‘Sister Wives’ Season 14 Episode 12 Recap: Hostile House Hunting & Hoping for a Miracle Rental

An honest summary of this (and every) episode:

Break out some leftover hamburger pizza and cut yourself a slice using the souvenir axe you picked up in Chicago…(or save it for when you go “Lizzie Borden” on your sister wife or husband) because…

It’s time for another episode of Sister Wives! 

After getting caught up on Kody’s latest ego-driven actions, we dive right in and hear Robyn and Kody explain that they’ve had no luck finding a rental house to move into, and they only have a few more weeks before the family will be booted out. (I hope they thought ahead and ordered a second moving van to fit Kody’s big ol’ head in.)

“You think we could live in a moving van parked on Coyote Pass? Just kidding…unless you think we could do it?”

Robyn and Kody are still at odds over whether to rent or buy their next home, with Robyn on Team Rent, Kody on Team Buy and the rest of us on Team Why the Hell Did You All Move to Flagstaff in the First Place? 

“Yeah, what bonehead made that decision?!”

Robyn’s wearing her best “Sobbin’ Robyn” frown face as Kody forces her to look at some homes that are for sale in the area. While wandering around the houses, Kody points out where their furniture could go in the homes, while Robyn shuffles her feet around and reminds Kody that she still has her hopes set on landing that perfect rental, despite only having about five days left to do so. 

Kody basically tells her “tough patooties” because time’s getting short and he wants to buy. Robyn tells us that she’s frustrated because Kody is getting pushy. 

Um…getting?! That’s the understatement of the century. That man used up a one-year supply of posterboard in a week to push his one-house idea on you people.

“If Kody can convince four women to marry him, anything is possible.”

Kody tries to comfort Robyn by telling her if they buy a house now, they can rent the house to someone else when it’s time for the family to build on Coyote Pass.

Wait…what? Does this clown really need one more mortgage to juggle? 

Robyn is not happy about buying anything; however, she does agree that she doesn’t want her children to be homeless. Even a home with Kody in it is better than no home at all…I guess…

“If only they could live in this state of delusion I’ve created… “

Kody tells Robyn they basically have to buy or get out of town (take option number two!) but Robyn is certain that God will soon be taking time out of His or Her busy schedule to provide the perfect rental house for her, her litter and her giant-domed husband. She knows her miracle rental house will be sent from the heavens in time to save her and her kids from life in a cardboard box with Kody. 

Kody wants to buy the house they’re looking at, so Robyn decides to play hardball and tell him she doesn’t like the house. She demands he get the realtor moving on finding a few more options before the end of the week. (Is anyone else liking this demanding, more-bitchy version of Robyn? After a few more years of being married to Kody, she’ll be as disgusted with him as Meri is!)

Speaking of Meri and Kody’s other disgruntled wives, Janelle is unhappy that Kody just wants to collect mortgages the same way he collects assorted hairsprays. Christine, who is currently living in a home that was purchased, knows better than to open her trap and give her opinion on the situation. 

“I will not give an opinion on this situation….even if I have to shove a pair of capri leggings in my trap!”

Kody says he’d much rather hear the kids’ thoughts on the houses and see what they think and then have them guilt their mom into going along with what the majority wants. 

Robyn says that (much like her husband’s hairline) their family culture is “eroding” and she doesn’t want to be part of it. She vows to hit her knees more-frequently than a ‘Teen Mom’ star who realized the condom broke again. She’s praying for her miracle to come!

“I’m having a hard time not getting really stupid,” Kody says — which is news to us, by the way. “When I get uncomfortable and I get in a place where I get edgy, I’m not a good husband and I cross the point of no return and I’m doing all I can to just be kind through this process, cause I’m angry and I’m scared and that doesn’t make for a good person.” 

“Not getting really stupid is harder than it looks when you’re me!”

The next day, Robyn and not-really-stupid Kody take their kids and meet up with their real estate agent, Shelbi, to look at another house. As much as we want to like Shelbi and have faith in her housing picks, the fact that she greets Kody by telling him how much she likes his new beard has us setting the bar pretty low for what’s to come. We’re talking like, ’Sister Wives’ husband-selecting standards low.  

He then craps all over Robyn in front of the kids and Shelbi, telling Shelbi that his no-fair wife is going to make him rent a house, but, you know, who cares what she wants? He even says that he’ll “buy the house without her” and tell Robyn “if ya wanna move in, ya can.” 

Robyn is NOT.AMUSED.

