RECAP: Jenelle Evans Makes Health Update Video About Her Cysty Brain, Sweaty Face & Her Desire to Wear an Eye Patch

Um…what was your excuse before your cysty brain came about…?

Jenelle Evans has given us yet another update on her everlasting health “crisis” via a YouTube video. The former Teen Mom 2 star entitled her latest creation, “I Can’t Work”... so you know The Ashley couldn’t stop herself from recapping this lil bit of heaven.

You can breath a sigh of relief, though. Jenelle appears to be able to continue her “work,” which, these days includes hawking weird weight loss teas on Instagram, shaking her rump roast on TikTok and suing people. 

In her new video— the latest in her series of YouTube contributions that chronicles yet another “mystery illness” endured by The Lady of The Land— Jenelle starts things off by declaring “I can’t work” in big letters as she complains to the camera that she is going “in and out of anxiety; I feel like I have heart palpitations. I get nauseous and I have to lay back down.”

“Samesies! I can’t work either!”

“I don’t know what’s going on with me, but it’s taking everything in my power just to edit videos and look at the computer screen. Then it’s like, I have to lay back down.” 

Poor Jenelle has struggled with health issues for years. From “seeing molecules” and having sweaty, itchy legs while ice skating in New York City; to insisting to her mother Barbara that she wasn’t hungover, but instead she was suffering from being tired, having a headache and feeling the need to throw up. 

The video then transports us back three weeks, to Jenelle in her bathroom, prepping to go to yet another doctor’s appointment. She’s managed to crawl her (apparently) nearly bedridden corpse over to her makeup table to fix her face. (Having one foot in the grave is no reason to have a shiny nose, gals!) 

“I’m sick, dude!”

Jenelle has decided to strap whatever kids she currently has custody of into the car and turn her doctor’s appointment into a full-blown road trip! Luckily, Jenelle’s husband David was able to get off work so he could go along too. 

Hahaha, look at that! The Ashley made a funny! 

Jenelle is perturbed that her doctor’s appointment is at 7 p.m., which means she won’t be out until almost 8:30 p.m. Even though she and David will be missing out on their primo Corona-slugging time, Jenelle feels this doctor’s appointment is worth it. 

Jenelle said the kids are excited to get to stay in a hotel, and that the hotel is “like a new hotel.” (Translation: it hasn’t been in business long enough to know to have Jenelle and David’s photos up at their front desk to let their staff know not to rent to them.) 

Jenelle is really, really impressed with this hotel. (I guess normal road-tripping for the Eason Crew includes getting a deluxe room— aka one that comes with its own can of Raid— and eating whatever falls out of the vending machine when Lurch shakes it, so this is real high class travelin’!) 

“It has a restaurant and bar!” Jenelle brags. 

“They don’t have mandatory beard lice checks there, do they? Askin’ for a friend…”

The next shot shows Jenelle driving to Durham. We don’t get to see Lurch and the kids going into the high class hotel, unfortunately, because we next see Jenelle solo at her doctor’s appointment. Miraculously, she’s able to limp her illness-ridden body into the office. (Praise the Baby Jesus God Leah!) 

Next, we move forward two weeks, and we’re back at The Land. Jenelle’s yapping faster than Kieffer trying to talk his way out of a meth lab charge. She explains she’s fixing to see the “nerve eye doctor” who will dilate Jenelle’s eyes. 

“I’ve got somethin’ else that could dilate your eyes, Jenelle. I’ll even give you the ‘Former Soulmate Special!'”

We then go to the appointment, where Jenelle shows off the doctor’s fancy eye lookin’ equipment, to let us know how serious her ailments are. 

Post-eye-dilation, Jenelle informs us that she “feels like I’m trippin’ balls.” 

I think that’s nice…

Jenelle is forced to wear sunglasses post-dilation. (She was not, however, forced to wear whatever 1990s “Black Fly” sunglasses she is wearing in this scene. Perhaps Guy Fieri was having a garage sale near the swamp or something?)

“Oh, whatever! You know these shades are!”

The sunglassed Jenelle reports that whatever random doctor she just went to told her that she needs to go to another random doctor so she can get an “orbital MRI” done.

(We can assume this means Jenelle & Her Hillbilly Posse will once again be hitting the road in pursuit of removing the cyst in Jenelle’s eye…or the dye in the baby’s head…or whatever…)

She’s showing off the fancy medical terms she’s recently learned from her online doctoring. (You know she’s burning up that dial-up Internet on The Land every night, trying to find new things to diagnose herself with so she can make new videos for the Interwebs.) 

Jenelle also reports that the doctors at Duke found “no blockage in my head.” 

“Are ya sure about that? Juh-nelle’s been a blockhead for years, ya know!”

“I don’t want any complications with my brain!” Jenelle declares. 

