On this week’s episode of Counting On, the producers decided to try something “brand new” to keep the dozens of people who watch this show interested: they’ve decided to replay clips that have already been shown! How inventive.
For this episode, all of the Duggar kids will be watching clips from the past season and will add their comments as they watch. So…basically they are going to be doing what they’ve done all season long: regurgitating old clips (that were barely watchable the first time around) to make new episodes.
We review all of the scenes with Jinger and her reason for living, her fiancé Jeremy. We catch up with Jessa as she smugly talks about her second pregnancy. Take that, Jing! You thought you were gonna one-up Jessa, but nobody puts Jessa in the production corner and takes away her screen time!
We find out that Jessa’s son, The Spurge, and the new baby will only be 15 months apart. (Is there any chance that we can somehow convince Jessa and Ben to name their second spawn Spurgina? Boy or girl, it’s a solid name, no?)
While watching a clip of Jessa forcing people to do free labor for her, Jill remarks, “It is kind of surprising that Jessa is having her second before me.”
The sadness is her voice when she says this is actually frightening. It’s almost like they are competing for their parents’ approval via babies popped out. Sorry, Jill, but I think Jessa will win this battle. After all, she’s mostly likely already enlisted poor “spinster” Jana to start having her babies for her after Spurgina breaks free from her blessing maker.
Derick, meanwhile, is hanging his man-bun-adorned head in shame at the fact that he has failed to impregnate his wife for the second time in two years. Damn you, Zika! Damn you to H-E-double hockey sticks!
Next, we get to relive the awesomeness that is the “Flame” episode. As you may recall, Flame is a Christian hip-hop artist from St. Louis that Ben is friends with. We get to hear Ben “spit bars” again, which is scary enough to serve as the soundtrack at your next Halloween party.
The producers, of course, use this opportunity to drag out all the Duggars one by one and ask them if they like rap music. Justin says he prefers poetry. Wait…what? That’s like asking someone what their favorite sandwich is and having them tell you that they like Hot Wheels. Oh…Duggars!
Most of the kids say that they prefer bluegrass. (It goes without saying that whatever bluegrass tunes that the Dugs are using to get down with their bad selves are free of any sexual content, or any mention of hugging before marriage, natch.)
Then there’s John David, whose robotic voice and confused hillbilly mug makes his next quote all that much better…
“The only rap I do is when I eat it…a chicken wrap, a turkey wrap. I eat wraps,” John David says.
Jana can be heard awkwardly giggling in the background like she can’t believe these people are her family. (You know that Jana secretly listens to Drake on her smuggled-in iPod when all of the Bible-thumpers go to bed.)
After that, Jill and Derick talk about their work in Central America. Jill gets emotional telling us about an instance where she had to hide in the bathroom with Israel one night because she thought someone was breaking in…but it was just the shower rack falling. Of course, having to live in fear of being kidnapped and tortured alongside your toddler is worth it if you can convert even one heathen Catholic to Christianity, the Dillards tell us.
“We’re willing to take that risk because of what’s at stake,” Derick says.
Fear not, Jill and Derick are bravely facing shower racks to spread to the word of the Lord!
Naturally, Jessa can’t let Jill have all the glory. She pipes up to state that when she and Ben went down there, she heard “gunshots all the time.” Poor Jessa!
They start talking about how Jill would have loved to have gone on the camping trip all the other siblings went on. Jill says, “as long as Derick was there to kill things for me.” And, swear on Jim Bob, Jana rolls her eyes and makes a face. It’s the best scene in the whole show. I replayed it three times.
When asked who would be the most likely to survive in the wild Jill delivers a line that makes any self-respecting female shake her damn head.
“We would have to have the guys with us to survive,” Jill says.
Later, the producer asks Jana, “Do you see yourself designing and redecorating for your siblings as they move out of the house on their own?”
So, are we just accepting the fact that Jana is going to be poor, spinster, Jana-rella slave to Jim Bob and Michelle forever? Run, Jana! Grab your Drake CDs and run like the wind! Stop at Target, buy some pants and high-tail it away from Arkansas forever! Go get your man (or don’t), enroll in real college, and live your life, girl!
