‘Teen Mom OG’ Season 9 Episode 5 Recap: Pee on the Counter & Peddling Peppers on the Side of the Road

My problem is that your pee looks like Bud Light.

Howdy fellow sad people watching Teen Mom OG! It’s once again time to lift the lid on the trashcan that is this show and its participants! This episode is sure to be exhilarating as always: will Amber finally flip her mattress to ensure equal body wear throughout? (Hahaha, just kidding. We all know she’d make Gary do that for her.)

Will Maci chug her beer aggressively while thinking of that ding-dern Mackenzie?! Let’s get started! The Ashley hears that someone uses Tupperware to hold their bodily waste this episode. She’s more excited than Butch on the prison’s “hot sandwich” day. 

We kick things off with Amber in Indiana. She’s not dressed in a slightly slutty, slightly offensive military costume this time around. (I mean, she’s not on the phone with her brother, so there’s really no need for the costume…)

Amber, always the entrepreneur, was absolutely inspired by her tour of the modular homes. While she doesn’t want to live in one on Gary’s lawn, she does want to go into business with Gary… buying modular homes and turning them into buffet restaurants. Or something. I have no idea what the hell business she is actually suggesting. 

For some reason, Gary doesn’t jump at Amber’s million dollar idea of opening buffet restaurants in the middle of a COVID-19 pandemic

“Sure, Amber. Then we build a museum where everyone licks everything instead of touching it.”

Then, she switches the idea to having Gary peddle his dessert goods on the side of the road? So…will poor Gary be forced to death march along the country roads, hawking his pies and cookies that he’s wrapped in some sort of hobo sack on a stick, in order to help Ambie make back the money she invested? 

Gary explains to Amber that there are these things called “laws” (which Ambie is obviously not too big of a fan of, given how much time she’s spent in “gel” and all). He says they are only allowed to sell certain things out of his house, and that you can’t just open a buffet restaurant in the middle of a cornfield.

Finally, they agree to start with a roadside stand of GarBear’s goods. (Well, to be fair, Gary came up with the idea, and after throwing out a lot of stupid ideas, Amber then threw out Gary’s roadside stand idea as her own. And Gary, bless his heart, let Ambie think it was her idea.) 

Our next stop is Michigan, where it feels like we’re back in 2010 and watching 16 and Pregnant again.

“The last few weeks Tyler and I have been having unprotected sex,” Catelynn tells us.

Tyler looks thrilled…

Cate is desperately trying to get knocked up again, in hopes of providing Tyler with his greatly desired male heir to the Baltierra Family Fortune. (I mean… they need someone to leave Butch’s exotic beer can collection to, right?)

Cate is beginning to have all the signs of being with-child, but instead of going up ‘er to the Walgreens and fetching a pregnancy test, she instead goes to a psychic for some insight.

As you do.

Catelynn’s trip to see Miss Cleo has apparently blown her mind. Her pal Amber (not the one who carries the machete) calls while Cate’s on the way home from her Psychic Friends reading.

Hey Cate, did your “Psychic Friend” tell you to lay off the menthols if you think you may be pregnant? 

The psychic apparently told Catelynn that she believes she is already knocked up, and that the spawn will be Tyler’s desperately wanted boy. Amber vows to “like, rub a crystal onto your belly” to make sure that crotchfruit has a penis.

I think that’s nice…

Later, Catelynn is still feeling like she may be pregnant, so naturally she heads to the tattoo parlor to get some fresh ink. 

WTF. Like…she has to be messing with us at this point, right? No one is this stupid, right? What’s next on the agenda, jumping on a trampoline and then heading to April‘s house to knock back a sixer? Jesus God Leah. 

Catelynn, wearing her see-through Hannibal Lecter mask she bought for the moment she spent as an eyebrow microblader, tells Producer Kerthy that she just happens to have some pregnancy test with her and that she’s willing to take one. 

Is anyone else uncomfortable hearing about Catelynn’s ‘tender breasts?’

Kerthy convinces Cate to take the pregnancy test in the comfort of a dirty Exxon station bathroom, with Kerthy and the camera crew along for the pee. 

Catelynn takes a handful of spawn sticks into the stall with her, as Kerthy eagerly awaits the results. 

“I had some of those gas station nachos too, guys, so I may be in here for a little bit…Good thing you’re all wearing masks…”

The test results are in….and Catelynn is the only one who thinks she sees a positive line. Kerthy & Co. aren’t seeing this “super faint line.” Even when one test just straight-out comes back with a “NO” result, Catelynn insists she’s pregnant. She decides to buy 10 more pregnancy tests since it’s obvious those two pregnancy tests she took at the gas station are broken. 

