We’re all undoubtedly still recovering from the innumerable eye-roll inducing moments the latest season of Teen Mom 2 delivered (in addition to the innumerable amount of new humans), but MTV is determined to keep the merriment (aka money) rolling with the return of Teen Mom OG! #NoDaysOff
We can’t wait to see how much these girls have grown up and matured since the last time we saw them. HAHAHAHA!
This season kicks off… before the last one ended, apparently. They take us back to that fine day where Maci accused Mackenzie of having poop-filled eyes (or something), Mackenzie wrote a letter to Maci about the magic of time (or something), and Matt promised to deliver a backpack ‘o’ money to Amber (or something).
(In MTV’s defense, that last reunion was a kicker so we don’t completely blame them for milking it some more. They take us back in time to show us some of the footage we didn’t see at the last Reunion.)
The first OG we catch up with is Maci, who is feeling nervous about facing Ryan’s wife, Mackenzie, since the world found out Ryan had gone all “Jenelle and Kieffer circa 2012.”
(Apparently Ry missed that whole “No Hope With Dope” episode of Saved By The Bell…)
With Ryan in rehab, Maci is dealing with little to no communication on his status and she’s trying to handle the situation the best way she can for Bentley.
Naturally, Maci invites a friend over to her house to vent about the ordeal. (Of course, no crap-talking can begin until said friend has changed into the latest fashions from Maci and Taylor’s TTM clothing line!
(That Maci is quite the multi-tasker—she can hawk her weird clothes while bagging on her baby-daddy at the same time!)
Maci tells her pal that she feels Mackenzie is withholding info on Ryan’s rehab stay in order to hold it over Maci’s head. Still, she vows to refrain from charging at Mackenzie, Amber-style, once they both get on stage at the Reunion.
Soon, all of MTV’s favorite breeders have arrived in New York City for the Reunion. Even Farrah has dragged the latest incarnation of her face and body to participate in the festivities!
We watch (from a different angle) as Maci comes out on stage to chat with Dr. Drew.
As we see Maci on stage we also get to watch Mackenzie watching Maci backstage. This whole thing is getting rather ‘meta’ and kind of weird, and I don’t like it.
Also…where is Butch in all of this? Why isn’t there a “Butch Cam” capturing the activities of Butch (Truman-Show-style) during the entire Reunion? It would be way more exciting watching Mackenzie roll her eyes and flip her Anna Wintour bob around.
Maci tells Dr. Drew that Ryan getting all hopped up on the happy pills has caused a lot of trouble for everyone around him. Mackenzie is not happy about that comment and she gets even madder when Maci tells Dr. Drew she didn’t want to “hurt” Mackenzie so she didn’t talk to her about it.
(Meanwhile, the rest of the ‘Teen Mom’ crew is sitting around, snarfing down pretzels and watching the live feed like it’s an episode of The Jerry Springer Show.)
Mackenzie comes out, makes that set her slam poetry stage and ultimately storms off, feeling happy that she done gave Maci a piece of her damn mind!
It’s the footage we’ve already seen, but this time, we get a glimpse of some of the backstage drama that went on, courtesy of Amber. After watching Mackenzie read Maci the Riot Act on stage, Amber decides to stand up for her man for her friend. (Because, you guys, “that’s a real woman!”)
Mackenzie passes by Amber and Amber lets her have it, telling Mackenzie she’s a “f**king c**t.” (I’m surprised MTV didn’t wheel the ol’ lie-detecting machine out and have Drew tell the crowd, “And we’ll find out if Mackenzie really IS a c**t, right after this commercial break!” That’s TV gold, guys!)
“She’s lucky that I have self-control now!” Amber tells whatever random crew member happens to be standing next to her.
Mackenzie storms off backstage, demanding that the camera crew get out of her way.
Meanwhile, Catelynn and Amber commend Maci for keeping her cool. They continue to doubt the validity of Mackenzie’s claims that she didn’t know anything about Ryan’s drug issues. Amber keeps bragging about calling Mackenzie names.
Speaking of issues, Farrah is backstage talking about her birthday party with her dad Michael and her plumped-up pal Paola (who for some reason is wearing lingerie to a TV show taping…as you do). Naturally (a word we don’t use often when speaking of Farrah), the conversation doesn’t end without making a jab at her mom’s fiancé, David. Despite not getting along with David (or mankind in general), Farrah says she’s invited Deb to her shindig.
Sophia asks Farrah if she can go hang out with Debz, but Farrah tells her no because Debz is with someone she “doesn’t like right now.” (It’s David, by the way…)
Debra is unsure if she should attend Farrah’s party. Deb’s having a hard time, and we know that because her voice has gone up about 10 octaves as she talk-cries about her strained relationship with her daughter.
Meanwhile, Amber hits the stage and we see (again) the whole Amber-Matt on-air phone call argument take place. The backpack of money is mentioned, but this time we get to see Gary’s reaction to Amber and Matt’s argument.
