“90 Day: The Last Resort” Season 1 Episode 8 Recap: Brother-in-Law Bashing & Bailing After a Breakup

Me, explaining how I feel about this trash-heap of a show.

Grab your sunglasses and your emotional baggage– it’s time for another episode of 90 Day: The Last Resort! 

This episode kicks off in Yara and Jovi’s room, where we find the couple talking about the sex therapy session they had the previous night with therapist Reba. Jovi and Yara claim the class helped them realize they have communication problems both in and outside of the bedroom, which Jovi–- the man who has been actively planning a secret strip club outing with his male cast members for the better part of this season–- blames on his and Yara’s trust issues. 

“But I fully intend on ruining that at any moment.”

Yara admits that she has a hard time discussing sex because of the way she was raised, but Jovi says the two of them are still making progress at the retreat. Yara says her main takeaway from the previous night’s session is that Jovi only has one thing on his mind. (Well, two if you count his infatuation for strippers.) 

It’s giving “more cowbell.”

As for Jovi, he learned that Yara doesn’t enjoy getting the jackhammer treatment from him in the bedroom; fitting, as Jovi is one of the biggest tools on this show.

Next we check in with Asuelu and Kalani who are meeting with Dr. Janie for a family session with Kalani’s sister, Kolini. Dr. Janie informs the trio that they’re beginning the session with a game of Jenga. After a few rounds, Kolini causes the tower of blocks to tumble and Dr. Janie asks the group to “think about this and how this relates to our life.” 

“And by OUR life, I mean YOUR life. After all, I have a PhD and you guys are trying to salvage your marriage on a reality series.”

Dr. Janie goes on to use a bevy of metaphors featuring the words “build” and “rebuild,” all of which leave the group seemingly very impressed. 

Let’s see if Kalani feels the same way when Dr. Janie uses Guess Who? to talk about Asuelu’s many sidepieces.

After her board game pep-talk, Dr. Janie sits down with the trio where she learns that Kolini no longer speaks to her sister’s husband, aside from the occasional “hello.” Kalani credits her sister’s hangups on Asuelu’s many (many, MANY) instances of cheating.

Kalani explains to Dr. Reba that Kolini has been her sounding board throughout her and Asuelu’s hot-mess of a marriage and Kolini echoes this, expressing how painful it’s been to watch her sister be treated so poorly by her husband for so many 90 Day Fiance spinoffs years, especially when Kolini has been expected to keep the couple’s drama under wraps. 

Kalani explains to Dr. Janie that she had Kolini keep her and Asuelu’s secret(s) because she initially wanted their father to approve of her reality TV boo. (Well, that and the fact that she was already knocked up with Asuelu’s baby when the cheating first occurred.) Kalani notes that Asuelu’s wandering eye/other appendages seemingly stopped when he came to America, though things ramped back up last year when Asuelu began reaching out to different women online and purchasing naked photos on the Internet. 

As you do…

“…supporter of female entrepreneurs!” 

She then tells Dr. Reba that Asuelu ultimately cheated on her physically on his most recent trip to Samoa, during which he “did the tongue thing” that we were THIS close to blocking from our memory, so thanks so much for that reminder, Kalini. Kalani says hearing herself admit how many times Asuelu has cheated on her– nearly a dozen, btw– makes her feel “disgusted.”

Next we check in with Angela, who is dazzling her long-distance boo Michael with some dance moves she definitely didn’t pick up at the bingo hall. 

I think Michael’s face speaks for all of us on this one.

Our resident SEKSI Mee-Maw is riding high after her and Michael’s last couple’s therapy session and the timing couldn’t be better, as her and Michael’s wedding anniversary is the following day. As a “treat” for her man, Angela decides to model some bathing suits over FaceTime, which she says will improve her and Michael’s connection– “erection connection,” to be exact. 

What a terrible day to have eyes.

As Angela reveals a red, white and blue getup, she receives an immediate “no” from Michael, who claims the swimsuit is “too revealing” and therefore “too tempting” for his lady to be strutting around in. Michael claims Angela needs to go with something “modest,” proving that he has no idea who the hell he married. 