Next we head over to Los Angeles. Now that everyone knows she and Zach are back together (for the third time), Cheyenne decides it’s time for the two of them to move in together (again), which unfortunately means Cheyenne’s sister R will have to find a new place to call H home. 

R You Ready For Your Eviction Notice?

Later on, we see Cheyenne tell Zach about her plan for the two of them to live together and although Zach basically says Cheyenne is messier than the show on which she stars, he says he “wouldn’t mind” living with her. 

“But your giant MTV check will help me feel better about that situation.” 

Cheyenne admits it’s kind of soon for her and Zach to be shacking up together but this is ‘Teen Mom.’ I mean, can you even appear on this show if you don’t bed down and bunk up with your ex just weeks after getting back with him? Cheyenne isn’t worried about it.

” …and the ones that DO will likely put together another PowerPoint presentation.”

Meanwhile, in Oklahoma, Mackenzie‘s dad Brad is coming home from the hospital after undergoing quadruple bypass surgery. Mackenzie’s sister, Whitney, tells her the good news and Mackenzie proceeds to hit her with some news of her own: Josh is back, and this week, he’s playing the role of supportive husband…kind of.

Mackenzie tells Whitney that since telling Josh about her upcoming move to Florida, Josh has maintained that he’s staying put in Oklahoma for his job and more importantly, because “deer are bigger here.” 

I think that’s nice. 

“Plus, I mean, Josh doesn’t even have a passport so they wouldn’t even let him into Florida…probably.” 

Despite the impressive deer population, however, Josh has had a change of heart and recently told Mackenzie he now wants to come along with her and the kids to Florida. Mackenzie tells Whitney the only obstacle remaining is Josh’s upcoming hunting trip, which is supposed to take place the same day she and the kids are leaving for Florida. Still, Mackenzie isn’t stressing about the scheduling conflict and tells Whitney she’s leaving Saturday with or without Josh. If he wants to go shootin’ and such, he’ll have to Greyhound his ass to the Sunshine State! 

The only acceptable face one can make while watching this scene.

Next, we head to Tennessee. Following the reveal of last week’s birthday party mix-up, Maci and Taylor sit down with Bentley to see which one of Jagger’s birthday parties he wants to attend: the one at Jen and Larry’s house, or the one at Ryan and Mackenzie’s house. Faced with the death stare of his mom, stepdad and an entire camera crew, Bentley decides to skip the festivities at his dad’s house… and honestly, who could blame him? He’s probably worried Maci will put him back on his 1200-calorie wrastlin’ diet if he chooses to go to Ryan’s.

Props to Maci for containing her excitement upon hearing this news.

Bentley says he prefers to go to his Mimi and Papa’s house because he hasn’t seen his dad and Mackenzie “in forever” and going to the house would just be too much for him. Maci can’t help but to smile after hearing Bentley’s decision and tells him he should tell Mimi what he’s decided to do – for the world to hear, preferably. 

Things That Matter: audio proof.

We then hear Bentley call his Mimi and tell her he’ll be attending Jagger’s party on Sunday, not Saturday. Naturally, Jen wants to know “how come” Bentley has decided not to go to Ryan’s house, to which Bentley provides the same response he gave his mom. 

Back in Indiana, we see Gary hauling out tables; Gary hauling out pies (which he made), and Gary setting up the stand. Amber watches him do all this, all while insisting that “we” can be very successful. 

“Hey Amber, any chance ‘we’ could both grab an end of this table?”

OK, to be fair, I think Amber is perfect to take the job of sitting behind the roadside stand. She’s legit been preparing all her life for this gig! But will she be able to move her house couch out to the stand, or would she have to buy a travel couch? 

Amber is soon barking out ideas and Kristina keeps pacifying her and agreeing with her. Soon, Gary has proudly displayed all of his veggies and goods.

“We made a sign that says ‘organic produce’… ’cause that’s how you’re gonna get ’em,” Amber, who obviously took several farm food-selling marketing classes while in ‘gel’, tells the group. 

Soon, two of Amber’s friends (maybe she met them at the Lazy Boy store?) and Amber’s mom Tonya arrive to purchase goods on-camera as instructed. Amber remarks how “country” they are now. I can legit hear the banjos playing softly in the background.

Aww look, it’s Ma and Pa Shirley and their three daughters…

‘Member when ‘Teen Mom’ was actually good? Like, people were being jailed, shooting up in the bathroom and banging random hobos they met at parties? Now we are legit watching Amber and Gary sell peppers on the side of the road. I think it’s time to hang it up, y’all. 

