‘Teen Mom OG’ Season 5B Episode 7 Recap: Halloween, Halter Tops & a Honeymoon

"Did someone say halter tops!?"
“Did someone say halter tops!?”

This week on Teen Mom OG, everyone is celebrating! It’s a week of joy for all of our young made-for-MTV mothers! Catelynn and Tyler will be celebrating their honeymoon in Hawaii, while Amber and Gary celebrate their daughter Leah’s seventh birthday. Meanwhile, Farrah is celebrating the fact that she was able to successfully terrorize the United Kingdom during her “business” trip. Finally, Maci is celebrating the fact that Taylor just brought home a new 24-pack of Bud Lite. Bust out the confetti and praise the Baby Jesus!

The Ashley is also celebrating while watching this episode. For some reason (that is never really explained), MTV has decided to forgo it usual schedule of five-commercials per ugly Farrah cry and air this episode commercial-free. (While that’s great and all…would it be possible to have them air next week’s episode Farrah-free? Can’t hurt to ask…)

This episode starts off at Farrah’s house. Things are better than ever– no one’s fighting, no one’s crying, hell, even Sophia’s air is brushed! The reason why everything is so calm is that Farrah is currently on a different continent. She’s over in Europe filming a reality show, so in order to keep her involved on this reality show, Debra and Sophia are (Plastic) Face-Timing her.

"This way, Sophia can show all her friends how pretty her mommy is any time I call!"
“This way, Sophia can show all her friends how pretty her mommy is any time I call!”

Sophia’s phone starts to ring and she screams at her grandma to give it to her. We see Farrah’s mug appear on the screen so we know it’s Farrah calling.

Does anyone else think it’s hysterical– but oh so typical– of Farrah to install a professional photo of herself on her daughter’s phone? At first I thought it was the photo used on the cover of Farrah’s butt movie, but then I realized it’s a paparazzi photo taken while Farrah was attending the MTV Movie Awards last year. And, yes, I do want to hang myself for knowing that.

Also…why does six-year-old Sophia have an iPhone? Poor Deb’s probably still slummin’ it with her Razor phone from 2003, yet Sophia has the latest technology.

"Be a good girl and eat your processed meat product, Sophia!"
When you want to tell your mom that grandma keeps stealing your clothes but she’s sitting right there…

Anyway, Sophia answers Farrah’s call and Farrah immediately asks Sophia what she’s wearing. It’s like watching we’re suddenly watching the E! Pre-Oscars show or something. Sophia has no clue what she’s wearing, so Deb fills Farrah in on the outfit deets. (No doubt Deb tried to wear Sophia’s outfit before she gave it to the kid to wear.)

Sophia’s eating breakfast before school, but she’s refusing to finish her processed meat product because she doesn’t want to look fat. Then she sashays away, shaking her butt. Deb and Michael look horrified, as they should.

"Ooooh, freshly grown cuticles!"
“Ooooh, freshly grown cuticles!”

Next, we check in with Catelynn, who is really worried to leave Nova for a week while she and Tyler go to Hawaii on their honeymoon. While Nova gets booted out of the house two or three nights a week on the regular, Cate is still worried about leaving her with April that long. (At least when she’s at April’s, Cate knows she can go over there, fight through all the Virginia Slims smoke and find her kid if she needs to.)

Cate is heading to her doctor to get a new prescription for her anti-depressants before the trip. Tyler thinks this is a good idea, because he doesn’t want to take a wife who’s “all crazy” on a Hawaiian honeymoon. He tells her that she better not be busting out an anxiety attack while they’re gone. Nothing ruins a luau quite like a woman being followed by TV cameras who’s having a nervous breakdown. That’s what I always say!

Over in Tennessee, Maci is gearing up for Halloween. Taylor jokes that he’s going to dress up as an “MTV reality star” but then immediately corrects himself (most likely because he doesn’t wanna get bitched at via Twitter) and says that he’s not a star, just a sideshow. That’s actually a pretty accurate description.

"Dad, this is just embarrassing..."
“Dad, this is just embarrassing…”

Over at Ryan‘s house, Bentley is talking about his costume while Ryan is carving a pumpkin. (Seriously, who allowed him to use any sort of sharp objects? Even a felt tip pen should be off-limits for this guy!)

Ryan, who is planning to go trick-or-treating with Bentley, Maci and his family, is plotting to have a cool costume for the evening. He just hasn’t quite figured out how to incorporate his bed into his costume so that he doesn’t have to actually get up at any time. Thinkings is hard, y’all!

Bentley is hesitant to get pumpkin guts all over his new clothes. (He probably knows that if he does, he’s gonna get stuck wearing one of Taylor’s weird pocket T-shirts until he graduates high school!) Ryan tells him that he’s acting like a girl, and proceeds to throw pumpkin guts all over his son. Even Bentley recognizes how immature Ryan is.

“Seriously?” he asks.

I freaking love this kid.

Bentley is so rad...
Bentley is so rad…

Later, Bentley resolves to get his dad back for the Great Pumpkin Gut Caper. He picks up the whole bowl of pumpkin guts and sneaks behind Ryan, who’s arguing with his parents about something. Jen happily helps Bentley pour the guts all over Ryan’s head and everyone collapses into giggles! Even Ryan gets a chuckle in after realizing how cool his kid is.

Finally, we head over to Indiana to see what Amber and her going-for-the-world-record-for-fathering-children fiance, Matt, are up to. Amber’s still reeling from Gary’s discovery that Matt has at least seven child support cases filed against him, five of which Amber had no clue about.

They’re parked on the trusty couch, and the ‘Teen Mom OG’ producers storm in to see if they can get Matt and Amber to talk about what just happened. (The producers can barely contain their excitement. This is ratings gold, folks! Things haven’t been this exciting on the ‘Teen Mom’ front since people were getting kicked down stairs or pulling knives on each other!)

