The Ashley’s Tips For a Happy Fourth of July


The Ashley wishes all of her readers a very happy 4th of July! Some tips to ensure you have a great day:

  • Be careful with those sparklers. Those little crapnuggets can burn down really quick and burn the hell out of your finger. (I always laugh when I see parents give their kids these on 4th of July because they think they are safer than other fireworks. You’re essentially giving your child fire on a stick… but hey, they’re your spawn, not mine.) These things have also been responsible for scorching a whole lot of toes. (The Ashley knows from experience!)
  • Avoid those big community firework “spectaculars.” You’ll wait in a line of cars for an hour to get in, circle the parking lot for another hour, leaving just enough time to catch the last of  the set of a band playing patriotic hits. Then, when the big fireworks start, you’ll be smushed into the bleachers with a lot of dirty, smelly people. Um…no thanks.
  • Hot dogs + Pabst Blue Ribbon + cannon-balling into the pool = very bad idea.
  • Don’t drink and drive. It’s selfish and crappy for everyone. If you’re the driver, you don’t really need that shot of Cabo Wabo.

That’s it! Take care and have a great 4th of July!!

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