It’s once again time to catch up with our favorite couples on TLC’s 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After.
Our first couple to check in with is Chantel and Pedro. “The Family Chantel” (as our pal Pedro likes to refer to them as) has taken Pedro and Chantel on a family trip to the mountains.
For some reason, Pedro has agreed to go on this little jaunt to a secluded mountain home, despite the fact that he is still mad about what went down in the Dominican Republic and wants nothing to do with Chantel’s family. But, hey, a free trip is a free trip…
(If I were Pedro, I’d be checking the trunk to make sure “The Family Chantel” didn’t pack some large shovels, a stack of trash bags and bleach. I’d be worried that this little trip to the middle of nowhere may be more than just a vacation.)
Members of “The Family Chantel” tells us why they don’t like Pedro.
“I don’t trust Pedro because I tried in the past to trust Pedro and he always showed me his true colors,” Chantel’s brother River says. “This isn’t how a man acts.”
Chantel’s mother, who for some reason is all dressed up like Cruella Deville in a bunch of (hopefully faux?) fur, tells us that she is very concerned that Pedro is trying to use Chantel to “harvest the American dollar.”
“My theory is that Pedro and Chantel were introduced for Pedro’s mother, Lydia, to take advantage of an American and the American dollar,” Chantel’s mother says.
“The Family Chantel” is not about to let their daughter (or their dollar!) get taken advantage of. Chantel’s mom suggests they may need to hire a private investigator to vet Pedro’s family.
“We will get to the bottom of this!” she vows.
Later at the Lil Cabin ‘o’ Horrors, Chantel’s mom is getting her “Nancy Drew” on and talking crap on her son-in-law and his family, all while Pedro hides in one of the bedrooms. It’s quite the fantasy vacation!
Chantel, sensing that her husband would rather have his eyeball removed with a pair of rusty pliers than spend one more minute with her family, decides to plan a fun activity to bring everyone together. “The Family Chantel” (plus Pedro) go wine tasting, but even a hefty helping of bargain bin cabernet can’t bring harmony to this group.
They all sit around the table and Pedro immediately brings up the fact that “The Family Chantel” doesn’t trust him.
“You say, I want to marry Chantel for the money. I want to marry Chantel for the green card,” Pedro says. “The Family Chantel destroyed my wedding and they never say, ‘Pedro I’m sorry for what happened in the Dominican Republic.’”
Pedro figures that if he can’t make peace with his in-laws, he can at least get drunk on TLC’s dime, so he begins slamming wines. When that isn’t enough, he begs a bartender to find him something stronger.
Meanwhile, Chantel’s mother is still talking about Pedro’s family “harvesting the American dollar.” Pedro tries to tell them they have nothing to worry about but when Chantel’s dad asks if he and Chantel have plans to move back to the Dominican Republic he replies, “No, only maybe me.”
Um…yeah, that’s not going to assuage their fears about you, Bro…
The family immediately starts questioning Pedro to explain what he just said, but he doesn’t want to answer.
“Me and my family our plans for the future is not ready for telling nobody. It’s my business,” Pedro says.
“I am concerned about Chantel’s marriage right now…and it does make for suspicion,” Chantel’s mother says.
The next day, Chantel confronts Pedro about his plans to move back to the DR without her. He is very vague and says he’s only going to go there for a week or two for his business. The only problem? Pedro doesn’t have a business. When questioned, Pedro refuses to elaborate on the money-making venture he’s referring to.
Nope, nothing suspicious about that at all!
Next, we catch up with Nicole and Azan. Nicole is here in the U.S. trying to find out why the American Embassy in Morocco rejected Azan’s visa application. Determined to somehow get her Moroccan boo into her loving arms, she goes to see an attorney to try and figure out what happened.
Nicole shows the attorney the email that she received saying that Azan’s application was refused. The attorney tells her that she’s never seen an email like this before.
“I’ve never seen an email saying ‘we refuse the visa,’” the attorney says. “It’s always been a template and it has ‘not enough evidence’ or ‘failed to meet the standard’ or whatever…they give you a reason.”
The attorney looks like she’s not buying what Azan is selling. (She also looks like she wants to slap some damn sense into Nicole’s dense head, but can’t because there are cameras.)
The attorney takes pity on poor, dumb Nicole and gives her another option. She says Nicole could go to Morocco and marry Azan there and then bring him over on a spousal visa.