You know this statement is printed on her license plate holder…

After her fave looks get shutdown, Angela eventually settles for a more modest suit– one she deems “the granny one”– and Michael gives his “mmm” of approval, just as long as Angela agrees to cover the goods. (Spoiler alert: she doesn’t.) 

“I didn’t put them there to not show ‘em,” Angela tells her stuffy spouse.

Back at the pool-side therapy session, Kalani is still in tears over the mess that is her marriage and the fact that she’s “allowed” her husband to treat her so poorly for so long. Kolini tells Dr. Janie what an amazing mom and wife her sister is and how she Kalani deserves to be married to someone who won’t cheat or collect naked photos of women like Pokemon cards.

“…but I also don’t hate the idea of Hall Pass Guy making a surprise appearance at this retreat. Preferably before Dr. Janie makes us all play Twister.”

Asuelu says he hopes both Kalani and Kolini can forgive him for his (multiple) wrongdoings, admitting he has “a lot of issues.” One of the main issues, Asuelu says, is his upbringing, to which Kalani adds, “culturally, almost all of the men in Samoa think it’s ok to cheat.” Kalani says as much as she hoped that bringing Asuelu to America would turn things around for him, Asuelu ended up torching that idea, much like he almost torched his own crotch in the fire pit. 

Asuelu tells Dr. Janie he feels like Kalani deserves better than him and that he’s embarrassed of his actions. Meanwhile, Kalani is hurt that Asuelu has continued acting like a whole ass fool, despite her threatening to leave him many times. Kalani acknowledges Asuelu’s current emotions/glaring regret, but says she’s hurt that it took him so many spin-offs long to realize his mistakes.

As for Kolini, she tells Dr. Janie that Asuelu has pulled this water works routine in the past and frankly, she isn’t buying it. According to her, Asuelu has only jumped aboard the regret train because Kalani finally gave him a taste of his own medicine– officially the second-worst thing Asuelu has had on his tongue. 

Dr. Janie tells Asuelu it’s important for him to get to the root of his issues, noting that the most important gift he can give his wife is change. (Hey, it beats giving her thrush of the tongue!)

She also suspects that Asuelu has a “sexual addiction or a sexual compulsion,” but says the fact that he’s taking accountability is a step in the right direction. 

The next day, we head to Angela’s room where Mee-Maw is zipping up a freak ‘em dress and wiggin’ out in honor of her and Michael’s third wedding anniversary. Once she’s satisfied with her lewk, Ang grabs her iPad/tripod and heads outside for some face-to-face (over FaceTime) with her better half. Once Michael pops up on the screen, he treats Angela to some stiff as hell hip-shaking, much to Angela’s delight. 

I could have lived my whole life without hearing about Angie’s tingling cooter…

Angela and Michael take a trip down memory lane to the first time she visited Nigeria and other fond memories the two have shared, which makes Michael very happy. Angela tells Michael he never has to hide his emotions (or any photos of his body, for that matter) from her, and Michael vows to continue opening up to his wife/answering these FaceTime calls. Angela then heads back to her room– iPad/tripod in tow– so that she and Michael can continue their anniversary celebration behind closed doors. (Thank God.)  

Over in another part of the resort, Dr. Jason sits down with Molly and Kelly who, much like one of Angela’s risqué outfits, are hanging on by a thread. Kelly begins the session by telling Dr. Jason that he and Molly are no longer on the same page, to which Molly says she doesn’t know what Kelly wants from her. 

According to Molly, she’s in the “prime” of her career and Kelly, who has recently retired from being a police officer, isn’t supportive of that, despite his desire to buy big houses and put a ring on Molly’s finger. 

“You need to appreciate me for the D-list celebrity that I am.”

Kelly says Molly can’t expect him to “drop everything” for her, when she couldn’t even validate their relationship to people. 

“It was all about you,” he says. “Did you not state to me, ‘I don’t care. I’m a boss. I’mma do what I gotta do.’” 