He’s chuckling like someone just told him it was time to go run a 5k. You can tell Gary is sort of happy to see that Amber and Matt’s love train ‘o’ drama has finally wrecked.
Afterward, we see Amber telling the girls Matt needs therapy and that he should maybe try telling the truth occasionally. In other shocking news, the sky is blue and Farrah’s boobs are fake, people!
The girls stuff their faces full of free food as Maci talks about how therapy won’t work for Matt unless he can admit his faults. (This is, of course, rich coming from Maci, who has yet to ever admit she was wrong about anything, ever.)
“Otherwise therapy is just going to be icing on a cake of lies!” Maci tells the group.
(If I were Matt, I’d trademark that phrase right now to use for his inevitable “Life with Amber” tell-all book!)
Once all of the girls have had their opportunities to cry/walk off the stage, the Reunion filming is over. This, of course, means… it’s time to party!
Farrah shellacs her latest face (and Sophia’s, of course) in preparation for her birthday party. She tells Paola she’s offended that Debra’s “fiancé thing” David didn’t sign her birthday card and Paola pretends to be sympathetic because that’s what her script told her to do.
After walking the red carpet for the birthday party, Farrah shoves Sophia in a car with a babysitter and heads off to celebrate her favorite thing—herself. The first to greet Farrah upon her arrival is David, who wasn’t even invited to the party. He says hello to Farrah and she responds with, “Are you being obnoxious or like, do you care?”
They then have a weird interaction about caring about each other and wanting to work on things. Farrah then immediately runs off to talk about how fake David is.
Also still in New York is Amber, who is having a mellow night in with her cousin/forever plus one, Krystal.
Amber is struggling with the whole Matt thing and isn’t too excited to get back home to see him. Who could blame her?
Krystal and the random producer try to convince Amber to ditch Matt for good this time.
Catelynn and Tyler head home from New York early because they are picking up the keys to their new house. They’re pumped to be moving into the house that kind of looks like a cookie jar, and so is Nova, who tells them the house has ghosts.
Catelynn is worried, though, because Butch hasn’t been seen in a while. That’s never a good sign, as an unseen Butch is often a non-sober one. Tyler tells a producer that Butch is off parole which may mean Butch’s sobriety is in question.
Tyler and Cate invite him for dinner in an effort to talk to him about his anxiety/sobriety and also to get eyes on him before the cops get handcuffs on him!
Back in Tennessee, Maci is driving with her kids and Bentley is trying to put Maverick’s shoes on in the backseat. He tells Maci the shoes won’t fit and asks her to look back so he can show her. Maci tells Bentley she can’t look back because she’s looking at her phone driving.
Maci, it’s been 104 episodes since we’ve watched you drive without having your phone in your hand…1123 hours since you’ve paid attention to the road….
Mackenzie is also driving, but she’s off to Dallas to go visit Ryan in the ‘hab. During the drive, Mackenzie talks to a friend (coincidentally named Dallas) about Ryan having learned his lesson about the dangers of drugs and whatnot. The cameras weren’t allowed to film inside the rehab facility so we are forced to go back to Mackenzie’s rented Dallas apartment to get the scoop on what happened there.
She tells a producer that Ryan was using three times a day and spending up to $10,000 a week on drugs, which is totally news to her. She also takes an opportunity to blame Maci for everything and goes off on a rant so heated that we’re just waiting for her retainer to fly out quicker than Ryan’s junk when he gets a hankering for some Food City stranger lovin’.
Mackenzie tells Producer Kiki that just hearing Maci’s name causes Ryan to “trigger,” and that Ryan feels like he’s never been given any credit for raising Bentley.
Um…probably because he napped through most of the kid’s childhood…just sayin’…
Back at Maci’s, she and her friend (still rocking the TTM gear) are still talking about Ryan and the whole rehab situation. Maci says she doesn’t know what’s going on post-rehab and doubts Ryan’s ability to get clean in 30 days.
She says she’s standing firm (in her power—sorry, we can’t help it) with keeping Ryan at a distance from Bentley if he doesn’t take the necessary steps to get better.
In Michigan, Catelynn has apparently traded her trusty zebra hoodie (#RIP) for some sort of lavender Muppet fur sweatshirt that she’s been wearing the entire episode.
It’s a big day for Cate because she’s buying yet another farm animal to help with her anxiety. She arrives at the stables with an envelope full of cash (that she may or may not have had to wrestle away from Butch).
She gives the stable owner the money and is overjoyed that Callie the Horse is now hers.
“Horses is my passion,” Catelynn says. (Apparently the schools in Michigan “aren’t well” either?)
She sits down with Tyler (and a goat, naturally) and talks about how great life will be now that they have a new house and a new horse. Ain’t teen pregnancy grand, y’all!?
Back in New York, everyone is popping bottles in celebration of Farrah. Deb decides to get the attention of the packed room to introduce “her” guest of honor, Farrah.