Back in Los Angeles, Zach is unable to go house-hunting with Cheyenne so she calls up trusty “R” to go along. Unfortunately, “R” has been tasked with wrangling Ryder and her own son Baaz, who are acting as if their last name is Baltierra. After knocking over vases, crying and straight up falling onto the floor, the Cousins of Chaos successfully get Chey and R to leave the house early. (They also probably scared the the realtor out of reproducing.)

Well that’s a ‘Teen Mom’ first.

While Cheyenne straps a pissed off Ryder into her carseat, Cory calls from The Challenge house. Cheyenne is less-than-thrilled. 

No, we’re pretty sure you just buckled ‘The Challenge’ into her carseat.

Ryder tells Cory that they are buying a new house and when Cory asks Cheyenne if R is moving with her, Cheyenne changes the subject quickly, being that R is 3 feet away (and also their ride home). Cory – not very casually – mentions all of the changes happening in Cheyenne’s life, as does R once the two of them are back on the road. Cheyenne pretends to not know what either of them are eluding to, but it’s very obvious she’s hiding someone something.

Cheyenne’s explanation for her bad acting in this scene.

Back in Tennessee, we find Ryan and Mackenzie maxin’ and relaxin’ at home while  talking smack about Maci and the fact that SHE isn’t allowing Bentley to come to their house for when “Jaggy has a birthday.” 

A nap sounds pretty good right now, doesn’t it, Rhine?

Mackenzie points out to Ryan that every October and November “has been some dramafest,” as if everything is smooth sailing throughout the remaining 10 months of the year. Ryan says once again, he’s told his other kids that Bentley will be attending something, only for plans to change. Ryan accuses his mom of covering for Maci out of fear of not being able to see Bentley, but Ryan isn’t trying to cover for, nor cater to his trigger of a baby mama. 

Like Ryan, Mackenzie is also “over it,” though her anger, she says, is due to Maci playing with her kids’ emotions. She goes on to call Maci a “petty bitch,” Ryan agrees, adding “spiteful” and “evil” to that description. 

Even the dog is over this nonsense.

Back in Oklahoma, it’s the day before Mackenzie makes like her marriage and goes south. She calls Josh to find out if he’s planning to leave with her the following day or if he will be out hunting bar chicks deer.

During the conversation, Josh is rude and once again, stressing the importance of his  hunting. He also tells Mackenzie he “didn’t want to be in Florida.” 

This is the only – and we do mean only – time we’re ever going to admit that we agree with one of Josh’s comments.

To add the confusion that is Mackenzie and Josh’s marriage, when Mackenzie asks if Josh still wants to be married, he responds with “I do, but I don’t,” which is sadly the nicest thing he’s said to her all season. Mackenzie tells him if he ’s not going to move with her and the kids, she’s going without him and blocking his number and Josh tells her he’s definitely not going to go down to Florida “and be stuck with a b*tch.”

Mackenzie fires back and says she’s not going to move with a toxic person – a statement that immediately gets Josh’s spurs in a bunch. 

“I can’t believe you just said that,” says the person who just called his wife a bitch. 

Mackenzie tells Josh how horrible he is and then hangs up on him.

Pretty certain the deer population would say the the same.

Before heading out the next day, she and the kids stop by her dad’s house to say goodbye to everyone. Mackenzie’s dad tells her to “have fun,” which should be a lot easier to do now that rude as hell, rodeoin’ Josh won’t be riding along with them. 

Finally, we head back to Michigan. Cate is on her way to buy a bushel of pregnancy tests, and keeps repeating aloud that she’s a “happy pregnant woman.” 

“Oh, honey. You are neither of those things…”

She brings her bounty home and informs Tyler that she’s going to take all of these tests right now. Tyler is sitting there, giggling creepily to himself as Cate steps into the crapper again to pee on the sticks. 

“Good thing you got that tattoo today, Babe! That will be good for the baby. Ink helps build strong bones and stuff…”

Catelynn emerges from the bathroom with a stack of tests…AND A TUPPERWARE FULL OF PEE. She proceeds to set it on the kitchen counter.

PEE.

A CONTAINER OF PEE.

Well, to be fair, she says it’s pee but I’m not so sure. It’s legit dark brown. Seriously, has this chick had anything to drink but Mountain Dew in the last decade? It looks like Jenelle’s dirty bong water. 

Also, MTV– WHY MUST WE SEE CATELYNN’S PEE?!?!?! WHY? 

Tyler looks completely disgusted as he watches his wife rip open Clear Blue Easies (with her teeth, natch) and dip the sticks into her Tupperware ‘o’ Piss. 

