Howdy, fellow trash TV lovers! It’s time to check in again with MTV’s favorite not-so-underage breeders, the gals of Teen Mom 2! It’s basically business as usual in DumpsterFireVille, with Kail boy-momming hard, Chelsea preparing to pop out yet another DeBoer-lette, Leah trying to deal with her sass-mouthin’ girlseses, Briana yapping about her baby daddies and Jade threatening to box Sean.
In a time of uncertainty, it’s nice to know things on this show never change. (Also, this episode was drier than Mama Dawn‘s hair after she pours the Clorox over it. The Ashley did her best to make it exciting, but even she can’t make it “well.”)
First, we head to the holler, where Leah is preparing to help ’em girlseses with their virtual learnings. She is also taking Addie to her first dance class since “The Covid” tried to ruin their ding-dang lives!
Addie is worried about wearing her mask whilesssst dancing.
They call up Jeremy and talk about Addie starting the E-learningseses. Leah mentions that, because Addie is learning from home, Leah is now her mom, teacher and principal. (No doubt that comment made Jerm all hot and bothered, picturing Leah all suited up as a naughty E-learnin’ teacher.)
Addie sass-mouths Leah, and eventually just flat-out tells her to “Be quiet.”
(Ooooh, child. If Mama Dawn hears you speaking to your mama like, she’ll tan your hide with a spatula!)
Leah, as per usual, just lets the sass-mouth situation slide.
Next, we head to South Dakota, where Chelsea is celebrating the fact that Cole is COVID-free. They hire a photographer and head to their new house for a gender reveal.
I’m telling you: the real money is in being a photographer in one of these girls’ towns. With all their gender reveals, baby announcements, “I’m STD-free” and whatnot photoshoots, you could make a killing capturing the Kodak moments for a ‘Teen Mom’ girl.
On the way to the gender reveal, Chelsea asks her existing litter what they’re hoping the new baby is, a boy or a girl. She gets answers out of Watson and Layne but Aubree is on her— wait for it— cell phone so she could care less.
Armed with some confetti poppers, Chelsea and her crew reveal they’ll be adding another baby girl to the family. Everyone is surprised and excited. Well, almost everyone.
A couple of days later, Chelsea and the fam head back to the new house to let the kids run around in the mud while construction takes place around them as they discuss the upcoming school year.
Chelsea and Cole decide Aubree should return to class instead of doing virtual school because her grades were suffering a few months before after being forced to learn while her little siblings run amuck in the cabin. As for Watson, Cole wants to hold off on sending him to pre-school, being that he would be starting a year early anyway; however, because Chelsea wears the pants
and flannel shirts in the family, she tells Cole it’s best that Watson heads to school now in order to be around people his own age.
On the bright side, maybe he’ll learn a thing or two and will be able to teach his parents to talk like adults.
Meanwhile in Indiana, Jade and Sean are trying to get over their big fight because Qlowei’s birthday is the next day. Producer Eric tries to get the dirty deets on the fight, but Sean shuts him down, saying that if he talks about their fight, it’s going to cause another fight. (Sean knows his ass will be sleeping outside in the doghouse if he doesn’t watch his damn mouth!)
Kloweey starts acting up, so Sean tries to get her to behave by screaming “Dude” at her multiple times. Shockingly, it doesn’t work and she runs around screaming some more. Jade calls up her mom Christy to chat about her babysitting experience the night before.
Christy reports that Kllowii can be really sweet but then becomes “bad as hell.” Jade agrees, and everyone just bags on poor Clowyee, right in front of her.
“You’re being a butthole, dude!” Sean tells her at one point.
Save it for the baby book, Sean!
Next, we go to Florida to check in with Briana. As per usual, she’s complaining that Devoin and Luis aren’t helping her. She’s also preparing for Nova’s upcoming birthday, so she’s got to plan that too.
It’s still dark out, but Bri heads to drop the girls at school. Later, when the sun’s finally come up, Bri and Brittany stuff their faces and talk crap on Devoin and his family. Bri says Devoin’s mom may come to Nova’s birthday party. (No word yet if she’ll actually come in, though. Her feet may be hurtin’ again!)
Briana says she and Devoin got into a “big ass” fight. (How big? Like…post-Dr. Miami surgery big?) Of course, the big ass fight was about money, which Briana and Devoin both claim to have none of.