The jokes just write themselves at this point, don’t they?

After Jenelle gives us an update on all blocked-brain-related topics, she then forces Kaiser to go on-camera. They have just fetched him from his dad Nathan‘s house (speaking of blocked brains…) and Kaiser is not into having a Kodak moment. He tells Jenelle he just wants to play his Mario Bros. game in peace and not have to be on-camera. (He is trapped in a car and forced to listen to Jenelle yap on and on about her various cysts; hasn’t the boy suffered enough!?) 

Jenelle then goes back to talking about her cysty spine. She said that, three years ago, she had nothing wrong with her spine. (I guess spending three years in the swamp with Lurch has taken its toll. She should probably consider herself she doesn’t have two cysty heads or something.) 

Jenelle’s latest ailment is “heat intolerance.” She even shows us a photo of her face all red to prove how sweaty she is these days. 

“That’s hot…and sweaty.”

Jenelle and her hot face tell us that she gets all red when she can’t “calm down.” 

“I can not stop sweating!” Jenelle cries. 

“No there’s a mental picta nobody needs!”

Jenelle is making some other random doctor check her sweat glands to see if there are any new weird diseases she can diagnose herself with that make you more “hot and bothered” than Lurch after a day of watching swamp p0rn. (I picture “swamp p0rn” to basically be like regular p0rn, except everyone is wearing Jenelle’s Black Fly sunglasses, listening to Kid Rock and rolling around in the dirt while doing the deed.) 

Jenelle says that her doctor saw her red-faced “pitchers” and doesn’t feel the sweatiness is caused by Jenelle huffing and puffing through TikTok dances outside by her pool when it’s 100 degrees on The Land. 

As painful as those TikToks are to watch, I’d rather watch Jenelle “Boot Scootin’ Boogie” herself around the swamp 1000 times rather than watch the next footage, which is legit just David and Jenelle trying to order/get takeout food. Apparently there was a mix-up at McSwampy’s so now their order isn’t ready and Lurch is very upset that he doesn’t have half-dozen greaseburgers to cram into his gullet. 

“It says it’s gonna take 30 minutes to get our order! We should sue!”

Jenelle then shows the “dumb-looking” plastic sunglasses her eye doctor gave her. Thankfully, she was prepared with her Guy Fieri eyewear and didn’t have to wear them. (David looks disappointed the sunglasses the doctor provided weren’t something they could pawn.) 

Next, it’s two days later and Jenelle is back in her bathrobe at home, complaining. This time, she’s upset about having “the worst headache.” 

“I can relate! I call my headache ‘Juh-nelle!'”

Jenelle says her “eye ball pain” has made it nearly impossible for her to edit videos. Her other current symptoms include: the sensation that her eye is going to pop out of her head, trouble breathing, and general cysty-ness.

She then launches into a tirade about how she can’t work. 

“I do social media for work,” she says. (In other words, Jenelle bumps her rump on TikTok and then hawks weird brushes and weight loss potions and whatnot on Instagram.) 

“Pray I have the strength to rub some snake oil all over myself to sell to you guys later!” 

Jenelle has so many ailments that she can’t even make a video on her phone, so you know this is serious stuff! 

Jenelle also informs us that her head is “pounding,” and that her eye hurts if she looks at “anything too bright.”

“That means you can still look at me then!”

As Jenelle is complaining, we get to see her eye-popping pain in action! She has to stop momentarily because she is now having shooting eye pain. 

“Yeah, sometimes I feel like I need to wear an eyepatch,” Jenelle says. 

SHE IS NOT BEING FUNNY. She is legit one step away from being the Poor Health Pirate you guys. 

“Ahoy mateys…and stuff…”

Jenelle then provides us with some tips on getting our eyes “examed.” (Um…?) Well, she tries, anyway, but she can’t even speak due to her assorted pains.

She recovers and then tells us that the doctors keep shuffling her around, almost as if they’re playing a game of “Musical Munchausen,” if you will. Basically, no one wants to deal with Jenelle’s popping out pirate eye or her sweaty face. Or her “neck issues, back issue, head issue, etc.

This is legit the most truthful statement in the whole video…

That’s all for Jenelle’s latest episode of “Swamp Struggles: Inside Jenelle’s Cysty Body.” 

For more of The Ashley’s ‘Teen Mom 2’ recaps, click here!

(Photos: MTV; YouTube) 

48 Responses

  1. I’ve never been a fan of Delujanelle. However, these are classic anxiety/panic attack symptoms. She runs to her bed to go lay down because that is a safe place for her to calm herself and feel better. The solution to every single problem or symptom this girl has is simple on the surface. GROW UP, get those kids away from David and his abuse, permanently. Get a job and some therapy.

    It’s not easy. But neither was spending the last 13-years going down the same rabbit hole your hitting the bottom of.

