Shake out your unruly man-hair and bust out your most entitled attitude because it’s time for another episode of Sister Wives. When we left off with the Brown Family last week, Mykelti was eager to get married to Tony, who had no problem telling Mykelti’s parents, Christine and Kody, that they should just mortgage their house to pay for the wedding. (As you do.)
Kody is not thrilled with the idea of Mykelti marrying Tony for several reasons. First, he thinks it’s too close to Madison’s wedding, and that it’s kind of cruddy that Mykelti is trying to steal her sister’s spotlight. He also feels that Mykelti and Tony have not been dating long enough to get married.
Anyway, we start out this episode off with Janelle, who is trying to plan Maddie’s wedding shower. She has elected to tackle the project herself, with no help from her sister wives.
Surely, Janelle knows that involving Christine means that there will have to be some sort of embarrassing dance performance, and Janelle isn’t the type to agree to do the Macarena while dressed as a toilet paper bride. She knows that involving Robyn will mean that somehow the shower will become about her, and she knows that involving Meri will mean that Meri will bust out her craft cart and try to turn Maddie’s shower into some a camo-print Pinterest nightmare. (Who could forget the spray-painted coffee cans of last Thanksgiving!?)
Janelle’s feeling a bit uncomfortable at the thought of shower guests bringing Maddie lingerie. She asks Maddie’s maid of honor, Dezi, if they can somehow request that no one bring the bride-to-be any panties because…well, it’s just creepy to think of your daughter having sexy time.
The wives tell us that polygamist bridal showers/bachelorette parties aren’t like regular bridal showers. There are no lingerie gifts or penis straws in sight.
“Someone brought something naughty to your bridal shower,” Kody says to Christine.
“I know and I returned it,” she replied. Somehow that doesn’t surprise us. It was probably an apron that didn’t go down to her knees. Scandalous!
Later, Kody decides to take Tony to lunch to try and persuade (aka threaten) him to wait to marry Mykelti for a few months. Kody says he can’t afford to finance Mykelti’s wedding so close to Madison’s. (Maybe he should have thought about that before having 20 children?)
Kody tells Tony he wants them to wait and get married in December, but Tony says Mykelti doesn’t want a December wedding.
“I don’t care,” Kody tells us. “Frankly it makes me laugh because it’s immature.”
Here’s a thought: If Tony and Mykelti are so dead-set on getting married ASAP, despite the fact that her parents can’t afford another wedding right now, why don’t these two entitled brats pay for the ding-dang thing themselves!?
If the scene about the lingerie didn’t give you the cringe-shivers, Kody is determined to fix that during this next scene. Kody is convinced that the reason Tony and Mykelti want to get married in August is that they want to have sex, so he decides to bring that up to Tony.
“You’ve waited 21 years to have sex, you can wait another few months,” he tells a horrified Tony.
“It’s like the big pink elephant in the room,” Kody tells us. “They’re having a chaste courtship and it’s hard. They’re starting to twitch.”
Eww. Really, Kody!? Must we think of Tony’s twitching reproductive organs?!
Kody isn’t finished bringing the creepiness, though. He continues to talk about sex with a very uncomfortable Tony.
“Get your intimacy, don’t be sexual, and learn to know each other,” he continues, adding that “reproductive intimacy” is like “warming up the plate he puts his food on.”
W…T…F…Now we’re comparing horniness to hot plates?!
Even though he rarely, if ever, makes any sense, Kody is so impressed with his own analogies that he tells us he should write a book.
Later, some of the gang is trying on clothes for Madison’s wedding. Caleb, who is understandably creeped out by Kody’s obsession with him, is playing nice with Kody and for some reason agrees to put on Kody’s shoes.
Kody, ever the wise guru, tells Caleb that he’s now stepped into his shoes.
“So, that means I’m in charge of your daughter now,” he says.
Good thing the lil’ woman has a man there to always take care of her. The poor little thing would be lost in this big ol’ world without a strong, powerful man looking after her.
Next, it’s time to devote a segment to the severely beaten dead horse that is Meri’s Catfish Catastrophe. Kody drives over to Utah to help Mariah move home for the summer. He decides to use this time to try to convince Mariah to stop being such a miserable crap-gremlin to her mother. Apparently Mariah feels “personally victimized” by Regina George Meri over the whole catfishing incident.
You’ve gotta hand it to Mariah. She has the ability to make literally anything about her, even if it has nothing to do with her.
