Howdy, heathens! It’s once again time to put on our denim skirts and head down to Arkansas for another installment of Jill & Jessa: Counting On. This week, our favorite holy rollers are busy doing menial tasks around their compound and town for the TLC cameras.
We start things off with Jinger taking family photos for Duggar-party-planner extraordinaire, Sierra. Sierra has basically thrown every wedding/shower/party that the Duggars have had in the past five years, so she’s earned what we can assume is a free photo sesh with photographer Jinger.
Sierra has brought her husband and five children under age five with her to a glass church for the photo session. Jessa is also there to help assist Jinger, and you can just see her shuddering at the thought of having to take care of all those kids. (Or, you know, having to yell at Jana to take care of all those kids.) Jessa knows that she’s going to have to crap out a bunch of kids, but it’s pretty obvious that she’s not thrilled about it. #DuggarGirlProbzzzz
Sierra is doing her best Michelle impression during the shoot, speaking to her wildlings in that creepy whisper voice that Ma Duggar is known for. The session goes off without a hitch, and Jessa looks relieved to be away from all the assorted children.
Back at the Duggar compound, John David and Jana are continuing to do forced labor in order to build a tree fort for the kids to play in. Even though John David and Jana are the brains of the project, Jessa keeps trying to boss everyone around and add in her two cents, as per usual. Jana quietly throws shade at her overbearing sister’s bossiness.
“I think Jessa has a lot of opinions…and has no problem letting us know,” Jana says.
Clearly everyone allows Jessa to boss them around because they feel sorry for her. After all, she got stuck marrying Ben! Cut the girl some slack!
We spend another 10 minutes with all of the kids talking about how incredible it is that the girls actually come out of the kitchen to help out with construction work. Women are capable of building things!? Who knew?
Everyone is running around doing work and Ben is tripping over his own feet and getting in everyone’s way.
Speaking of Ben, this episode will be a special treat for viewers because…Ben will be rapping.
That’s it. The terrorists have officially won, guys. This should never be happening.
Since neither of them have jobs or any real responsibilities, Jessa and Ben hop a flight to St. Louis so that Ben can go work with Christian rapper Flame and record what will surely be the rap song of our generation. (Either that or it will make for a really good soundtrack to play at your upcoming Halloween party! God knows it will be horrifying!)
The producers decide to poke fun at the Duggar kids and showcase how little they actually know about pop culture and the outside world. They ask the older kids to explain what hip hop music is. Jana confesses that she has no idea what hip hop is because it was never something that was played or discussed in their home. (I guess we can forget about ever seeing ol’ Jim Bob twerking to Kanye in future episodes…)
Ben tells us that he is interested in ministering in the inner city because “it’s real neat there.”
Meanwhile back at the Duggar compound, Joy Anna, Anna and Jinger are trying to Skype with Jill and Derick and are freaking out because they can’t get in touch with them. (I guess long distance was down in the jungle that day…)
“I think all of us are worried about Jill and Derick because it’s a dangerous place,” Jana says.
Eventually the girls get in touch with Jill, and they fill her in on the latest hijinks of the Duggar clan.
We spend some filler time talking about the missionary work Jill and Derick are doing in Central America and how some of the Duggar kids are going to visit them soon. But….let’s be honest. This is the Jessa and Ben show and everyone else is just background noise.
Ben and Jessa arrive at “the studio,” which actually looks like someone’s basement. After listening to a few tracks, Ben decides to take to the microphone. When asked if he raps he replies, “a little playing around sometimes at home.”
Can’t you just see Ben rapping into his hairbrush about modest women, being blessed and how “neat” the inner city is?
While Ben is rapping, poor Spurge is crying out in protest but everyone acts like his cries signify that he’s happy. Um…no. He actually just realized how lame his dad is.
Ben’s rap was worse than we could have guessed. They decide to call Ben’s track, “Believe It or Spurge.” It features both Ben and Baby Spurge squawking into the microphone.
Later, Ben complains that his headphones were too loud and he couldn’t hear himself.
Consider yourself lucky, Ben.
Next Flame takes Ben to his visit his old neighborhood in the projects. While Ben and Flame are running around the streets of St. Louis, Jessa goes to lunch with Flame’s wife Crystal and her sister Kelly. (Crystal probably forced the producers to let her sister come so she wouldn’t have to be alone with Jessa and listen to her say “like” and “um” 500 times.)
Crystal and Kelly are first-generation Americans and Jessa seems confused by that.
“So, did y’all, like, grow up here in the States?” she asks them after they tell her that.
Crystal brought her wedding album to the lunch, as you do. Are the women on this show only allowed to talk about babies and weddings? Seriously.
Next week, the girls try to force Joy Anna to go on a series of blind dates.
“You could always be six months away from an engagement if you’re single and over 18,” Anna says, as Joy seems reluctant to settle down with whatever dimwit “dreamboat” her father chooses for her.
Well then, until next week!
To read our recap of the previous episode of ‘Jill & Jessa: Counting On,’ click here.