  2. She can’t work? I literally worked with a guy at target who was an Iraq war veteran. He was a triple amputee and worked FT. A MFING TRIPLE AMPUTEE.
    Dude only had one arm left and he didn’t complain.

  3. I smell a ploy to get disability checks and/or pill seeking – with the obvious attention seeking

    1. I honestly hope she gets it because she’s too dumb to realize that she’ll have to be unemployed for a year, be paid minimum wage and prohibited from earning extra income if she’s approved. That’s the kind of karma I’ve been waiting for for these lazy goons.

  4. Anyone remember her and David in the back of the cab in NYC and her crying about her mysterious illness that she needed pain meds for years ago? And just like that it disappeared never to be heard from again. Get off your drugs and your a$$ and get a job!

  5. Jenelle is attention-seeking, drug-seeking, and disability check-seeking. She’ll do anything to keep from parenting her kids!

  6. Question for those in America – in the video she said she has been begging her doctor to let her have an mri for months and months.. if you pay for healthcare, can you not just book an appointment for anything? Or is that not how it works

    Also, if her head and eyes are so bad WHY does she drive everywhere instead of David???
    She is so desperate for attention it’s painful

    1. No, you can’t just needlessly request things like imaging. That would be a huge drag on the Healthcare system for no reason. You would have doctors forced to review imaging of otherwise healthy people which would delay everything for people who actually need it.

      Also, of course you can’t just self refer to someone like an oncologist or a neurosurgeon. We still have issues here where it can take months to get into a specialist so you do have to have something legitimately wrong with you to see a specialist. Good insurance plans will allow you to self refer to say a dermatologist or a ENT physician, but some crappy insurances or state-sponsored services (for those in poverty) require a referral from a general practitioner to see any specialist

    2. Someone can choose to pay for an MRI out of pocket (probably a few thousand dollars) or your doctor can order one- but they have to have a legitimate reason to order it. Insurance wants to see the reason the imaging is ordered and they can deny payment. The doctors probably realize from her medical records that she was/is a drug addict & wants disability. Sounds to me like she’s had several imaging studies done and there’s no reason for any more to be done as they were negative.

    3. David’s driver’s license is probably suspended again. From not paying child support for his son.

  7. 1. Let’s pray she has not procreated “with Lurch” yet again!

    2. Girl your symptoms are the same as a hangover or coming off drugs!

    3. You need a new script for your bifocals!

    4. How does she have/ afford such great medical insurance that covers all the crap and specialist she “claims to see”? Or needs to see?
    Or is she medi hopin?

  8. Hahahahahaha must be nice being able to be soooo sick and not parent your children. Meanwhile it undermines those of us with actual chronic health conditions. But I actually take care of my child day in and day out and am nursing school because I don’t want pity I want a life outside of my chronic illness; where there’s a will there’s a way. Sure my son may lay in bed with me and we read stories and watch movies like once a month but he’s loved fed, smart, attended to and I have all A’s at the moment. Chronic illness is a pain in the ass but not an excuse; we just have to work harder and smarter

  9. I think all of us at some point think what would the ___ year old me think of who I am today? No doubt the 10 year old, 15 year old, 20 year old, 25 year old Jenelle would certainly have had a complete emotional break down if she knew that her future would look like this.

  10. Look jenelle. Tons of people have health problems and work through them everyday, many without the time and money to properly deal with them (can’t lah dee da around the country skipping from doctor to doctor). We all know you want disability or painkillers. We know you have been on the hunt since you’ve been kicked off the show. It really is funny though to see her traipse across states to all these people and seriously try to reach for a diagnosis

  11. It’s painfully obvious she’s just trying to cling to anything her doctors will name for disability, she’s just trying to get a diagnosis on paper to qualify. Also I know she’s full of shit for the simple fact that she films during these “episodes” in my life I have been in excruciating pain a handful of times, the kind of pain where you’re so delirious you’re not sure if it’s been 5 mins or 5 hours bc time has lost all meaning, where you rather die than suffer another second of it and I can tell you you never ever would think to grab a camera and film yourself or talk at all or even be capable of putting coherent thoughts together. If I was suffering from something I thought needed documented to help diagnose it I would ask a relative to document or film but during the moment I’d probably tell them to fuck off bc anything that requires an extra thought is too much to bear in those instances. Now I do understand that the pain is not constant. There’s times you feel normal and okay and times you don’t depending on the ailment but I’m not sure how a cyst would come and go if that’s what is causing the pain.
    Someone save her and us the trouble and let her know psychological ailments qualify for disability too so she doesn’t have to keep making up physical ailments no one will ever find. Something tells me a therapist will fix a lot more than her quest for disability. Therapists are great for everyone and she could actually benefit even if her motives aren’t what they should be. She’s either doing this for views, disability, or both.

