‘Teen Mom 2’ Season 10 Episode 3 Recap: Hightailing it to Costa Rica & Hotel Hook Ups with a Baby Daddy

Not gonna lie…that’s a TV show I’d probably watch…

Note: The Ashley is aware that this recap is from a previous episode. She’s desperately trying to catch up on her recapping and will be recapping the latest episode, too! 

When you’ve got an episode of a reality show that includes a baby daddy who can’t enter the country, a trip to an STD clinic and a couple of juicehead grandmas, you know you’re watching an episode of Teen Mom 2.

Ain’t it great!?

This episode kicks off up ‘er in the holler, where the Messer sister are preparing to high-tail it down to Costa Rica to visit Victoria‘s geographically challenged boyfriend. Luckily, the girlseseses are with their assorted dads, which means Leah is free to get her travel on and hang with Victoria’s “90 Day” Not-so-Fiance, Roger. (It’s pronounced Roy-yer, by the way, which should be hysterical to watch the Messers try to use their Spanish to pronounce it.)

Victoria— who got herself knocked up when she let Roy-yer put his banana in her unprotected papaya while on vacation a while back— is struggling with the fact that her baby daddy can’t come to the United States. 

“That’s why I don’t date no one who lives outside my holler! It ain’t easy to date long-distance!”

Leah, being the most responsible of all the Messer clan (aka she has her own Chevron card), has decided to be Roy-yer’s sponsor to come to the USA. She tells her friend that means she will, “like, have to vouch for him while he’s here.”

Leal reveals that Victoria has already gotten the immigration ball rolling, but it’s unknown if Roy-yer will make it to the US of A before his spawn comes shooting out of Victoria’s lady jungle. (Spoiler alert: he doesn’t.)

“I’m 100 percent stepping up for my sister in Roy-yer’s absence!” Leah proudly declares.

Meanwhile, in Orlando, Briana is making her way down to Ye Olde Planned Parenthood to see if her unprotected lil’ romp with Luis has left her Dr. Miami-enhanced vajanayyy with any unexpected ailments.

That’s right, kids…it’s time to get checked for STDs!

Bri’s trusty pal “Shirley” rides along for the STD test trip. (She’s probably hoping to pick up a little penicillin herself to add to her stash…you know, just in case she meets a rando in da club, too!) 

Briana is nervous that Luis’ sperm-shooter was crawling with disease.

“I should have blasted my lady parts with a fire hose after sleeping with that syphilis sponge!”

As they walk into the clinic, “Shirley” tells Briana that the next time she wants to bang Luis—or any other loser of her choosing for that matter— she should remember this moment. 

Surprisingly, we are actually allowed to go into the clinic with Briana, so we get to hear all about her recent sexy-time escapades.

She tells the nurse that, over the last year, she’s banged two guys, and that she’s not sure if those two guys were banging other girls too. She also admits to getting liquored up before banging. (Hey, I’d need to down a whole gallon of vodka before being able to bed Luis, so I can’t really fault her there…)

Briana pees in a cup and gets her blood drawn to see which of the many fun STDs Luis has gifted her with this time.

Roxanne trying to guess how many hamburger joint DJs Briana has banged over her lifetime…

Later, the King of Chlamydia himself— Luis— calls Briana. She gives the phone to Stella, who, even after being told that Luis is her dad, has no clue who the big bald headed dude with the creepy smile is. Luis offers to meet up with the Dejesus Coven when they go to another city for Nova’s gymnastics competition. Briana tells Luis that they are getting “a hotel and stuff” and Luis jumps at the chance to go. 

Ol’ Lu ain’t gonna miss his chance to roll his oafy body around those Red Roof Inn sheets, y’all! 

He promises to help with Sienna….er…Stella…yeah, that’s it. Stella.

“I can be an unemployed DJ like Daddy!”

Over in Indiana, newly-licensed cosmetologist Jade finishes up her hours for school, as she continues working in the family business – slingin’ chicken at Sanders Family Kitchen – to make ends meet. 

Sean, working to earn his keep at home/convince Jade to lift his video game restriction.

Later on, Jade’s mom Christy meets up with her to celebrate her passing her cosmetology test and she brings Chloe Khloe Kloie along, because Sean has already helped out once this week, which is basically his limit. 

Clowee Klowee Kloie brings her mom a “proud of you” balloon that Christy probably snagged from a continuation school graduation party that was held down at Sanders.

