‘Teen Mom: Young+Pregnant’ Season 2 Episode 14 Rachel Recap: A Bowling Alley Blow-up & A Beaver Bunch Roadtrip

“We all know I’m the star of this here show anyway!”

The Ashley once vowed never to recap Teen Mom: Young & Pregnant…however…she just discovered the recap goldmine that is Rachel Beaver and her family.

Because The Ashley hates to miss out on recapping fun, she has decided to only recap Rachel’s parts of ‘Teen Mom: Young & Pregnant!’

We start things off in the double-wide, where Rachel is realizing that the Jacob or Drew —men in her life— aren’t so cool with the lil’ Maury Povich-esque “Who’s the Daddy?” stunt she pulled. Both of the guys have stopped calling Rachel, and neither has asked about Rachel’s daughter, Hazard (?), in a while.

Rachel says that, luckily, her sister Malorie and her mother— the gift that is Stephanie— have been supportive. Malorie informs her sister and mom that she and her baby daddy Lane are trying to work things out. (So….basically their goal is to not end up on Cops this month… #FingersCrossed).

Malorie proudly shows off the new car seat that Lane somehow acquired for their daughter. (She didn’t say it directly but we can assume the car seat either “fell off a truck” or was found ’round back of the Food City in a pile of trash.) 

Stephanie, who, as we know, is always an advocate for keeping the peace in domestic situations, makes it clear that “there ain’t to be no fightin’ in front of that baby!” 

“That’s deep stuff, Mom. You should write that quote on the wall with a Sharpie so we don’t forget it!”

Rachel and Stephanie wait until Malorie is out back strapping her new youngin’ seat into her car before they talk crap on her decision to get back with Lane. 

Later, down at the ol’ Mexi-Wing restaurant (I don’t even wanna know…), Stephanie is trying to persuade Malorie to stay away from Lane, since he was abusive to her in the past. Rachel thinks Lane is trash too, but, because he’s Emerson’s father, Rachel agrees he should be in the kid’s life. Rachel doesn’t want Emerson to grow up without a deadbeat daddy like she and Malorie did.

I think that’s nice…

After Lane has been sufficiently bashed, Stephanie announces she’s planning to journey down to Atlanta. Apparently there are more Beavers down ’round those parts, so Stephanie invites Rachel and Malorie to tag along. (Hey— someone’s gotta help her pay for that gas money!) 

Stephanie promises they’ll be able to see “Jake ‘n’ Jennifer ‘n’ stuff…”

With an exciting offer like that, who could refuse!? Not only Jake and Jennifer but “STUFF” too?! Hot dog! 

“I wanna get this trip in before one of us is legally forbidden to cross state lines, ya know?”

The girls agree to go…but Malorie says that Lane has to be invited too, since the trip will fall on Emerson’s first birthday. Stephanie grumbles but agrees (but is probably planning to make him ride on a lawn chair she’s strapped, Beverly Hillbillies Granny-style, to the top of the family’s Astrovan.)

Stephanie says she’s trying to be nice about Lane; however she reminds her daughter that “a beater has always been a beater.” 

Can someone please make The Ashley a shirt and/or bumper sticker with that phrase on it? Please and thank you.

Malorie denies that Lane will continue to be a beater because… he’s channnnnnged! She insists he’s not the same beater he was back when he was beatin’…and stuff.

Rachel decides to throw it out there that, since they’ll be down in the Georgia holler anyway, they may as track down their dad in whatever homeless encampment he’s currently calling home. She says that she’d like for him to meet his grandkids.

“You’ve done had all your shots, right? I reckon Daddy’s currently livin’ somewhere tetanus-y.” 

Stephanie is not happy. She looks like she wants to throw slap the Wet ‘n’ Wild eyeliner right off Rachel’s face. Rachel tells her mom that she can’t come with them to visit Daddy if she’s going to cause a ruckus.

Stephanie not cause a ruckus? The chances of that happening are about as good as Rachel not getting the runs after completing her “Mexi-Wing” meal. (Re: NOT.GOOD.)

Later, Rachel and Stephanie (who are probably putting that double-wide’s toilet to good use following their Mexi-Wing lunch), discuss Rachel’s desire to see her father and have him meet her daughter Hazmat. Rachel has somehow convinced Malorie to go visit Daddy Dearest with her, and Stephanie is madder than a wet hen! 