"If you could refrain from impregnating anyone on the crew, Matt, that'd be great."
“If you could refrain from impregnating anyone on the crew, Matt, that’d be great.”

Producer Larry comes in to try to smooth things over with Amber and Mooch Matt, since things got kind of tense on the last shoot. (And by “tense” I mean Matt was randomly screaming about torturing Gary, medieval-style, as you do.)

Amber says that things in her house have been tense since Gary showed her the documents.

“All seven of the kids aren’t his, but I think some might be because of how he was in his past,” Amber explains.

Meanwhile, Matt’s sitting there all stone-faced, trying to act like he’s not contemplating picking up Amber’s big screen TV and making a mad dash back to Massachusetts (or whatever state he and his sperm plan to terrorize next).

Admittedly, the couch is just as big of a star as Matt and Amber, though...
Admittedly, the couch is just as big of a star as Matt and Amber, though…

Amber’s concerned that all of these abandoned kids and whatnot will make Matt look bad on TV when this episode airs. (UM?) Amber argues that Matt didn’t sign up to have his private life aired on TV.

Here’s an easy solution to that problem: Don’t appear on TV. Even if Matt’s not a “star” of this crappy show, he’s still a “sideshow,” as Taylor so eloquently put it minutes ago, therefore he’s fair game. Sorry, Amb.

Matt finally speaks up and says that all of the bad things he did were 25 years ago because of his drug habit (which remains to be seen if it ever actually existed, by the way). He proclaims that Gary is actually just a bad person in general. This guy’s a real pip.

Amber declares that she doesn’t want to spend any more time talking about all of the abandoned kids. It’s almost Leah’s birthday, so she’d rather discuss that. Gary has Leah on her actual birthday, which upsets Amber.

AS. YOU.DO!
No caption needed for this one…

Meanwhile, Farrah’s been working her backdoor off over in the UK. To keep in touch, Farrah sends her daughter some photos of herself in a skanky dress. As you do. Sophia makes note of how ridiculously enormous her mother’s breasts have gotten.

Later, Deb talks on the phone with Farrah, who tells Deb that she’s bringing home some great gifts from London for her. Deb’s eyes light up, and you can tell she’s dreaming of some new crop tops with Big Ben on them, or some new UK flag leather pants. (Surely her pair are worn out by now!)

Farrah soon cans the niceties and starts accusing Debra of using “excessive amounts of water” while she’s been gone. Um…maybe Deb has just been washing Sophia’s hair? That’s not something that Farrah seems to do a lot of, which would explain the uptick in water use. Debra defends herself, stating that she’s not to blame for the $300 increase in water.

At this point, Farrah doesn't even look human anymore...She basically looks like a soul-less Muppet doll...
At this point, Farrah doesn’t even look human anymore…She basically looks like a soul-less Muppet doll…

The next week, Farrah tells us (via voice-over because she’s still “working” in the UK) that she plans to move to Los Angeles when she comes home, because LA is closer to more “job opportunities” for her. (That is where most reality TV shows tape, so it makes sense…not to mention where most adult movies are shot…)

Farrah calls Sophia on Facetime to chat with her about their future move. (Why is Farrah still wearing the exact same dress she was wearing during her last Facetime chat? Either her butt movie money is drying up and she can’t afford new clothes, or all of these conversations were filmed on the same damn day and MTV’s trying to be tricky with their editing. I see you, MTV!)

Sophia could care less where she lives, so she OKs the move to California. (She may not realize that even if she moves to California, she still has to live with Farrah. Poor kid.)

Debra and Michael are getting things all gussied up for Farrah’s return from the UK. They’re decorating the front of the house with red, white and blue decorations (because… ‘Merica!) and eagerly awaiting Farrah’s arrival home.

Um......
Um……

OK, we’re gonna need to talk about Deb’s outfit. This conversation has to happen. To welcome Farrah home, Debra has put on her finest pleather pants, along with a belly-baring halter top that looks like it was peeled off the pages of a Delia’s catalog circa 2002. (To be fair, Deb’s body looks great, thanks to all of that liquid lifting Farrah’s been shelling out money for, but…this outfit is just embarrassing. And by “embarrassing” I mean amazing.)

During this scene, it’s hard not to notice that Sophia is speaking like a regular six-year-old. She’s not using that hideous baby voice and she seems to be acting her age. There’s no doubt, though, as soon as Farrah returns, Sophia will transform back into “Baby Goop.”

All of a sudden, Deb screams like she just found a hidden stash of Botox injectables. It turns out that Farrah is coming down the street toward the house. (Hell, I’d scream too if Farrah was coming my way.)

Michael stands proudly in front of the new Porta-Potty sculpture in Farrah's yard...
Michael stands proudly in front of the new Porta-Potty sculpture in Farrah’s yard…

Sophia runs to great her mother (all while there’s a great view of the Porta-Potty that’s set up outside for the crew to use…’member when The Ashley told you about that?) Mother and daughter happily reunite, and Debra asks Farrah for a hug.

“She doesn’t like you!” Sophia tells Debra.

Well…can’t argue with that.

In Michigan, Catelynn goes to see the counselor to talk about all of the anxiety she’s been feeling lately. She mentions that Tyler’s constant badgering about anxiety is making her anxious. So basically, Cate is feeling anxious that Tyler’s going to make her feel anxious about her anxiety.

To be honest, I’m feeling anxious too. I’m anxious that we’re not going to get in enough Butch moments this episode because this girl won’t stop yapping about her anxiety. Let’s focus on the real problems here, people!

"Go on up there, Bentley and ask the nice people if they want to buy a T-shirt!"
“Go on up there, Bentley and ask the nice people if they have any Bud Lites for your mama!”

