‘Teen Mom OG’ Season 9 Episode 7 Recap: Giving the Birds ‘n’ the Bees Talk & Bringing ‘Haute’ness to the Masses

“inside a hoo-ha and you make a baby and then you get an MTV reality show.”

Hey y’all! It’s once again time to head down into TeenMomVille, where the unplanned pregnancies are plentiful and the couches are well-worn!

We kick things off in Indiana this week, where Amber is feeling “empowered” because she stood up to a single Instagram troll who called her fat. You would think being in prison and having to worry about getting shanked for taking the last Jello cup would have toughened ol’ Ambie up enough so that she wouldn’t be concerned with some rando calling her a name, but here we are.

Since she’s feeling so empowered about her body positivity message (and, frankly, she needs a storyline this week), Amber shovels herself off her couch and calls up her manager (who is surprisingly not Gary). She tells her manager that she wants to reboot her Forever Haute clothing boutique.

In case you actually had a life back in 2015-ish and weren’t watching ‘Teen Mom,’ allow The Ashley to remind you about the wonderfulness that was “Forever Haute.” Ambie “created” (aka ordered from China) a line of clothes that she sold online. Her then-fiancé, Matt Baier, helped her select models for her website. (Surprise, surprise…)

Amber modeled one of her outfits in this scene, showing that it’s suitable for any occasion, including trying to fight your ex after he fails a lie detector test…

Anyway, Ambie tells us “life got complicated” (i.e. she found out her knight-in-oily-glasses, Matt, was trying to bang chicks on the side), and she had to shut the clothing line down. 

Amber tells her manager that she feels like “she’s able to” relaunch it now.

Wouldn’t it be nice to just be able to decide randomly when you want to “work” and when you don’t? And to still be able to afford the roof over your head, the food in your belly and the couch under your butt?

The manager says she thinks it’s a great idea because, honestly, what the hell else does Amber have to do? She was literally just hawking peppers on the side of the road with Gary & Co. to pass the time. 

Amber is even considering coming up with some “original designs.”

“I mean, I am the fashion icon of this generation…”

Amber says that sometimes she feels she can’t achieve great things because she only has a GED, but her manager assures her that there are plenty of successful entrepreneurs who never went to college. (They do, however, actually get off their couch, so that will be a challenge for Ambie…) 

Next we head to Tennessee, where Maci, too, is looking for a storyline. Since they’ve milked dry the cash cow that is her feud with Ryan, she goes to Plan 2— embarrassing Bentley. 

This week, Maci has decided that she and Taylor will give poor Bentley the ol “birds and the bees” talk…on-camera. In front of the millions thousands of people watching. 

“I don’t know what I ever did to that lady but here me now, I’m sorry! Please have mercy on me, Ma!”

Maci and Taylor say that they’d rather tell Bentley about sex than have him learn about it from one of his middle school cronies. (Or, you know, by watching ‘Teen Mom’…)

Maci even tells Taylor that, thanks to the magic that is crap reality TV, they’ll have this embarrassing Kodak moment to watch forever.

Or you could, you know, just not have this talk on-camera…

Meanwhile, it’s the last night of Cheyenne’s birthday trip and you just know this family has to have one more elaborate get together before they head back home. (Of course they will probably host a catered welcome home party for themselves, complete with giant floral arrangements, a live band and award-show quality gift bags.)

Me, trying to figure out how Cheyenne and her “bubble” have the energy to throw multiple parties a week…

Cheyenne tells her family she’s pumped that they all know about her pregnancy now (so they can start planning her supersized baby shower) even though this time around things are different because after dealing with Ryder’s VLCAD diagnosis, she knows firsthand that there can be issues. 

On top of the anxiety about her baby’s health, Cheyenne (like other moms giving birth in the middle of a pandemic) will be forced to follow COVID protocols, which means Zach won’t be able to join her for doctors appointments. Zach says he was initially “mad” about this, but he understands, just as long as he’s able to be in the room when Cheyenne shoots out their future co-star.

Cheyenne says she will be allowed to have one person with her in the delivery room, but her mom wants to know if she can ask her doctor if he can make an exception so that she can be in the room as well. (I mean, they are on a reality show…)

“Better make that TWO exceptions, Chey.”

