Polish your “SEKSI” nameplate necklace and grab your inflatable spouse– it’s time for another episode of 90 Day Fiance: The Last Resort!
This episode kicks off in Kalani and Asuelu’s room, the morning after Kalani revealed in couples therapy that Asuelu has been getting his hump on with random women
and mattress corners throughout their relationship/marriage. As awkward as things are at the moment, the couple is rallying to celebrate their son Oliver’s birthday, and if you think these two dedicated parents are marking the occasion with a trip to the local trampoline park, then you must be new here…so, welcome!
As Kalani and Asuelu throw together some last minute birthday decorations for their kid in the very room that his mom has been doing her “homework” each night, Kalani admits that she feels guilty for throwing her 5-year-old a birthday party in between couples therapy sessions, but only, like, “kind of” guilty because she and Asuelu are technically working things out for their kids.
Over in a less-celebratory (but equally tragic) part of the resort, Ed and Liz sit down to talk about their past-life regression therapy, which is now past-life itself, as this happened two episodes ago. While we’ve already heard about Ed’s former life as a circus-performing leprechaun who ultimately fell into a hole, Liz isn’t privy to this gem of a tale, so Ed fills her in.
Ed tells Liz that the session had a positive impact on him and the way he sees himself, but she just hopes it will also make him act his age. (Are you new here, too, Liz?)
As Liz tells Ed about her past life regression session, she reveals she was reincarnated 28 times and in seven of those past lives, Ed appeared. According to her, the reason she met Ed
seven times too many was to show him unconditional love.
Liz says she also learned that she needs to stand up for herself more. Ed adds that he also has “a sh*t load of things” to work on himself, but he knows he definitely wants to be with Liz. Ed also vows to “still be funny,” to which we ask, why start now?
Next we check in with Kelly, who is partaking in some aggressive grooming while still unpacking the tense conversation he and Molly had the previous night. Over in her room, Molly applies some moody-girl makeup and tells viewers she and Kelly are spending time apart at the resort, which she feels is best for them at the moment.
As we continue bouncing between the two rooms, Kelly talks about how hurt he is over Molly admitting that she isn’t in love with him anymore, claiming he fell in love with an “imaginary person.”
Meanwhile, Molly says she isn’t sure if things will ever go back to the way they were for her and Kelly– the latter of whom says being at the resort with other couples has helped him realize what he really wants in a partner. (No, Angela…it isn’t you.)
Later that night, Kelly meets up with Ed, Liz, Jovi and Yara by the pool, where Jovi informs him that they’ve also invited Molly to their hang sesh. Before Molly arrives, Kelly tells the group he really thought he and Molly were going to be able to resolve some things while at the retreat, but it’s not really looking that way now.
The group tries to give Kelly some words of encouragement, but finding himself in a position where even Ed is giving him relationship advice just makes Kelly feel worse, and rightfully so.
After seemingly dipping out of Oliver’s hotel throw down, Asuelu and Kalani are the next to arrive at the pool, bringing with them a robe for Kelly to keep him warm. Like the true friend he is, Asuelu proceeds to help Kelly put on the robe, thus showing him the first and only affection he’s received since arriving at this resort.
A few moments later, the guys disrobe– thankfully to swimsuits and not birthday suits– and jump into the pool to play some volleyball while the ladies sit on the deck and enjoy their comped-by-TLC beverages. We then see Molly make her entrance, much to Kelly’s dismay. Though visibly bothered, Kelly continues frolicking in the pool with the guys as Molly sits with the girls and begins telling them her side of the story.
“I don’t appreciate Kelly trying to paint me as this terrible person or holy reign of terror,” she tells the camera. “Put yourself out there, brother. You act like you haven’t done anything when you know good and damn well what you’ve done.”
Before hearing more about Kelly’s wrongdoings and such, we check in with Angela as she meets with relationship trauma expert Dr. Janie for her first one-on-one session since arriving at the retreat. Angela says the goal of this session is to begin working on her anger and communication issues.
Angela also talks about her “triggers,” with the main one being Michael’s tendency to lie. Since identifying this trigger, Angela says she feels like she’s already begun making changes for the better– i.e. not getting pissed at Michael and chucking his iPad/tripod into the ocean. Before Angela can pat herself on the back any further, Dr. Janie mentions the fact that Angela revealed upon her arrival that she came to the retreat with divorce papers. Dr. Janie asks if Michael is aware of this potential impending divorce, to which Angela says, “no.”
Dr. Janie suggests that Angela not tell Michael about the divorce papers right now so that the two of them can continue making progress at the retreat without Michael feeling like the threat of divorce is hanging over his head…even though it is. Angela says she’s unsure if she wants to keep this news to herself, especially if Michael is going to keep lying. Because Dr. Janie has experienced firsthand the wild ride that is Angela’s presence, she tells viewers she’s concerned about making sure that Michael feels “safe” in their session.
Moments later, Michael pops up on the iPad to join the therapy session. Michael tells Dr. Janie he’s enjoyed the retreat so far– or at least what he’s been able to see of it when Angela remembers to charge her iPad or doesn’t forget it downstairs in the hotel bar. Dr. Janies begins probing Michael about his favorite memories with Angela and he mentions their wedding and the friends and family who were there to celebrate with them that day. This memory causes Michael to get emotional, as he starts thinking about his mom who recently passed away.
Michaels goes on to say how much it meant to him having Angela come to Nigeria when this happened, even though, as Angela points out, the two of them had been fighting a lot due to Michael’s infidelity.