In Tennessee, it’s Halloween night, and Maci’s excited that Ryan has agreed to come trick-or-treating with her and Bentley and the family. Ryan’s parents arrive but Ryan is nowhere to be seen. His mom tells us that he’s still at the Halloween store getting his costume together. It’s not exactly shocking that Ryan waited until three minutes before he was due to leave for trick-or-treating to scurry on down to the Party City to try to make a costume with whatever is left on the shelf.

They start trick-or-treating without Ryan, figuring that he will eventually catch up with them. Bentley is collecting a ton of candy, but Ryan is still missing in action. His mom is getting really angry, and keeps calling her son to see where he is. (Maybe he took a little nap at the costume shop? Let’s hope one of the store employees remembered to turn him after hour three or so…)

Ryan misses the entire trick-or-treating excursion, and Maci and Taylor discuss what a douche-nozzle Ryan is.

“What is he doing?” Maci asks. “He doesn’t have a job. He doesn’t have any other children…”

Taylor brings up the fact that Ryan may, in fact, have other children that Maci doesn’t know about. (Yeah, say like, for instance, seven children by five different women all over the country. Or something…)

Ryan’s absence doesn’t seem to bother Bentley. After all, the kid’s so used to his dad flaking out that he doesn’t even notice that Ryan was a no-show.

"Cool costume, Dad, but honestly it's just good to see you wearing something other than pajamas!"
“Cool costume, Dad, but honestly it’s just good to see you wearing something other than pajamas!”

Eventually, Ryan wanders in, all dressed up and ready to go trick-or-treating but unfortunately…it’s basically Thanksgiving by the time he arrives. Bentley’s done trick-or-treating, much to Ryan’s dismay. Ryan promptly blames this dilemma on “Maci and them,” even though it’s clearly his own fault for missing it.

In Indiana, it’s Leah’s birthday. Amber’s sulking because Gary had a party for Leah, but didn’t invite her and Matt, the Inseminating King. Gary’s only allowing Amber to drop off Leah’s gift at his house.

“Technically, you guys should be able to do this kind of stuff with Leah together,” Matt says.

Oh hell no. Let’s not be mentioning other people’s custody arrangements there, pal. This is one of those conversations where Matt should just get up, go into the kitchen and try to look for loose change or something while Amber talks to the producers. He’s hardly a pillar of co-parenting expertise!

"Waaaa!"
“Waaaa!”

Matt refuses to go into Gary’s house to drop off the gifts. Amber encourages him to put his negative feelings for Gary aside.

“Be the bigger man,” she tells Matt.

Um…not sure that’s humanly possible….just sayin’…

Over in Michigan, Cate and Ty are also celebrating Halloween. They’re leaving for their honeymoon that night, but they still manage to find time to take Nova around the block to collect free candy for them. Before long, it’s time for Cate and Ty to say goodbye to the baby and Catelynn gets emotional. Tyler seems unfazed, and is proud of himself for not missing his kid’s first Halloween.

That awkward moment when you take a camera crew on your honeymoon...
That awkward moment when you take a camera crew on your honeymoon…

Soon, Tyler and Catelynn are in Hawaii. How freaking jealous do you think the camera crew that got stuck filming Farrah this week are of the crew that got to go to Hawaii with Cate and Ty? One crew is stuffed into a PortaPotty listening to Farrah melt down (again), while the other is lounging on the beach. I feel sorry for whoever drew the short straw on that one!

Anyway, Cate Facetimes April to say hello to Nova. After talking to the baby, Cate shows April the ocean view from their porch and April tries her best to act excited for them. Poor April hasn’t been on a vacation since she went upstate to visit Butch in the pen, so she’s surely a bit jealous.

The rest of the week is spent swimming, horseback riding and enjoying their honeymoon. Catelynn is happy to see that she has no anxiety while on the trip.

"Does it say how to get child support cases to disappear by chance?"
“Does it say how to get child support cases to disappear by chance?”

Meanwhile, Amber and Matt are heading over to Casa de Gary to give Leah her presents. Matt’s agreed to go inside Gary’s house, even though he’s not happy. They arrive at the house and give Leah her gift, which is a magic set. Matt tells Leah that it will help her learn 150 different tricks.

Ol’ Matt is already a pro at the disappearing act, as we (and his kids) know…

Matt’s trying to ease the tension by making small talk. He compliments Gary on his renovated kitchen and you can just tell that Gary hates this guy. He tries to be nice, and starts talking about carpeting his steps.

"Well lookie there! A real working stove and everything!"
“Well lookie there! A real working stove and everything!”

“If someone falls, it would hurt,” Gary explains. “Or if someone decides to kick someone down the stairs with their foot, it would hurt.”

Oh my God…Gary for the win!!!!

Amber tries to pretend that she has no clue what Gary meant by that comment, but she’s obviously mad. Matt and Amber leave, and Matt says that he bets that Gary doesn’t watch the magic trick DVD that came with the magic set with Leah for at least a month.

Um…you guys do know that you could watch the DVD with Leah, right? You wouldn’t even have to leave the couch!

On the car ride home, Amber scolds Matt for being too nice to Gary.

“I really did think his kitchen looked nice!” Matt protests. (To be fair, Matt is probably used to cooking on portable stoves that he finds in whatever campground he’s sleeping at, so a kitchen like Gary’s is fine-class livin’!)

"You think since MTV is filming...er...I mean it's Leah's birthday we could stop off and get some pedicures on the way?"
“You think since MTV is filming…er…I mean it’s Leah’s birthday we could stop off and get some pedicures on the way?”

Later that week, Amber decides to throw her own birthday party for Leah. She orders a limo to surprise Leah. (Farrah must have given her driver the day off?)

Of course, Matt the Mooch and Cousin Krystle have piled into the limo as well. Krystle’s assortment of children are crawling all over the seats as the limo pulls into Gary’s driveway to pick Leah up. Leah seems only a little impressed by the limo, but she climbs in and they head to a restaurant that’s having a magic show. Well, to be fair, it’s just an overly excited guy who’s doing ball tricks for their group, but, hey, it’s still a good effort by Amber!