Next we head to Michigan. Since deciding to ditch yet another almost-career, Catelynn is refocusing her storyline attention to the news of a sex offender being married to the owner of Nova’s daycare. While this is undoubtedly a scary situation, we have a feeling Cate is low-key thankful to have a legit reason to never send any of her daughters to daycare so she can justify never seeing one of her career goals to fruition. 

“Woo hoo! Here’s to never leaving this octagon!”

Given the sketchy daycare debacle, Cate and Tyler decide now is a good time to sit Nova down and talk to her about protecting herself. Cate says her mom April actually managed to have those conversations with her growing up – in between puffs of her menthols, blacking out and getting into screaming matches with her mullet-haired lovers, of course. Tyler says his parents never had these conversations with him growing up so he definitely wants to have them with his own daughters. 

“Hey, let’s also talk about how you guys put our leftovers in the same container that mom peed in a couple of weeks ago… “

Down in Florida, Mackenzie is settling into her new job and says her kids are happier than ever. Unfortunately, they’re also misbehaving more than usual and she believes it may have something to do with them missing their dad. 

“I keep our rental home stocked with cereal and take you to the beach nearly everyday and this is how you thank me?”

After a frustrating recording session for Body By Mac, Mackenzie calls her sister Whitney to talk about how annoying her children are and how much she’s starting to miss her equally annoying husband Josh. Mackenzie says Josh is still talking about coming down to Florida and while she feels that he’s a bad husband, she says he’s not a bad dad.

In other words, she’s starting to cave. 

Back in Tennessee, Maci and Taylor have assembled their victim— Bentley— and prepare to tell him all about the horizontal mambo. Bentley informs them that his voice cracked in class that day while reading Bible verses.

Bless his little heart…

Suddenly, Bentley realizes this is not going to be a convo about his Peter Brady voice-cracking moment. He realizes that this is “the talk” and that his parents are going to make him hear about penises and vaginas and Oopsie Babies while a camera is four feet from his face.

don’t think that’s nice…

“The baby chute that pays for this mansion?”

A very uncomfortable Bentley tells Maci that he thinks babies comes from a mother’s belly. 

Maci gives him the run-down on how an Oopsie Baby is really made, telling him all about sperms and eggs and whatnots. (She does skip over his question about how the sperm comes out of the pecker, though.) 

Then, Maci mentions that Bentley will soon be liking girls (or boys).

Bentley looks like he wants the dirty floor of the Maci Mansion to swallow him up. The kid legit looks like he’s wishing for death to take him.

“I’ll get you for this someday, Maci Bookout.”

At Jen and Larry‘s house, Ryan brings up that he’s hoping “Bentley don’t have no ‘bees talk’ questions. His parents and Mackenzie think Bentley is still a bit young to be wondering about peckers and whatnot.

Ryan, always one we can count on to make things uncomfortable and creepy, asks his mom if she’ll be purchasing Bentley some Trojans any time soon.

“Ya gonna buy him a box of condoms at 12, Mimi?” he asks.

Jen says she is not, but reminds Ryan that she did talk to him about condoms back in the days before he sperminated Maci’s underage hoo-ha. 

“Judging by my three Oopsie Babies, Ma, I don’t think the talk was a success…”

Back in LA, it’s time for Cheyenne’s first doctors appointment and she’s feeling weird about having to “go alone.” Naturally, she copes with these feelings by inviting her entire family to hang out in the parking lot with Zach until her appointment is over. They are literally tailgating Chey’s ultrasound.

As you do…

Family bonding, comin’ in hot.

From inside the office, Cheyenne FaceTimes Zach (and the other five people crammed around his phone) so he can see their baby’s ultrasound. Zach says he’s so excited that his “body just got hot,” which is a nice way of saying, “I know I knocked up your daughter/step-daughter/sister/mom/aunt, but I’m going to need you to back the hell up and stop breathing down my neck.”

After her appointment, Cheyenne tells Zach and her family that she’s doing a genetic screening so there won’t be any surprises like she experienced with Ryder and for future appointments, they will have to continue sharing the experience with everyone over FaceTime. 

We all saw this coming.

As for her delivery, Cheyenne tells everyone “the child’s father is allowed in the room” as well as an additional “support person.” 

