It’s been months since Kail Lowry welcomed twins with her live-in lover Elijah Scott, but the former Teen Mom 2 star finally confirmed that her sixth and seventh children are here! On Friday’s episode of Kail’s Barely Famous podcast, Kail and Elijah told the twins’ birth story.
Put on your snorkel and get ready to hold someone’s foot, because The Ashley is recapping this deep dive into Kail’s birth…
“Let’s talk about the birth story of the twins,” Kail says.
Elijah, a master wordsmith and all-around vibrant personality, mutters, “….Uhhh…What about it?”
Never did I imagine that I’d long for the days of a Kail baby daddy wearing a fishing hat and muttering into an Instagram Live but here we are. At least Chris showed a little personality. Where’s Rappin’ Jo Jo Rivera when you need him?
Anyway, the couple then launches into the tale of how Kail expelled not one but two Spawn ‘o’ Elijah from her body. She starts by telling us that she was (shockingly) unhappy with the dates the hospital gave her to choose from to have the twins carved out of her. (Despite the fact that these are Kail’s sixth and seventh kids, she’s always heaved her kids out of her hoo-ha and had never had a C-section before.)
Kail found the C-section date choices unsatisfactory because they were all between the birthdays of some of her other spawns’ birthdays. She knew she was going to have to have a C-section, though, because one of the Lil’ Lijahs was breech.
Kail rattles on about putting up blinds, yelling at someone on the phone and other stuff no one cares about, as Elijah offers the occasional “yeah” so that we all know he’s still conscious.
Kail says that she felt like she was in labor but waited a bit before telling Elijah. She then launches into a talk about mucus plugs and whatnot and, I’m sorry, but I just can’t. I know childbirth is natural and beautiful and yada yada but please allow me to refrain from having an visual of a champagne cork covered in bodily fluids popping out of Kail’s vajeen. Please and thank you.
Elijah is actually getting worse by the minute in his storytelling. His voice and delivery is the equivalent of watching Kail’s mucus plug dry. He makes Mackenzie‘s dead-behind-the-eyes ex Josh McKee look like Jim Carrey, I swear!
Kail says that she really wanted the twins to be born on a specific date, so she was willing to hold those babies in her spawn gutter for as long as necessary to make that happen.
I think that’s nice…
Elijah wasn’t down with Kail crossing her legs until she reached a “whole number” date on the calendar (um…what?) but Kail being Kail was determined to do it anyway. She said that almost all of her litter has matching numbers for their birthdate SO THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
Kail and Elijah finally go to the hospital (where she certainly has her own parking spot in the Labor & Delivery section).
Once at the hospital, they discover that Kail’s Gentleman Gobbler is already 5 centimeters dilated, which is halfway to baby time.
Elijah manages to put a whole sentence together (!) to tell us that Kail was nervous to get a C-section.
“There were so many people in the room, it felt like my 16 and Pregnant episode!” Kail says.
After listening to a commercial in which Kail’s friend Kristen talks about her man’s foot odor (as you do), we’re back with more of the riveting tale of how the latest Kail-lets were expelled from Kail’s overworked womb.
Kail said she was yelling at the doctors to bring Elijah in, but then immediately started throwing up mac ‘n’ cheese after the drugs went in. So now we have a visual of a screaming Kail, heaving out bright yellow Kraft. I’m surprised those twins didn’t crawl up into her small intestines and refuse to exit the building into that chaos.
AnyVomit, Kail tells us that she delivered her son first, and then Elijah tells us (via one sentence that takes five minutes to get out because he has to insert random 10-second pauses between each word) that the baby girl was born a few moments later.
Randomly, Kail asks Elijah if they’re going to have more kids.
“How you gonna do that?” he responds.
She then admits that she had a tubal litigation (aka had her fallopian tubes closed.)
The Ashley is just going to take a moment to pay homage to what may be the hardest working reproductive organs this side of Michelle Duggar‘s. You had a nice run, guys. Enjoy your well-deserved retirement.
Naturally, Kail requested to see her tubes after they were removed. She also adds that, since the procedure, she’s had short periods of regret about getting fixed.
She adds that, after having her fourth son Creed, she insisted that she was done having kids. However, she claims she “knew” she wasn’t done shooting out the spawn, given that she had five bedrooms put into her MTV McMansion.
Still she admitted that having “seven kids sounds crazy…it doesn’t feel crazy, yet, because the twins are still so new that they’re not chaotic.”
“But I’m like done. We’re done…right?” Kail asks Mr. Personality.
Oh dear Lord…I feel like there’s going to be a Barely Famous episode in 2025 all about how Kail valiantly goes back into the operating room to reverse her tied-up tubes so she can continue having more Elijah offspring.
Anyway, Kail says after her C-section drugs wore off, she was itchier and scratchier than a houseguest on Jenelle Evans‘ home The Land.
“I got a video of you acting crazy,” Elijah said.
(Um…so does MTV, hun…about 1000 seasons worth, to be fair.)
If the thought of Kail’s mucus plug, spewed-up mac ‘n’ cheese and/or tube cutting isn’t enough to make you want to upchuck your lunch, she then launches into the tale of how she split open her C-section incision and mistakenly thought her bodily fluids were actually water from her sink full of dishes.
I have no idea..
Kail says that Elijah had to change her diapers, then the twins and their one-year-old son Rio’s all at the same time while Kail recovered.
The episode gets brain-numbingly boring toward the last five or so minutes.
Elijah said that it was hard…and stuff…to watch someone get things taken out of her stomach and then get sewn back up…and stuff.
Kail then talks about how pieces of her fat were present on her babies when they came out of her.
SERIOUSLY WHY ARE WE LISTENING TO THIS!?!?!?!?!
JESUS GOD LEAH!
Finally, Elijah admits that he’s getting a vasectomy soon. Let’s hope they inject some personality while my dude’s numbed up because… MY GOD.
Mercifully Kail and Elijah decided to end the podcast here, but
threatened promised to do a “Part 2” to talk about bringing their twins home.
I’m not recapping the second part, don’t even ask! In the infamous words of Amber Portwood: I am DONE!
To read The Ashley’s other recaps, click here.
(Photos: Instagram; TikTok)