She encourages Farrah to make a speech. She keeps yelling “Speech! Speech!” and assumes everyone will join in but… no one does. (Hey, they were paid to sit in the room and play “the friends,” but they were NOT paid to yell things!)
Farrah thanks everyone for being there “and all that jazz.” She’s clearly not thrilled with her mother’s outburst.
Deb later comes to sit with Farrah to talk about how crappy it is that Farrah hasn’t talked to her in a while. Deb’s breathing basically a whole bottle of merlot all over Farrah, and Farrah’s not having it at all. To the surprise of no one, the conversation ends with Farrah telling her mom she’s “got a f***ing problem with some fake s**t.”
It’s such a Hallmark moment.
Meanwhile, Michael and David take a moment to chat, which quickly goes south when Michael attempts to offer David some advice… that advice being not to speak to his daughter a certain way. David (who, in case you haven’t heard, is a doctor) tells Michael he doesn’t need his advice and furthermore, that his daughter needs therapy.
Well, tear out the front page, Doc! This is totally new information!
Security steps in and basically tells the men that the hall is rented and to not shed any blood on the rug, so they move their argument outside. David again tells Michael he needs to encourage Farrah to get help, specifically because of the things that went on in her parents’ marriage, including Michael’s affairs.
The security guard (who was the one who married Jenelle Evans and her latest soulmate, by the way), just stands there hating his life as Michael attempts to continue the conversation. David decides to instead throws some jazz hands up and head back inside, calling Michael a “f***ing son of a bitch” in the process…as you do.
There was truly a missed opportunity here. How easy would it have been for someone to go get a blow-up pool and a bunch of Jello from a Walgreens and let the Men of Deb’s Boudoir fight it out to the death?
Next we head to Gary’s house in Indiana, where Leah has gotten wind of her mom’s old habit of throwing TVs at Gar, and kicking him down the stairs. (Darn those Interwebs!)
“Leah found out that Amber used to beat me up a little here and there,” Gary tells his wife.
He’s trying to handle it the best way possible. On top of that, with the confirmation that Matt had relapsed, Gary is going full protection mode with his daughter. He is refusing to allow “Matthew” to drive Leah at all. (I suppose poor Leah can kiss those rides in the Mamber Mobile goodbye!)
While Gary discusses his daughter’s safety, Amber visits a psychic podcast to get some insight on her relationship from the other side.
“I’m seeing that you have a child, I’m hearing a daughter,” one of the psychics tells Amber, the girl who is on the show called TEEN MOM, mind you!
Just when we start to believe these psychics are complete hacks, one comes through with an eerie prediction. She says that she sees Amber having a second child (this is months before Ambie got knocked up by her next soulmate, Andrew, mind you.)
That may have been a lucky guess though, because another one of the psychics then predicts that Amber and Matt will get married. Well, they will…but just not to each other. (No one looked into their crystal ball and saw Matt marrying some rando Vegas waitress a few months after getting the heave-ho by Amber. Go figure.)
Meanwhile in Michigan, Butch has arrived at Catelynn and Tyler’s. He’s got a confession to make. He reveals that he has been using drugs again, and tells Tyler that he needs to get his spiritually right and compares his desire to do drugs to a person’s need for sex.
After Butch leaves, Tyler and Cate talk about what they can do to help. Then Cate licks his nose, because apparently she’s fully committing to this farm animal thing.
Over in Texas, Farrah and Michael sit down to talk (at Froco, natch). They chat about what went down in New York between Michael and Dr. David.
(Meanwhile Farrah leaves Sophia to hold down the fort inside FroCo while this conversation is happening, which makes total sense.)
Michael tells Farrah about the “little talk” he had with David and how things nearly got physical. Farrah says that David is a weirdo and a freak and she wishes him and Deb good luck “on their rings. (??)
Farrah says she feels bad for her mom for being with someone like David and again calls everyone fake.
Finally, we head to Indiana. Amber is back from New York and trying to brace herself to face Matt (or for Matt’s face, same/same).
Their reunion has more tension than Matt has children. Amber says she has trust issues and gets defensive when Matt says he does, too. She asks him if he’s high and he tells her he wishes he were, trying to make a joke. He then tells the camera that he relapsed hard this year.
Things are not going well for Matt.
They both agree the wedding needs to be put on the back burner, but then Amber takes it one step further and tells him the engagement should be done as well. Matt’s jaw drops like he didn’t see this coming… but then again, he didn’t go on the psychic podcast so how could he have known?
Matt tells Amber that they’ll go to counseling and get back to their lives together. Amber doesn’t seem so thrilled with Matt’s plan.
Good luck with your rings, Matt and Amber!
The episode ends with Catelynn bottle-feeding a baby goat and plenty of shots of Gary in a tank top.
Damn…I’m so glad these knuckleheads are back in our lives!
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