“Robyn, I’d be happy to show you a rental that comes complete with a kennel for Kody to live in…”

Kody randomly stoops down to talk to his littlest crotch goblin, Aurella (or something) and tells her he needs a new house for her. Robyn quickly steps in to assure her confused daughter that Daddy isn’t going to be abandoning her alone at some rando house in the trees, like he made it sound.

“It’s for all of us, honey, not just you. We’ll all be going together,” Robyn assures the kid before shooting Kody a look that reads “STOP TALKING!”

The second they walk into the house, Kody coos at how beautiful the kitchen is.

“Mrs. Brown, doesn’t it make you wanna buy?” he asks Robyn.

Robyn looks like it makes her wanna open up a drawer and pull out a spatula to swat Kody with. (Someone in a mansion on the hill, Meri is cackling “Wicked Witch of the West” style, knowing that she no longer has to deal with this crap because she’s not the “legal wife” anymore.) 

Kody then tells Shelbi not to “even bother with selling to Robyn” because he’s the one who is buying a house, not her. Robyn (and their oldest daughter) both look at Kody in disguist and poor Shelbi giggles uncomfortably, looking like she wants to hide her face behind her poorly blended-in hair extensions.

“Anyone got a shovel and a Hefty bag I can borrow?”

Kody is asked what the plan is for Coyote Pass and he finally admits that HE is responsible for the family’s unhappiness.

“I moved here an idiot,” he says.

OK…scratch what I said before… because that’s the understatement of the century!

“I was stupid when we moved here,” he says. “Now everybody has enlightened me and now I know it takes two years to get our houses built.” 

“I may have been stupid, but I didn’t say anything about being wrong!”

Good job, Kody. It only took you over a year, 152 moves, countless arguments with nearly all of your wives, a series of failed Polygamist Barbie Dream House presentations, a near-knockdown, drag-out fight on Coyote Pass and a severe panic attack from one of your kids for you to finally take a smidge of responsibly. Well done, you. 

He then tells Robyn he’s glad to see that she’s now on “his team.” Robyn literally growls at Kody when he says that and yells “I’M NOT ON YOUR TEAM!” 

Kody, without even a bit of self-awareness says that he “thinks” he might be making Robyn mad.

UMMMMM!?

Robyn insists that she’s still waiting for her “miracle” perfect rental house that “God’s going to provide.”

“Honestly, we’ve used up all this family’s miracles when I got four women to marry me!”

However, just when we think Kody is finally showing some growth, as opposed to being a growth, he slams Robyn for being too loyal to the family rather than thinking of what is best for herself and her kids, which he says is ruining the big picture. 

Or…in other words…not going along with what he wants…

Robyn, imagining how good it would feel to see the word “former” in front of “wife #4.”

Later on, we take a break from House Hunters: ‘Sister Wives’ edition to check in with Christine during a visit with her daughter Aspyn. As her parents did once upon a (less hostile) time, Aspyn and her husband live in Lehi, Utah, far enough away from the family shenanigans that Aspyn has to be reminded by Christine just how many times the rest of the wives have moved since leaving Las Vegas. 

“Janelle’s moved twice, Robyn will be moving twice,” Christine said. “I’m the only one who has stayed put in the house. I’m the only one who bought.” 

“As long as you don’t bring Dad anywhere near the state of Utah, I’ll be OK…”

Aspyn tells her mom that buying must have been the smart move, given that Christine is the only wife who hasn’t had to uproot herself since arriving in Arizona. Christine says it kind of was the better option, but at the same time, buying required a large down payment on the house — money that could have otherwise been used towards the Coyote Pass houses, which she feels guilty about. 

Aspyn brings up the fact that Kody and the Sister Wives should have known that buying a bunch of houses in Arizona, while having houses in Vegas, would be expensive. Christine looks kind of confused, like it’s just now dawning on her.

“Why didn’t we think of this before?! Whose bright idea was it to listen to Kody?!”

Christine says she would love to move back to Utah, but since the Browns sued the state semi-recently, they don’t think it’s a good idea. 

Christine admits she’s jealous of Aspyn, being around some of their family members, as well as her husband Mitch‘s family. (And, you know, Aspyn gets a whole husband all to herself…and that husband is not Kody…)

She also tells her daughter that Kody is still upset that it was her who rallied the Sister Wives into nixing his “one big house” plan. 

“Well yeah, but he still likes me way more than he likes Meri, so it’s fine.”

Once again, the seemingly cursed Coyote Property is mentioned and when the director asks Kody and the wives when they think they’ll finally move to the little slice of hell heaven, Janelle — aka Kody’s biggest fan — surprisingly says “never.” 

The range of emotions happening upon this furniture chain sectional couch is giving us life.