In Texas, it must be Halloween because Sophia’s dressed up as a princess and Debra’s dressed up like Hannah Montana. Farrah, Deb and Michael are taking Sophia out to dinner. Farrah regales her parents of her experiences in London.

"Even I know a six-year-old shouldn't be wearing a full face of makeup to school. Geez!"
“Even I know a six-year-old shouldn’t be wearing a full face of makeup to school. Geez!”

Later, Debra tells Farrah about a situation she had at Sophia’s school. Apparently, the principal of her elementary school wasn’t thrilled when Sophia showed up to school with a face full of makeup. (Go figure!)

Sophia ended up getting teased by some of the other little girls because of her makeup, but Debra told the school principal that it doesn’t matter if Sophia gets teased, she’s wearing makeup, damnit! Farrah and Debra both agree that a six-year-old should be able to decide if she wants to wear a face full of makeup to Pre-K or not.

I…can’t….

Farrah then announces to her parents that she’s planning to move to California. Debra seems thrilled, but Michael is unhappy, as he’s currently living in Austin near Farrah, and this move will mean he won’t get to be on TV see Sophia as much as he’s used to.

"Seeing Ryan out of bed is like seeing Bigfoot! I don't happen very often!"
“Seeing Ryan out of bed is like seeing Bigfoot! I don’t happen very often!”

In Tennessee, it’s morning so, naturally, Maci’s pouring herself a great big glass of OJ…and champagne. She’s still harping about how horrible Ryan is. She worries that Ryan’s poor parenting will have a negative effect on Bentley eventually.

Next week, Gary doesn’t want Leah to go on vacation with Amber and Matt, while Farrah doesn’t want anyone to live a peaceful life, especially her ex-boyfriend, Simon.

To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode of ‘Teen Mom OG,’ click here!

(Photos: MTV)

 

 

 

 

 

93 Comments

  1. I feel terrible for noticing this but it was Producer Morgan on the couch at Amber’s not Producer Larry. Producer Larry lost that coin toss and was over being belted by Farrah, obvs. It’s not often you’d see having to sit next to Matt on a couch as a win.


  2. What happened to Maci’s parents?
    You never see or hear of them & Ryans parents are always watching the baby.
    I don’t remember them from 16 & pregnant


    1. The Moms have known the crew since they filmed 16 & pregnant, it’s the same crew so they all allow the crew to use their bathrooms. Farrah is the only 1 that refuses to allow them to use the bathroom so they are forced to get port-a-potties.


  3. “At this point, Farrah doesn’t even look human anymore…She basically looks like a soul-less Muppet doll…” ok Ashley…I’m at work reading this and DYING!!! LMAO! You’re gonna get me fired…this is so funny!


  4. Did anyone else notice what looked like a bottle of water filled with urine on the window sill in care and Ty’s bedroom when she was having her pre-honeymoon anxiety attack?


  5. Are u gong to mention that Maci and Tyler were drinking while trick or treating?? They literally are drinking jn every scene. “champagne for the pain”…of being hungover from trick or treating?? Trick or treating takes like an hour, they couldn’t stay sober for that long?? And in the 1 minute clip of them next week, it shows Tyler drinking a beer and Maci and her margarita. It’s getting crazy lol


  6. There was so much wrong with this episode – I think this is the first one that got me REALLY mad and considering all the dumb shit these girls do, that says a lot.

    Farrah and her family need to be removed from this show and TV. As long as they continue to receive funds and promotion from this, they will feel like they are celebrities. Fame or whatever she has has clearly gone to Deborah’s head – I don’t know what she was wearing (maybe she wants to be cast in the real housewives of Texas or something) but it was horrible and why does she always look shiny, speak in a baby voice and cannot seem to deal with anything about life? Sophia is a brat – I do not like to attack children, but that is what she is plain and simple – she is not nice, does not feel like she has to listen, etc. I’m curious if she does have any friends at school (or really attends school judging by how much travel she does with Farrah) because we never see her with or away at anyone’s houses. The fact that Farrah is once again moving her is probably not the best either. I cannot believe no one mentioned Michael saying “whatever Deborah”! I think Michael is starting to gain whatever parental backbone he was missing because he clearly said, I will miss you but if this is what makes you happy, then ok. He also stood up to Farrah’s random ranting last episode. The sad thing is the more we keep talking about Farrah etc. the more MTV will keep her onair and the more Farrah will think she is a celebrity.

    I typically like Caitlyn and Tyler, but this episode got me upset over her depression. Millions of people suffer from it – I know quite a few and yet she seems to make it sound like a horrible disease. A lot of people deal with this every day and take pills but the idea of her being on pills or addressing her anxiety is the WORST thing ever. I just thought this could be a teaching moment and it seemed to just increase the stigma of anxiety and depression. Does anyone else think that April’s new husband is like her twin? I thought it was her brother! I would like to see either of them get something of a job – if you want to write Tyler, then start a blog or something?! It’s free, no commitment and you can see if you have any talent!!!

    Seriously are we still talking about Maci and Ryan YEARS later? I hate how they blame each other IN FRONT OF BENTLEY. I think if Ryan got his own place eventually, Bentley would still prefer to go and see Mimi and Papa – I think they truly are his second parents, not Ryan who is more like a buddy. The fact that Ryan could not even bother to respond to his mother says a lot – also why does Maci drink so much?! I’m so boggled by this – can you make it through a day and not drink?

    I really like Amber – I just do not understand why she does not get rid of Matt. At this point, the only thing I can understand is she hasn’t seen all the reports that came out after this episode aired (I am referring to Amber in the episode – not current Amber). I do not like Gary in the slightest – I believe Amber was right in her book when she said that fame changed him, but he does seem to be a good dad. I just wish he would cut Amber some slack, if he doesn’t get Matt then get an order against him being with his daughter.