Later, Nicole calls Azan and tells him that she went to see the attorney. Azan says he didn’t know why his visa was rejected and that he really thought it was going to get approved.
Nicole then tells him she should just come to Morocco, marry him there, and then apply for the spousal visa. Azan seems unsure if this is the right choice and terrified at the thought of Nicole coming there to get hitched.
(Red flag, Nicole! Red flag! He obviously doesn’t want to marry you and come live with you in your Hoarders-esque motel room/apartment!)
“But we would have to think more about it and talk about it. Okay?” Azan sputters. “You’re coming here that’s gonna be weird. I don’t have a job. Like, we can’t.”
I mean, who wouldn’t want to marry this winner!?
Nicole says Azan is worried about money because “it’s hard for him to get a job in Morocco.” (Um…?)
She says that she has been supporting him financially for now, but she hopes that he can get a job and support her and May in Morocco. Nicole is dreaming of a big Moroccan wedding and Azan is trying everything he can to get out of it (without stopping that “American dollar harvest” from coming his way!)
Nicole tells Azan she loves him and goodnight and he replies, “Okay, goodnight.”
Nicole goes ahead with the plans to go to Morocco to marry Azan even though he didn’t actually say that’s what he wanted to do. She tells her mom Robbalee of her plan, and adds that she will stay in Morocco for a year while they wait for his spousal visa to come through.
Robbalee knows that Nicole is doomed, but is hoping to at least save Nicole’s daughter May from being part of this charade. She asks if May will be able to stay with them while Nicole is in Morocco. Nicole shuts that down immediately.
“Mom, if it were you wouldn’t you leave your kids,” Nicole indignantly asks her mother.
“I wouldn’t go to Morocco to marry some guy I don’t hardly even know,” Robbalee shoots back.
Nicole says they will get married in a couple of months in Morocco, and then goes to break the news to her dad and stepmom.
“I don’t care if Azan’s visa got denied, I’ll do anything to be with him!” Nicole says. (Does anyone else think this sounds like the title of an episode of the old Jenny Jones show? Just me? Ok…)
Nicole’s dad and stepmom are appalled that Nicole is completely ignoring all of the red flags that Azan has been throwing at her for months. Nicole’s dad said that the reason he agreed to sponsor Azan’s visa was so Nicole wouldn’t go to Morocco.
“We didn’t want you to get married in a Muslim country,” her stepmom says.
When they find out that Nicole is planning to have her young daughter tag along on this ridiculous venture, they are even more outraged.
“So you would really take her [May] away from everyone who loves her here for a whole year?!” her stepmom asks incredulously.
Nicole says she would, because all she cares about is being with Azan.
Next, we catch up with our favorite May-December couple, David and Annie. They are struggling with a lot of different issues at the moment.
“I’ve got a lot of fires to put out right now,” David says. (Well, good thing he’s living in the fire house that his buddy Chris pays for then, huh?)
Annie asks David when he’s going to be able to pony up for the dowry that he still owes her parents.
Um…lady? This dude made you pawn your jewelry for Top Ramen money. That dowry is never getting paid! Stevie Wonder could see that!
David is still promising to pay it, though, provided that he gets himself one of those “job” things.
“I just need a few more months. I just need to get a steady income,” David promises Annie.
David says he has lot of people calling him for jobs and that he’s confident in his ability to make money.
Later, David waddles around to various offices looking for jobs. David tells us he is finding himself “over qualified and 49 years old.”
David meets with the first interviewer, who is also named David. (For clarity sake, we’re going to call him Tall Good Looking David.) David decides to tell Tall Good Looking David his whole life story, including the parts about how he got a divorce, had a stroke, and then went to Thailand to be a teacher.
When asked what his goals are David replies, “I’ve got to keep a 25-year-old wife happy so whatever it takes to make her happy that’s my first goal.”
Tall Good Looking David looks taken aback by this information. (Hell, he should just be happy that David didn’t ask him if he and Annie can sleep on his couch for a few nights.)
Tall Good Looking David looks at David (and obviously makes a mental note to step up his interview screening process) and tries to let him down gently.
“I think you will be valuable to somebody else in the city,” Tall Good Looking David says. “But David, it won’t be here.”
David’s unemployment woes take a backseat for moment because we get the news that his son, Jacob, has been randomly shot in the face. We learn that Jacob was shot when a friend was playing with a gun and it accidentally went off. Luckily, Jacob is going to survive the shooting.
“He is one of the luckiest human beings that the doctor said he had ever met,” David says.