Unsurprisingly, Meri chimes in and says that she doesn’t “see it happening in the very near future” either. At this point, Kody looks pissed and the only thing we see happening in the very near future is his fuming temper seeping out of his skull and igniting his dry hair into a polygamist fire-pit. 

“Good thing I wore flame-retardant leggings underneath my jeans!”

Back in Flagstaff, Robyn and Kody bring the kids out for another day of house hunting with Shelbi. Both parties have vowed not to fight about renting or buying anymore.

While wandering around the potential new home, oldest daughter Aurora tells Kody that she really likes the place, to which Kody tells her that she’ll have to go to a new high school if they end up buying it.

After seeing that Aurora is thrown off by this news, Robyn rushes in to tell Kody to basically shut the hell up and stop stressing the kids out. He’s literally talking out of his ass about things he has no clue about. (So…business as usual…) The girls look like they’re about to have a total meltdown at the thought of having to change schools again due to a whim of their father’s.

“DON’T FREAK OUT MY KIDS ANYMORE!” Robyn says. 

I think Brianna’s face says it all…

Robyn tells Kody if this particular house requires the kids to go to a different school, it’s not the right house for them. Kody says he’ll consider applying for a variance to prevent his kids from having to switch schools if they ultimately move into that house… and boy, would we love to hear Kody explain to the city how this situation qualifies as a hardship not of his own doing! 

Kody tells the girls that “mom won’t let them buy a house” but that, since there are no rentals available, they’re “going to have to make a hard choice pretty soon.” 

(Translation: Your mean ol’ mom won’t roll over and do what I want, so pretty soon she won’t have any choice but to go along with another one of my wacky schemes.)

Our apologies, Kody. We had no idea that you’ve been feeling desperate since this show debuted 14 seasons ago.

Shelbi tells Kody and Robyn that she’ll propose the idea of renting to the homeowners to see if they’re interested, but she can’t make any promises. 

Kody says he hopes Robyn doesn’t get the miracle she is praying for and have the homeowners agree to rent, because then she will always think she can get her way and think that God will provide what she wants, even if it’s not what Kody wants. 

Next up we check in with Janelle who is back in North Carolina checking in on a very pregnant Maddie. Maddie says she and Caleb are planning to do the whole bathtub birth once again, but are struggling to find a practitioner to oversee the fun event. Maddie and Caleb say Kody is pushing harder than Maddie in said-bathtub to get them to move out to Flagstaff, but they’re not buying that crap…or that extra lot on Coyote Pass for that matter! 

Back in Flagstaff, Kody and Robyn are packing (and trying to resist using the sharp objects as weapons against one another.) Because he and his ponytail live on the edge, Kody pushes Robyn by bringing up the house they looked at the previous day — the one that Robyn is still hoping they will be able to rent. She knows that if she says she likes it, Kody will push her into buying the house.

Kody tells her they need to put an offer in the following day if they want any chance of getting into the house before being kicked to the curb of their current home. Kody then mansplains the process of making an offer on a house. 

“Can you go ahead and slap a piece of that tape over your mouth while you’re at it?”

Frustrated by Robyn’s continued unwillingness to buy a house, Kody says he’ll call the owner of the house right now and ask if he’s open to renting. Before Kody makes the call, Robyn appears to start understanding Kody’s point that they need to buy, but she does so through tears and while asking if they can still keep an eye out for rentals after they purchase a home. (Umm… )

Kody finally makes the call to the homeowner and despite addressing him by the wrong name, the homeowner says he’ll consider leasing, but he needs to talk it over with his wife first. 

“Poor guy. He must be dealing with a ‘Robyn’ of his own.”

After getting off the phone, Kody tells Robyn if the homeowner says he’s unable to rent the home to them, they need to go ahead and put in an offer to buy. However, Robyn says she doesn’t see the benefits of buying and thinks it will only delay the Coyote Pass homebuilding. This, of course, does not make Kody very happy. 

Now you know how we feel, pal…

“My words are going on deaf ears, she doesn’t care,” Kody says. “If her and I were business partners, this is where we would part ways.” 

Kody finally gets Robyn to a solid “sure” regarding the potential purchase of the last home they looked at, but the family’s mounting financial obligations seem to be pushing him closer and closer to a breakdown. This becomes blindingly obviously during his outburst, which may or may not have been the result of an off-camera exorcism. 

If his head starts spinning, we’re turning off this show for good…

Kody screams says that the family should’ve never left Las Vegas, while Robyn chokes back tears and tells him that if he does make an offer on the house, to “make sure the earnest money is low so we can still keep looking for rentals.”

