“90 Day Fiance” Season 4 Episodes 11 & 12 Recap: A Keyed Car & A Crappy Prenup

"Geez you key one car and you never live it down!"
“Geez you key one car and you never live it down!”

The countdown is on and it’s time for the world-weary couples of 90 Day Fiancé to decide if they’re getting married or sending their foreign boos home brokenhearted! It’s about to be like The Bachelor… with weird accents and not as many viewers!

As you may recall last week, Anfisa was going completely ballistic on her schmuck-of-a-fiancé Jorge, and was basically demanding he spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to keep her from going back to Russia. Anfisa made it no secret that she was only with Jorge for what’s in his pants. (We’re talking about his wallet, ya sickos!)

Jorge's sister looks scared...and also a little like Lynn from "Bad Teacher"...
Jorge’s sister looks scared…and also a little like Lynn from “Bad Teacher”…

Even Jorge’s sisters tried to sit him down and talk some sense into him, with one sister delivering what may be the best line of the season (other than “Nobody trusting Pablo,” of course).

“That’s what happens when you pay somebody to spread their legs,” Jorge’s sister Dinora tells him. His other sister Lourdes also agrees that he needs to cut ties with Anfisa, but Jorge is still deeply conflicted.

He arrives home and Anfisa refuses to let him stay in their  his apartment.

"Lots of girls make their fiances sleep in the garage...don't they?"
“Lots of girls make their fiances sleep in the garage…don’t they?”

“I don’t want this for the rest of my life,” he says. “I want the Anfisa I first met. Now I’m starting to see how she is.”

Um…the fact that she would erase your phone when she was mad at you didn’t give you any kind of hint, bro?

Jorge tells us that Anfisa is going back home tomorrow. We’ll see about that…

Over in Atlanta, there is only one day left until Chantel and Pedro’s wedding. They head to an attorney’s office to discuss the prenuptial agreement that Chantel’s parents are insisting on. Chantel said her parents are worried about Pedro getting his hands on her inheritance. (God forbid, he gets his hands on that collection of cowboy hats Chantel’s mom is going to leave her!)

"But Mommy and Daddy are gonna ground me if I don't get this pre-nup!"
“But Mommy and Daddy are gonna ground me if I don’t get this prenup!”

The lawyer shocks the couple, though, when says he can’t do the prenup. He needs more than 24 hours to prepare the documents and Chantel breaks down. She has not, however, abandoned her dream of marrying Pedro and protecting those cowboy hats!

She does what any desperate-to-get-married-the-next-day lovebird in search of a prenup would do: She basically Googles “How to marry a foreigner without the risk of getting ripped off” and finds some random prenup online and prints it out. It’s really a foolproof plan…unless the printer ink smudges, of course!

Me, whenever Chantel and Pedro's scenes are on...
Me, whenever Chantel and Pedro’s scenes are on…

Pedro’s mom’s words keep ringing in our ears during this scene: “Stupid Americans!”

After the iron-clad prenup has been printed, collated and placed safely in Chantel’s Trapper Keeper notebook, it’s time for her to get hitched! Pedro and Chantel become the first Season 4 couple to actually get married, when they tie the knot in a simple outdoor ceremony. It’s made to look like Chantel’s parents have chosen to not attend the wedding, but they finally arrive, as does Chantel’s reluctant brother River.

Awkward...
Awkward…

Chantel’s mom (who, sadly, is not wearing a Mother of the Bride Cowboy Hat) says they came to support their daughter. It’s all very nice. However it’s still very obvious that “Nobody Trust Pedro.”

Meanwhile, Nicole is on the verge of a breakdown. She’s been having a difficult time getting in touch with Azan since she left him in Morocco. Nicole’s mom Robbalee takes her for a walk and lays down some truth.

"As long as she doesn't start talking about the desert nookie, I'm OK..."
“As long as she doesn’t start talking about the desert nookie, I’m OK…”

“You are practically a total stranger to him. You guys may have talked on the Internet, but you didn’t get to know each other,” Robbalee says.

Obviously, Nicole has neglected to tell her mother about the hot night she spent in the tent, “getting to know” Azan.

Also…ew.

Later, Nicole is distressed when she finds out that she doesn’t make enough money to qualify for the K-1 Visa so she must have someone sponsor Azan to come to the United States. She asks her mother to sponsor him and Robbalee refuses. (Go figure!)

"Say hi to the strange man, honey!"
“Say hi to the strange man, honey!”

Robbalee tells Nicole to get another job if she wants Azan to come over that badly. Then Nicole drops another bombshell on poor Robbalee. Nicole announces that she plans on taking her four-year-old daughter, May, with her when she visits Azan in Morocco in December.

Nothing says a fun-filled family vacation quite like hot treks through the Moroccan desert and hanging out with a strange man who basically despises you! Who needs Disney World?!