Michael says he knows how much Angela loves him and it was only solidified by her coming to Nigeria to comfort him despite him being No. 1 on her sh*t list at the time. Michael says he wants to honor his mom’s memory by treating Angela with love and respect…and a lifetime of “90 Day Fiance” spinoffs, we presume. Angela says she feels like Michael is being genuine about what he’s saying, before admitting that she felt like Michael was using her when she found out about his cheating.
Back at the pool, Molly continues talking about her and Kelly’s conundrum. She mentions to the ladies that her love language is “acts of service,” before then telling them that Kelly did “nothing” when she had to have a hysterectomy.
“He said, ‘I didn’t come here to be your do-boy,’” Molly says. “I said, ‘You’re not my do-boy, you’re my partner.’”
Molly says Kelly’s actions– or lack thereof– after her procedure really hurt her because what she went through was “kind of a big deal,” as it left her “f**ked up for several weeks.”
Kalani tells Molly that as soon as someone stops trying, the relationship is over. She admits this is basically what has happened with her and Asuelu. (Well…that and a whole lot of cheating.) Molly goes on to give Kalani props for putting her Hall Pass to good use, claiming it “certainly lets you know what you been missing.”
After the guys finally wrap up their volleyball game, they sit on the other side of the pool deck to discuss the strip club outing they’ve been planning for entirely too long. Because Ed was
neck elbow deep in past life regression memories at the time, Jovi fills him in on their upcoming excursion and the rules he must abide by if he decides to come along. Jovi and Kelly tells Ed he must “dial down” his personality, not tell any of the wives/girlfriends about what they’re doing and most importantly, promise to keep his damn clothes on.
Ed gives the guys his word, so naturally, Jovi keeps on talking and reveals to Ed that he has a hookup at the strip club, as his former lap dancing travel partner now works the poles down in Key West. Jovi also admits to Ed that this outing is likely to absolutely infuriate Yara, but he’s doing it anyway because
Ed questions Jovi’s insistence on this plan, telling the camera he can’t believe Jovi would even want to go to a strip club, considering his history with Yara. Ed says he’s also surprised that Asuelu is on-board with the boys night, being that his marriage is the verge of imploding. Also on the verge of imploding? My brain after realizing I actually agree with Ed about something.
I am officially unwell.
Ed tells the camera there’s no way he would lie to Liz about something like this, however, he tells the guys he’s down for boys night and stresses how important it is for them to have each other’s backs. Fortunately– for us, as we were NOT prepared to go #TeamEd– we sense that Ed is up to his old tricks and we’re not the only ones.
“I do not trust Ed,” Kelly says. “Ed is gonna tell.”
Kelly says even though Ed is likely to obliterate this plan like the human wrecking ball he is, it’s not his problem and neither are Asuelu or Jovi.
Fresh out of couples therapy, Angela arrives at the pool and immediately insists on making the men and women sit by the pool together. Once Mee-Maw has gathered all her youngins, shots are ordered and Asuelu is called out for “fellatio-ing” pieces of fruit– something Kalani claims Asuelu is actually quite skilled at doing.
Angela says she hasn’t seen Kalani look at Asuelu the way she’s looking at him mid-snack since they arrived at the retreat. This vote of confidence inspires Asuelu to immediately jump up, ditch his robe, pull down his shorts and give Kalani and all innocent bystanders a free (for a reason) show.
Asuelu proceeds to mount the fire-pit and nearly light his makeshift loincloth ablaze as the group cheers him on and, we imagine, the actual paying guests at this resort begin drafting some very wordy Yelp reviews.
In the end, Asuelu’s impromptu performance earns him a 10 out of 10 from Kalani– and probably a lifetime ban from the resort. Kalani says she’s optimistic about her and Asuelu’s relationship at the moment.
When asked by Liz if they’ve had sex since arriving at the retreat, Asuelu and Kalani say they have not, but Yara is fully convinced that “they’re ready to bang.” (Each other, ideally.)
Liz then asks how Molly is doing, and Molly sarcastically replies, “Great!” Ed asks Molly why she would tell Kelly she doesn’t love him, which causes Molly to get angry, insisting she told Kelly she “was no longer IN love with him.” Ed tells Molly her admission “destroyed” Kelly– who is still sitting with the group and hearing this interaction go down. Kelly says that isn’t what Molly said, nor did he say that he didn’t love her. Or something?
Who the hell knows at this point. Everyone is yelling and honestly, we’re still reeling from the fact that Asuelu almost lit himself on fire.
Molly eventually gets fed up and walks off to the bathroom. While she’s gone, Kelly brings up the first day of therapy at the retreat when Molly chose not to sit with him, despite all the other “couples” doing so. As the couples begin heading back to their rooms for the night, Kelly tells the camera he’s not going to beg someone to be with him and confirms there’s “no coming back” for him and Molly.
Back at the pool, Jovi, Yara and Liz wait for Molly to get back from the bathroom so they can give her their unsolicited advice. Yara tells Molly she should talk to Kelly more, while Jovi claims Molly is hurting Kelly and reminds her how hard Kelly worked in his career and how he deserves to relax now that he’s retired.
Molly says she’s only trying to be honest at this retreat and part of being honest means admitting that she’s not in love with Kelly, nor is she “in love with what’s happening” between them. Though she understands Kelly wanting to kickback, relax and enjoy retirement, she’s a mother and a business owner, so relaxing isn’t really her jam at the moment. Molly says going forward, she’s going to work on herself and be the best she can be– with or without a
That’s all for this episode!
To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous “90 Day: The Last Resort” episode, click here!