Kody — resisting the urge to throw his chair across the room — tells Robyn nobody should be buying a home without being excited about it.

He says he doesn’t want to feel like he’s forcing Robyn into buying (even though he is) and then waves the fact that their kids are going to be homeless if she doesn’t agree to his plan.

But, you know…no pressure.

“Meri! Take him back as your husband! I’m begging you!”

Robyn says she’ll go along with Kody’s plan (after his endless brow-beating and pressuring) but she’s not happy about it. 

He also brought a new nickname on himself this episode… 

You have our full support on this one, Kody…

That’s all for this week! 

On the next episode of ‘Sister Wives’, a forest fire breaks out near Meri’s home and leggings, Robyn continues her fight for a rental home and Maddie gets ready to pop out another bathtub baby, which is somehow a bigger inconvenience to Kody than anyone else in the family, including the person giving birth. 

To read The Ashley’s other ‘Sister Wives’ recaps, click here!

(Photos: TLC) 

16 Comments

  1. OMG, I’m crying over here. “littlest crotch goblin”, “fuming temper seeping out of his skull and igniting his dry hair into a polygamist fire-pit.” Simply brilliant…LOL!!


  2. Omg too funny, I cannot wait for next weeks recap.
    I just watched last nights episode, and saw how scared Kody and the other wives plus viewers are of Mary. She cannot control the wild fire, which is not a good scenato for the fam.


  3. Kody: “I could have stayed in Las Vegas, I’d have saved a FORTUNE!”

    Forest Gump: “My momma always said STUPID is as STUPID does!”


    1. Is it just me … or does that dickhead Kody Brown resemble Charles Manson with every new episode?
      The wild wooly mangey mop on his head and those dark cold beady little eyes and the angry faces and the voice changing, he’s got his “cult” followers ( being the wives) i wonder who he takes to first with a blade ????


  4. I can’t believe how selfish Robyn is being about the house. In last night’s episode they had put in an offer on a house, but since they had waited so late to do so, their new house wouldn’t close before they had to get out of the old house. She had the gall to ask the owners of the house they are buying to do a short term rental, which is fine, but then she suggested if a regular rental came available before their closing she would back out of the purchase. Knowing how much time, effort and emotions are put into selling a house I think it’s horrible that she would lead the seller on then back out of the deal at the last minute. Hopefully no rentals came available and she got stuck with the house Kody picked for her.


  5. All of Kody’s crap aside , Robyn is being a real asshole over the whole rent/ buy, I’d like to hear her theory on how this is going to set her move to coyote pass back SO much!
    They’re in Flagstaff now and in a dilemma, you can’t tell me there’s NO rentals, there’s none that fit her fancy! You HAVE to move, you can’t find a rental , you have no choice than to buy!!! Maybe she should go look at a homeless shelter and see how many people don’t have a home!!
    They’re buying that house in a buyers market, it’s an investment! The mortgage will probably be less than the rent . When the homes are built they can sell this house Or rent it. The way she acts like she’s miserable in her life she should be happy to have two homes should they part.
    I really think Robyn is kicking herself for moving from Nevada ,too Late to carry on now.
    I haven’t watched this from the beginning, I see Robyn is lacking in the brains department , but didn’t any of them inquire about the time it would take for building to be completed????


    1. Or did they inquire about the cost of building? Did they sit down and “business wife” Jenelle lay it out in plain English what it would cost to just up and leave their still no homes UNSOLD, rental houses for 4 different families, the cost of living while in Flagstaff, or that it is stupid as hell to pay rental money vs a mortgage on a place they are not staying in “short term” (hate when Robyn keeps using that word) but rather, more in terms of say, YEARS. I hope to God their kids – especially those that were teenagers when the cameras appeared – watched these adults make easily avoidable mistakes or have a shred of common sense and do better. I mean, are they all so intimidated by Kody that they just blindly follow him and never speak up?? He seems to fly by the seat of his pants. He reminds me of a young child and its whims: “I’m hungry no wait I want to play waaaaahhh I’m tired NO I am not going to go to bed”!!! Like, sit on an idea for once. Sleep on it! I can’t even really get into this season without eyeing everything as a storyline, bc the producers have to have been like, seriously if you don’t stop being so boring and fake then no more show for you. WHY would any sane person leave 4 mansions unsold and just drive out to a completely unknown area. All of the idiot things they do (except Christine, she’s grown on me over the years and I feel like she knows exactly who Kody is now, and she does not let him affect her. Maybe she will leave when her children are all grown, bc I seriously believe she knows he’s a fool and she’s just riding it out.

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