see a speech pathologist.
Unfortunately, the Duggar boys aren’t having as good of luck back at the house, as Spurgeon is wreaking havoc inside, sneaking ice cream sandwiches out of the freezer while simultaneously, um… “spurging” in his diaper.
Jed (or Jer or…one of them, I don’t know…) realizes that it would be easier to babysit The Spurge if they actually kept him near them instead of in the house by himself, so they bring him out…by the power tools…to wander around.
Jed tells Spruge that he’ll have to sit in his crappy diaper until his mother comes home. (Changing diapers is women’s work, don’t ya know?)
That night, Jana (who else?) comes to Jessa and Ben’s house to help set up for the couple’s gender guessing party. “Bessa” isn’t like a regular couple, guys; they’re a cool couple, so they don’t do gender reveal parties, they do gender guessing parties.
Basically, the whole Dug Clan comes over, crowds around Jessa and asks her pregnancy-related questions and then they guess if they think she’s having a boy or a girl. Then Jessa smugly gets to tell them that she’s not telling. It’s literally Heaven on Earth for Jessa.
Vans of Duggars are soon brought into the cramped home, piling onto chairs (and spouse’s laps) as they prepare to throw some old wives tales at Jessa in order to make their guesses as to what they think she and Ben are having.
Eventually they all make their guesses, only to find out that Jessa and Ben aren’t revealing the gender of their baby until it’s born. That’s right Duggars! You all drove your oversized vehicles over here and shoved yourselves into this small house to play games focused on Jessa and her unborn baby for absolutely no reason at all.
In an effort to save this ridiculous gathering (and episode), Joe and Kendra
steal the spotlight announce that they’re expecting another blessing. Not shown: Jessa’s head exploding because all the attention has now gone from her to “Jendra.”
On the next episode of ‘Counting On’ Jinger and Jeremy hunt for apartments in Los Angeles, the Duggars go camping and yet another pregnancy announcement is made.
To read The Ashley’s other ‘Counting On’ recaps, click here!