Nicole goes to talk to her teenage brother about her love life. Her 16-year-old brother is probably the wisest person on this show. He has a frank talk with Nicole about Azan.

"Can't you find a guy who treats you like crap and lives here?"
“Can’t you find a guy who treats you like crap and lives here?”

“How often did he make you sad?” her brother asks. “He really made you happy on the phone. But, the key words there are ‘on the phone.’ Why is he different on the phone than he is in person?” he asks.

“Does he love you and does he want to be with you?” the brother asks. “You know him by who he was on the phone. When you got there, he wasn’t who he was on the phone. I don’t know if he will ever be that person.”

Can we hire this kid to counsel all of the couples?!

Over in Kentucky, Matt and Alla are preparing for their upcoming wedding. Matt is still dealing with his creepy friend, Patrick, who does not want Matt to marry his Russian bride. On a happy note, Alla’s sister Iryana has flown in from Russia for the wedding. Alla is ecstatic to have her there. They all head to the local pub for the rehearsal dinner.

"I'll just be over here ruining everyone's night, if anyone needs me..."
“I’ll just be over here ruining everyone’s night, if anyone needs me…”

While everyone is happy for the couple and having fun, Patrick is sitting in the corner, sulking. Matt decides to go over and talk to him, and Patrick tells Matt that marrying Alla is a “dumb idea.” Matt asks Patrick to refrain from doing anything to disrupt the wedding and Patrick tells him that he “will try.”

“I will be coming to the wedding but when the preacher asks if there are any objections, I’m not sure that I’m not going to stand up,” he says.

"Go ahead and object at our wedding, Patrick. See what happens."
“Go ahead and object at our wedding, Patrick. See what happens.”

Bro…bye! You need to mind your own business and focus on yourself (by fixing that haircut, for starters). While it’s nice that he’s worried about his friend, this is Matt. If he gets married, he’s probably just gonna get divorced, so why worry about it?

Meanwhile in Vietnam, Narkyia is still visiting her catfisher-turned-fiancé, Lowo. As we know, Lowo has been acting fishy for some time. Narkyia isn’t buying Lowo’s stories about experiencing problems with his visa, so she goes with him to the government building to find out what’s going on.

You know it's a solid relationship when the bride-to-be tells her groom things like this...
You know it’s a solid relationship when the bride-to-be tells her groom things like this…

It turns out Lowo wasn’t lying…this time. It could take an extra 15 days for his paperwork to go through. Now that Narkyia knows that Lowo wasn’t lying about his visa, the couple spends some time together, enjoying the nightlife in Vietnam with one of Lowo’s friends.

Things are going well…until the friend “accidentally” lets it slip that Lowo was still talking to his baby mama and that Lowo was trying to get back with her when he started talking to Narkyia.

"A whole cone of Mint 'n' Chip, wasted!"
“A whole cone of Mint ‘n’ Chip, wasted!”

Narkyia is not happy about this. She slaps Lowo in the mouth and makes him drop his ice cream cone. As you do.

We check back in with Jorge and Anfisa, who are also having some issues. Jorge finds out that Anfisa has keyed his car.

As.You.Do.
As.You.Do.

Yes, that’s right: the woman Jorge is supposed to marry has keyed “idiot” into the side of his vehicle. Naturally, he’s angry. He bought her expensive purses and modeling head shots and this is how she repays him!?

He tells us he’s going to tell Anfisa she must go home but says it’s “better to do this off camera.” A few minutes later they come out of the apartment and Anfisa is not happy.

At this point bro, I'd tie her to a seagull with a note that says "Russia or Bust!"
At this point bro, I’d tie her to a seagull with a note that says “Russia or Bust!”

He says they are going to the airport…but then he returns with Anfisa a little while later and reports that he couldn’t find her a flight. Jorge legit looks scared when he starts talking about what will happen the next day. He refuses to film anymore.

Of course, Jorge comes to his senses (i.e. he is most likely reminded that he is contractually obligated to share his train wreck-of-a-life on this terrible show) and allows the crew to film him again. A lot has changed since the night before, though. Jorge seems to be still entertaining the idea of staying with Anfisa. Is this guy crazy or is Anfisa just really, really, really good in bed?

Later,  Anfisa and Jorge go out for a nice lunch to discuss their relationship.

"I didn't mean to key 'idiot' into your car! It's just that I didn't know how to spell 'imbecile!'"
“I didn’t mean to key ‘idiot’ into your car! It’s just that I didn’t know how to spell ‘imbecile!'”

“I love Jorge but since I arrived I wanted him to give me more attention,” Anfisa says, adding that she wants Jorge to be “more supportive and understanding.”

She blames her bad behavior on being lonely and, ultimately, they decide to try to salvage their relationship.

W…T…F….