“I suggest a helmet and possibly a bulletproof vest if you’re plannin’ on venturin’ over to the doublewide any time soon!”

Stephanie reminds Rachel that her father has never taken care of her, or paid any child support for her and therefore doesn’t deserve to see them. Rachel insists that she’s going to meet her dad– whether her mom likes it or not! 

Rachel admits she’s surprised that Malorie agreed to see their dad, considering he’s basically been a trashbag their whole life and has never lifted a black-nailed finger to help them. She says she hasn’t seen Daddy Dearest in over three years, but she really wants Hazelnut to know him.

She calls up her father and tells them that she and Malorie and their assorted spawn want to meet up while they’re in Atlanta. Daddy says he’d love to meet up and they agree to plan an outing together. 

A few days later, the whole rootin’ tootin’ Beaver Bunch is down in Atlanta! Rachel gets to see her long-lost cousins (and all of their assorted illegitimate children), and everyone has splattered on their finest green and blue eyeshadows for the occasion. There are a ton of people crammed into the little house. (But still the teeth-to-person ratio remains low.) 

“Well naturally I ain’t gonna go on no TV show and not have my eyeshadow match my tie-dyed T-shirt! No sir!”

Later, the whole gang heads on down to the bowling center (which also seems to double as some sort of cellphone store?) They’ve collected a plethora of characters to celebrate Emerson’s first birthday. Malorie and the always-beater Lane have even made themselves T-shirts to identify themselves as “Mommy” and “Daddy” to the party guests. (Who needs Maury Povich to announce who the father is when you can make your own tie-dyed shirts to do it!) 

Naturally, Emerson is shirtless and running around in a full diaper.

Malorie confides in Lane that she is having second thoughts about seeing her father. She decides that she doesn’t want to go, but is worried Rachel will be mad at her for ditching out. 

Malorie goes over to have a “homey talk” with Rachel. She explains that she doesn’t want to go, and Rachel seems disappointed but assures her sister she isn’t mad.

“But are ya just gonna leave me hanging for that $4 in gas money I was counting on you for?”

When Stephanie hears that Malorie is no longer going along, she blows up and insists that Rachel be accompanied on the visit by someone “responsible.” (Good luck finding that in this motley crew, Steph!) Rachel reminds her mom that she’s not a kid anymore. (After all, she’s already squatted out a kid of her own!) 

“I can do whatever I want! I’ll sneak behind your back because I don’t give a f**k!” Rachel screams. “You can’t do anything about it!”

As you can imagine, Stephanie is not having any of Rachel’s sass-mouth.

“Don’t get it twisted!” she yells. “The reason I can’t is because I choose not to! I choose not to because I’m a good motherf**kin’ MOM!” 

“Someone go rustle up a pine box. I’m about to kill me a teen mom!”

Rachel threatens to run away to another state where Stephanie won’t find her. She then tells her mom that all she’s good for is threats and that she never actually does anything.

Someone please light a candle for Rachel….

Stephanie’s so mad she’s sweatin’ through her “sporting” clothes. She tells Rachel that, just because she hasn’t whopped her in the past doesn’t mean she isn’t fixin’ to whop her this time! 

“Do it! Do it!” Rachel chants.

Stephanie is ALL fired up. 

“You wanna see what’s ABOUT IT?” she screams. (I think?) “That’s what you wanna see?! BACK THAT S**T UP!” 

“I’ll smack you so hard that your next illegitimate baby will be born dizzy!”

Rachel screams at her mom, reminding her that, much like her father, Stephanie was on drugs for a lot of her childhood, too.

“You are just as guilty as he is!” Rachel screams, which kind of shuts Steph up for a second.

Malorie starts to notice that her mother is about ready to pull Rachel’s Kool-aid-colored hair out of its socket and is upset that their screaming is ruining the merriment of the baby’s first birthday. (Don’t ya hate that?) 

“Is it physically IMPOSSIBLE for our family to have a festive gathering that doesn’t end with someone calling a bail bondsman?”

She tells her mom that she is “dead ass” that it wasn’t right for Stephanie to snap on Rachel, but Stephanie protests that Rachel was “bein’ a bitch!” 