“Now we’re just doin’ it like this?” he asks. 

We thought watching Gary get a vasectomy was the bottom, but here we are…

She starts dunking the sticks in her bladder bong water and Tyler looks anxious (probably because he knows he’s about to eat his dinner on that exact kitchen counter). 

Cate starts seeing magical “super faint positive lines” on the test but Tyler sees nothing. (Maybe Catelynn just needs glasses…and a gallon of water?) 

That face we’re all making as we silently judge the color of Cate’s pee…

She keeps saying it’s “faint positive” (even though one test legit just says “NOO.”) 

Catelynn is freaking out because she doesn’t know what all this means.

Girl, why are you even bothering with the pregnancy tests? After all, the psychic said you were pregnant. 

The next day, Cate tells us that she started her period. 

“Which is odd to me,” she adds.

Thick as bricks, this one…. seriously. 

That’s all for this episode of ‘Teen Mom OG’ (mercifully!) To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode, click here

(Photos: MTV) 

81 Comments

        1. Sorry you’re so unhappy with yourself that you feel the need to lash out on people and things you know nothing about!!!!

          Just know that if the real Amber sees the mean ass comments you and so many others makes and does something else stupid to others or herself, it’ll partially be on you. You dont act like this about people who are unhinged and capable of anything.


        1. You dont have a conscience or heart for the circumstances of why she is why she is. She grew up being abused (both physically and mentally), her sister died of SIDS. The ONLY person she could lean upon was her brother. That’s one hell of a responsibility for a little boy.

          I know shes wrong, she knows shes wrong but bad mouthing her actions (or lack there of) doesn’t give the person who needs to change the motivation to change. She needs affirmation (not criticism) for what she does right to continue on.

          Shes had so much criticism from family and you social media dicks about all her past mistakes, it’s no wonder she cant change. People who have nothing good to say about her wont leave her alone.


        2. She’s almost 30. She can’t keep blaming her shitty childhood for her shitty behavior. At some point she has to grow tf up and take responsibility for her actions, something she has yet to do.

          Lots of people have shitty childhoods and don’t abuse their spouses nor neglect their children.


  1. I remember watching Cate and Tyler’s story from the beginning of the show and thinking how smart and mature they were for being so young and making such an insanely difficult decision to better the life of their baby by placing her for adoption. I will never forget the scene in the hospital when Cate didn’t want to hold Carly after having her. It broke my heart.

    FF to now, shes smoking and getting tattooed while she thinks she’s pregnant with yet another daughter she wishes was a son. She could have had a career and success (Teen Mom isn’t a success, just easy money and luck) based on placing Carly, making it all worth it in the end. Now, she has 3 daughters who have nothing really to look up to, but rather a decade of bad decisions and low points to watch on TV, because she never got over Carly. It is very sad to watch, but also frustrating because she had potential. When will MTV finally take this show off the air?


    1. Didn’t she get Carly feet (or was it her hands) and her birthdate tattooed on her on 16 and pregnant? And I could tell just by looking and listening at her that she was probably already a smoker. I mean, you can’t be around a smoker and at least want to try it (but she drew the line at the drugs and alcohol…so good for her). Some get addicted and can’t stop no matter how hard they try.

      And what parent has a passel load of girls and doesn’t want a boy. Some keep try until they get a boy and some give up. What business is it of yours??!!!

      And as far as her plans for the future in the past, PEOPLE CHANGE…GET OVER IT!!!!

      But I guess I’m with the MINORITY of nice people on her!!! Oh well!!!


      1. 1) The Carly tattoo was AFTER she gave birth (obviously), in this episode she thought she was pregnant and got a tattoo regardless, obviously not giving a fuck about side effects of getting tattooed while pregnant.

        2) It’s not that she wants a boy, it’s the shitty attitude they BOTH get when they find out they’re having ANOTHER girl. It’s sad.

        3) Neither of them did ANYTHING with their lives. Once Teen Mom ends they will have nothing for themselves nor their daughters. Which is pathetic because they had so much potential to do better and chose not to.

        You must really enjoy the kool-aid or you’re just super special, hun.


        1. She didnt get a tattoo. She got the one she already TOUCHED UP!!! @Lou makes it sound she automatically changed. She didn’t…people change and evolve over time. SHIT HAPPEN!!

          Since when is it wrong to be disappointed to not get what you want???? And as far as their attitude of how they show disappointment, that’s THEIR business.

          What a person says they wanna do with there lives changed from one day to the next. I remember wanting to be a veterinarian when I got older, her I am older and NOT a veterinarian. Not because I didn’t want to try but because my interests changed.