    Do any of these people work beyond their MTV filming?!


    1. Excellent comments!! You should go back and watch 16 and pregnant on Farrah’s episodes. Worth the time for a look-back at how these monsters were created. Her family is sooooo effed up.


  7. You forgot to mention the best part of the episode! Aka Mimi Jen’s 5 star quote, “I want to kick Ryan’s ass. Can I say that on TV?”


  8. There were so many moments in that episode and Ashley you nailed them all! I didn’t even notice the porta-potty until you pointed it out! No words for the entire Farrah portion, it’s all so incredibly ridiculous and a train wreck. I think Bentley is my favorite of all the kids and I thought someone should have stepped in when Ryan tried to make him feel guilty when it was Ryan’s fault AGAIN. I think Maci is no cupcake but she’s always been there for Bentley, even if she had a beer in her hand. I always thought Gary was awful but he’s impressed me with how he really stepped up as a parent for Leah. Although I think only letting Amber see Leah for 20 minutes on her birthday was a bit harsh. Amber does get herself bogged down with people who are not good for her and I really hope she finds the strength to be a single mom for a while, then when her life is settled she can try to find someone who will be good for her. Instead of focusing on losers/creepers like Matt, her attention should go 100% to Leah!
    Lastly, Cate most definitely has depression. Being a stay at home mom is hard (I’m one and some days I do feel like I’m going crazy) but she has to find a balance. She needs to get out of bed, go to a playgroup, or just do something! Maybe if she was more connected with the outside world the inside would be less overwhelming. And Tyler, you share 50% of the parenting dude, don’t hide your head in the sand! That was very insensitive to push Cate’s anxiety in her face. How about you help and support her so she can let that anxiety go!
    End rant!


  9. Just personally speaking, I find it really wierd the relationship that Maci (who I have NEVER liked) has with Ryan’s parents–why in the world is his Mom watching Maci’s baby from another father? Where are her parents? It seems like they have just dropped completely off the face of the Earth—also, she seems to do an awful lot of drinking for someone with 2 kids, including a relatively new baby–Mimosas, at home? Onto Catelynn-I used to really like this couple, not so much anymore… Catelynn and Tyler have both spoken alot about there bad childhoods—I know that April is allegedly sober now, but why or why is Nova over there so much? They talk so much about the impact of giving up Carly but choose to spend so much away from the child they do have—it makes no sense. Amber GROW UP! You are 25 now and your entire claim to fame is that you went to prison rather than getting help for your addiction, yet you still drink. You are doing ‘house flipping’ now yet you don’t know where a dead bolt should be installed on a door(last episode)???? Farrah and that whole on-going **i* Show, I just can’t also as time goes on I get the definite feeling that ‘Daddy Derek’ was a pretty casual sexual partner that she has now elevated to relationship status—I would like to hear more from people who know.


    1. Maci has said many times that Larry and Jen are like her “second parents.” Personally, I don’t think that’s weird considering they are very nice people and have done a lot more for Bentley than Ryan has. Maci’s parents aren’t on the show a lot because they’re private people but that doesn’t mean they don’t see their granddaughter. It just means they don’t see her when cameras are filming. I don’t know what is going on with Tyler and Cate but it does seem like Cate is going through some derpression/anxiety. I can tell her personality has changed. Hopefully, she’ll get better and not leave Nova with April as much. As far as Farrah goes, she has always said that Derek is the only person she has ever really loved. I don’t think they were just hook up buddies. I think they genuinely loved each other and just had a nasty break up before he died.


    2. You should go google 16 and pregnant.You can watch all of Farrah in succession. What a crock of sh it this whole’daddy Derick’ crap is.


      1. Where are all the episodes?? MTV has a “key” on my phone that requires you to know your cable providers # and such….aren’t any orginial 16 & Pregnant on YouTube….


  10. Ok, so I know Ryan was late and it was all his own fault, and he definitely shouldn’t have tried to guilt trip Bentley… but I have to say I felt sorry for him. He looked genuinely devastated that he had missed it all. I thought he was going to cry.


    1. I think he may be severely depressed or has some mental health issues. Everyone baby’s him and no one really expects much from him. How old is he now? And he’s still living at home with his parents? And it seems like he doesn’t have a job. He also can’t hold onto a GF…


    2. I agree. I think it’s fairly clear he’s using opiate (pain killers), which is a downright epidemic. I’ve noticed it for a year or so.


  11. I know Tyler and Caitlyn were going on their honeymoon, but I feel so bad they left April and Nova behind. I’m a strong advocate of taking time for yourself, and being alone as a couple but…they’ve lived together for some time and have a baby now. Hasn’t April done a lot for them by watching the baby? I guess I’m just the loner here, but if I had that MTV money and were going to Hawaii, I would bring my mom and baby along. We could all alternate watching her. They have April watch Nova so often, the least they could do is treat her to Hawaii


    1. I couldn’t agree more! I try not to judge their spending habits (as weird as they may be), but FFS, April hasn’t had it easy and is pretty much available to them on demand (if you ask me, I also think they should do the same for Tyler’s mom).


      1. I know! What a wonderful way to celebrate your family and show appreciation for your mothers.

        Looks like we are just too down to earth for reality TV lol


        1. I know! Seriously, Tyler’s mom seems like a pretty down to earth woman, and acts like she can’t get over how ridiculous this whole thing is (I assume that’s how Cate’s dad feels?).
          My heart really broke when I heard Cate bragging about the dolphins to her mom. I’m a first generation student, my parents are immigrants, etc., and I constantly try not to offend/condescend, share whatever I have (thin line to walk when trying not to hurt someone’s feelings). It baffles me that Cate and Ty don’t know better given how much they’ve been through.