Stephanie declares that the party is over, and everyone starts trickling out. (Some of the relatives stay behind to shovel up the leftover pizza, naturally….)

“I’ve got a pant-leg full of pepperoni pizza. Let’s bounce, y’all!”

That night, Stephanie apologizes to Rachel for going off on her at the bowling alley. She explains that she doesn’t feel safe letting Rachel go see her father alone. They agree that Jake will go along on the journey and protect Rachel. (I have no clue who Jake is to Rachel and her family; however he seems way too well-spoken and well-groomed to be part of the Beaver Bunch.)

Rachel’s dad calls up just then and Stephanie explains the situation to him. She tells him that Jake will now be going, and Daddy is not happy to hear it.

He accuses her of throwing “a monkey wrench” in their father/daughter meet-up plan. Stephanie looks like she wants to hit her ex with said monkey wrench. Instead, she uses some choice words to explain the new plan.

“Someone’s gotta drive her mother f**kin’ there and Jake’s not gonna sit in the motherf**kin’ car!” she bellows. “Point blank, period THE END!” 

Daddy hangs up on Stephanie but then calls up Rachel next and protests having to have Jake there as he and Rachel and Hazard catch up over some Long John Silver’s fishsticks. 

“What if Jake promises not to eat nothing? You don’t have to pay none for him if that’s what you’re worried about!”

Rachel explains that, because she’s not 18 yet, she doesn’t have any say and it has to be her mom’s way. He protests that she should feel safe around her dad.

Stephanie, who, until this time had been pretending to be out of the room, can hold it in no longer. She screams that Rachel hasn’t “seen or been around” her dad in years. She says that Jake goes or no one goes!

Dad screams that no one is going then. He tells Rachel “sorry” but he’s won’t be forced into dining with Jake. (All this time poor Jake looks like he wants to disappear into the poorly painted wall.) With that, Daddy hangs up. 

Rachel is fired up! She tells them that if her dad really wanted to see her as bad as he said he did, he would suck it up and dine with Jake. She says she doesn’t care if she ever sees her dad after this. To her credit, Stephanie refrains from letting that big ol’ grin spread across her face and telling Rachel “I told ya so.” 

That’s all for this installment of “The Beaver Bunch!’ Until next time…

To read The Ashley’s other recaps, click here!

(Photos: MTV) 

 

37 Comments

  1. For the record, after Rachelle told Stephanie she “wont ’bout it!” Stephanie said “…bet, bet that shiat up!” Lololol! She basically was telling Rachelle to put her money where her mouth is.


  2. I actually kinda like Rachael for some reason. I suspect her father may even be more dangerous than Butch. The other girls are messes also. That black girl is constantly screeching at her girlfriend. Brianna looks to be dating another loser. It was nice seeing Ashley graduate the medical assistance school. She is a beautiful women who deserves much better than Bar.


  3. This family is disfunction at its finest but their drama does make me want to tune in each week. My heart aches for the babies because they already have more than three strikes against them and little chance for any type of a normal life


  4. The only reason Rachel won’t get a paternity test is because that is her only sure fire way to keep those boys around.

    Make them feel like shit for not being involved, but refusing to be 100% sure on who her baby daddy is. Pure trash.


    1. Reading this has been the highlight of my busy day! Had me cracking up all crazy! I love the Ashley its the best teen mom news its so funny! Thank you for the laughs!


  5. These girls are trash… way to break the cycle. Chaos and drama are all they know, so how are they supposed to know to act any different? Those poor babies! Rachel posted a video on either fb or IG on xmas, of baby Hazmat opening gifts, and a roach crawled out of the wrapping paper. The comments were priceless. She was all nonchalant about it too, so you just know that trailer is crawling with bugs.


  6. Okay so yeah Rachel’s family is a hot mess and not really sure why they picked that family to be on tv, but for Ashley to do that recap to talk crap and to use other names for a child is very immature of her! She claims to be getting her life together and focusing on herself and Holly but yet, she seems to have nothing better to do than talk about other people and make fun of them for how they live, act, look. But while shes out here shaking her a** on tv and going out of town just to party,and going to the reunion to make a big scene because “nobody messaged her”! She needs to get her life together and stop worrying about other people, acting like her sh* t don’t stink. #GrowUp


  7. I don’t think MTV has to do too much editing with this storyline, imagine what we don’t see!!!! That’s said, I don’t understand what’s taking the county so long to pull Rachel’s custodial rights, that baby girl is in grave danger with Rachel having full control and responsibilities to her.
    Stephanie seems to want to redeem herself from poor choices in the past, here’s your opportunity! Rachael and Malorie are too far gone, take the proper steps to get your granddaughters and throw your worthless , disrespectful, piece of shit kids OUT!


