Hold on to your weaves, ladies and gents—it’s time for another episode of 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After?!
When we last saw The Family Chantel and The Family Pedro, things were getting’ crazy! The families were brawling, fake hair was being snatched and tables were being kicked after Pedro got into an argument with his wife Chantel’s brother, River.
We dive right back into the madness, with Chantel scream-crying so loud you’d think someone just told her she is really married to David and being forced to move into the storage unit.
The Mother Chantel is just standing in the middle of room, screaming for “Immigration” to come and get Pedro and Nicole. (Apparently, she thinks that “Immigration” is just lurkin’ along the streets waiting to pick up unruly non-citizen who point chicken wings at people?)
But that’s not all. Oh noooo, that’s not all! She is screaming for “Immigration” all while waving Nicole’s weave around like it’s some sort of lace-front American flag or something. She is also using what I like to call “Mexican Restaurant Spanish.” (That’s basically when a bunch of white people go to a Mexican restaurant and decide to show off their high school Spanish and fake accents. There’s nothing quite like hearing an old white woman order “fa-jeet-as.”)
She uses her horrific Spanish to declare that Pedro and his family are evil, all while the weave’s a wavin’!
“Pedro y Nicole esta muy malo para mi familia!” The Mother Chantel screams. (She’s attempting to say that Pedro and Nicole are very bad for her family.)
The Mother Chantel is also screaming that Pedro and his sister are “heathens” and she doesn’t know why they did that because The Family Chantel “was nice to them.”
Um…. when was that? We must have missed when you were nice to Pedro…
“She just needs to take herself back to the island, we were having a nice dinner,” The Mother Chantel says.
Chantel is beside herself, sobbing and wailing in the corner.
“Pedro definitely did the worst thing he could do to my family. You don’t put your hands on my baby brother,” Chantel says.
Over in Morocco, Azan and Nicole are having a hard time too. They just found out that they have to postpone their wedding and they Nicole is devastated.
Robbalee is realizing her daughter is an idiot. She is angry that her daughter failed to bring her correct arrest records so now she can’t get married to the Moroccan dude who doesn’t even like her. Don’t ya hate that?
She’s also mad that she and other members of Nicole’s family have spent a lot of money in order to make sure that they are there to witness Nicole and Azan’s wedding.
“Did you do your research before you came? Because obviously something fell through the cracks,” Robbalee says. “Everybody has booked plane tickets, we have accommodations. This is on you because you didn’t do enough research.”
Meanwhile, Azan can barely suppress his glee over the fact that he might not have to marry Nicole.
“I think Nicole really wanted us to get married and she’s upset,” Azan says. “But for me, I think maybe it’s just not the right time.”
Nicole calls her father to break the news to him. He’s not really mad at her. Instead, he seems relieved. He immediately tells her to take this opportunity to cancel the wedding completely. Not surprisingly, Nicole doesn’t listen to her father (or anyone for that matter). Instead, she asks her dad to get the correct documents and send them to her so she can still marry Azan.
For some reason I think those documents are going to get “lost in the mail” somewhere between Nicole’s dad’s house and Morocco…just sayin’.
Meanwhile, David and Annie are packing up their Firehouse of Broken Dreams to move into the storage facility. David hasn’t exactly figured out how this latest mooch will play out, since his friend Chris is still insisting that David work (THE HORROR!) at the storage facility in order to play for his and Annie’s room and board.
Annie is not a happy storage unit camper!
“This apartment for me is not okay. And our life right now feels so sh**ty,” Annie says. “If David can’t keep me happy, maybe it’s best for me to be alone.”
GO WITH THAT FEELING ANNIE. Run like the wind before David has you guys squatting in the dumpster out behind the local liquor store!
Annie tells David that she doesn’t want to move with him, and that she’d rather go back to Thailand. He tries to sway her by saying he still wants to support her through college and have a baby with her. David breaks down in tears over the “pressure” of it all.
Annie gets tired of listening to David blubber, so she finally relents and agrees to move into the Little Storage Unit of Horrors with him. However, she makes it clear that if things don’t get better, she will go back to Thailand.
Things are also going poorly for Anfisa and Jorge. As we learned a few episodes ago, Jorge may or may not have fathered a girl who is now 10 years old. Anfisa is still trying to figure out if her husband has a secret love child, so Jorge calls his ex on speaker phone.
Jorge’s [potential] baby mama is not exactly thrilled to talk to him.
“I gave you so many years to do what you’re supposed to do,” the ex tells Jorge.
Jorge, of course, tries to deflect.
“I felt like you were kinda trying to pick on my wife,” Jorge says.
The ex then unleashes a bombshell, revealing that Jorge has been buying stuff for the kid on the sly.
Ohhhh Jorge. I hope you put a shield on your car because Anfisa is going to key her face into the side of your ride for spending money on anyone but her!
Jorge says he was “joking around” when he bought things for the kid because he’s a “nice guy.”
Good one, Jorge! #NailedIt
Finally, he says he will get the DNA test to prove that the stray child is not the fruit of his loins.
Anfisa has plans of her own.
“I’m gonna be gone if the kid is his,” she says. “It’s not going to affect me financially.”
Meanwhile, in Georgia, Molly is meeting up with her 18-year-old daughter Olivia to try and win back her affection, now that Molly’s Latin Lover Loser Luis has been kicked out of the house.
“All I know is that he’s not here and he’s not coming back,” Molly says. “I’m sorry that you feel like I put Luis first.”
Olivia says there is a possibility that she will move home now that Luis is gone, but she’s not promising anything. (She knows that she will probably sandblast the couch to get Luis’ scent off of it, since he spent so much time on it.)
Later, Molly goes to meet with her attorney about divorcing Luis. The attorney—who should hit up The Mother Chantel to see about buying Nicole’s weave since he has the worst toupee I’ve ever seen— wants to make sure Molly is certain that she’s done with Luis.