Next up, our “special guest” arrives. While many of us were hoping it would be the girls’ pervy older brother, Josh, here to spin his sins in an attempt to get back on TV, the special guest turns out to be Jinger’s fiancé Jeremy.
Ho-hum. We’ve been looking at this dude’s mug all season. Why are they acting like it’s so rare to see him? They’re acting like they just spotted Bigfoot, and he agreed to do a sit-down interview or something. Also…why do they keep doing the “Jeremy surprises Jinger” story line? This is like the fourth time this season, guys.
Jeremy rolls in like “The Bachelor” in a black vehicle with a dozen red roses. We have a flashback scene of Jim Bob “warning” Jeremy that Jinger likes to spend money on thrift shopping so he needs to be prepared for that. Vomit. We all know Jinger won’t have much time to be “popping tags” as soon as she’s married. After all, she needs to deliver at least one blessing within a year of the wedding or she may be shunned!
We find out that Jim Bob made Derick, Ben and Jeremy fill out a 35-page questionnaire before he allowed them to court his daughters. Again, vomit.
The producer then asks Jill and Derick what will happen if, while they are in the United States “on break” from mission work, Jill ends up pregnant.
“Will that alter your plans for returning to Central America?” the producer wants to know.
Will Jill and Derick risk Jill contracting the Zika virus in order to meet their required quota of children? Of course, the couple spouts off some hokey comment instead of actually answering the very fair question.
“You can’t boast about tomorrow because you never know what tomorrow holds,” Derick said.
The producer asks them if they are trying for another child and, of course, they confirm that they are. They always are.
“We are excited. I’ve taken like a ton of pregnancy tests, but I’m not pregnant,” Jill says.
After that, Jana starts telling us how she bought an old tattoo parlor. She says they’re going to renovate it and do something else with the space. Not gonna lie…we were really hoping to see Jana open a Duggar-themed tattoo shop, complete with denim-skirt-colored ink!
Joy tells us that she just graduated high school, but she’s not going to college. Of course not. Rest assured, though, that she is taking online Bible classes. Of course she is.
Jeremy assures us that he and Jinger will get started on that baby-making as soon as they get married.
Wedding bells, babies and Bibles…that about covers things in Duggar Land for now.
To read our recaps of previous ‘Counting On’ episodes, click here!
I think that Jana’s a lesbian and that’s why she hasn’t been married off
Did anyone else see Ben accidentally smack Jessa in the face at the end of the episode? Just as they were standing up to leave? Pretty stinking funny. 🙂
Spurgina breaks free from her blessing maker. OMG I was laughing so hard at work!!!!
Lol. Your articles are great. I usually don’t enjoy reading recaps of episodes I’ve already watched but yours make me pee myself. 🙂
I’m generally curious what they think studying the bible will do for them? Don’t they read it all the time anyway?
Counting On is boring
The Ashley!!! You are the best. LOVE your recaps. I dont even watch half the shows you re-cap, and I still think you are the best out there! Keep it up.
Ew, I can’t imagine Jill and Derrick doing the nasty.
I really don’t understand why people are so bothered by the Duggars. In fact I think this is so rude to make fun of people who are just trying to live a life according to the Bible. If this was a Muslim family they would be so protected and respected because of their faith even if it isn’t yours. But people who try to live a very conservative Christian life for some reason offends people. You find them refreshing! They have love for each other. I just don’t understand why you mock them unrelentingly. They are productive hard working people. As for Jill and her husband serving as missionaries, they never said anything like “heathen Catholics”!! They are serving where they have been given opportunity. They are there to share the good news of Jesus because they want people to know Him and what He has done for them. You don’t have to agree with the Duggars but wow, give them a break! Some people really do like them. Like me!!?