They bring Jacob home, but he still has the bullet lodged in the soft tissue in his cheek. They decide to go see Jacob’s sister, nieces and nephews, and Jacob says he’s in pain every single day.
David and Annie have been caring for Jacob since the shooting, but David’s daughter Ashley thinks Jacob should go live with his mom (who has medical insurance) in Texas so that he can get surgery to remove the bullet.
Annie gives Jacob bracelets for good luck. She said she gave it to Jacob because she wants to pray for him to get better. David says he’s going to try and get everything settled here for him so he can come back and live with them again.
Next, it’s time to check on Anfisa and Jorge. They have been separated for the past few months, but they are now working things out. Jorge tells us that he missed everything about Anfisa.
“I missed her laugh, I missed her smile, I even missed our arguments,” he says. (Don’t worry, Jorge, there will be plenty more of those to satisfy you!)
Jorge says he’s excited to work things out with Anfisa but she tells him that she still doesn’t trust him because he “abandoned” her last time.
Anfisa and Jorge decide to deal with Anfisa’s abandonment issues by taking salsa dance lessons (as you do).
Anfisa says she is “so happy” and “excited” to be dancing with her husband. Her face, however, says otherwise. She legit looks like she’s just been told something horrible– like she has to get a job or something. She looks miserable.
They begin taking the dance lesson. (Anfisa’s probably just hoping some money will fall out of Jorge’s pockets while he cha-chas around the room.)
“I can’t remember the last time Jorge and I had so much fun on a date,” Anfisa says in her robot voice.
The next couple we catch up with is Molly and Luis. Molly’s 18-year-old daughter, Olivia, has still not moved back home, and Molly says it’s because Olivia isn’t comfortable with Luis in the house. (UM, YOU THINK!?)
Molly is getting ready to leave her younger daughter, Kensley, with Luis for the weekend while she goes on a business trip for her lingerie business. For some reason, she doesn’t seem to think it’s odd (and sort of creepy) to leave her young daughter with a man who 1) obviously doesn’t like the kid 2) says he doesn’t want to watch the kid and 3) doesn’t even know the kid.
Now, Molly, I wouldn’t leave an already dry-and-crusty dead houseplant under the care of Luis, but you do you, girl.
It’s time for Molly to leave for her business trip and Luis is lounging in bed. Molly is telling Luis all of the things he needs to do to take care of Kensley and he asks why she can’t just stay with her dad.
“I no want to take care of Kensley because she’s too wild,” Luis tells us. He also tells us that Kensley is “disrespectful.”
I’m sure the kid gives you all of the respect you deserve, Luis.
Molly starts to have doubts about leaving her child with this near-stranger so she calls her mom to come check on Luis and Kensley. (Um, why couldn’t she just leave the kid with her mom?! I suppose watching Molly’s mom interact with the lump that is Luis makes for good TV?)
Finally, we catch up with Russ and Paola. They are still visiting her family and sick grandmother in Colombia. It’s time for them to go visit Paola’s parents. Paola’s brothers are very mad that she hasn’t come to visit or even really tried to talk to them since she left to be with Russ.
She basically blames it all on poor Russ and he doesn’t know enough Spanish to defend himself.
“My first two years in Oklahoma were awful,” she says, adding that she was depressed and had no friends.
Russ is smiling through all of this because he has no clue what anyone is saying.
Finally, Paola tells her family that she and Russ are thinking about having a baby but that they got some bad news. She said she went to the doctor and the doctor said it would be difficult for her to have a baby because of the type of blood she has. She said any future baby she would have could have to have a blood transfusion. She said she found this out when she had a miscarriage a few weeks before.
The next day, Paola and Russ go and meet with her brother, Jhon to talk about Paola not visiting. (Well, Jhon and Paola talk. Russ just kind of stands there with a stupid grin on his face, and occasionally pats down roadkill-esque new hairdo.)
Jhon said he thought that Russ had forbid Paola to talk to her family. Paola finally sticks up for her husband, confirming that it wasn’t Russ’ fault, and that she didn’t call because she was depressed in Oklahoma.
On the next episode, we see Nicole try on wedding dresses, Jorge and Anfisa go to marriage counseling, and Russ get into a fight with Paola’s best friend. And we get to see Pedro confirm that his mother is running a marriage ring in the DR. He says people pay money, go to the United States, get married, and then get divorced in two years.
But, you know, it’s no big deal or anything…
To read our previous “90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After?” recap, click here!