Chey’s sister R perks up, because she thinks Cheyenne means “the person you support,” which would clearly put R in the running. 

R U Going 2 Hold Signs And Wave 2 Us From The Parking Lot?

Back in Indiana, Amber has put on her best attempt at getting that “Grey Gardens” look so she can video chat with a marketing person who can relaunch her Forever Haute clothing line. She desperately wants to bring her neon Spandex frocks to the masses, so she’s wasting no time in getting things in line. 

“This is a whole haute look, y’all.”

Lubna, who is on the call and has known Amber for all of five seconds, tells her that with this relaunch, she can now “make better choices.” 

Oh, Lubna. You must be new here…If these girls start making better choices, we won’t have a show.

Um….well she’s not kicking people down the stairs, so there’s that, I guess…

Amber tells everyone she wants her clothing line to be “comfortable but sexy” and for all sizes and shapes. She also proposes adding T-shirts and hoodies that say her signature catchphrase “I’m done!”  “Sending love,” as well as “Beautiful souls.” 

Lubna pretends to love everything Amber is saying. Hey, it’s a pandemic and there aren’t too many people eager to launch businesses right now, so she’s gotta go where the dollars are.

Later, Amber excitedly calls up her mom Tonya and tells her she has some “exciting news” to share with her.

Does anyone else think that Tonya was totally expecting Amber to hit her with a pregnancy announcement here?

Tonya is thrilled that she will soon be able to cash in that Friends & Family discount to buy Amber’s “Beautiful Souls” tees (as we all are…) 

Back in Michigan, Cate and Tyler say they have “no idea” how to talk to Nova about protecting herself from dangerous people, so they enlist the help of an organization called Blue Sky Bridge for some tips. The two go on to have this conversation about how to talk to Nova while Nova is within earshot. Makes total sense. 

“Can you guys speak loud enough so that Nova can hear you? We’d rather not have to have this conversation with her ourselves. Unlike you two, we have a lot going on.”

The social workers from the organization talk to Cate and Tyler about bubbles and how they can teach Nova to say no. Cate and Tyler are thoroughly impressed, but not enough for Cate to declare a new passion to become a social worker. At least not this episode, anyway. 

“No, it’s pretty much tattoos, toxic urine and taking pregnancy tests around here. On that note, are you guys hiring?”

Back in Florida, Mackenzie calls Josh to tell him the kids miss him and that there are a lot of job opportunities in the state, even if the deer population isn’t ideal. Josh says he misses the kids and Mackenzie, and while he never wanted to move to Florida, he wants to be with his family and he is willing to move for them. Mackenzie says if Josh moves to Florida, the two of them can’t fight in front of the kids like they used to do.  

“We’ll have to handle all of that stuff out in the front yard like responsible parents.”

Mackenzie tells Josh he can come out and see how he likes Florida and if he finds himself missing his hunting buddies too much, he’s welcome to pack up and head back home. 

“Don’t worry, it won’t be the first time you’ve disappointed our kids.”

Back in Michigan, Cate tells Tyler about a boy in Nova’s class that wants his 15 minutes of MTV fame said he wanted to marry Nova and also asked her for a kiss. Tyler uses this as the perfect opportunity to bust out the bubble talk. 

“You really should’ve let those ladies on the computer handle this one, dad.”

Tyler and Cate clumsily explain to Nova that everyone has a bubble and if you don’t want someone in your bubble you can tell them to get out. Nova takes little to no interest in the bubble babbling her dad is doing and instead starts working on her spelling homework.

In this house? F-R-U-I-T-S-N-A-C-K-S.

After Nova chose to do homework over taking part in the last “bubble” talk her parents attempted, Cate and Tyler try once again – this time, using a game of Simon Says. 

“Oh, so THIS is why you two offered to put down your phones and play with me… “

Nova finally starts to understand personal space and bubbles, while Cate still doesn’t understand how to not do/encourage gross behavior on camera. 

“It’s either that for dinner or leftover macaroni from the pee container. Take your pick, kid.”

That’s all for this episode of ‘Teen Mom OG!’ To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode, click here

(Photos: MTV) 


  1. Cheyenne and that stupid ass giggle after every sentence that comes out of her mouth. UHG! how do these people support their lifestyle of constant huge catered parties and destination birthday week celebrations.

    Poor Bently.