          Maybe you enjoy the kool-aid a little too much or you’re just a Super BITCH!!!

          Since when is it a sin to have a different opinion and voice it because you’re tired of seeing the same old asinine bs on here??!!!


          1. Getting a touch up is getting a tattoo you idiot.

            God I hope you haven’t nor plan on reproducing. You sound as asinine as Cate.


          2. No it’s not…dumbass

            I hope you dont haven’t nor have plans to reproduce…because BITCH you plain STUPID!!!


          3. While I do thank you for the comedic response, I in fact did not “make it sound like she automatically changed”. If you re-read what I wrote, I said shes smoking and getting tattooed WHILE she believes she is pregnant, which is very different than smoking and getting tattoos while not pregnant.
            As far as what business it is of mine, it is not. I am merely commenting on a reality show that has been on air for 10 years, a show whose cast is compiled of people who have willingly chosen to have their private lives filmed and aired on national television, therefore making it no longer private and up for critique. But I do applaude you for so vehemently defending television personalities who have made millions airing their dirty laundry for the world to see. What would they be without you?


          4. I did read and re-read your comment many times. You describe her 16&P episode. Then say “FF to now, shes getting tattooed and smoking…” What I said is you are making it sound like a sudden change when it’s not. She got a tattoo and was probably smoking then too.

            And just like then and getting a tattoo after giving birth, she got one TOUCHED UP not knowing but HOPING she was pregnant. And getting tattooed while pregnant is no less harmful that smoking while pregnant. People do it and have perfectly healthy babies ALL THE TIME!!!

            Just because there private lives are up for critique doesn’t mean you (or anyone else) has gotta be mean while giving your opinion. Whether you disagree or agree with what a person does or doesn’t do, doesnt mean you have to bash THE PERSON!!!!


      2. Omg you are all over the comments. Relax!!!!! You’re arguing over girls who don’t care or know who you are. Who gets this upset over strangers?? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️


        1. I’m not upset, believe me you know THAT!!! But I’m not gonna sit back and watch people bashing when I can try to defend it!!! That is just dumb. I’m not a “if you cant beat them join them” type. I’m gonna do my best to beat stupidity. I may fail, I may succeed but I WONT quit trying.

          That’s why the world is in the shape its in… too many people giving up and not standing up for what’s right.

          Everybody’s too busy spewing hate to show love.


          1. And before people get on here saying, “What do you call what you’re doing?” Let me just say that if yall can get on here and spew hate, so can i???

            When I watch a show, I weigh the good and bad, then I get on here and survey the ugly. And there’s plenty of it to survey!!


          2. Can’t believe I’m even replying to you… I see all the hateful comments by you on this site in the last 12 hours and you are calling commenters “bitches” and “dumbasses”. So no, I do not see what you’re doing as productive or even “wanting to change the world” it’s childish and disgusting. You are literally acting like you know these teen mom girls personally, also as if you were in every scene of the show to defend them and their actions. You are bashing everyone, even the creator of this site. Who has time to do everything you just did? I couldn’t imagine being so upset allllll day. Get off the internet for awhile and stay off of gossip sites because clearly you can’t handle it. No one is going to change because you went on some crazy keyboard rant. They’re just words.


          3. Maybe I feel like I do…because I am one. I was raped at 13 by a family friend. I’m 33 now and my son is 20. My WHOLE family literally disowned me so I had NO help.

            It’s not easy. People are people, they do wrong. Sometimes obstacles get in the way of achieving. I had dreams of becoming a veterinarian but I could achieve them because I had a son at home that I ALONE had to take care of.


          4. And before you come at me with “Why didn’t you go to school after he moved out?” Well for one, I had to drop out in 9th grade so I would need my GED first. And secondly, my son has autism and will never be able to move out on his own. Like someone said before about how kids crave structure and routine. Well its that times 10 with him. And if he ever for ANY reason got pulled away from me, I would be DEVASTATED!!!

            I love my son to the moon and back, he is my world.


          5. Mother to mother I feel for you. My son is 12 and just diagnosed with cancer and I have two little girls to take care of. But I would never attack people online.
            As for the trauma you experienced, I was also raped, physically abused and mentally abused. But that does not mean you can attack people online. I went to therapy for my issues of insecurity, ptsd and anxiety. Mother to mother, victim to victim, get the help if you haven’t already. I think you might need it friend. You’re coming off so angry it’s sad because I don’t think you like to be that angry.


