In case you haven’t heard (because you’ve been living under a Bible-verse-covered rock for the past few months), Jinger Duggar is engaged. To celebrate Jinger’s upcoming nuptials to Jeremy Vuolo, the producers of Counting On put together yet another exciting clip show for us, with all the clips concentrating on the weddings of Jinger’s older siblings, Jill and Jessa. (The wedding of Jinger’s grubby-pawed brother, Josh, was conveniently left out of the clip show festivities.)
The Ashley is quite confused: Why are they showing us recycled clips again, when there is a wedding about to happen! Shouldn’t this be about the time they are showing up Jinger’s held-in-a-barn bridal shower, thrown by that wacky, bug-eyed party planner Sierra?
The Duggars live for weddings (and babies), yet they aren’t taking advantage of all the wedding planning and making episodes full of new footage with it?!
Maybe ol’ Jing actually put her (bare)foot down and forbid the camera crew from filming the events leading up to the wedding?
Anyway, the episode kicks off with clips that were filmed before Jill’s 2014 wedding. In them, a bright-eyed Jill tells us how excited she is to marry Derick. (Little did she know then that she would be destined to spend the first few years of married life plucking scorpions out of her kitchen and dodging gang members in Central America!)
We watch as all the helpers (aka the women willing to spend hours making bells out of tissue paper in order to see their grinning mugs on The TV for about 15 seconds) prep for the wedding.
There’s a montage of Jill and Derick’s chaperoned dates (and, of course, a plug for that weird taco place again), before we are forced to re-watch the footage of Jill and Derick getting engaged.
Next, Jim Bob hovers over the couple to make sure their mouths don’t accidentally touch before they are married.
They’re acting like this is all new footage. “Stay tuned for Jill’s first kiss!” a banner flashes before one commercial break.
Really, TLC? Stop it. You’re just embarrassing yourself….
We watch as all the Duggar girls have their [incredibly gorgeous] hair curled for the big day. It’s easy to forget how nice Jill’s hair was before she had to wash it in jungle swamp water.
Anna is gushing over Jill’s dress. (It’s hard not to think about the fact that, when this was filmed, Josh was advertising his naughty bits on dating sites, trying to get a side thrill. Also…the thought of Josh’s “naughty bits” just made me throw up in my mouth a little…)
Anyway, Jill and Derick head down the aisle and say their “I do’s” and then we get to watch poor Jill awkwardly launch her lips at Derick for the first kiss…only to miss! That’s a rewindable clip if there ever was one!
They clomp their way back down the aisle, and run through the entire church, meeting rooms and all, for some reason. During this clip, Derick explains what’s happening, Ben Seewald-style.
“When you say ‘I do,’ that’s when you’re married,” Derick tells us. “They pronounce you husband and wife, but my part in the wedding was to say, ‘I do!’ and after that…you’re married.”
He’s talking about weddings but all I hear is, “My name is Forest. Forest Gump.”
Not to be outdone by Derick in terms of delivering idiotic quotes, Ben appears on the screen to tell us, “I think probably the most important thing I’m looking forward to on our wedding day is…getting married.”
Jessa can’t even force herself to stare adoringly at Ben, even though it’s kind of required that all Duggar women do that while their man speaks. She just hangs her head in shame as Ben speaks gibberish.
Speaking of Jessa and Ben, it’s next time to stroll back through their wedding day. They take us through Jessa and Ben’s engagement (again!), and the wedding prep. Sierra appears with her gang of Arkansas tissue bell makers to make sure the event goes off without a hitch.
We watch the clips of Ben and Jessa’s rehearsal dinner, where a sobbing Jinger has just realized that Jessa will no longer be by her side at the Duggar Compound to wrangle siblings and help make the tater tot casserole. In between Jinger’s sobs, Ben amazes us with his idiotic quotes about love and marriage.
Next, it’s time to show the wedding day (again). Jessa arrives and Sierra hurries her off to be prepped, Soon, she emerges, and all the gals ooh and ahh at her, while dreaming of the day that it will be them walking down the aisle to a 19-year-old with an IQ of 11. Jessa really did look stunning, though.
The girls line up, and each take a turn bugging out their eyes toward Jessa as they head into the church. Finally, Jessa heads down the aisle, as the Bates girl bangs out “Here Comes the Bride” even more painfully for Jessa than she did for Jill.
We listen to the preacher talk about “Ben-jeer-men” and Jessa joining together and…well…actually, I have no clue what else he was talking about. I zoned out on everything except for when the preacher mispronounced Ben’s name.
They recite their vows. Naturally, Jessa’s talk about her expecting to be disappointed in Ben. She promises to love Ben “when I’m proud of you…and when I’m disappointed in you.”
Ouch. Again, poor Ben-jeer-men!
Finally, they say “I do” and it’s time for the Big Kiss. As you may remember, though, Ben-jeer-men and Jessa decided not to let everyone gawk at them having their first kiss. They had the first kiss in private, away from the cameras and preacher who couldn’t even pronounce the groom’s name.
Of course, Michelle can’t let a wedding episode pass without bringing up the day she and Jim Bob got hitched. Unfortunately, for Michelle, there’ s no more time to discuss more weddings. That’s all for the episode! Somehow they managed to make an entire new episode without even a second of brand-new footage. Well played, Duggars, well played.
To read our recap of last week’s episode of ‘Counting On,’ click here!