Nothing says “Good job” quite like secondhand Mylar balloon covered in chicken grease, am I right!?

Not surprisingly, Jade is less than impressed when the two walk up to meet her.

Says the woman with seemingly inflamed eyelids.

As Jade gets her daughter settled into her highchair, Christy hones in on the table offerings and does some celebrating of her own for the “good eatin’” she’s about to dig into, courtesy of MTV.

She looks like she’s about to spittle her pants with excitement as she paws at the pork rinds sitting on the table.

“Maybe this ‘Teen Mom’ nonsense isn’t so bad after all!”

After Christy gets over the excitement from all the free fried items, she tells Jade how proud of her she is. Christy can’t believe that Jade finished her classes—- and that she wasn’t even court-ordered to do so!

Something tells me that Christy ain’t so big on the schoolin’ and such.

Christy then starts grilling chicken Jade about her relationship with Sean, which Jade assures her mom is moving slowly at the moment.

While Jade is rambling on about her baby daddy drama, Christy (like the rest of us), appears to lose interest and starts looking away.

“If we made chicken rinds down at Sanders, we’d make a ding-dang fortune, we would!”

Christy then, out of nowhere, changes the subject to cash money…which she has none of.

I’ll give you a moment to get over your shock…

“Right now, my money is gone,” Christy croaks before suggesting that she (and her husband, naturally) bunk up with Jade for a few months and pay her rent. 

That face you make when someone who just told you they have no money wants to move in with you and “pay you rent.”

Jade looks understandably horrified, but Christy promises they’ll keep their drama (and drug use and yelling) to a minimum. Before getting a solid “yes,” Christy announces they’ll be moving in that Sunday. 

“Wouldn’t you guys be cozier sleeping in one of the booths at the restaurant? Just think you’d get first dibs on snacking on the fry vat grease in the morning!”

Meanwhile, Kail’s boys are with their respected respective fathers, so she flies to San Diego for “work.” Kail reveals that earlier in the week, her sister (who we affectionately call’s mom passed away, as did Kail’s grandmother, and orchestrating the trips to attend the funerals caused a “big fight with Jo.” 

Kail’s friend Kristen, who has tagged along for the sole purpose of being Kail’s sounding board this episode, marches in to Kail’s hotel room to begin her shift. 

“Designated friend, reporting for duty!”

Kail tells Kristen that Jo got angry because she left Isaac with a friend of hers and Jo only allows Isaac to be babysat by relatives. Kail explained to Jo that she doesn’t have a family like he does, but Jo wasn’t having it. The next day, however, Jo sent a text apologizing to Kail for losing his cool. Kail, of course, says she’s still annoyed. 

Later on while Kail is recording her podcast with her co-host Lindsie Chrisley, she gets a texts from Jo asking if she can come to a counseling session with him. 

“I almost wish he’d start rapping again, just so he’d have a hobby and leave me alone!”

Kail tells Kristen that afternoon about her plans to go to counseling with Jo, noting that she’s only going to get on the same page with him regarding parenting Isaac. 

Well, I mean, that and having a storyline for the next episode…

Up in South Dakota, beanie-wearing business woman (aka Human Ambien) Chelsea is “working” on her clothing line for Taco Belles…or whatever the hell this company is called. Basically, though, she’s unboxing basic-as-hell clothing that Laurie slapped the name “Chelsea DeBoer” onto.  

“They’ll never suspect a thing!”

Later that day, Chelsea and Cole have a baby-talk convo about Chelsea’s clothing line, one of the three storylines she’s serving up this season – the other two being Adam/Adam’s family and her anxiety. 

Don’t encourage it, Coley.

Chelsea tells Cole she used to be nervous when meeting with Laurie because of her anxiety, but attending therapy and reading books has helped her. In one of her books, Chelsea learned about the love languages of children. Chelsea says she believes Aubree’s love language is quality time, so she decides to sign the two of them up for a cookie decorating class.

“And unlike Grandma Donna, we won’t randomly drop these off on someone’s front porch.”

Because she knows her mom is likely to turn the outing into an opportunity to ask questions about her dad, Aubree invites her friend Kenna to meet them at the class. Kenna’s mom Ayla comes along, too, because as previously mentioned, Chelsea needed someone to talk to about moto jackets/anxiety/Adam.

During the class, they decorate cookies shaped like foxes and other woodland creatures (shocker), while Chelsea forces Aubree to admit she likes doing things with her more than Cole. 