          6. One more thing, you keep starting your comments “before you come at me with…” “before you start with me with…” no one is attacking you or looking for a fight. There’s nothing wrong with having differing opinions or ideas. It’s when someone attacks another person (you) for saying anything when no one personally addressed you. I am also 33 (I think lol…born in 87…) I’ll be 34 in a few months, you’re better than that. Stop attacking people it takes the fun part out of the discussion, which is what this is. Btw thank you for having a civil conversation with me, I really appreciate it.


  2. I dont get all these downvotes, I guess ya gotta be a dick to be liked on here. Sorry yall that ain’t me!!!


  3. Someone commented last week & I agreed in a reply, that The Ashley seemed to be reviewing an episode that had aired the previous week and I’m noticing it again this week. Anyone else noticing it?

    In the episode that aired this week, Tues, March 2, MacKenzie was making the long drive with her kids in the car, to their new lives Florida. So, did anyone else have a problem like I did, with her calling her mom (her deceased mom) and leaving a voicemail message for her, with her kids sitting right there watching and listening? Okay, if you’re comforted by heading her voice and doing that, fine. But, don’t do it in front of your kids and teach them unhealthy ways to deal with death – the same way she’s teaching them unhealthy male/female, husband/wife interactions. Ugh

    While I’m on the awful parenting bandwagon that MacKenzie is driving… how old is her middle child, her daughter? She looks to be at least 5, maybe 6. Anyway, on the drive to Fl she sat in her seat in the car pouting and sucking her thumb the entire time. I can certainly understand why she does it with the family chaos she’s living in, but come on… that’s too old to be sucking your thumb. Gaaaaaa, that drives me crazy.

    The unhealthy environments these “teen moms” are raising their children in should be grounds for some type of prosecution. And, add MTV in with the moms for promoting the lifestyles and teaching young moms and dads that they too can be rich if they adopt the same lifestyles.


  4. Omg, y’all need to just shut up about Cate and Tyler, at least Cate ain’t with a cheater (like Mackenzie), and she isn’t a whore (like Farrah) or a bed hopper (like Maci).


    1. Awe you must be new here lmfao

      Cate is lazy af in all aspects of her life. She has nothing going for her and is unmotivated to change anything in her life. And Tyler is just there. Miserable. And mean.


      1. “Let ye whom is perfect cast the first stone” Sure hope you donr live in glass house honey bunny.


        1. Did you apply this when calling Mackenzie, Farrah and Maci out? And how exactly is Maci a bed hopper? And why no mention of the abusive Amber?


          1. How many partners has Maci had. Let’s name them shall we: Ryan (more than once, she even almost walked down the aisle with him), Kyle, and Taylor. And those are just the one’s we’ve seen on camera. And she didn’t stay single for very between any of them.

            And as far as Amber, it think that with aside from the money grubbing losers (Gary, Matt, Andrew and Dimitri) that she attracts (and brings out the worse in her) and she does pretty good for herself. I mean, she takes her meds, attempts to stay away from social media (but some people are just dicks and can’t keep there mouths shut) and she attends therapy.


          2. And yes @Ayiticheri, I did apply my above comment when making the “perfect” comment. Yall are so hellbent on throwing stones at one or two who in your own opinions you disagree with but what about the rest of the cast and more importantly than that, what about YOU and your words and actions??

            Like I said, nobody is perfect so don’t throw stones.


        2. I’m pretty solid in my life. Shit isn’t perfect by any means, but I’m happy. Thanks for the honey bunny =D made me smile!


          1. Guess you’ll find out on judgment day how “solid” you are. You make your life what you make it, if things ain’t the way you want it then change it. You have that power, no one else. That saying about “if you cant beat them, join them” is complete and utter bs.


        3. You are something special for sure, hun! Can tell a lot about a person who defends someone who attacked her boyfriend with a machete while he was holding their son.


          1. I’m not DEFENDING anyone. They were both wrong. I just think that the wrongs of BOTH of them should be looked into…not just hers.


      2. Ty may be miserable, I mean he’s said as much in the past. But mean??? All I see is a husband who is supportive (even if he doesn’t agree). Isn’t that what a NORMAL husband is supposed to do??


        1. He’s commented on her weight in horrible ways plenty of times. He’s even called her a heffer ON CAMERA. I’m gonna say that’s pretty fucking mean.


          1. He was joking!!! But anyone with a sense of humor (which you obviously DON’T have) would see that.

            He’s a good husband (supportive and loving), a good father and he has stuck with her through thick and thin. Mind you he is still with Cate (making him the ONLY OG Dad)


  5. This line took me out:

    For some reason, Gary doesn’t jump at Amber’s million dollar idea of opening buffet restaurants in the middle of a COVID-19 pandemic.