We then get a flashback from Kelly and Molly’s Kama Sutra class from hell, which prompts Molly to dive into her comments about loving Kelly but no longer being IN love with him. Kelly says Molly could’ve easily told him this information back in Georgia, before they obligated themselves to this TLC-funded getaway.  

“I assumed receiving this news while you’re lounging on the beach and earning an easy paycheck would make it hurt less.”

Dr. Jason asks the couple if they think their relationship has run its course, to which Molly and Kelly (finally) admit is has. Kelly says he’s numb, Molly says she’s sorry, and Dr. Jason says he wants to continue working with the couple individually.

“If not, TLC is going to dock my pay.”

Next we check in with Ed and Liz, who have ventured off of resort property for a trip to the aquarium to feed and pet sharks. Liz is touched by Ed’s willingness to partake in this activity, given his fear of sharks (and snakes, alligators, bumblebees and spiders, he adds). 

…and THIS is why the producers deserve a raise.

After lightly grazing the belly of the world’s smallest shark, Ed and Liz sit down to talk about their retreat experience, which Liz says has improved over the last couple of days. Ed and Liz agree they still need to work on their communication and trust issues, which leads Ed to reveal the upcoming strip club outing Jovi, Asuelu and Kelly are planning. 

Ed tells Liz that the guys told him not to tell any of the girlfriends/wives about their night of debauchery, but in the spirit of improving his relationship-– and stirring the pot–- he had to come clean. 

“…something inside of me– perhaps that circus performing leprechaun– tells me this is the right thing to do.”

Ed tells Liz he’s not going on the boys night because he 57 years old and doesn’t need to “look at boobs.” Not to mention, he’s already batting way out of his league by having a 29-year-old fiancé. 

Liz says she’s pissed–- not at Ed, but at the other guys-– because she’s now in a position where she has to tell the other women what the guys have planned. Ed tells Liz he’ll apologize to the guys for spilling the beans to her and let them know he had to do it for the sake of his relationship– a comment that nearly brings Liz to tears. (Ya know, because of that whole bar being in hell thing.) 

Back at the resort, Kelly haphazardly throws his belongings into his suitcase in preparation to head home. Kelly says while his and Molly’s relationship didn’t stand a chance, the retreat did help him realize want he wants in a future partner, so it wasn’t a total waste of time. 

Before Kelly gets an opportunity to sneak away in the night, Molly comes by his room to apologize again and make sure he doesn’t “hate” her. Kelly assures Molly that he’ll be ok because he doesn’t have any other choice at this point. Molly offers to walk with Kelly on his way out of the resort and he says yes, noting it’s not the kind of walk he imagined they’d end up doing together. 

“[It can] be our last walk, you know,” he says. “It ain’t gonna be a walk down the aisle, but our last walk.” 

Same. Which confirms that I’m entirely too invested in this franchise.

Kelly and Molly walk together in silence and load Kelly’s belongings into the car before hugging goodbye. As the car begins to drive away, Kelly says he “can’t believe this s**t is happening” to him, claiming a “genuine person” wouldn’t treat him the way Molly did. 

When we cut back to Molly, she tells the camera that losing love is the hardest thing in the world. But on the bright side, at least she gets to walk away from this heartbreak with a paycheck and a tan. 

That’s all for this episode! To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous “90 Day: The Last Resort” episode, click here. 

RELATED STORY: Colt Johnson’s Wife Vanessa Guerra Calls Out ’90 Day Fiance’ Production Company For Ignoring Injury Colt Got While Filming; Claims He Has $250k in Medical Bills 

(Photos: TLC)

3 Responses

  1. Thanks for recapping!!

    Molly has been a disappointment, used to like her. I see why her friendship with Cynthia broke down. Manipulative and selfish.

    I understand Yara better, and Jovi is selfish/tone deaf.

    Kalani & Asuelo. That marriage is sadly over.

    Can we unleash Angela on Africa and leave her there???

    Big Ed & Liz…leave television and never return.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Share the Post:

Related Posts