I think that’s nice…

Back in Indiana, it’s moving day for Jade’s mom Christy and her “plucked straight from ‘Tiger King'” husband Corey. Christy goes in and meets Klowie  Qlowi  Kloie at the door and they start howling at each other. (As you do). Meanwhile, Corey is huffing and puffing to move their mismatched luggage and assorted drug scales and whatnot into Jade’s humble abode. 

“Be careful with this one! It contains our complete collection of collectible McDonald’s NBA glasses!”

Christy tells Jade she applied for an apartment but they’ll be at her house for at least a couple of weeks. Jade says it’s good for Khlowy Chlowy Kloie to have Christy at the house, but admits she’s only really doing it because it’s temporary and it’s “what a nice daughter does.” 

That’s the understatement of the century, Jade…

Jade tells the camera that she doesn’t want her mom watching the baby a lot, because she’s afraid Christy’s bad habits (not to mention Christy’s Dollar General imitation Chanel No. 5 perfume) will rub off on Kloie.

A week into Jade’s Summer Camp for Parents and Deadbeat Baby Daddies, Christy hasn’t been helping (shocker) and Jade’s patience is wearing thin. Jade tells Sean during one of his video game breaks that their relationship seems to be getting better and she doesn’t want her parents to get in the middle of it, which shouldn’t happen, considering that would require actual effort on Christy and Corey’s part.

Later in Delaware, we see Kail recording another podcast, this time with a psychic medium named Monica, whom Kail seems a bit skeptical of at first, despite admitting she’s been to mediums in the past. 

“Go ahead, girl. Dazzle me with your proficiency in reading The Ashley’s Reality Roundup!”

The medium tells Kail she senses a fourth child and though she knows Kail wants a girl, she believes it will probably be a boy. Kail tells the medium she’s “not having another boy,” but Monica assures her it’s likely, it may just be while. 

“Well I guess you have to have a significant other, right?” Kail tells her.

Kail, patiently waiting for Monica the medium to mention the initials “CL.”

Monica tells Kail that is “so funny,” to which Kail replies, “also, not true, but… .“ 

Monica the Medium then picks up on Kail’s tumultuous relationship with her mom, claiming Kail’s aunt (who has passed away) is trying to come through. Monica starts to get emotional while talking about Kail’s mom, which in turn, causes Kail to tear up as well. Two days later, Kail is still in San Diego and doing a photoshoot for her hair care line. While at the shoot, she gets a call from her mom and despite the producers (shamelessly) asking her to put the call on speaker, she steps out of the room instead.

Meanwhile, back in West Virginia, Leah takes Victoria down to Da Clinic to get a sonogram done. Leah reminds her sister (at every possible opportunity) that her baby daddy is thousands of miles away, but assures Victoria that she has nothing to worry about because she’s “the baby daddy now.”


When the ultrasound tech asks Victoria if she got married before getting pregnant…

Soon, the Messers are arriving in Costa Rica, where Victoria spots Roy-yer and flies into his arms. Later, Leah decides to talk to Roy-yer to make sure he’s serious about Victoria and the baby.

Um…shouldn’t someone have made sure he’s serious about them before there was a baby? 

This question is applicable to basically every action taken by the Messer sisters, pretty much…

The scene then begins to resemble the part of a 16 and Pregnant episode in which all the braces-wearing friends gather around the knocked up girl and ask questions about how she ended up pregnant.

“Did you ask her if she was on birth control?” Leah asks Roy-yer.

Again, this statement is basically how all of us react to every action the Messer sisters make…

Roy-yer assures Leah that staying with Victoria and the baby “es the goal.” Leah basically threatens his life if he ditches out on her. (We all know Mama Dawn will Greyhound-bus her ass down to Costa Rica and beat him to death with wershin’ board if he bails out on her pregnant daughter!) 

The next day, Leah, Victoria and Roy-yer go to meet Roy-yer’s family. They then soggy- step their way to a random park, where they proceed to sit (in the rain) and discuss Victoria’s relationship. It looks (and sounds) absolutely miserable. 

Leah then reminds Victoria yet again that she has no support.

“Gee, tell me again. I didn’t hear you the first 300 times you told me that…”

Victoria thanks Leah (again) for her support, telling her that “none of this would be possible without you.”

(She must have resisted the urge to add “and your MTV paycheck” to the end of that sentence.)

“But you know we were all thinkin’ it!”