Briana isn’t buying that Devoin’s actually broke, given his tendency to post photos on Instagram of himself holding money (as you do), and “posting thousands of dollars of Gucci sneakers” (Um?)
“Like, he be posting photos of money!” Briana declares.
We are then treated to a series of Instagram photos in which Devoin is modeling said Gucci sneakers and other designer goods…in a parking garage.
Over in Delaware, Kail is struggling with baby Creed or “Baby Difficult,” as she says he should’ve been named. Kail tells Producer Patrick that Creed is tongue-tied, making it difficult for him to eat and as a result, a bit fussier than her previous three boys. Creed is set to have the issue resolved in a week, but in the meantime, Kail is just trying to manage… and Patrick is just trying to work in these conditions.
Kail tells Patrick that aside from picking up some diapers the week Creed was born, Chris has been a no-show in this whole child-raising ordeal.
She also reveals that while in labor, Creed stopped breathing at one point. Kail goes on to talk about how distraught Chris appeared to be in that moment and says because her midwife was not a doctor and the nearest hospital was 45 minutes away, that moment was an example of the peace of mind “you don’t have when you do a home birth.”
Speaking of peace of mind, Kail switches gear to tell Patrick that Chris has zero custody of Creed and supervised visits of Lux… so there’s that.
Meanwhile, in West Virginia, Leah goes to meet Corey Tyler and pick up the twinseses. They’ve just had their first day of E-learning schoolin’ and Leah’s eager to hear all about it. Corey Tyler tells her that he hopes they’ll be able to survive having to teach the girlseses.
The next day, Leah gets all the girlseses settled in, fires up that AOL Broadband and instructs them to pay attention. Addie mentions that Leah might be their meanest principal ever, due to some menstrual matters.
Mommy’s on her period!” Addie declares gleefully.
Leah (and her trusty Tampax) lines the girlseses up against the wall, mugshot-style, for a “First Day of School” pic.
Producer Brandon talks to Leah about the level of discipline the girlseses will have while learning at home.
“Nothing!” Addie screeches. “I can tell you that right now!”
Leah calls up Jerm to report that Addie is talking crap, but Addie throws it right back at Jerm, telling him that he won’t discipline her either.
Jeremy threatens to throw Addie’s stuff away, but Addie isn’t worried because she knows he won’t actually do it, because “it’s a waste of money.”
Leah doesn’t do much to deal with her sass mouth. She goes to check on Ali, who insists that she’s “readed a lot.”
Leah’s school is not well…
The next day, Leah drags the girlseses to the trusty deserted park to ask them how their E-learning experience has been going. The girlseses are sad they can’t learn in person with their friends, so naturally, Leah explains how hard it was for her to have them E-learning. She then makes them all put their hands in for a “girl power” chant.
Aleeah looks like she wants to jump in the lake and swim her way back to Corey Tyler’s house.
Meanwhile, in Florida, it’s the day of Nova’s birthday party. Briana has rented a house and crammed a bunch of little kids and adults into it because….apparently that’s safer than having a COVID-fest at your own house? Everyone knows you can’t pass or catch COVID in an Air BnB!
Devoin skateboards over to the party, but must first talk with Producer Vanessa outside about his argument with Bri. He mentions that he apologized to Briana for being out of line, mostly so he and his family could come to the birthday party for Nova.
No one is wearing a mask (except Devoin and his family). Brittany is all decked out like she just went shopping at the swapmeet in the 1990s. Naturally, she’s booty-popping over by the cake.
They bring out Nova’s birthday cake, which has a giant candle on top. Nova can’t blow it out herself, so a whole gang ‘o’ DeJesus gals blow all over the cake…in a pandemic…in a small room packed with people.
I think that’s nice…
Outside, Roxy tells Briana that, although their family is a complete trainwreck, it’s good that they can all come together for Nova. Briana says she’s tired of Devoin and his family coming over only during happy times and not helping out during the struggles.
Back in South Dakota, Cole is preparing for Watson’s first day of school by giving him a tutorial on how to wear a mask. Though he’s only 3, Watson seems unbothered when Cole loops the smile face mask around his ears… probably because Watson has already spent months living in terror as a result of whatever the hell Cole has been wearing on his own face.
On the way to drop off Watson at school, Watson tells Chelsea he’s going to play with friends and “run in” to the school, meanwhile, Cole is driving the car and trying not to have a complete meltdown.