    Cate, Ty, Ambie, Rhine, all need to get a job. None of them have ever had a real job in their life.

    1. How dare Cheyenne from having a good family that makes her laugh, a good coparenting relationship with her baby daddy and a good guy to have another baby with, right?

      Are you so miserable deep down that you feel the need to begrudge another person their own happiness?

    2. I don’t know about Ryan, but Cate, Ty, and Amber are all rich. And live in areas with a very low cost of living. They’re fine. If they don’t feel like working, who cares? It’s not like they’re out here constantly blowing through their money like Farrah (or like Jenelle did with the drugs) and it’s about to run out. I’m sure they’re set for life unless they suddenly start spending like crazy.

      People dream every day of hitting the lottery so they can quit their jobs. Well, these people essentially hit the lottery. So why judge them for not wanting to just live life without a 9-5? It’s just because you don’t like them.

      1. Cate & Ty owe the IRS $800,000+ in unpaid taxes.

        And, yeah, Amber…..the not-mom who can’t be bothered.

        It’s pure laziness. From all of them, not just Cate, Ty & Amber. Maybe if they were actually involved with their children (I don’t include Ty in that statement, he’s a good dad). Cate & Amber can’t be bothered by their children.

        1. Um, Ambie is involved with Leah (just not on a one on one basis) and I totally understand her excuse for cancelling on Leah…THIS TIME!!! I mean, she was waiting on a potentially life or death diagnosis. I think it showed some actual minimal progress on Amber’s part to not want expose her child to even the possibility of a sickness. And I think it showed poor judgment on Leah’s part to choose that moment to let lose on her emotions when there was SO MANY other times she could have let loose and chose not to.

          And as far as the tax owing, how would you know this unless you are stockerishly following there every move??

      2. If you think these people ‘hit the lottery’ then you are as sober as Rhine. They are messed up, mentally unwell people with a skewed sense of normality and children with behavioural problems. Not to mention their money troubles. How on earth is that winning the lottery? I have zero desire to be like any of these people.
        Also, for real, you and True Dat/Tasha (all the same person anyway?) are really bumming me out, I come to The Ashley for the news and snark (literally the site’s tagline…) not to read lectures in the comment about how we are all horrible people. You ruining my snark. Try realitytea, they would love you over there, thanks, bye now!

        1. Who the fuck is Tasha?!!

          Maybe we ruin your snark because we try to put a nice spin on the hatefulness?!!

          And oh yeah, she wasn’t talking “hitting the lottery” behavioral wise, she meant it money wise!!!

          1. Me and Shea are amongst the minority (hell we probably ARE the minority on here), but does it really matter??

            Opinions is an opinions, whether they be alike or different. We should be allowed to voice how we feel if we want.

            But hey, haters gonna hate!!!!

  2. After watching last night’s episode, I am convinced, Ryan is literally growing into the couch and has not bathed or moved in months BUT he’s sober SAID NO ONE EVER!!!

  3. Of all the boyfriend Amber could have went after, they chose to hold her back on Matt????

    I’d have killed that SOB!!!!

    I was so glad she dumped his ass!!!! I was so tired of hearing “cah” instead of car and any and every word in the English language his accent butchered!!!!

    1. I dont remember who said it when talking about Taylor having a job, but”we dont know the filming schedule”. Maybe they do something behind the scenes??

    2. They serve no purpose and he is so extra with all his yelling when he speaks. Stop trying to prove you’re so cultured..it is not working.

    3. It is probably more for socialization, but putting Nova in activities would do the same thing.

    4. lol ikr that’s what i thought, but there was an episode that they explained they wanted nova to interact with kids her own age and at the time it was perfect since catelynn had to go to nyc for press

  4. FRUITSNACKS killed me hahah.

    Anyone else extremely pissed at Larry for telling his family he would ONLY be focused on keeping an eye on Stella growing up? Because you know, apparently we can’t teach boys responsibility and respect and have to focus all that weight on women. Lovely. The Edwards really crashed and burned this year.

  5. It’s very important to have “the talk” with a kid Bentley’s age but not on camera!! Everything embarrasses a teen or pre teen, especially regarding sex. Why do it on camera?? Whyyyyyy

    1. I imagine is that they were too lit from beer to care.

      I know they only one glass each during the talk but, I doubt it was there first glass of the day and they probably had a pitcher under the table so that they could refill when the camera was focused on filming Bennie’s awkwardness and so they could “glug, glug, glugged” away!!!!