Mariah tells Kody that she hasn’t forgiven Meri for being wooed by the catfish.
“Last summer was miserable for me,” Mariah says. “I spent the entire summer telling her she was being catfished and she wouldn’t listen to me. She spent the entire summer trying to get me to like this person who I knew wasn’t a good person.”
Mariah says that Meri hasn’t admitted that she had real feelings for this catfish person.
UM…did Mariah miss the entire last season of ‘Sister Wives?’ Meri has admitted that like every episode.
Mariah, sitting there in the rental house her parents paid for so she can go to the expensive college her parents pay for, talks about how she’s so angry at Meri, and how she has had it so hard because of her mother’s ‘affair.’
Kody explains to Mariah that, by snubbing her mother, it is just killing Meri, but of course, Mariah doesn’t care. She seems oddly excited to be able to bring more misery to Meri’s sad life. After all, Meri wronged Mariah here, guys.
Can we start some sort of GoFundMe for Mariah? This kid has suffered so much!
Mariah said she thinks it was a very real possibility that Meri would have left Kody if the catfish had been a real man. (That’s actually probably true.) For once, Kody is actually acting like an adult and is telling his daughter that he takes some of the blame for the quasi-affair that Meri had.
He tells her that Meri was lonely and that she sought out other “men” because he wasn’t being a good husband to her. It’s actually quite impressive. Of course, Mariah can’t accept that it’s Kody’s fault. (She can accept that Apple Watch from her parents, though, of course.)
Kody decides that Mariah needs to see Nancy, the family therapist and Mariah agrees.
Next we swing back to Mykelti’s life. She and Tony are going hiking, and Mykelti doesn’t seem at all suspicious that TLC is trailing them with cameras on this “hiking adventure.” Mmm-hmmm.
Tony tells us that he picked Mykelti’s engagement ring out at the pawn shop she works at, and he’s planning to propose on the hike.
We find out that Christine still isn’t that happy with the relationship.
“Mykelti is so different when he’s around,” Christine says. “She’s quiet and reserved and I just don’t know her when he’s around.”
Tony takes Mykelti up to the top of the mountain….and we cut away to Meri and Janelle’s therapy session. Geez. Is this dead story line still going on?
“The relationship with Meri and I has always been very superficial,” Janelle says.
The therapist decides they need to go on a camping trip to get to a “deeper level” in their relationship. They say they’re not ready for that so they decide to just drive around and listen to an audio book about vulnerability…separately. What kind of cut-rate therapist is this?
We check back in with Mykelti and Tony. They have come to a resting place. Tony tells Mykelti he has a surprise for her. She’s hoping it’s a granola bar (um?) but is thrilled when he (attempts) to get down on one knee to propose. He wrote her a poem and he begins to recite it. We learn that Tony is basically the William Shakespeare of our generation.
“I know it has been but a short time, but I’d like to propose to you with a short rhyme. I propose that we live together to the very end. Because you have become my best friend,” Tony says. “We would spend our days in joyful love. We would travel the world like a majestic dove…”
Oh sweet Baby Jesus….
Tony isn’t done, though.
“We will be a family upon our traditions and we will cook Brown food in our kitchen,” he tells her. “All these could be yours if you’ll just say yes to me. So, what do you say, will you marry me?”
Mykelti says yes, while somehow managing to keep a straight face throughout Tony’s “poem.” The happy couple tells us that they are determined to get married in August, no matter what anyone says.
Next week, the Browns get to the last-minute details for Maddie’s wedding, while the adults all try to figure out how to get Mykelti to wait to get hitched.
To read our recap of the previous episode of ‘Sister Wives,’ click here!
Does TLC not pay for the weddings?
Wondering the same!
Yes they do and the cult ceremonies they have every year over the tiniest milestone in that family. They like to act like things are coming out of their pocket but it’s not.
Your captions are the best…… Jumbo pack of Hanes her way and we split them up!!!! I live for the captions
I fast forwarded through Mariah’s segment. I wasn’t about to spend however many minutes watching her make this situation all about her. Damn, you would think Mariah was the one in a relationship with Meri. She is way too involved in her parents marriage.
I love the photo captions ?
Mariah is pound for pound exactly like her mother. They both require so much attention.
Why does Tony always look like he’s been on a 5 day bender? His eyes are always red and puffy. She can do so much better. ewwwww.
These peeps are cray!
KODY COURTED ROBYN FOR 4 MONTHS.