After walking Watson inside, Cole admits to Chelsea that he shed some tears on the way out of the school and Chelsea pretends to be surprised by this news.
Back in Delaware, Kail is on the struggle bus. She’s tending to newborn Creed and toddler Lux, all while downing giant caffeinated beverages, and checking on Lincoln and Isaac’s virtual school assignments. She explains to them the difference between “submit” and “resubmit.” (Thrilling stuff, we tell ya. Where’s Amber with her machete when you need to spice up a scene?!)
It’s time for Creed to have his tongue-tie clipped. (Jesus God Leah, someone please tell me this is not as terrifyingly painful as it sounds!)The ever-dependable Natalie shows up to watch Lux so Kail can take Creed to his appointment. An hour later, Kail calls her friend Kristen to tell her that the ear, nose and throat doctor told her that Creed is not tongue-tied, despite the midwife and pediatrician telling her that he was.
Kail is pissed that she drove an hour for Creed to have this procedure done for nothing and she’s also concerned that Creed has sleeping issues. She comes to the conclusion that Creed is just a difficult baby.
Hmm, we can’t imagine who he gets that from…
Meanwhile, in Indiana, it’s time for
Dude’s Kloo-i’s birthday dinner. Christy and Corey, never ones to miss a free meal, arrive at the restaurant. Christy starts singing a gravelly version of “Happy Birthday” but Clo-ee screams over her because she’s scared of a Mercedes driving by.
Soon, the entire crew is screaming “Happy Birthday” (all while Christy is probably busy stuffing free breadsticks into her purse for later.)
They discuss sending Kloooyi to school or daycare, but Jade makes sure to point out that Sean is just “sitting at home” so there’s no reason to pay for daycare. Christy, ever the entrepreneur, suggests that Sean could “go out and deliver food…or something” to fill the time.
That suggestion doesn’t go over well with Sean, who reminds everyone he’s planning to go back to school. (‘Member? He wants to “do music…and stuff, dude.”)
Jade and Sean then begin to bicker over who controls who. Christy, being the classy society lady that she is, starts to become concerned that their fight is causing a scene and making people look at them. She encourages them to bicker in the comfort of their own home because their arguing is putting a damper on her free food.
Jade reminds them that her and Sean fight all day, every day, no matter where they are.
Later, Jade is out on the street, bitching to Producer Eric and Christy about how awful Sean is. She says he’s lazy and reminds them that she went to school and worked for a year straight.
“He ain’t built like we are,” Christy says.
UMMMM…I’M SORRY. What is this we you speak of, Christy?
“Not everyone is as smart as us,” Christy adds.
In the words of Amber Portwood… I’M DONE!
To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode of ‘Teen Mom 2,’ click here!
Leah needs to reign Addie in.
Not sassy it’s just plain rude.
I cried laughing while reading this!!
Thank you for the much needed laughs.
I wasn’t a fan of Devoin in the early seasons, but he’s really come a long way and now I prefer him to dumba$$ Briana! Her crying about money is just dumb and not even believable at this point, even if she makes less than the other girls, you know she’s doing pretty damn good to pay all cash for a brand new house! Just another fake storyline that goes on year, after year, after year…boring.
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Hilarious recap I always read this before even watching the show
BEST. RECAP. EVER. I had to read it twice LOL
I am so glad she posted about the entire family blowing on the cake DURING A PANDEMIC! Both of them had a scare too (the sisters) and had to get tested. So then you decide to throw this bday party and blow on the cake and not wear masks. Cool bro, cool. lol
And the end..t.v. gold when her mom says “he isn’t as smart as us” umm…I couldn’t stop laughing! Wow, it’s a lot. lol
MORONS!!! And I am convinced they’re the type of people who don’t believe COVID is real. Briana already threw a temper tantrum because MTV asked her booooyyyyyfrrrieennnnddddd (in Bab’s voice) to regularly test for COVID.
I am so confused by the Creed is tongue tied but not. I just went through this with my newborn and if they are tongue tied you can see it, visually it’s evident. My kids was minor but had all the visual signs and I took him 3 days to get clipped. The ENT did say that sometimes it’s so severe it can’t just be clipped and requires more extensive surgery. I feel like there is more to this story.