    2. Yeah i know a couple who got married when their daughter was young. They brought the groom’s mother on their honeymoon to help with their daughter so they didn’t need to leave her


  12. While watching the episode I thought to myself, “I really hope the Ashley addresses Debra’s halter top”! What in God’s name was that? I also feel like the camera crew took a little joy in making sure that port-a-potty was in plain sight just to prove that the rumors are most definitely true.
    Also, I am SO uncomfortable watching Amber with Matt now, I just wish she’s wake up and see what a sociopath he is! I’m legitimately worried for her and I can’t believe I’m saying this but I see why Gary is acting the way he is right now.


    1. I would love to see Farrah’s reaction to the port-a-potty “accidentally” being knocked over after a long day of filming


  13. I think all these girls and their families were troubled to begin with, or they would be pregnant at 16. Yes people that were teen moms are going to say how wonderful they are and how their lives are magical. Well that’s great, but a 16 year should be worrying about prom and what college is accepting them. So something was obviously off to begin with. All of these girls have morphed into giant losers, that is very obvious, some of them are dangerously mentally ill. I’m shocked the show is still in, which continues to make these girls wasteoids, doing nothing with their lives. I wonder how many more seasons it will be on. I’m guessing after this one 3 more, what does everyone else think?


    1. You do realize that teen pregnancy can happen in even “normal” families, right? All it takes is working parts and a lack of working birth control…


    2. Remember how you insisted – multiple times – last season was the end because of ratings? Because Farrah was making them drop, which was false? You spend an awful lot of your time making sure we all know you think these girls are losers. We get it.


  14. I wonder if I could ask Debra how she got rid of those bags under her eyes? I look just like her and have been told there isn’t anything that would fix it!


  15. Omg I almost lost it when Amber said Matt didn’t sign up for this. That’s exactly what he did, he went from teen mom girl to girl until someone bought his crap and now he’s on t.v., its exactly what be signed up for.


    1. I don’t know what you mean. Matt is just there because he’s hopelessly in love with Amber and he’s willing to deal with cameras to be with her. Plus her couch is really comfy.

      For real though, he probably uses that to guilt trip her. Like look at what he sacrifices to be with her. Fun emotional manipulation.

      We all know he wanted to be on tv. He puts up with Amber in exchange for getting his face on tv and money. When the show ends, he’ll be gone. He probably just hoped the women he impersonated and left wouldn’t be so mean or something haha. It’s not fair that he can’t use women, knock them up and leave without consequences


  16. “All of a sudden, Deb screams like she just found a hidden stash of Botox injectables. It turns out that Farrah is coming down the street toward the house. (Hell, I’d scream too if Farrah was coming my way.)” Oh my God I cried laughing. My side hurts. lol. And Debra’s outfits creep me out, and Michael obviously doesn’t like them either. During the part when they’re all in the restaurant, Michael pulls out Sophia’s chair since she’s ‘a princess’ and Debra stands there with this expectant look on her face, and he instead just looks her up and down, shakes his head and takes his seat lol. Also I’m a little disappointed that no one mentioned the part when Debra picked up Sophia’s plastic wand to play with her, Sophia snatched it back and said “That’s mine, freak!” How heartwarming. Then she Debra into a frog.

    But seriously I think it’s so sad, how they’ve changed. When the show first started Debra used to be way less up Farrah’s ass (no pun intended) than she is, now. She dressed in pant suits, and age appropriate things, and Her voice was different, I feel like she’s now permanently stuck with that whiny baby voice. She used to behave more like an adult, now she’s just Farrah’s cheerleader…literally. And little Sophia, good lord Sophia, it’s disgusting how Farrah allows her/ makes her act towards people. Especially her grandparents. You know Farrah coaches her to be a hellion to them, I bet she was jealous of how close her daughter was with them. I mean look at seasons past of how much she loved Debra and Michael, but Farrah’s ego had to ruin that.


    1. I couldn’t agree more. I cannot get over the way Debra, and Michael to a degree, have changed in an embarrassing way. Debra did use to behave in an appropriate way for her age, and, likewise, dress accordingly. Now it makes me cringe to watch her, and their incessant pandering to rude, obnoxious Farrah, and i hate to say it, poor little Sophia.


  17. re: Farrah calling Sophia’s cell phone – what’s more disturbing to me than the paparazzi caller ID photo is that her contact name is “Farrah Abraham”….umm what happened to “Mom”?????


    1. Farrah posted a picture of the Valentine Sophia made for her at school, and it clearly shows on the front of it, that it says “To Farrah” She strikes me as the type of person to say something ridiculous like “Mom makes me feel old, call me Farrah’.


  18. It’s obvious to me that Catelynn has depression. She used to be like really friendly and sweet and now she seems like she’s just unhappy and kind of bitchy sometimes. I hope she gets better because Nova needs a mom that’s happy and healthy.


  19. “Oooooh freshly grown cuticles !!”
    Bahahaha…. I LOVE your recaps, The Ashley!!!! I’m overseas and we are 2 weeks behind … So I read your recaps first , then when I finally see the episode, I snigger along remembering all your comments!!!!


    1. Yaw nothin’ but a damn lyin’ hustla! While you are having a la-de-da time, me and the rest of the country are busting our balls tryin’ to survive! What kind the hell kind of booooooyfriend are you?!?!


  20. I really think Catelynn is making a mistake bing on antidepressants. From an outsider, (I can only say so much because I don’t actually know her) It seems to me like she is regretting her decision to place Carly up for adoption because her and Tyler only managed to graduate high school, which they would have done with her around by this point (7 years later) and why would having that diploma matter if they don’t do post secondary or pursue any type of career? Also I was wondering why she was so over weight lately and that’s a symptom of the anti depressants 🙁 Sad really.


    1. Antidepressants can cause drastic weight gain in some individuals. I just hope her doctors checked also other likely physical causes for depression like thyroid (Not only tsh, but also ft3, ft4 and antibodies) and vitamin and mineral deficiencies – before prescribing Antidepressants. I agree that it would be good in she would allow herself to admit that she regrets the adoption – if she dies.


