Despite repeatedly speaking out about his birth daughter Carly’s adoptive parents, Brandon and Teresa Davis, Tyler Baltierra says he also feels sympathy for them, as he believes they were victims of the American adoption industry just as he was.
During a recent interview with Dr. Kristin Kirkland for his Cate and Ty Break It Down! podcast, the ‘Teen Mom’ star spoke about the pitfalls of the American adoption industry, and shared his thoughts that people looking to adopt a child should first grieve the idea of having a child of their own before they’re allowed to bring an adopted child into their home.
Tyler, along with his wife Catelynn Lowell, has been very outspoken against the adoption industry in recent years. However, despite being cut off by Carly’s parents in 2024, Tyler said he still feels bad for Brandon and Teresa.
“When we share our story or share things about adoption, people get very defensive of the daughter we relinquished and her parents,” Tyler said. “And it’s like, I also feel that they are also a victim of this industry. And I don’t say that lightly because I feel like they had gone through their own grief and loss.”
Tyler stated that the adoption industry in America encourages infertile couples to just adopt rather than deal with the loss their infertility causes them to feel.
“I think the adoption industry kind of pushes more towards [telling adoptive parents], ‘Well, the solution to your infertility is adoption’ instead of, “Hey let’s get you into therapy for that,'” he said.
Tyler stated that when people say they can’t have children, his “immediate thought” is to say, “Well, you go to therapy for that.”
“Like, you go and you kind of dissect that grief and loss,” he said.
Tyler stated that infertile couples should be encouraged to go to therapy to grieve and deal with the loss of the idea of having their own children, rather than go to the adoption agency.
“My immediate thought is, well, you go to therapy [to deal with infertility].” Tyler said. “Like you go and you kind of dissect that grief and loss.
“Because I don’t want to minimize the loss that prospective adoptive parents feel when they can’t have children. I just feel like in this country, in this system, what are we prioritizing here? Are we prioritizing their inability to have children or are we going to prioritize the
innocent infant who’s being separated [from his birth parents] and doesn’t know what’s going on?”
Tyler noted that he and Catelynn spent the first three years after Carly’s adoption advocating for the concept of adoption. However, he feels like he should have spent that time grieving the loss of Carly rather than championing an industry he knew little about.
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“We went around the country talking about how great [adoption] was,” Tyler said. ” And, you know, Bethany Christian Services made pamphlets, and we went and spoke to universities about it. And, you know, me and Cate years later realized we were so numb and operating in that [space of adoption is] beautiful. It’s amazing…. we didn’t even really get time to…grieve the way that we felt like we were probably supposed to.”
He suspects that Brandon and Teresa— as well as other adoptive parents— experienced a similar situation.
“They [should be] able to, like, sit with that and grieve in their own way before jumping right into, ‘Well, I can’t have my own kid, so I’m just going to go adopt,'” he said.
Tyler and Dr. Kirkland agreed that people looking to adopt should undergo counseling before proceeding with an adoption.
“I absolutely think that those who adopt due to infertility, yes, absolutely [should go to counseling first],” Dr. Kirkland said, adding that infertility is one of the biggest motivators for couples to adopt. “… I think grief counseling can be really scary, but I think that it is absolutely necessary.”
Later in the podcast episode, Dr. Kirkland shared that her biological mother passed when she was very young, prompting her and Tyler to discuss the concept of bio parents waiting until the child turns 18 and contacts them.
“I know me and Cate get a lot of push-back as far as like [people saying], ‘Oh, wait until [Carly] is 18 and all this kind of stuff for her to reach out,'” Tyler said. “And it’s one of those things where it’s like, the more I’m hearing stories, it’s like, waiting to 18, that doesn’t work for a lot of people.”
Tyler stated that having an adoptee find out their biological parent(s) have passed away is a “huge loss” for them, even if they have no relationship with their bio parents.
“It’s the loss of the unknown,” he said. “…I think that is a lifelong pain that can never really be fulfilled or fixed or anything. So I think it’s important that we kind of prioritize adoptees— even when they’re minors, even when they’re younger [over infertile couples wanting to adopt].”
“Because— adoptive parents— I really believe that your duty is to not raise this child like you would [raise] a biological child, because they’re not,” he added. “And I think it’s kind of unfair to try to raise an adopted child the same as you would a biological child because it’s not the same, you know?”
You can listen to Tyler’s full interview with Dr. Kirkland here.