    1. In most cases child protective services will not take the child if the child has the basic needs which is food, clothing, and shelter. That could be a reason why they don’t see anything wrong unless she’s on drugs and someone provides proof of not only drug addiction but also neglect then the county could step in. But since the child has the basic needs in most cases there’s really not much they can do. I’m really sorry for the long explanation just had to clear it out there, my apologies.


      1. @Kaylee. Thank you sweets! My question was rhetorical, but I appreciate you taking time to kindly reply to me.
        I completely understand how DCFS goes by “ needs meet, etc.” I think it’s fair to presume that trailer is filled utter disgust on a daily basis .. they can’t film it all. Rachel is still a minor which gives her mother a MUCH better chance of taking custody right now, for an example… leaving the baby on that deck to go get drunk on her birthday , she walked off and left her baby there, I’m sure it happens all the time. Stephanie needs to jump on that opportunity to call authorities, “ My daughter is a delinquent, I can’t control her, she abandoned her infant and I want to make a report .” Does she risk the baby being removed all together? Yes, though the county desperately wants to keep the child with a blood relative , the percentage is in her favor to get her granddaughter.
        I know she lost her own kids at one time, would that put her out of the picture all together to get the baby? This thought just now crossed my mind, I don’t know how that would work.
        The bottom line is Stephanie needs to do something instead of complain.. stop calling your kids DUDE and get some legal advice on how to protect your granddaughter before your nasty ass whore turns 18.


  8. Rachel needs a good slap across her face. The mom should put her trashy mouth daughters out the door. Let them make it on their own. Rachel needs to stop sleeping around like a dog n heat


  9. Long time reader, first time commenter, but I had to. The names for Hazmat were making me laugh out loud in my office (I’m WORkING, I swear). Also, thank you for looking into the great mystery of Jake. WHO IS THAT MAN?


    1. Hey, you don’t just rush in on a beaver girl. You got to take your time, get familiar with your beaver, then pound the beaver.


  10. Not sure why you think it is acceptable to make fun of a baby, those less fortunate, or throw out so many insensitive generalizations/stereotypes. It is sad to see turmoil in families, regardless of the situation. I wonder if you know how it feels to grow up in a tumultuous home life, poverty, and without ever knowing your father. Sure, these young ladies have put their life out there for the world, but it is clear that they have not had much direction. Your attempt to create humor at their expense is disgusting and frankly would not be tolerated if you were directing your generalizations to other groups of people, so keep your hatred to yourself.


  11. Omg! This is probably the most “hillbilly” mtv has ever gotten (Besides some of those random girls from the 16&p days). Love it haha


  12. Stephanie probably got hands. She would drag Rachel’s bratty butt all over that bowling alley. I would watch every second too. If Dog the Bounty Hunter was a female his name would be Stephanie Beaver.


    1. Maybe if Stephanie DID drag those bratty whore daughters of hers, they wouldn’t both be pregnant to who knows?!


  13. I’ve only ever seen the first season of “Young and Pregnant”, so I’m utterly clueless about this Beaver Clan. After reading this extremely entertaining re-cap, I’m considering tuning in just to be able to follow along a little more and get the full experience of what The Ashley has so eloquently summarized. Is it worth it, or are The Ashley’s re-caps more entertaining than the actual storyline (which seems to be the standard for the majority of these shows)?


    1. Yes! I have the entire new season On My DVR, but I haven’t watched it. I don’t know if I’m mentally prepared for this mess! Ashley and Stephen are enough to make my head explode.i just cannot with Stephen!! I can honestly say, I think I despise him the most out of all the “dads.” Ok, well, hard tie with Douche David, but they are both somehow Worse than Adam. Mess!!


      1. No way is Stephen worse than Adumb or Lurch! Hes just totally absent?

        Kaiya annoys the shit out of me. She is such an entitled brat.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.