  6. Does anyone else think it was stupid that Catelynn was even picked for Teen Mom?

    Yes, she was a pregnant teen. Yes, she is a mum.
    But the whole idea was supposed to be to show the struggles of motherhood when you’re young (and poor once a upon a time)

    Her day to day life had NOTHING to do with being a mum.


    1. I think it was to show how she and Tyler coped and how life could continue if you were ‘smart’ and let your child be raised by someone else


    2. I think the original idea was to get a group of pregnant teens who took different routes w/ their decisions (and at the same time teens who were in different circumstances) and then follow their stories to see how their journey panned out. When this all started they had no idea they’d still be following these girls into their 30s. So I think it made total sense to include Cate and Tyler. If it wasn’t such a hot button issue they probably could’ve included a girl who chose abortion too to have all the different choices covered. They could’ve done a closed adoption and an open adoption or a situation where the Dad raises the baby after the mom takes off, etc. It just got away from the ‘point’ once it was such a hugely popular show and they all got rich and now they’re closing in on 30.


    3. Correction: Cate’s day to day life is exactly why she chose NOT to parent. She didn’t want to bring Carly into a life with drug and alcohol addicted grandparents. That is a decision should be applauded for and not criticized for.

      Great job Cate and Tyler. Keep trying for that boy you want. God willing you’ll get and he’ll be ADORABLE!!!


  7. All of this is the same old nonsense these people have been doing for the past decade (except interacting with vegetables in Gary and Amber’s case). Catelynn is desperately trying to appease Tyler’s fantasy of having a boy, putting aside any actual goals that would help her move forward as an individual. This type of thinking is so so dangerous for her mental health, because once she can’t have children anymore; whether it be because the miscarriage possibility is too high or she can’t while she’s one a certain medication, where will her sense of self be. She is going to be an absolute wreck. She and Tyler love to use their therapy-speak all the time, but they sure don’t live it. She’s going to be exactly like April in a few years, broke, addicted to something, hopping from man to man and just generally miserable. I hate to say this because I do like her, she seems like a nice person, but it’s obvious she’s running from her real issues (they both are) and covering it up with the attention she gets from being pregnant and having newborns.
    Someone needs to send those human Jello molds, Mack and Rhine a singing telegram reminding them that he’d be in the pen on a long stretch and she’d be in a trailer with baby number 5 on the way working double shifts at the Cracker Barrel if it weren’t for Maci’s uterus. They are always so self-righteous when speaking about her and wonder why people talk s**t about them. It’s hard to believe people can be that blind to their situations. I would absolutely love to be a fly on the wall in the Edward’s home when the cameras aren’t rolling. It’s clear Rhine is not capable of fathering anyone or anything except his remote control cars, it must be scream city there with Mack doing all the rearing. I’ve never seen a real moment of romance or attraction between the two, it seems like the only thing they enjoy doing together is talking s**t about Maci.
    Amber’s a mess and it’s so sweet to see how Kristina and Gary placate her. How can she be pissed off about them saying she is like their third kid when she actually is.. oh right, this is Amber, everything is always done to her while she lies about innocently. They are a juice box and a pack of animal crackers away from literally being her parents.


  8. Any reputable tattoo shop will refuse to tattoo a pregnant/breastfeeding person. the risk of blood born infections/diseases among other things. Also that pee looks like apple juice girl needs to hydrate and maybe get a liver/kidney function test because that’s dark! Why take it out of the bathroom? Why dip so many tests in the same pee?! Nothing makes sense!!!!!


  9. Was this the “traumatic” miscarriage? She really only psyched herself up believing she was pregnant only to get her period and say it was traumatic??!! Wtf Catelyn. I’m thinking maybe mo more kids and 20-life in the looney bin for you!


    1. Yep. She claims she had a mc, but there is NO WAY she did. She is now pg & the dates on the US make her conception date the day after her supposed mc. Claims this is her rainbow baby. *eye roll*


    2. No, this was earlier in the year. She never claimed this was a miscarriage. She knows it was her period. The miscarriage was a real miscarriage and will probably be covered on the show once they get to November on the timeline.


  10. I would also like to point out (in case Cate reads these lmao) that pregnancy symptoms and PMS symptoms are VERY SIMILAR.

    Sore/Swollen Breasts
    Nausea
    Headaches
    Cramps

    But the big fat fucking NO she got on TWO DIGITAL tests should have sufficed that she was NOT pregnant.


  11. Is it even safe to get a tattoo if you even THINK you’re pregnant?? I would think injecting foreign ink into your skin while you may be pregnant isn’t the best idea…What was Catelynn doing??