    2. Or the weight could be a result of the depression. It is easy to become depressed when there isn’t really anything going on in your life.


    3. Anti depressants are cheaper than therapy and sometimes they do work better and faster. Sometimes docs do that to see if just a reset or jump start will work. Many times it does not and that is when therapy is probably needed. Not like a little pre trip fun fest like she was having with that therapist. Nice to know all therapists don’t look like Dr Jenn but they are going to be pretty lame when being filmed I guess. Catelyn needs a really good therapist because she has buried anger and resentment bulging out of her shirt and pants in my opinion.


  21. I’m not defending Amber, but I really feel for her. She is so manipulated by Matt. I think after jail she had this huge plan to turn her life around, and Matt is using that to his advantage. If only she could see her worth and realize she deserves better. It’s just sad.


  22. Hi! Couple week lurker, first time commenter. So what I get from this show is this:

    Cate and Tyler, they really should move forward with their lives considering they have had 2 kids gotten married and have a home together. Do something to show that you are growing up and past your circumstances.

    Maci, considering the fact that Ryan just more often than not does not seem to give a damn whether he is or isn’t in Bentleys life she is doing her very best to try and give her son as stable of a childhood as possible. Should she just give up on any hope of Ryan growing up and being Bentleys father? Possibly the least stressful option as Ryan always seems high as a kite. Also if anyone really listened to Taylor talking for the past handful of episodes about the proposal issue, he said multiple times to multiple people that he had every intention of proposing he just wanted to make it perfect and special for Maci because he said that’s what she deserves.

    Amber, for the love of all things holy woman WAKE UP AND GROW UP! I can see why Gary presented the info in front of the cameras and even then he tried to keep it as far from Leah as possible given Amber wasn’t even willing to go up to the porch. For another thing her choosing to stay with Matt despite all the warnings and information comes off as either she would rather be deluded to it to keep him so she doesn’t have to be alone or she just likes the drama associated. The limo this past episode kinda felt like a haha I’m the better parent because I’m picking her up in a limo and you only did a little party at your house (Ala Farrah). To which speaking of

    Farrah, oh my flipping god why will Larry not just remove her dumb@$$ from the show considering she has “no” liking of being on this “trashy show” (which she threw a temper tantrum to get back on) and the very vast majority of fans don’t want her on the show anymore either. She treats the crew like garbage and subjects them to her abusive ways, go back and rewatch the beginnings of her segments and the crew guy that has the clapboard always rolls his eyes and has a look of “please just kill me, even the most painful will be peaceful compared to this”. That’s not to mention Heather of whom looks and sounds like a hollow shell of a person from having to deal with these bumjobs! Both Deb and Farrah w/ unfortunately Sophia are all showing to be the type of deranged sociopaths that not even Manson would willingly associate with. The fact that Sophia is only a small child and is already displaying body image issues, a mother that will do anything for attention, and wearing full faced make up is just the making for Preteen and Pregnant: The next generation! This should all be evidence for Stormy to have custody of this kid before it is WAY past too late. As for the preview for next week where she is telling Simon that she reminds her of Michael and in a roundabout way saying that Michael is an abuser, seeing how Michael tries to correct Farrah and Sophia’s bad behaviors I think what really scares her is Simon doing what should be done and put her snotty B!tch daughter in her place. If Farrah brings up “daddy Derrick” one more time I hope he rises from the grave to backhand her! As for Sophia, the whole I wanna die thing and some of the other things she says in baby voice are very obviously her own little “Farrah” actions, she does it to make Farrah cry or to get a reaction from whomever. The kid seems to be secretly crying for somebody to remove her from that family knowing that people are viewing all of this.


    1. sophia did something else in the ‘ i wanna die’ part that bothered me: farrah said, do you understand that makes mommy sad? and she grinned and said yes. no remorse. she enjoyed hurting farrah, as she seems to enjoy her little digs at deb. refusing to kiss her etc, she always seems like she Loves when deb looks all hurt. that’s very disturbing to see so early on, when they should be developing empathy. now she’s scared of getting fat and thinks she needs makeup on to leave the house!? this girl is going to surpass even farrah. they need to shut farrah’s ass down so she can fall and hopefully speed along some sort of self awareness on her part. too many kids are starving and being beaten for cps to remove sophia, farrah will raise her. so farrah needs help. i feel like maci needs to stop saying how sure she is bentley’s ‘gonna have issues’ all the time, you bring about what you fear. his dad sucks but he’s not detrimental and bentley has so many other great people in his life loving him, he will have no excuse. she’s so controlling she drives me nuts! bentley, did u say trick or treat, did u benny? he’s like YES! she’s going to drive him to ryan’s laid back self later, watch.


    2. I think people screaming for removal of Sophia from the home are not thinking this through. This is the only home and people she has known and loved for her whole life. CPS or another family cannot just decide that it is not a good environment for her. Do I think they all need intense one on one training in parenting? YES YES YES it is already way late for that. The alienation of Debra and entitlement attitude of all three adults is sickening and scary. Watching Sophia makes me queasy but I can’t stop.


      1. exactly, no need to bother saying she needs to be taken away, that will never happen. if cps removed every kid whose mom said things they shouldn’t to them they’d really be overloaded. the only hope for sophia now is for farrah (and preferably deb and michael) to do a complete turnaround. they do all this therapy and it does nothing! idk what it’s going to take, i just hope somehow farrah gets on a kick where she realizes it’s not all about her or looks. maybe embrace God, the way they all claim to. if only lol


  23. Your recap was great to read, but I can’t help but notice the similarities to imbringbloggingback.com/Patrick’s recaps…

    You legit even stole things word for word…

    Please give credit where credit is due.


