Make yourself comfortable in one of your 13 rental homes and prepare to doubt both the sanctity of plural marriage and the sanity of the Brown family as we move into another episode of Sister Wives!
We kick off this week’s episode at Meri’s house, where Kody and the Sister Wives are meeting (near the Elevator of Sadness) to discuss an upcoming trip to Utah. Christine is hiding out/slinging leggings in Phoenix so she has to call in to be part of the chat.
Anyway, while they’re in Utah, Kody and Co. are planning to visit with another plural family, the Dargers, who have been “very politically active for the cause of decriminalizing plural marriage in Utah.” (They have also been given a TLC special called My Three Wives back in the day, in case you’re wondering why their mugs look familiar.)
Since the “intense conversation” that went down last week between Kody and the Sister Wives, Janelle, who orchestrated the dysfunctional family sit-down, says she hasn’t “heard a peep” from Kody or her Sister Wives but she hopes they are processing everything that was discussed.
Janelle then reminds viewers that when Kody and his wives “went public” about being in a plural marriage back in 2011, police began investigating the family within days due to plural marriage being a felony in Utah.
Janells says the family was fearful that they would be arrested – mostly because Kody wouldn’t be able to hack it in the slammer with his incessant need for attention and overall unlikeable personality – so they had to do what they do best: cram all of their belongings into moving trucks and relocate. (If they only knew back then how often they would utilize that skill in the future…)
After settling on the Cul-de-sac of Broken Dreams in Las Vegas, the Browns ended up suing the state of Utah and winning, meaning that for “just a few minutes” Kody and his wives were decriminalized and, as Janelle says, “no longer felons.”
Hold up here. Can you imagine a world where not one but four women were literally willing to live as unconvicted felons in order to be able to be married to Kody?!
There’s are some wild times, guys…
Eventually the state appealed the lawsuit, overturned it and enacted a new, stricter law, making polygamy an even worse felony in Utah. A new bill has since been proposed that would revise that law and make it so that polygamy is no longer a felony offense.
All in all, Janelle seems to know exactly what’s going on, while Meri seems to be wondering how much rope it would take to hog-tie Robyn, stash her in the Elevator of Sadness and take back her rightful position as No. 1 wife. Kody, of course, has absolutely no idea what’s happening with these lawsuits, but we can sure as hell bet he’s going to act like he freaking wrote the bills himself.
We learn that the trip to Utah is only happening so that Kody can to talk to Joe Darger about the new bill.
If only there was some type of invention where Kody could, say, talk into something and Joe could hear what he says coming out of something on his own end, and vice versa….
However, Christine thinks that, like 98 percent of the things that come out of Kody’s mouth, this “fricking spontaneous road trip” is ridiculous.
“I think Kody over-complicates everything,” she tells us.
Well if that ain’t the understatement of the century…
She thinks that dragging Kody and his sad sack ‘o’ Sister Wives across the state line all so Kody can sound like he’s informed on this random lawsuit is ridiculous. It’s unknown why this whole group has agreed to another one of Kody’s hair-brained schemes, but something tells me that Meri and Christine are just thinking about all of the pairs of stretchy pants they can shill once they cross over into Utah.
Still, Kody insists this trip is necessary and that a video call with the Darger family just won’t do because he’s lonely for the company of other polygamists.
Janelle tells Kody and the Sister Wives that, when she’s not stroking the lock of Kody hair she keeps under her pillow, she’s been watching the news. She reports that the “debate is pretty lively” in Utah. Kody says what he does in his bedroom with another consenting adult is nobody else’s business and while we agree, we really don’t appreciate the mental picture of him going to plural marriage pound-town.
Robyn reminds Kody that— shocking— it’s not all about him. She says that these laws are not meant to regulate who Kody humps.
“It’s not usually consenting adults that are victims in these situations,” she informs them.