    1. They don’t actually know the affects getting a tattoo will have on a pregnancy. Doctors say it’s best to wait because we don’t know the affects of colored dye into the skin and blood stream, infections that can happen, and unusual amounts of stress on the body can cause a miscarriage.

      So, no, it’s best that you DON’T get a tattoo while pregnant or thinking you’re pregnant.


    2. No. One of the questions you have to answer, at least in my state, which is also Cait’s state, is “Are you pregnant or breast feeding?” And you have to sign your name after a statement that says something like “to the best of my knowledge, all of the answers I provided are truthful. Knowingly lying can result in (something—I don’t remember if it’s actually a legal punishment, or being banned from the tattoo parlor, or if it’s just voiding your ability to sue if anything goes wrong.) So yeah, she actively had to check off the “I am not pregnant” box.


  12. Cate is just a slobby pathetic mess. Sooooooo thirsty to get pregnant so she can claim is was “unplanned” and then have another year or two of loading around doing nothing with her life.
    The only thing that would shock be at this point would be if she got an actual job.


  13. I…. cannot with Cate. Wtf. What a waste of like $100+ dollars in pregnancy tests?!
    Just WAIT a couple days. I know she doesn’t have the brain capacity for that but come on.


    1. I thought the same thing. Huge waste. There’s also no point in taking multiple tests with the exact same urine. Like take 1 one day and wait a day and test again, you gotta space it out and it’s best to test in the morning. Also the 1$ tests work just as good.


    2. Thankgod. I thought i was the only one who saw negative tests coming up. Dont understand why everyone around her wasnt telling her straight u r not pregnant! Driving me crazy when she kept saying there was faint lines.


      1. Faint lines (false positives) do happen. Someone should have said “Go to the dr and find out for sure”.


    1. No, this was earlier in the year. She never claimed this was a miscarriage. She knows it was her period. The miscarriage was a real miscarriage and will probably be covered on the show once they get to November on the timeline.


  14. I look forward to Tuesday nights to read these. Hilarious, as always. Damn. The Teen Mom sh** shows have to get renewed, if only to keep The Ashley reviews coming. Thanks again for the laughs!


  15. As much as this show needs to be canceled, I don’t want it too because Ashley Recaps are GOLD!


  16. omg stop deleting my comment people need to know!!!!!!!!

    not to be mean but what the heck is going on with mackenzies sisters neck? looks painful and sore.


  17. not to be mean but what the heck is going on with mackenzies sisters neck? looks painful and sore.

    like someone tell me what this is.
    why doesnt she do something about it


    1. It’s a birthmark. What do you want her to do, scrape off her skin? Also why are you saying “not to be mean” when you picked “neckerson” and “neckasaurus” as your usernames. That’s being unnecessarily mean.


  18. not to be mean but what the heck is going on with mackenzies sisters neck? looks painful and sore.


  19. I was concerned about her pee too until she said she got her period the next day. It was probably starting and that’s why it’s darker.

    But of course she could just as easily need to drink more water haha.


  20. Take a few classes on micro blading. Then immediately look for a shop to open. That sounds appropriate to me. 😂😳🤪


    1. IKR, and she’s not just looking for a shop, she’s looking at whole buildings to remodel or suites of offices to convert. What does every other, practical, recent beauty/cosmetology school grad look for? They look for a chair or space to rent in an already existing shop to get started, but not Cate. Nope, she’s going to drop a ton of money on an office building, completely remodel it (I can just imagine what it would look like, too) and then after paying all the utilities for months will finally figure out there’s no market for a business of that type in the area she selected, she doesn’t like her new passion like she thought she did, and she’ll walk away from the whole thing – the building, her “passion”, everything connected to this recent idea of hers.

      And her pregnancy tests? She has to have taken dozens of them over the years and for her to sit there and have to figure out how to read them is ludicrous as was her need to take, how many? SMH I know MTV paid for them, but it was still ridiculous to buy and take that many — after having just recently missed her period?!? Geez, the desperation to make an episode out of her being pregnant was nonsense! I kinda have to believe many of her ‘miscarriages’ were simply late periods because the pathetic girl is always so desperate to be pg. She and Tyler should NOT be having any more children. They can’t parent any of the ones they already have.


  21. I have been reading here for a long time, but THIS has to be one of the FUNNIEST recaps I’ve ever read.

    Jesus God Leah, don’t ever stop.


  22. I really just… cannot with Catelynn. The cigarettes, the spur of the moment tattoo, the bathroom pregnancy test.. this is white trash gold.

    Also the recaps on amber are hysterical. She really is just something

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