Finally, we check in one last time with Briana. She is talking to Roxanne about allowing Luis to go with them to Nova’s competition.

“If he wants to come, I’m gonna let him come,” Briana says.

Um…clearly…I mean, that’s how you got Stella!

Luis arrives for the sweet stay in the hotel, and then heads to the competition with the DeJesus Coven. Stella says hello to him and he immediately tells her to “Take a chill pill, man.”

That’s some Ward Cleaver level of parenting right there!

 Later, Bri goes to her car to Facetime “Shirley.” She then reveals that, while she and Lu were laying in that hotel bed, they banged…again. Shirley’s not even surprised. This time, Bri can’t even blame the booze for her banging.

To read The Ashley’s other ‘Teen Mom 2’ recaps, click here!

(Photos: MTV) 


13 Responses

  1. Jade’s mom is just.. wow. Completely disgusting inside and out.
    Her grandpa however… GILF.

    The medium scene was so dumb, a 10 minute google could have told her all of this shocking info. Eye roll. I’m really confused about why Kail wouldn’t ask JO to take Isaac while she went to Texas? Like wha? Don’t they live quite close? You’d think that’d be the obvious solution…

    Every single girl bores me this season. Complete snooze fest I honesty don’t know why I’m watching. (Okay it’s for The Ashley)

  2. God that girl is so desperate, and a fool. She runs her mouth about him then sleeps with him, then badmouths him publicly for sympathy of bearing the single mother with a no-good baby daddy cross. She enjoys emasculating insults but then bangs the dude.

    Her and Kail has that in common.

  3. Leah, Your nails are gross!

    Bri, Your actions are even grosser!

    Chelsea, I love ya, but get rid of that stinkin winter cap.

    Jade, you can do better if you ditch the free loading family.

    Kail, the only one who works. I felt bad for her this week.

    Ashley, the best line ever : “who got herself knocked up when she let Roy-yer put his banana in her unprotected papaya while on vacation a while back”

  4. Briana is obnoxiously desperate. Once again Stella was looking at Luis like he had grown an extra head, because she doesnt know who he is…what the hell is wrong with Briana?? Luis has been trash to her and Stella this entire time, but she continues to act like his doormat, all the while constantly being short with and screaming at Devoin…But I will say the next episode, I did feel bad for her when she got the news he gave her an STD. The shock on her face, you could tell it was a little wake-up call. Maybe she’ll start being nicer to Devoin, and realize that Luis is a disgusting deadbeat, but I doubt it…She even said something along the lines of if she tells Luis that he burned her that she’s afraid he would probably disappear again…In all honesty, it would probably be best for everyone if Luis did disappear.

  5. Briana and Kail could expand the show to STI information as well. This show has been on 10 years, Im surprised they haven’t. If Deb is looking for Farrah to rejoin the show, this also may be a perfect opportunity. They can all talk about their STI experiences.

  6. Chelsea is boring AF, her segments is like watching paint dry …

    And that babyvoice .. Girl you are almost 30, stop

    I don’t really like any of the girls, but at least the other girls segments don’t make you tired …

    And I know people love this girl, and yes she is the most pulled together, she is also the only girl who come from a stable family with money and never really had to make an effort in anything. She was/is so lazy.
    The fact that she was going to get married and have more babies was always clear.

    But yeah .. Just as plain as that cheapass clothes she is hawking

  7. GREAT recap. It had my favorite “as you do”…love it! I cannot believe this sh*t show is still on, I haven’t watched in a loooong time. But I can’t resist “The Ashleys’ hysterical take on things, SO much better than the actual show, it gives serious belly laughs!

  8. The most shameful thing Briana has done is let Luis bang her when he has not been present for their daughter at all. She is basically negating everything she says badly about him when she does this crap. I don’t understand how girls go back to a guy who ISNT THERE FOR HIS CHILD. Letting Luis come and go is exactly why he does it, because she lets him get away with it.

  9. Chelsea is my fav she has her flaws but she’s still a loving mom. Just wish she would drop the Adam talk and storyline for Aubrees sake.
    I’d be upset if my child was left with a “friend” too kail.
    It’s sad when Leah is the stable one in the fam.
    Jade needs to run far far away and never look back. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean you owe them anything. Break the cycle!
    Bri has an std then got in bed with the guy immediately after diagnosis?! Now that’s a special kind of stupid.
    Please let this show end!!!!!!

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