She goes on to talk about child brides and abuse that occurs in some polygamist marriages and how decriminalizing this law could make it easier for victims to come forward. Kody doesn’t engage in this dialogue with Robyn, but he does tell the Sister Wives it’s a good thing they didn’t move to St. George, Utah, like he originally wanted.
After Kody comes as close as he can to admitting his wives made a good call, Meri finally takes some interest in this family conversation.
Kody asks his wives if they’d be OK living in Utah if plural marriage was decriminalized, “like it was just like a parking ticket.” The wives – all but Christine – are neither on-board with Kody’s suggestion nor his analogy.
The next day, the Browns prepare to hit the road for Utah and after their recent “intense conversation” in which they agreed to
get along for the cameras connect more, the five of them decide to travel in one car. So, if you’re keeping track at home, that’s Kody, his giant ego, Christine, Janelle, Meri and Robyn all packed into one vehicle.
Unfortunately, Kody didn’t receive his own memo to pack lightly, so he’s forced to cram both luggage and Sister Wives tightly into the vehicle.
While picking up Meri at her house, Kody discovers that the already overpacked car has a flat tire. He insists fixing the flat will only take 20 minutes at the dealership, but Christine tells him it’s likely to take much longer and they should just take TWO other vehicles. Kody isn’t having it.
Um….if they have two other available vehicles, why not turn one of them into the sad, polygamy clown car instead of waiting for the other car to be done at the dealership?
As per usual, though, Kody is mumbling under his breath about his wives trying to bully him into doing the logical thing.
Kody says he and his wives should all load up as planned and just stop by the tire shop on the way out of town, even though the tire is deflating rapidly and the car exceeded its weight capacity with Kody’s hair supplies alone.
Determined to make this stupid plan work, Kody runs into Meri’s house and begins shouting her name over and over in an effort to get her downstairs and into the car quickly. Meri, who was in the bathroom (probably looking for a viable escape route) when Kody was yelling for her, pulls up her stretchy pants and leaves the house (most likely with a half-full bladder.)
Kody informs Meri that they “need to hurry really fast” because they have a flat tire. Meri breezily suggests they just take her car. Kody squashes that idea, apparently blaming everyone’s weight (um?) on that not being a viable option.
“I need an engine that’s gonna pull us, all these big people, up the mountain,” Kody tells her.
She must be used to Kody calling all of them fat because she doesn’t even skip a beat (or slap him).
Meri says this trip has already gotten off to a bad start, as if she actually expected anything else.
Also receiving a less-than-pleasant pickup this morning is Janelle, who is forced to stand by the street with her bags until the car arrives, only to then have said-bags nearly crushed due to Kody’s carelessness.
Kody mentions something about Janelle having to jump into the car (while it’s moving?!) Luckily, Kody stops to allow her to get in. (I’m sure he’s going to tell her that’s his anniversary gift to her for next year or something.)
Soon there are Sister Wives arms, legs, and Kody’s bad hair crammed to the brim of this SUV and everyone looks absolutely miserable and ready to strangle Kody.
Nothing quite says “Bon voyage” like having your Sister Wive’s elbow in your gut for hours, am I right?
As the Brown Family Clown Car makes its way to the tire shop, Christine jokes that they should call their family therapist Nancy on the way to Utah. Meri suggests they go ahead and bring Nancy along for the trip and even offers to let the (certainly underpaid) therapist sit on her lap.
Um…Nancy? I think you guys are way beyond calling Nancy for help. You should probably call the coroner and secure a body bag because there’s no way Kody comes home from this trip alive.
At the tire shop, the Browns find out that the tire is unrepairable and the shop doesn’t have a replacement because the tire is “a rarity,” much like the dysfunctional family to whom it belongs. Robyn offers up her van as a replacement vehicle, even though Kody “just doesn’t think a minivan is cool.”
With no other option but to scrap the trip all together, Kody agrees to sacrifice his cool-guy reputation and rollout to Utah in the grocery getter.