      1. Don’t blame the beer when the real problem is them trying to have a storyline.

        There’s nothing wrong with having a couple of drinks.

        1. I agree that there’s nothing wrong with a couple drinks but highly doubt that these two stop at a COUPLE drinks!!! They bitch about Ryan and his addiction(s) but the tables can be turned. Yeah, they are good parents but they have faults too.

          But hey look on the bright side, they found a storyline that didnt include dead beat dad Ryan.

          1. Dont point out how Maci was filmed drinking beer when she was pregnant. St. Maci can do no wrong according to the stans on this board.

        2. Why shouldn’t I point out the beer drinking??

          Again, like MIMI says “there is nothing wrong with having a couple drinks” and she’s right, there isn’t.

          All I’m simply trying to point out that St Maci is so busy pointing out Ryan’s MANY faults that nobody pays attention to hers and Taylor’s. People think those two are perfect when in literally every scene that includes Maci alone or Maci and Taylor, one and sometimes BOTH of them have a beer in their hand!!

          It just goes to show that I honestly don’t think these two can stop at a “couple” drinks.

          1. Oh I know Oopsey! was being sarcastic, I was bringing it up again to reiterate my point.

  6. Cheyenne is more interested in a $60,000 ring than a happy marriage.
    Her voice, and personality are so monotone / boring

  7. It’s the same thing every single week, and these story lines SUCK. Mckee-“My family is falling apart but I want to make it work!”, Ambo-“WAHHHHHH I’m such a victim of this thing called life that I can’t do anything but sit on my couch and cry about it…and I DARE a man tell me to move from this couch so I can take care of my kids! I’ll kill him!”, Maci-“Let’s find a new way to embarrass Bentley this week”, Catelynn- “I think this week I want to be an aesthetician, next week I’ll maybe try to become an astronaut, and next month I think I want to try gymnastics”, Cheyenne- “PARTAYYYY”

    I dunno what happened, because I use to really enjoy this show, but it’s not even entertaining anymore. As soon as Mckee got there, the show has gone to shit. I liked Bristol Palin better, and she was only on for 1 season.

    1. Mckees storylines are so depressing that its shes not entertaining. She never accomplishes anything because she really has no goals. So she creates fake storylines to stay on the shows in between the real family tragedies.

      1. I 100% agree, her family situations that are actually real are really sad, but then on top of that she’s always carrying on about Josh’s “infidelity”, then gets mad on Twitter because people are actually believing that made up crap story line that SHE is putting out there. There’s a reason why TM3 didn’t last…Briana and Mckee shoulda just stayed off TV.

      2. She doesn’t accomplish anything and has no goals? She runs her own business and is constantly in the gym or on Zoom filming her workouts and making money. She is never seen just hanging around. She’s always fully-dressed, hair and makeup done, on the go. She works a lot on her business and has 3 kids. What else do you want? Not everyone wants to go to college and become a lawyer or a doctor.

    2. I liked Bristol to a degree but when she started giving Dakota shit for what the PTSD did to his personality, I was like “NOPE”!!!!

    3. I agree and it makes me sad. Thank you Ashley!!!! for making this ALWAYS next level entertainment to read. I just don’t know if I can take the show anymore. Recaps – YES. Actual reality tv show – UGH.

    4. What happened is they started getting big fat MTV paychecks. The characters stopped having everyday problems that made them relatable and now they’re pretty much a bore with the same re-heated storylines. Plus new characters nobody cares about were added. I skip past the write ups on Cheyenne – she wasn’t even a teen when she became a mom.

      I might get some downvotes, but at least on TM2 Briana and the Coven bring on the drama from their self-inflicted stupidity. I’ve experienced some side-splitting laughs when the Ashley writes about the DeJesus coven. Cheyenne and McKee – yawn.

  8. Omg, I cannot stop laughing, and don’t know where to begin. Bubble babbling, “how do you spell produce?” And Simon Says, “pick your nose and eat it.” LOL.

    I loved this whole recap from beginning to end. Simon Says thank you for delivering my weekly laugh!

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