  12. Can you just imagine what a trip it would be to be inside her brain (and Farrahs!!)
    Maybe not so much a trip but more a horror story for sure!!!
    (Those poor kids!!)

  13. so has anyone had the decency to report this to child protective services???? she cannot function and therefore cannot care for her kids!! if anyone knows the state and county she is in please call and protect these children!!!!!

    1. Remember when Barb plucked Jace from a life in FOSTER CARE bc his sister who birthed him has been intoxicated and/or hungover his entire existence (more than likely including inutero, why would Egly be the first?) and JE had the audacity to attack Barb with Dr Drew because she “isn’t medically stable enough to raise a child because of her OSTEOPOROSIS!??
      Now JE is supposedly (who knows what is true with her)fighting for Jace(s MTV trust fund) at the exact same time she claims she can’t move her neck (when she talks about it), is about to be “paralyzed” (HER WORDS!), cant swallow bc food gets stuck in her esophagus (um…there is absolutely NO lack of caloric intake going on there! Quite the opposite if we are to split hairs…), has to take “anxiety meds” for her “esophagus” (which makes ZERO medical sense!), lays in bed all day bc in her mind she has nothing to get up for (kids are still alive at this point~barely~why fix what isn’t broken IN HER MIND!!) and let’s not forget her (physiologically NORMAL) “neck pops” which seem to have gone away as soon as she had something else to munchausen herself to death with!
      To be fair, she always has had an entirely different set of rules for herself…wait, scratch that…a different set of SUGGESTIONS for her to follow…all before 5pm when the kids need to eat dinner, uh I mean JE has to go to bed bc she was “a trooper” all day long doing……????and getting lots of …???done to ensure her kids are all developing properly, have age appropriate manners & social skills and are able to grow up in a safe, healthy, clean environment! How does she get that all done in bed with a phone in her hand (NOT “working” of course!?) all without changing out of the same PJs for 2 weeks straight!
      What a “trooper” super mom!! (Maryssa if anyone)
      {Please note bold sarcasm font…someone just needs to invent that! PLEASE!?}

  14. Cluster headaches are seriously no joke…

    But they wont get you a Xanax script or a $795 check every month.

    It sucks to have to work with one, but thats life. We all do it. Sorry.

    1. Yeah the stabbing eye pain relieved somewhat by closing and covering the eye, vertigo, and hot flushes describe my migraines. I can even get these symptoms without the headache – and yes I look like a numpty with the eye patch on – but I still have to function because I am a parent and my child needs me even when I am sick.

      1. Yep. Real parents don’t get a day off.

        An eye patch is a great solution! You and Jenelle might be on to something!! I typically do a hot/cold rag and every children’s pill or liquid in the cabinet til its over.

        This must be her long con, bc she’s been pushing this storyline for years. I suppose if all those lawsuits don’t pan out..

  15. She really thinks she can use these videos to file for Disability, I bet she submits her youtube link to the judge. ??

    1. Which would inevitably link to her TT where she is flabbing around like her questionable 5yo but in minimal sausage casings!
      I hope she does alert everyone assessing her to her social media… especially bc she claims that as her “job”.
      Really odd how she can make multiple flubbering blob videos each hour but is too “disabled” to “WORK”! She can push buttons and stare at TT but not YT…makes total sense right!
      She should try that work thing once in her life, being productive does a lot for a humans soul! (Or does for me anyway!)

  16. I live for these updates for two reasons, I will never click on any of Jenelle’s videos and give her the views she so desperately wants. The most important reason is that I get to LMAO with The Ashley’s hilarious and oh so accurate recaps.?

  17. Oh there’s a lot wrong with her alright. The doctors she needs to be seeing is a therapist and psychologist.

    1. ⬆️ THIS! The only way she’ll get a diagnosis is by getting some psyche help. Those poor children.

  18. When this broad lies it’s so embellished it’s unbelievable. Yes you wench. You know the feeling that your eye ball will pop out the socket. You would think these doctors know her too well by now and it’s painfully obvious to even Hellen Keller, that she’s hopping around looking for a permanent ailment to claim disability or score drugs. Her damn rump shaking turkey looking behind is everywhere and available for anyone to view. With all her illnesses none of those doctors or nurses who have children or teens have seen her disgraced self shaking it for donations?? ( Besides begging on her website ofcourse, that’s the side hustle)

  19. As much I dislike Jenelle, I don’t think it’s appropriate to make fun of a possible medical issue. Even if those issues are completely made up, because that means something is mentally very, very wrong with her.
    I don’t know, I just feel like this crosses the line a bit.

    1. Attention seeking is not a mental health diagnosis. Not everything these days is a mental health diagnosis. Sometimes people can just suck.

    2. Jenelle has made fun of her exes alleged sexual abuse and told vets she hoped they die in combat. Eff her, she is a pile.

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