    1. @SarahR We write about the same show and degenerates, there are bound to be similarities. I’d never steal anyone’s work. I’ve used the same terms for years in my recaps, as you can see in the archives. He does good work over there- would never take that away from him! -The Ashley


  24. I guess Amber didn’t mean what she said when she told her mom and brother last season that she had already told Matt that if she found out he was lying about something big, they would be done. Is lying about your kids not a big enough lie?

    Hearing Jen say she was going to beat Ryan’s ass was the best. I really hope she did for Ryan making Bentley feel guilty because being on time is an impossible feat for him. If you’re late, you don’t say things to your kid like, “Why didn’t you wait for me?” Ryan should just start getting ready a month beforehand for all future outings/holidays/birthdays with Bentley. Maybe then he’ll be on time for the first time in his life.

    Someone please take Sophia away. The way she talks about not wanting to be fat, her mom’s boobs, and physical appearance in general is disturbing. No 6 year old should be so focused on their own physical appearance. It’s just sad. It also leads to things like Uncanny Valley Girl Syndrome and middle aged women wearing midriff-revealing tops and pleather pants.


    1. Right? I vaguely remember being kindergarten-ish and being so oblivious to the whole thing that it didn’t even cross my mind to object to the giant (all-girl, moms-only, the ‘older’-they were probably in sixth grade but seemed like adults-girls changed somewhere more private) communal changing area for dance recitals. Like, our moms would look up from scrunching up our tights to find we’d wandered off in socks to watch someone’s hair be curled. Sophia would be waaaay too ‘aware’ to be ok with that. (Although this was the early nineties, no digital cameras and you knew a guy who knew a guy who had glacially slow dial-up, I wouldn’t blame parents for being leery of that now.)


      1. Honestly, I really wish people would take the psychological and emotional well-being of children as seriously as they do the physical well-being. Watching a six year old restricting is high on the list of the worst things I’ve seen. She wasn’t refusing to eat because she wasn’t hungry or because she didn’t like what was given to her and wanted something else. She refused to eat because she doesn’t want to look fat. A 6 year old displaying anorexic tendencies is not okay


  25. I’ve watched since Sixteen and Pregnant(cringe) and never liked Gary until now. I absolutely love that he’s standing up to Matt, dude is such a creeper.

    I can also really understand how being home and doing absolutely nothing makes Catelynn feel so stressed! Ugh she pisses me off. That baby is going to know April better than Catelynn

    I get the feeling that Ryan only makes appearances to get paid. There have been a few hints which indicated he was pretty much absent until the show returned. My guess is he refused to let Bentley on unless he could be on and get paid too. Before that, maci probably shared custody with his parents. Ryan seems like a deadbeat. Someone can correct me if I’m wrong though. But I’d guess that his small involvement now is actually a big increase compared to what it was when mtv wasn’t around


    1. I think you’re probably right about Ryan. Which is sad, because Bentley seems like such a great kid. Most of the time when Ryan is around, Bentley just looks so uncomfortable and like he doesn’t know what to say or do.


    2. That would explain the looks on Bentleys face whenever Ryan is supposed to be around but isn’t, the poor kid is just waiting for the day his “father” stops bothering with him altogether again. Honestly Ryan should just sign his parenting rights away so Taylor could adopt Bentley, I mean it’s not like Jen and Larry won’t ever see their grandson again. Ryan needs to grow up and realize that his child should come first, if not then like I said just go away for good.


    3. I agree. For a couple that wanted another child as badly as Tyler and Catelynn supposedly did, they (neither of them) surely don’t act like the doting parents they always stated they would be in the “future”.

      Heck, Tyler putting shit off on Catelynn is humorous though, as if he can’t do anything about how many nights a week Nova is gone with April. Umm, step up, and if your wife needs a break (that’s a whole other tangent.. 3 days a week totally out of the house?! wtf!?) you’ve got no job, or school have at, bitch! Step up to the plate and be dad! Damn, you can even post as many pictures of Nova as you want to boot.

      These 2 grew up to suck.


      1. Given we watched all the “Carly’s going to be so proud of us for going into social work” and “helping other young people will make the adoption so worthwhile” chit-chat, it makes me sad that they are jobless, miserable and not achieving any of the things they were going to do “for Carly” while April watches Nova. It seems like all that was either a load of BS or they got horribly lost on the way. Or maybe a bit of both. I can’t decide if that’s tragic or really really annoying. Either way I am wanting to shake them now.


  26. My guess is MTV decided to snag more viewers during the original showing by whacking the commercials? I think they get less credit for people who DVR and watch within 24 hours than they do for people who watch while it is showing. Sadly I did both, missed the announcement about the commercials and got confused why it ended so soon! Absolutely loved the Amber/Matt/Gary coverage here.


  27. My favorite part was the look Deb was giving Farrah while she narrated the school story. She was so pleased with herself and expecting praises from Farrah about doing just what she would have done because that’s how they roll! Way to teach entitlement and special exceptions while she’s young!


  28. Note to self: Don’t consume a beverage while ready Teen Mom recaps on The Ashley because you may spit it all over your keyboard when you read stuff like this –

    “Be the bigger man,” she tells Matt.

    Um…not sure that’s humanly possible”

    Ashley, you made me spit my coke out after reading that.


  29. I loved the comment Gary made about getting kicked down uncarpeted stairs!!
    Debra and Michael need to focus on their own lives. What ever happened to Farrahas snaggle toothed looking sister? What a scary looking creature!


        1. Any word on Maci’s parents or any of her family?
          If they are still around & just want to stay off tv then why does Ryans parents watch her baby, why not her family


          1. Macis parents are still around and still see their grandchildren- they just don’t want to be on tv. They are really nice but really private people. And as for Jen watching Jayde, Maci has said several times they are like her 2nd set of parents.,, they’ve been there through a lot… And Jen loves Jayde

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