Haha, this was hilarious! Are you kidding? People in this country are in spades suffering from Islamaphobia! Your comparison about a Muslim family versus a Christian family is categorically untrue. Christians have more rights than any other faith in this country due to the overwhelming number of elected officials who are Christians. The Duggars get so much criticism because the women in their family don’t have any rights or freedom, they protected a pedophile, and have had a lot of examples of hypocrisy in general. And, maybe Jill and Derrick didn’t verbatim say “heathen Catholics” as The Ashley quotes, but if you’re trying to convert people to your religion the underlining belief is that other religions are false and therefore you must save them from their “heathen” ways. The Ashley is using an astute observation via reading between the lines to convey their true thoughts bubbles in a humorous way. In regards to your last statements, there’s agreeing to disagree with someone’s lifestyle and then there’s poking fun at hypocrisies and blatant propaganda that you don’t stand for. This is also largely a comedy site that equally pokes fun at unwed teenage mothers, people who are way too old for the dramatics they display on The Challenge, and a slew of other specimens of human beings marrying for the wrong reasons and acting like teenagers in their 40s. The Ashley does not single out the Duggars or Christians, so either don’t read this site or learn to have fun with it. Or, to quote one of your final sentences in your comment, “you don’t have to agree” with The Ashley but “give” her “a break!” 😉
For me, I don’t like or hate he Duggars. I don’t watch this new series; I just read the recaps. I used to watch 19 kids and counting. In my humble opinion, I view the Duggars as extremists in their form of religion. I believe people can be a certain religion or atheist but even from there take it to different levels. I for example, am Catholic, go to church on Sunday but take birth control. I think if you tear back some of the “extreme” of the Duggars, there could actually be a good basic message there. Like faith for example, I like their strong faith however I find it a little extreme when it becomes the reason for every choice you make or don’t make. I don’t happen to believe Anna is in a good marriage with Josh (based on the filtered info we as viewers get) but their faith tells her to stay. I also don’t mind the girls being wives and mothers because women should be able to do that if that’s their choice. What I wonder is if the Duggar girls get to see all of their options before being put on a life path. Again from what we know on TV it doesn’t seem that they do. That’s where I don’t agree with the Duggars. But I don’t know their lives really and people have different definitions of what productive member of society means. I don’t raise my kid the same as they do nor do I live my life as they do. As for the # of offspring they have, it wouldn’t be my choice but if they aren’t needing welfare and can properly care for the kids it’s fine. However I do question whether this is the case.
There is no love in pedophilia, molesting and fondling one’s own siblings. Nor is there any love in protecting, supporting and even hiding someone that engages in such activities. All of which are absolutely ILLEGAL, IMMORAL, DISGUSTING and downright just wrong in every possible way
There is no love in degrading the female sex, attempting to force them into submission in everyday life(versus the, often loving, consensual, if not quite kinky, use of submission in one’s love life).
There is no love in forcing your own child to live in fear of danger, both from local violence as well as a very dangerous virus, just so you can “convert heathens”, despite your inability and unsuccessful attempts to do just that-ie, they haven’t converted one damn person, lol (and yes, the Duggars have called anyone that doesn’t subscribe to their faith, a heathen, it’s what their faith teaches, look it up for yourself)
There is no love in trying to create a life in that very same atmosphere knowing it can, and likely will, harm if not kill you and an unborn child(so much for their anti-abortion “rules”).
Do you really need anyone to go on?
They are disgusting and I can’t wait for the day that at least some of their children get the hell away from them..and likely never look back. Once the reality of the real world sinks in, it is going to happen. Maybe then ma and pa will rethink their ways..though it’s doubtful.
If you really do like the Duggars, then why do you visit this website again?
You forgot to add in the face Jinger made when Derick said she would be pregnant with in the year LMAO
Hilarious a d pretty much spot on
This sounds far more entertaining than actually watching.
Derick please shave and get a haircut.
Seriously. Who actually watched this dribble?
So we don’t have to.
The Ashley you almost killed me at work! 🙂 I’m trying to pretend I am being productive at work during a sloooow shift and when I saw that caption about Jana and the hotline bling-I laughed out loud while simultaneously choking on my fried rice! 🙂 You have the best snark ever!!
Couldn’t help myself! Thanks for the kind words! 🙂 =-The Ashley
What have you heard about the rumors that Jinger is already pregnant and GASP its before her supposedly next weekend wedding date?! There have been a few blind items on it posted on crazydaysandnights. Any truth to these rumors??
My comedy partner watches TLC religiously (not Counting On though) and whenever I come over some marathon of a different show is on and I catch a lot of TLC commercials by extension. I was there yesterday and I could have sworn I heard in the background that they were playing up Jinger’s wedding that was “two weeks out” because they were advertising some wedding recap of past Duggar weddings special or something. I’m not sure though bc I was distracted each time the commercial played….