Bri has got to stop acting like Devoin is some half assed father. He’s there for not only Nova, but Stella as well. There’s not a lot of guys that would do that, and even less that would put up with her shit. And as for his family being involved, she doesn’t allow anyone to be involved unless it benefits HER in some way, shape, or form. She’s a sad, pathetic, bitter ass baby mama.
I couldn’t have said it better.
You are exactly right!
They treat Devoin like absolute crap, talk about him & his family like dogs… meanwhile they don’t trash Luis like that ,
AND HE IS WAY WORSE
GAVE HER AN STD ..
They act like Luis walks on water because they’re scared he’s going to walk away. LET HIM. He ain’t shit anyway! I think Devoin might be right about this being an underlying racial issue.
Addie is obnoxious.
Agreed. So much smart mouth, too much in grown folk’s business.
“I’m STD-free” photoshoot! LMAO!
I know Addy is sassy and lacks discipline, but that girl is smart and has her parents pegged. She’s going to go far in life, you mark my words (no sarcasm here)!
I do luv Miss Addie…from afar. She is VERY bright and grown folks PUT her in their business. However…she needs a little bit of discipline before it gets out of hand as a teen.
The Ashley, yet again you’ve managed to find water in a rock! The episode may have been dry, but the recap (and captions!) were, as always, entertaining! I don’t know *how* (given the original material you’re working with) but kudos to you, well-done!
Kail had a home birth 45 MINUTES from the nearest hospital?! What if she would’ve had a postpartum hemorrhage, retained placenta, placental abruption, or one of the other rare but very real situations that happen to women even with the healthiest of pregnancies. Those children could have been left without a mother, and Creed would’ve essentially been an orphan. I’m not against home births, when you’re close to a hospital in case an emergency transfer is needed and you have a CNM that has a working relationship with a respected obstetrician. NOT some lay midwife that has literally NO medical training whatsoever, and carry NO malpractice insurance in the event something goes wrong.And how do they know the baby quit breathing when she was in labor? A baby doesn’t take its first breath until it’s born. She probably either meant they couldn’t find his heart rate with the ancient fetoscope that most midwives use, or he really did quit breathing after birth. Thank God he’s alright, because again, they were 45 minutes from a hospital. SMH
I was thinking the same damn thing! How irresponsible!
I never considered a home birth- EVER. I don’t know why anyone really would. I feel like it’s honestly become a “trend” to do it at home. A way to seek attention for being “different”. Like it proves something. I don’t get it. Oh wait, those are all the reasons Kail does anything. It’s way too dangerous and in this day and age, a hospital could pretty much be the reason a child with birth complications lives or dies. But we all know Kail doesn’t care. Just another way to stay on the MTV bankroll. She’d probably just use her child dying as a way to get more attention and would probably promptly get pregnant again.
I always think about the mess & who is doing the cleanup?
Aside from the billion other reasons like health, safety etc.
Statistically you are much more likely to receive interventions at a hospital birth than a home one.
I would love a home birth, the arrogance and incompetence I experienced when my first baby was born was why I almost gave birth in a lift – they were still talking about pitocin when I was about to push. Some midwives and nurses are so utterly clueless it is scary.
That said, I’m only 5mins from hospital, not sure 45mins would sit well with me.
Anyway, there’s my two pennies on home birth lol.
Very valid points. Kails weight puts her at an increased risk of complications too.
Kid ya not, when I heard christy at the end, my first though was, “The Ashley is going to have a field day with this!” 😂😂😂
Hahaha, Sean went to the Jenelle School of Dude Parenting.
No-one ever graduates, Sean, no-one.
Haha, I thought this exact thing. They need to have a “dude-off” competition.
Maybe he can also attend her Dude School for music & “dance” …
Beings he wants to go to college for “doin’Music” & all🤣😂😅
What a TRAIN WRECK!
At the end when Christy said “He’s not smart like us”
Seriously, The whole damn show/cast is an absolute dumpster fire.
Leah, teaching… anything….. the girlsessez are SCREWED!
Sorry this was so long,
At least you
READED A LOT TODAY 🤪🤨🤣😂
These people sure know how to waste money. Why would you rent a whole house for your kids birthday when you just… bought a house???
And doesn’t she complain she doesn’t have money?!
Because can’t catch “the rona” at a rented house hahahahahahahahahaha
I love the Ashley re-caps.
as. you. do.