KODY COURTED ROBYN FOR 4 MONTHS.
KODY COURTED ROBYN FOR 4 MONTHS.
I just needed to say that.
DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO! 😀
I thought they had a longer courtship. He said something about having to have a longer than usual courtship because TLC was paying for their wedding and were filming it for the show. I could be mistaken but I think there was something said about it.
Wasn’t it 9 months?
I’ve said it with Duggars and I’ll say it here again: GETTING MARRIED JUST TO HAVE SEX IS THE WRONG APPROACH! Especially since divorce seems not an option for them (For Browns it does tho so I think Tony and Mykelti will eventually divorce). And Caleb, ugh, so lost in some ancient times.
I agree with you about marry to have sex. My parents did it in the 50’s, were totally miserable and made our lives a living hell. They divorced very bitter and ugly. Dad went on to have two more wives and Mom died with hate an bitterness in her heart. My advice to people is to try on a pair of shoes before you buy them!!! That way if they are an ill fit, you can pass them by. (common sense of course, don’t run off to a shoe store…..LOL!)
My husband and I waited until we were married to have sex. We dated for 4.5 years and travelled and went to school and had our own existences apart from each other. We have been married for almost 10 years now and I have never been happier! He is the best thing that’s ever happened to me (and our kids as well) and I will never ever regret saving my virginity for marriage.
My husband and I did as well. We’ll be married 13 years in March. It definitely makes a marriage stronger and it really is best to build a relationship without involving sex.
My husband basically lived in part time after week 3 but still kept his appartement for over a year. We got married after 15 months and have been married for 10 years now. We also have a very good and healthy marriage.
Ingredients to a good marriage can vary I think.
There’s a big difference between saving your virginity for marriage and getting married to have sex. Obviously you were together 4.5 years, so you did not get married to have sex. Short courtship is a sign of wanting sex.
I think that is a valid choice, and I’m glad it worked out well for you, but your sanctimonious proclamation that your way is the BEST way doesn’t seem warranted. I’d at least like you to cite your sources if you’re going to make such a claim.
15 Is milestone ten years is average
I am just grossed out by Tony. I don’t get what Mykelti sees in him.
She comes from a family where she got very little attention. This is attention, bad or good, she’ll take it. I think he’s creepy too. Did he really suggest Christine and Cody take a loan on the house to pay for his wedding? How much has he saved himself so far?
Tokelty needs to take it down a few notches. They should marry for the right long term reasons.
I agree with Christine things ain’t right. It doesn’t look or feel right between them (yet).
Someone should sit down with them to do some serious pre marriage counseling.
I get Mariah hasn’t been happy with her moms decisions but she should be glad her parents are still together and try to work it out, instead she is rehashing how horrible her moms has been to her dad. Is she trying to sabotage their relationship or what?
Leave the man alone. In the end, it’s their relationship, not hers.
Definitely. Their relationship with each other is separate from Mariah.
I feel the same pinky. Lost never has bothered me as much as others only because I see him too as a huge doofus. But he does come across douchey trying to be cool. He is very patient and understanding and the scene that supported my thinking this was him with Mariah on the couch. Without explaining too much kody has a way of being clear and fair. Doofus douche and all.
Kody not lost*
I feel exactly the same, Amanda! He can be a douche, self-important, and def annoying but there’s also something likable and human. His talk with Mariah impressed me too! And Mariah is a little sh*t too. Ol apple off tree
I was impressed that Kody took some of the responsibility for his relationship with Meri. It was one of his non-goober moments and I thought it was very sincere. Then he has to be weird and discuss his daughters having sex with the entire world. Ick. Mariah is the biggest brat ever.
Am I the only one who doesn’t hate Kody? I think he was very kind and patient with Tony despite the obvious doofus that guy is. I don’t blame Meri for falling “victim” to a cat fish but she also seems like such a drag to live with! Anyone else?
I don’t hate Kody, I think he just gets very full of himself sometimes and he can be a little annoying.
True. Who wouldn’t get full of themselves tho when 4 women decide to share them. This is as much their fault as it is his.
No I agree with you about Meri. She had one child who was old enough to leave, she was the only one to have a legal relationship to Cody and was told to end it for Robyn who we all know gets the majority of the attention, she basically sits in an empty house waiting for her turn to get the husband to sleep in her bed. No wonder she was looking for something better. That just sounds sad.
Ummmmm….Sounds like Dr Seuss!