“I know sometimes I can be a little mean, a little crazy, I’m sorry about that,” Anfisa says.

Just when we’re starting to sympathize with Anfisa (just a little bit), Jorge asks her what the most important thing in their relationship is to her and she replies “money.”

And…we’re back to hating her again. (However, we do have to give her props for at least being honest about being money-grubbing!)

My face when Jorge announces that he STILL wants to marry Anfisa...
My face when Jorge announces that he STILL wants to marry Anfisa…

Anfisa assures Jorge that she would still stay with him even if he lost all his money. Sure.

She tells him that she’s okay with just having a court house wedding and then having a huge wedding once they can afford it. Sure.

Next week, Anfisa and Jorge, and Matt and Alla are supposed to get married. We’ll see how that works out…

To read our recap of the previous episode of “90 Day Fiance,” click here!

(Photos: TLC)

21 Comments

  1. when the preacher asks if there are any objections, I’m not sure that I’m not going to stand up

    Ok, when an officiant says something like “if anybody knows of any reason why these two should not be joined” etc, etc, he means “does anybody know something that would bar them from getting married under state or church law”, i.e. is one of them currently married to someone else, they’re blood-related, something like that. He isn’t asking if one of them has an old flame who still loves them, or whether the groom’s friends like the bride.

    A lot of officiants have done away with that part of the ceremony, thanks to all the douchebags interjecting based on what they saw in a Rom-Com once.


  2. Anfisa is the most juvenile spoiled bitch ive ever seen…poor jorge is miserable but you can tell he feels stuck-his family better save him before she drives him over the edge…matt and alla i believe will make it…fingers crossed, chantel and pedro i can see they really care and i have my fingers crossed for them, azan and nicole are also a lost cause, they arent compatable whatsoever!!!!


  3. Poor Jorge, he is so naive! His sisters all but told him that Anfisa is a prostitute and from what we’ve seen, the sisters care on the mark! Lots of men like “dirty girls” in the bedroom, but fail to keep in mind that if she got knocked up, their child would have a tramp for a mother. Would he really want someone like her raising his children? (very greedy and selfish) That woman will bleed him till he’s dry and move on to the next guy. At the rate she wants to move, he’ll never recover from her financially. Jorge, you may not be very good at picking out women, but you sure can do better than that! Lots of nice ladies out there, no need to settle for the likes of her. She’s not even that pretty. All she’s got going for her is she’s young and has a nice figure. Every one ages and sometimes the figure changes.


  4. In profile, Anfisa looks just like a Simpsons character. I agree that Jorge is illicitly selling marijuana. There was never a couple more deserving of each other.

    I want to start a Go Fund Me to help Pedro go into the witness protection program. Run, Pedro, RUN!!!


    1. I wasn’t sure about Pedro at first. I thought he was just in it for the green card. Now, I feel like he’s sincere and truly a good hearted young man who may even be a great husband to child woman what’s her name. Everyone’s got him all wrong. Thanks to her… Who’s name I still can’t remember.


  5. Did anyone else notice the shopping bags that Jorge was carrying when they came back from the “airport”? “Basically, we couldn’t find a flight.” Well, duh. You’re not going to find a flight to Russia in the Steve Madden store, dude. The whole thing seems fishy.


  6. Anfisa is not pretty in the face. She has a smokin body, but ger face is ugly. Her shitty attitude makes her even uglier. With Jorges money he could find a prettier girl who will treat him better.

    Dump her Jorge!!!!!


    1. Very true, that she has a face that is not pretty. Her bod isn’t that great either. She has thick legs, fake boobs, unbelievably bad lip surgery. Her booty is great, I’ll admit that, but not a quarter million $ great.


  7. I can’t believe Nicole would think it’s a good idea to take her tiny daughter across the world to hang out with a man Nicole barely knows. That’s just scary. She acts like a twelve year old!! That poor baby.


  8. I noticed you talk about Alla and her sister as Russian women, but they are from the Ukraine if I remember correctly. She’s from Kiev, I believe, making her a Ukrainian bride. Not to be a know-it-all, I just figured anything related to Russia/Russian neighbouring countries and identity is veeery sensitive.


  9. I’ve been trying to think of who Anifisa reminds me of and now I know. Did anyone ever see the movie “Orphan”? The adopted girl from Russia who was really an adult escapes from a mental institution. Anyone agree?


  10. I noticed Anfisa’s Facebook Page is down. Her Instagram account is still active, however. I have a theory: Jorge is actually penniless. When he needs a wad of cash, he just gathers up some medical MJ and sells it to someone for recreational use. Hence the $15K deal he ranted about on the phone. Agree/disagree?


  11. Too bad Anfisa won’t be on TV anymore once she gets old and loses her (mediocre at best) looks. She’s going to look like an old hag and her attitude is REALLY going to shine.

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