Meanwhile, Christine reminds Kody they could just call Joe instead of driving all the way to Utah for this conversation, but Kody shuts down the suggestion and tells Christine the next time she wants to see him, he’s going to just call her.
Once the Browns arrive in Utah – without the Sister Wives ganging up on Kody, murdering him and stuffing his carcass into a hollow log– – they’re greeted by the Darger family – Joe and his three wives. Christine explains that two of Joe’s wives are not only sister wives, but actual sisters, which she insists is totally normal, as sisters often want to marry the same guy… or at least they do in the world of polygamy.
While standing in the entryway, the Dargers and Browns begin a riveting conversation about having more kids.
Kody turns to Joe and asks “Is it time to grow up and stop having children? Or can I have one more?”
Um….you’re kind of supposed to grow up before you have any children, Kody. (Unless you’re on Teen Mom, of course…) Joe has this confused smile on his face, while the Darger women seems to be relieved that they didn’t get hitched to someone like Kody.
Kody shares with the group that HE is still considering having another kid. This statement bothers Robyn, as the only wife still willing to procreate with Kody. She’s also annoyed because Kody’s talking as if he birthed all 92 of the Brown kids himself.
Joe says he’s in a much different position because his six-year-old is actually trying to find him a fourth wife with whom he can have more children. Kody pretends to be amused by this, but we all know he’s secretly bummed that his own kids aren’t scoping out the singles scene for him back in Flagstaff. (Of course, Kody’s kids know Kody, and probably think it’s a gosh dern miracle four women were willing to marry him at all.)
Meri, who obviously suffered some sort of oxygen deprivation in the minivan, finds this interaction endearing and wishes Kody could be around people like the Dargers more often because they set a good example. We can only assume Meri feels this way due to Joe’s desire to have a bedroom separate from his wives.
The two plural families sit down to eat and discuss their respective living situations. The Dargers, who share one home, ask Kody what the plan is for his family as far as building and before we know it, Kody begins his infamous Polygamist Barbie Dream House presentation.
Kody goes on to essentially throw Christine under the bus, telling the Dargers that she’s the reason the family cannot live under one roof. Robyn tries to save face on behalf of the Browns and tells the Dargers that they make decisions as a family, but we all just witnessed her mop-top husband bully his four wives into getting on the highway in an overloaded car with a flat tire just moments ago, so we don’t know who she’s trying to fool.
Joe and his wives begin to
humble brag share the ways in which living under one roof is rewarding, including the closeness each of the wives feels to the children – even the ones that aren’t biologically theirs. This particular comment gets to Robyn because she “feels like a stepmom” to Kody’s other kids. (Maybe because she is a stepmom to Kody’s other kids?)
Kody decides to piggyback off this moment of vulnerability and make everyone feel bad for him for something other than his goofy hair. He tells the group he’s done “a poor job” because his family doesn’t want to live under one roof.
Joe and his wives give Kody the coddling he commands and tell the Brown family they aren’t a complete dumpster fire of a family because at least their kids still like each other, even if Kody and his wives do not.
Um…you sure about that, guys? Do they like each other?
After dinner, the families sit down to finally have this talk that Kody deemed too important to have via video chat. Joe tells the Browns all about the bigamy bill and the fact that simply calling each other “sister wives” in Utah is considered a felony.
Joe says the new bill would make polygamy an infraction and instead of jail time, they would only face a ticket for up to $700 or community service. Christine explains that the Senate has passed the bill, but it still has to go before the House and the governor so it’s not a done deal quite yet.
Joe’s wife Alina tells the Browns that more polygamist are coming forward now than ever, which makes her optimistic that the bill will pass. Meri says she’s optimistic, too, and if the bill doesn’t pass this time, she believes it eventually will because “the polygamist culture” isn’t going anywhere.
That’s all for this episode! To read The Ashley’s previous ’Sister Wives’ recaps, click here!