“These cases are unique in the K1 visa in that your marriage will be over, but you still have ties to him in the immigration process,” the attorney says.
Molly says she has to prove that Luis came here under false pretenses in order to sever all ties with him. She has to make an appointment to meet with the officials over the green card.
“I’m not so sure that Luis doesn’t have something up his sleeve,” Molly says.
Um…yeah, he probably does, Molly. It’s probably a big ball of your cash!
Finally we head to Miami to check in with Russ and Paola. They are fighting because Paola feels like Russ doesn’t care about her miscarriage or the loss of her grandmother. Russ says he is exhausted because he has worked more than 80 hours this week.
(That’s probably more hours than David has worked in his entire life!)
“The way Pao holds everything in, it’s difficult for me to know how she’s coping with everything.” Russ says, adding that Paola pushes him away. “I am at a loss, I don’t know what to do or say.”
Paola says Russ forgot about her, but he reminds her that he has to work to pay the bills. (After all, the Instagram Lingerie Modeling business that Paola’s in doesn’t pay much.)
Still, Paola is mad that she’s not getting all of the attention.
“I don’t think Russ realizes how much I sacrificed by coming to the U.S.,” Paola says. “When I came to the U.S. I feel like he turned into someone I don’t know and I don’t like.”
She says he’s not the person she fell in love with and if he doesn’t change, she’s going to leave.
Hey girl…it could be worse. You could be living in a storage unit right now.
We are finally picking back up with The Family Chantel. Basically, everyone is mad at everyone.
River is refusing to talk to Chantel after the fight.
“I don’t have words to describe the amount of hurt, fear and rage that I’m feeling right now,” Chantel says.
Later, she goes to have lunch with her best friend to talk about her soap opera life. Chantel tells us that River has a bitemark on his face.
Wait….whaaaaat?! Who the hell was gnawing on River’s face?! Pedro? Nicole? Whatever stray animal was living in Nicole’s weave when it was ripped off her head?
Chantel says she has been ignoring her husband so she can have time to process everything. She spent the night with her sister to avoid Pedro and Nicole.
“I’m married to Pedro for better or worse, but I still want justice for my brother,” Chantel says.
“How does somebody have a relationship with someone their family can’t come around?” Chantel wails. “I’m truly feeling like this could be the thing that breaks my marriage.”
So…. you were fine when Pedro was sending all of your money to his family to buy big screen TVs, and when you found out that Pedro’s mom may be running a marriage ring to “harvest the American dollar,” but one bitemark on your bro and you’re done? Apparently that’s where the line is drawn.
Later, Chantel finally decides to go home and confront Pedro. Pedro tells Chantel that Nicole went back to the Dominican Republic. He also claims that River started the fight but Chantel doesn’t believe him.
“Why would you stand up and fight? Kick the dinner table with your foot? Why?” Chantel asks him.
(Um, for our entertainment?)
Pedro sees nothing wrong with all the table kicking, chicken wing throwing and face biting and whatnot.
“What’s wrong with that?” Pedro asks. “That’s the way I feel.”
Pedro says he hates The Family Chantel and that he doesn’t want to ever be around her family again. He says he didn’t do anything wrong.
“I don’t feel bad for fight River,” Pedro says.
Chantel is mad that Pedro “don’t feel bad for fight River” so she storms out of the house, screaming that she’s done. Pedro says he’s going to The Dominican Republic for vacation.
So…whose harvested American dollars are going to pay for Pedro’s trip? Just sayin’…
Over in Morocco, Azan’s family is mad that they lost a lot of money on the cancelled wedding. Azan’s sister says she lost $6,000 of her own money for the wedding. Nicole says she thinks they can get married in about a month.
Robbalee takes Azan on a walk to talk about his intentions with Nicole. She asks Azan if he is trying to scam Nicole and he denies it. He says he knew he wanted to marry Nicole after two weeks but Robbalee isn’t letting him off that easy.
She asks if he was talking to other women. Azan says he was talking to many, many women when he started dating Nicole. Robbalee asks him about the voicemails. Azan says he was “playing” and it was a “joke.”
This guy needs to hang around Jorge a little bit more so he can brush up on his lying skills.
Azan says he never met anyone physically when he was with Nicole. He tries to convince Robbalee that he really loves her daughter. Robbalee agrees to give him a fresh start if he tells Nicole everything.
Meanwhile, it’s moving day for Annie and David. Annie is moaning that she wants to die as they are on their way to the Little Storage Unit of Horrors.
She’s super-unhappy that she moved across the globe to marry David and has ended up living in a glorified storage unit without any running water or a kitchen.
Annie says this is David’s last chance and that if he doesn’t step up, she will move back to Thailand. David says he will do whatever it takes to turn things around…even (gulp) work. He puts on a green sweatpants and T-shirt combo and goes to work…or to find a teenage employee he can scam into doing his duties for him.
Finally, we check back in one more time with Jorge and Anfisa. The show’s producers were waiting to hear from Jorge about the DNA test when they got a surprise. Anfisa lets them know that Jorge was actually arrested!
In addition to facing a potential baby mama, Jorge is also facing a felony charge of transporting marijuana for sale. He is planning to plead not guilty, we are told. (Click here to read more about his arrest!)
Of course, nothing is Jorge’s fault and it’s all a big misunderstanding…
It’s sad when the person on this show whose life is going the best is actually Azan. Good Lord!
Next week is the season’s “Tell All” episode. From the episode preview, it looks like Anfisa and Annie get into a fight, as do Molly and Chantel. Hold on to your fake hair and harvested American dollars, kids, because the next episode is going to get crazy!
To read our previous “90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After?” recaps, click here!