Alright y’all! Pack your thrift store best and sensible flats, because this week on Jill & Jessa: Counting On, we’re heading to Central America for the first part of the show’s season finale! As you’ll remember, Jill is currently slumming it in Central America with son Israel and husband, Derick, doing missionary work to save the people of Central America from the eternal flames of hell….or something.
A bunch of Duggar family members are packing up to go visit Jill & Co., even though this probably isn’t the best time to go to Central America; considering the dangerous Zika virus is running rampant over there.
Ben and Jessa aren’t going to let a silly thing like a dangerous virus stop them from taking a paid-for-by-TLC vacation with their infant son, The Spurge, though.
Ben provides wisdom on how he plans to keep his family safe over in Heathen Country.
“We’re gonna have to be really careful about…you know…insect bites…and germs…and different stuff,” Ben says.
Sounds like a solid plan, Benny!
Before they can head on down to Central America, Ben and Jessa take The Spurge to get his passport photo. He seems to be trying to send help signals to the photographer to save him from his parents but she doesn’t notice. His photo, however, turns out extremely cute.
For some reason, the passport photo sesh turns into a flashback of Ben and Jessa’s courtship and marriage. They must really be running out of material to fill up an hour of this snoozefest each week!
Next, Ben and Jessa pack up some things for Jill and Derick.
“Jill and Derick sent a list of some things that would be very needful for them down there,” Jessa says. “Little rodent traps and little sticky things to catch the spiders.”
You know what would be really helpful to send down to a young couple in that part of the world right now? CONDOMS! A value-pack of Trojans would be extremely helpful to Jill and Derick, since we know the Duggar gals and their husbands are required to hump like rabbits, even if there’s a dangerous virus affecting pregnant women in the place that they’re living.
Unfortunately, we all know that ‘condom’ is essentially a bad word in Duggarville, so there are no rubbers packed. Instead, they decide to pack up some birthday supplies so they can throw Jill, Derick, and Izzy birthday parties while they are there.
Next, we get treated to a flashback of Jessa’s pregnancy and Spurge’s birth. WTF? Didn’t we already endure this hellfest a few months ago?
Finally, it’s time for the group to fly down to Central America. Before they fly off, though, we are randomly treated to a flashback that shows what a creep Josh is. While we are all about acknowledging Josh and his creepy grab-hands, what the hell does he have to do with a trip to Central America?
They board the plane and Ben is wearing a black cowboy hat and playing his guitar on the plane. No seriously. If he starts busting out his horrific rap rhymes, they may raise the terror alert color to orange.
To fill time, we watch a flashback scene talking about how it took them five days to come up with name Spurgeon.
“He’s probably one of the only ones in the world with the name Spurgeon,” John David says.
Well, let’s hope so.
They finally arrive in Central America, and Derick (who is looking more and more like Jesus by the episode) is there to meet them.
Ben, by the way, is now sporting an Indiana Jones hat. How does anyone take him seriously? He honestly should just be wearing a helmet at all times.
On part two of the season finale, the whole motley crew takes a trip to the orphanage. Jessa talks about how she and Ben really want to adopt. (Are they planning on stealing one of these babies and taking it home with them? If these knuckleheads are seen carrying an extra-large suitcase into and out of the orphanage, they need to be shaken down!)
We also get to hear Jill and Derrick talk more about their mission of converting poor locals to their specific brand of Christianity…which promotes having as many children as possible…even if you’re poor…or in a dangerous and disease-filled area.
We will also see Jessa and Jill discuss which one of them will have a second child first. Hopefully not Jill! Being pregnant in the land of the Zika virus doesn’t sound very safe to me! Perhaps a pregnancy is just what Jill needs to get her the hell out of Heathenville, though!
To read our previous recap of ‘Jill & Jessa: Counting On,’ click here!